|This article needs a serious clean up|
|Type||1337 h4x0r c0mmun1ty|
|Key people||Chevex aka Alex Ford. www.fordscleaning.com (404s when link is followed from ED)|
|Motto||"NO EPENIS NUMBERS. PERIOD."|
|Industry||Hacking on Skittles, spamming 4chan|
|Products||lulz, drama and troll bait|
U413 is a super seekret underground elite hacking club in the depths of the Internets ran by a faggot coder known as Chevex aka Alex Ford. You could say that it is filled with many skilled hackers who are so leet that they use the forum just like Linux users use a terminal, but in reality it's a bunch of 13 year old elitists posting on a badly-designed forum thinking that they are good with a computer. This is because the layout and style of U413 is to mimic old dial-up BBS boards, so everything can only be accessed by typing shit in. You can't click on anything to navigate rendering modern technology useless on this board.
The furthest the average user on U413 has gotten programming-wise is downloading Visual Basic.
U413 False Front-End
Because Chevex was so afraid of the horror that the interwebz wrought on his secret forum and his life, he recently decided to hide U413 behind a fake front-end to deter the trolls from getting in. If you go to U413 you will be redirected to Chevtek.com, his company site. The entrance to U413 is hidden on this page. It's like having a furniture business as the entrance to your mafia hideout; except the mafia consists of little faggot wannabe hackers instead of badass thugs.
- 1. - First click on the small radioactive icon in the bottom right corner.
- 2. - Now click on the picture of Chevex himself. He turns into a flaming PIrate when you do.
- 3. - Finally click on the "Request Quote" link toward the bottom of the page. You will then be redirected to the U413 command line.
Note: You still need invites to get in, even if you make it past the shitty front-end. Once you have a username and your IP is logged you don't have to use the secret entrance from that IP.
The forums of U413 are filled with a bunch of egotistical teens, mostly the kind who get picked on at school/college because they prefer spending their time browsing a web 1.0 board instead of being irl social. The average user on the forums refers to themselves as a "blackhat", and has downloaded every tool off hackforums.net to a folder somewhere, which does lead to flame wars where skiddies call other skiddies skiddies and vice versa. Threads on U413 normally consist of topics such as "How do I unblock U413 at school???" and "How to use atunnel?". Foreign characters do not work on the forum, even though they do have a foreign board which hardly anyone posts in. Although, this does help get rid of Spics and the Wapanese.
Beware if you become a moderator! Chevex will demod you at random (especially if you are a cry baby) and with no explanation as to why. (Not that this is really a bad thing, as being a mod on U413 is the equivalent of babysitting a playpen full of three-year-olds with ADHD and cerebral palsy.)
—YEAH, YOU GUYS NEED TO GET LAID.
These boards are available for anyone who has an account on U413.
- General - This is where ramblings are posted, usually where Chevex begs and pleads for monies.
- Gaming & Sports - This is where players post about vidya gaems such as Roonscayp and Gaylo.
- TV & Movies - Mostly about Star Wars and South Park, or anything that can be watched online since U413 users don't watch TV.
- Music & Audio - Justin Bieber galore.
- Books & Literature - Because books are so 1337
- Art & Photography - Full of Desktop and Pi manipulation threads.
- Programming & Software - Where users go to get their guides on how to repartition XP or to get information on how to hack Facebook accounts. It's cracking, not hacking. FUCKING IDIOT.
- Religion, Philosophy, & Paranormal - A massive shitstorm board, filled with either "Atheists get in here" or "Christians get in here" threads.
- NSFW - Filled with furfags and rule 34 of forum members.
- Site Stuff - "Add in a better GUI please!!"
- Foreign - lightly moderated because the mods can't speak any other language than their own
- Link Requests - Use this board to ask for links to yiff porn you accidentally deleted.
There are a few boards on U413 that are not listed on the main list. These are all secret boards and nobody is actually allowed to tell others about them. Oops, lol. These are:
- -1 - Where users attempt to divide by zero by putting folders into their subfolders.
- 42 - Unused due to users having no life.
- 117 - A fucking Halo board since the site's owner is a Halo fan. Here all the threads rotate around Halo Reach and other titles made by Bungie. 13-year-old Source fanboys lurk this board to claim Halo is gay, however.
- 420 - Where the cool kids state how cool they are for smoking cool weed.
- 666 - Where Chevex promotes his love for satanism.
- 1337 - A board for 1337 h4x0rs who bitch when people like you find your way onto the board.
- 9001 - It's over 9,000! This is where all the old meme spouters on the board go on a daily basis. The random board of u413.
- 12345 - The Wheel, where Chevex talks about how much he sits at home playing online poker.
To access these boards, one must type "b" and then the board number.
These commands pretty much do fuck-all whatsoever and are just here for reference. You don't actually have to log in to do these.
- bsod - Simulates a BSOD, although you can still see the site under it. Requires you to be logged in.
- cosmos - Gives you this video. Requires you to be logged in.
- 4chan or /b/ - Displays Boxxy along with a lameass video.
