Ubuntu (moar liek jubuntu, amirite?) is currently the most bloated Lunix distribution funded by Mark Shuttleworth's Canonical Ltd, to provide a distribution for those that fail at computers and was especially designed for niggers who cannot afford Windows. It is said to have over 9000 users, although this may not be true because Ubuntu users are known to download Ubuntu at least 100 times while fapping to it downloading. Ubuntu's unpopularity is due to it being ridiculously n00bish, yet still empowering users with the arrogance and unwarranted self importance that goes along with using Lunix. The Ubuntu project is built on the ideas enshrined in the Ubuntu faggotry, including that software should be available free of charge and that software tools should be usable by people in their native language- important goals for a distribution that targets Africans, but the earthy brown theme, jungle drums, and simple interface has a wider appeal than its common name, "Debian for niggers" suggests, reaching beyond the African community to most of the Lunix-using community.
At a press conference on July 2006 on the Ilse of Man, Canonical CEO and Free Software spokesnigger Mark Shuttleworth announced the immediate availability of version 6.06 of the Ubuntu Linux distribution. The latest version, known by its code name, "The Diaper Drake," includes special features designed to make Linux easier and more comfortable for niggers the world over.
"Niggers have always had trouble understanding new technology," Shuttleworth began. "Computers are no exception. Some people have said this is because niggers are dumb, but I believe the real problem is that technology has traditionally been designed for white people. Ubuntu changes all that. It was developed from the ground up with niggers in mind. It will usher in a whole new era of Afro-ergonomic computing."
Shuttleworth presented an overview of some of the features users could expect in the latest version of Ubuntu, including an Ebonics-to-English converter, African "tribal beats" sound and desktop theme, and a collection of rap music and gay pornography, "which of course will be encoded using patent and royalty-free formats," Shuttleworth added, smiling. He proceeded to elaborate, but OpenOffice.org Impress crashed at that point.
"But this release isn't just about new features," Shuttleworth said, making a quick segue to the humanitarian and ideological concept behind Ubuntu. "This new version brings black men closer together than ever in the spirit of Ubuntu." Shuttleworth then demonstrated the concept of Ubuntu by getting on his knees and sucking a young black boy's erect penis.
Ubuntu is based on Debian, a distribution known for its excellent package management and selection of packages, including such excellent games as The Battle for Wesnoth and Quake Live. Ubuntu has packages for everything, including some faulty wireless drivers- but in order to connect to the internets to download them, you need to reboot into Windows.
—Typical Debian user
The Ubuntu Community
One of the strongest selling points of the Ubuntu distribution is its shitty community and excellent community support. Ubuntu community members often sign the Ubuntu Code of Conduct and get it notarized in internet court, after which they call themselves ubunteros. Provisions of this code include platitudes and blind obedience to Jane Silber.
The Ubuntu community has a strong n00b presence, and a forum with more fanboys and faggotry than almost anywhere else on the interwebs. It is encouraged to troll, and not search for similar postings before asking. The first few posts after your question will probably be other people agreeing that they have the same problem or asking you to visit their mini city, but if you wait long enough, you might get a real answer, such as:
2) "(Link to a previous thread describing the same problem) - Please use the search function next time. LOCKED."
3) A long and laborious set of arcane, daemonic chants that you write down on paper, reboot into Lunix, and then type in the terminal. These usually will do what you want them to do, if you wanted your mom raped, your cat run down and your problem only half fixed, to bite you in the ass later.
Expecting Ubunteros who have accepted the Ubuntu Code of Conduct to be answering their questions, are enemies of the lulz, as they do anything they can to prevent trolls from suggesting to n00bs to type 'sudo rm -rf /' into their terminals. You might try telling one to overwrite /var/lib/dpkg/status, thus ruining his package management, /etc/hostname, thus preventing him for using 'sudo', or to play with something in /boot/grub, rendering the bootloader useless and making the user want Windows again.
#ubuntu moar liek #unhelpful
A fun trolling activity is spamming #ubuntu on freenode. If you can not think of something to spam them with, just repeatedly paste entire pages of the bible at a time. It is also fun to spam #ubuntuce (Ubuntu Christian Edition) with links to Ubuntu Satanic Edition. When they get butthurt and permaban your IP, just reset your router, get a new IP, rinse and repeat. Lulz will ensue.
Note that the Ubuntu IRC channels are already is flooded, 24 hours a day, by whining Ubuntu n00bs, but flooding it more allows for even further lulz. Whenever a n00b is using Ubuntu (which is anyone using Ubuntu, amiright?) assuming he knows anything about IRC, instead of actually trying to find out how to fix it himself he heads straight for #ubuntu, like a child running into his parents' room after a bad dream. Because of this, #ubuntu is kept at 800 whiny losers bitching and moaning until some
faggot Ubuntu pro comes along and faps to fixes one of their problems, at which point they might say kthxbi, or they might just say thx before continuing to fap flood with a different question. Even so, #ubuntu takes an even moar hard-line stance against trolling than the rest of freenode, understanding that anything that happens in #ubuntu will reflect badly upon the Ubuntu distribution. Advice is always welcome, especially if is a disguised link to some goatse.
