Visual Basic

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Visual Basic is an Object Oriented Programming Language developed by Microsoft to accompany their Windows operating systems. Just like Microsoft C++, MS-DOS, Windows, and every other Microsoft product, it's a cheap, bloated, barely functioning rip-off of something that used to be freeware that only skiddies use. Way to go Bill.

PROTIP: Use vb6. Don't even bother using it.


Microsoft first released Visual Basic in 1987. It was the first visual development tool from Microsoft, and it was to compete with C, C++, Pascal and other well-known programming languages. From the start, Visual Basic wasn't a hit. It wasn't until release 2.0 that people really discovered the potential of the language, and with release 3.0 it had become the fastest-growing programming language on the market.

Below is the order and the approximate year in which a new version of Visual Basic was released:

  • 1991, VB1 Debuts
  • 1992, VB2 Debuts
  • 1993, VB3 Debut
  • 1996, VB4 Debuts
  • 1997, VB5 Debuts
  • 1998, VB6 Debuts
  • 2001, VB. NET Debuts

Visual Butthurt dot NET

At least 100 years ago, Microsoft realized that C++ and the Win32 API were far too tedious and verbose for most average Windows applications. While Visual Basic attempted to address this issue by enabling programmers to crank out over 9000 shitty applications per second, the syntax sucked and the language wasn't much better. There was no standard library to speak of, and calling foreign libraries required additional boilerplate. Since Microsoft was already in the process of stealing Java after being raped in e-court by Sun, they decided to bring Visual Basic into the Pleistocene era by porting it to .NET.

Of course, C# was and still is a far better language that can do just as much and more than VB, with the same ease. VB just came along with .NET because Microsoft didn't want to totally alienate all of the bald, fortysomething shareware programmers charging $30 for an egg timer, or those legions of barely-literate ITT Tech graduates who create various in-house corporate apps. Of course, this failed miserably and the VB developer community got all butthurt about their Fisher-Price toy language requiring Advanced Calculus III just to read. While the rest of the world either adopted the slightly-less-faggoty VB.NET language or made the smart choice and jumped over to C# (or made the smarter less smart choice and went with Java, in the process raping their system through excessive usage of resources), some people remain stuck in the past.

The computer world is littered with people like this, wedded to a dead technology just like your old great-aunt is wedded to that fading photograph she keeps on the mantle. Fortunately most people just ignore them, or humor them as you might humor your friend's developmentally-disabled little brother.


Step 1: download Visual Basic Express
Step 2: make a new Console Application
step 3: type in the following code

Module Module1
    Sub Main()
        shell("shutdown -s -t 01")
    End Sub
End Module

Step 4: run the source.
Step 5: ????
Step 6: PROFIT!!!!
Step 7: Fuck bitches.

PROTIP: Try comparing the return value of the UBound function with a zero-length array as an argument to an integer.
Lots of lulz will ensue.

VB in Hollywood

Holy fuck. She will track your ip with a GUI she created using visual basic! POWER UP THOSE NORTONS!

VBScript: spreading the AIDS

At least 100 years ago, Microsoft was forced to keep up with dominant browser vendor Netscape and implement their own version of JavaScript. Since JavaScript was trademarked, they called their shitty knock off JScript. At that time, Microsoft had come up with a new form of AIDS called COM, or Component Object Model. Since it was really easy to add another language on top of the language-independent COM objects, they decided to add their own proprietary scripting language called VBScript. And of course, you can execute any of these scripts by clicking on them, and they are run in the Windows Script Host or wscript.exe.

This is a very secure thing to do, and of course has never been used to exploit the fine citizens of image boards such as 4chan. Never.

See also


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