- fuck you - Instant ban.
- LL or luelinks - LUEshi image followed by the same video.
- pi or 3.14 - An image of pi appears accompanied by fitting music. It's like Chevex has a fetish for this shit.
- ED - An image macro of the twin towers being bombed for the lulz and a video of Chevex reading this page during what sounds like a rainstorm.
- login, then joshua - SHALL WE PLAY A GAME? (figure out the rest)
Secret Chat Commands
- /laioni - forces you to misspell things just like the user Laioni.
- /fiskie - in honor of ED and Chevex's favorite ED author.
Word filters no longer exist in U413 Chat Channels.
U413? Moar like U41/b/
The entrance code for U413 was originally leaked on /b/. The code was the number pi backwards to 510 digits, so after fucking around and typing in every digit backwards, /b/tards immediately started to sign up on U413, causing only mild disruption throughout the site because noone could figure out how to operate the piss-poor navigation on there. After finding a quite a bit of Goatse copypasta'd onto his board from users of /b/, Chevex, the site's owner, decided to make sure the site could only be accessed with invite codes. Because half of /b/ couldn't actually figure out how to use this death trap in the first place, it gave the users of U413 a dose of USI, knowing they were smarter for their clever use of an obsolete BBS.
Because of U413's mass-recruiting scheme, U413 is filled with a ton of fucking /b/tards who are still attending secondary school. People who spammed the 4chan boards were promoted to moderators for bringing so much attention to the site. Since the 7th of May 2010, invites to the site were closed, and users had to submit $20 to the Jew to let other people get into the site.
If you ever go onto this board, you'll find that everyone on there follows the same superiority complex, e.g. L0L W3 SM4RT3R TH4N TH3M B3C4US3 W3 C0P13D 4ND P4ST3D 4N 1NV1T3 C0D3 T0 S1GN UP!!111. Even the owner itself thinks this, stating the board is 0π133 f0r t3h 1337. The other argument they share is that U413 is just "/b/ with invites". Although, any threads about 4chan, /b/ or cancer will get a poster an instant ban.
The Average U413 user
U413 users on average follow the same traits, such as:
- Tri-booting Oobantoe, Winblows and OSsuX.
- Being 13 years of age. There is a constant thread going on where people ask how to unblock the site at school.
- Still browsing /b/.
- Being a fan of Halo.
- Being a furry. If not, otherkin.
- Using Game Maker to code. "I didn't use C++ because of Reason X", Reason X being the cover-up as to secretly not knowing C++.
- Being completely fucking obsessed with the number π.
—Normal U413 IRC discussion
U413's Unofficial IRC was created by it's members so they could congregate to spam 4chan's /b/ with forced memes so they can be funny. The discussion in IRC is usually about which OS is better or what board to spam next. This IRC is also Chevex's personal hugbox, in case he needs somewhere to cry after being successfully doxed on /g/ again. Whenever Chevex appears on IRC, it normally ends up with his members bowing down to him as they treat him as some sort of god (OMG ITS CHEVEX HIMSELF!!!), resulting in many U413ers sucking up to him in an attempt to get admin. Strangely, Chevex thinks that it would be more appropiate to integrate a chat room on his command-line /b/oard than have a flexible IRC channel, and soon plans to replace the IRC channel with this feature.
U413 members actually have no idea how to use their own IRC, including Chevex himself. Examples include banning people via nicks instead of hostmasks and not knowing where the fuck ED IRC is located, despite it being linked on at least a thousand articles across ED.
BREAKING NEWS!!!: We just found out why he wants to move: U413's IRC channel is on DALnet. Well it was, but Chevex soon got word from Helldive IRCop Deviance. The IRCop educated Chevex about IRC and how DALnet is just a festering pit at the end of the internet, and thus #u413 is now on Helldive under the control of Deviance although the channel is still quickly cancering up the place.
[04:23] <~Deviance> Y so ass kiss? [04:23] <~Deviance> [14:15] <Gabriel`> Deviance is the god of spamming [04:23] <~Deviance> Taken a few days ago [04:23] <Gabriel> Cuz I think you're cute [04:23] <@Snickerz> your asshole must taste like lemons [04:23] <~Deviance> wrong answer [04:24] * Quits: Gabriel ([email protected]) (Killed (Deviance (insert more coins to continue)))
Dday for #U413
On May 29th, 2010 EZBake and the CHAT_INTELLIGENCE_AGENCY had enough of the cancer that #u413 on Helldive was dishing out. So they infiltrated their chat, and bombed them with epic botfloods for days. There were heavy casualties. And the survivors were sniped off by Operator Deviance sealing off the channel for good.