What you'll see in #ubuntu scrolling by really fast
The Homosexual Connection
While Macs used to be the computing system of choice for homosexuals everywhere, Ubuntu has recently taken over that niche, drawing numerous former Mac fags into the Lunix community, and the Ubuntu IRC. There is no one reason for this, but Ubuntu was built from the ground up with a conscious effort towards ending heterosexuality in operating systems, starting with a pleasing brown theme reminding homosexual users of buttsex. There used to be an Ubuntu social networking site at gaybuntu.com, but it was shut down and permabanned from the internets after some users were meeting up IRL and spreading AIDS.
Unity is the lulziest thing that has ever happened to Ubuntu and has sparked over 9000 flame wars across the tubes.
Starting from Ubuntu 11.04, a new buggy, sluggish, and shittastic interface called "Unity" was installed by default on Ubuntu. Due to how unresponsive Unity was, many Ubuntufags bawwed and raged at Canonical.
Unity was designed to look and feel like a blatant ripoff of Mac OS X due to the dock that was stapled to the left side of your screen. Unity had no way of allowing a user, who just upgraded from 10.10, to access existing apps that were not pinned to the dock, used up over over 9000 Niggabyte of RAM, was slow on single core processors, and most people reverted to GNOME2 after upgrading. However, Ubuntufags were unable to revert to GNOME2 when 11.10 dropped the GNOME2 interface and because 11.10's version of Unity ran on top of GNOME 3, which GNOMEfags hated because it looked and felt nothing like gnome and because GNOME3 is just as bad as Unity.
Due to the launch of Unity, over 9000 Ubuntufags switched to Lunix Mint and Ubuntu's market share in the Linux market dropped by 99%
It wasn't until 11.10 that Canonical fixed all the problems that Unity had. Disregard that, Unity still sucks.
Canonical added adware promoting the Ubuntu One music store and amazon.com to Unity in 12.10, causing much butthurt among the freetards who used to claim that Linux users never have to worry about unwanted programs collecting personal information and inserting ads onto their desktops. Ubuntu apologists claim that all their spyware is easily removed should you search google for detailed removal instructions. In other words its the exact same advice they give to Windows users for cleaning up a toolbar infection minus the words "You wouldn't have this problem if you ran Ubuntu!".
Gallery of bawwwww
— A Lunix newbie
- Kubuntu, a distribution for fags who, for some reason, think KDE's Windows 95-esque interface is appealing.
- Xubuntu, a distribution for people with shitty computers that don't have the 24GB of DDR3-1600 SDRAM required to run Unity and GNOME
- Lubuntu, a distribution that finally got recognizion as a fo reals Fubarntu flavor, which is retarded because it's good enough to just be its own goddamn thing. The stupidest name ever given to a thing, ever.
- Edubuntu, a distribution for classrooms, with the goal of turning your children into faggots.
- Ubuntu Studio, an Ubuntu version with lots of Audio and Video editing tools, but without any drivers for sound and video cards, so its fucking useless as shit and nobody uses it.
- Ubuntu Christian Edition, A religious faggotry distro which focuses on chatrooms. This helps to get in contact with little children, with the intention of raping them.
- Ubuntu Muslim Edition, Another religious faggotry distro designed to attract the majority of Africans in countries where they are
notcurrently eating one another.
- Ubuntu Shittastic Edition - Same as regular Ubuntu, but with a name that more accurately describes it.
- Linux Mint, a standard Ubuntu derivative with a few key differences - proprietary audio and video codecs are installed by default, extra "mint" tools included to make certain tasks easier, and a minty-fresh desktop theme and Jews aren't allowed to use it. Seriously.
- Ubuntu Furry Remix. That's right, Ubuntu Furry Remix is a complete Ubuntu-based operating system, created for furries by
furriesa lone basement dweller named Sergey Davidoff.
- Ubuntu Satanic Edition - perhaps the only worthy edition of Ubuntu.
- gNewSense, an entirely free distribution for libtards who have a passion for fellating Richard Stallman's smegma-ridden cock.
Because Ubuntards wanted to make it look like Ubuntu is actually getting better between each release, the version numbers are in the format of the year Ubuntu was released followed by a numerical representation of the month. A new Ubuntu is released every 6 months, which makes users update to the newest version very often. This usually results in broken systems, and Ubuntu fags BAWWWWWing on the Ubuntu forums. Also, Ubuntu is known for having retarded names that include the name of an animal. This is to make the operating system appeal to furries.
|Version||Code Name||Release Date|
|6.06 LTS||Dapper Dyke||2006-06-01|
|8.04 LTS||Hairy Hardon||2008-04-24|
|10.04 LTS||Lulzy Lynx||2010-04-29|
|12.04 LTS||Pedophile Pangolin||2012-04-26|
- Your mother's Pentium.
- An understanding of Bash, and enough restraint to not use it.
- 1.5TB of space not filled with gay pr0n.
- Over 9000MB of RAM.
- sudo rm -rf /
Correction: Ubuntu doesn't work.
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