[20:35] * Deviance sets mode: +l 1 [20:35] <~Deviance> `clear all [20:35] <~Deviance> `clear users [20:35] -x:#u413- CLEAR USERS command from Deviance [20:35] * DeviBOT was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Zionite was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Unh4nd13d was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Gogopex was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Gabriel was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Snickerz was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * frussif was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Elderthedog was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Mirima was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * xyz was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * NekoArc was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * MistressCourtney was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Scell was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * WINdoze was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Lysistrata was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * garrett_ was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * roofis200202 was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * You were kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:35] * Attempting to rejoin channel #u413 [20:35] * Rejoined channel #u413 [20:35] * Topic is '~ or oven' [20:35] * Set by xyz on Sun May 30 20:04:36 [20:35] * x sets mode: +qo Deviance Deviance [20:35] #u413 created on Sun May 30 20:35:09 2010 [20:35] * Joins: xyz ([email protected]) [20:35] * Retrieving #u413 modes... [20:35] * Joins: januszeal ([email protected]s) [20:35] * Joins: garrett_ ([email protected]) [20:35] * Deviance sets mode: +l 1 [20:35] <Zionite> Safe-haven at: #u413.tv and watching Kick-Ass. Come join us. [20:36] <~Deviance> `akick add *!*@* [20:36] <~Deviance> Zionite [20:36] <~Deviance> you just blew that [20:36] <garrett_> ? [20:36] <Mirima> lol [20:36] <xyz> lol [20:36] <~Deviance> lol [20:36] <Zionite> come on in and smoke a joint [20:36] <~Deviance> all on your own [20:36] <Zionite> put down the weapons [20:36] * Deviance sets mode: +m [20:36] * Joins: DeviBOT ([email protected]) [20:36] * x sets mode: +qo DeviBOT DeviBOT [20:37] * Deviance sets mode: +i [20:37] * Deviance sets mode: +k fdsdsfsdfsdf [20:40] <~Deviance> msg chanserv set #u413 restricted [20:40] -> *chanserv* set #u413 restricted [20:41] <~Deviance> `clear users [20:41] -x:#u413- CLEAR USERS command from Deviance [20:41] * DeviBOT was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:41] * garrett_ was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:41] * januszeal was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:41] * xyz was kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:41] * You were kicked by x (CLEAR USERS command from Deviance) [20:41] * Attempting to rejoin channel #u413 [20:41] * Rejoined channel #u413 [20:41] * Joins: ChanServ ([email protected]) [20:41] * ChanServ sets mode: +b *!*@nekoarc.network [20:41] * NekoArc was kicked by ChanServ (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * Joins: Zionite ([email protected]) [20:41] * ChanServ sets mode: +b *!*@anon-9506A68E.austin.res.rr.com [20:41] * Joins: Mirima ([email protected]) [20:41] * Joins: Snickerz ([email protected]) [20:41] * Zionite was kicked by ChanServ (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * ChanServ sets mode: +b *!*@anon-565F5098.dhcp.stls.mo.charter.com [20:41] * Mirima was kicked by ChanServ (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * ChanServ sets mode: +b *!*@anon-79C29042.bchsia.telus.net [20:41] * Snickerz was kicked by ChanServ (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] #u413 created on Sun May 30 20:40:43 2010 [20:41] * ChanServ sets mode: +b *!*@63FA0D81.5D9226CC.8D991C35.IP [20:41] * solar was kicked by ChanServ (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * ChanServ sets mode: +b *!*@anon-4B24888C.hsd1.ma.comcast.net [20:41] * Lysistrata was kicked by ChanServ (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * ChanServ sets mode: +b *!*@anon-1ED56AA2.cha.bellsouth.net [20:41] * Elderthedog was kicked by ChanServ (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * ChanServ sets mode: +ntr [20:41] * ChanServ changes topic to '~ or oven' [20:41] * Joins: x ([email protected]) [20:41] * x sets mode: +ao x x [20:41] * x sets mode: +qo DeviBOT DeviBOT [20:41] * x sets mode: +b *!*@anon-AFBC2590.om.om.cox.net [20:41] * MistressCourtney was kicked by x (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * x sets mode: +qo Deviance Deviance [20:41] * Joins: xyz ([email protected]) [20:41] * x sets mode: +b *!*@anon-4A36C480.dyn.optonline.net [20:41] * xyz was kicked by x (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * Joins: januszeal ([email protected]) [20:41] * x sets mode: +b *!*@far.beyond.the.stars [20:41] * januszeal was kicked by x (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * Joins: garrett_ ([email protected]) [20:41] * x sets mode: +b *!*@anon-EBB41257.org [20:41] * garrett_ was kicked by x (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * Joins: skizzl3 ([email protected]) [20:41] * x sets mode: +b *!*@anon-EB3F424A.pppoe-dynamic.high-speed.evad.in [20:41] * skizzl3 was kicked by x (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:41] * Joins: SWLR ([email protected]) [20:41] * x sets mode: +b *!*@anon-6E106D16.hsd1.mn.comcast.net [20:41] * SWLR was kicked by x (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:42] * Parts: ChanServ ([email protected]) [20:42] * Retrieving #u413 modes... [20:42] * Joins: roofis200202 ([email protected]) [20:42] * x sets mode: +b *!*@anon-EC2C4810.dyn.optonline.net [20:42] * roofis200202 was kicked by x (You are not permitted to be on this channel.) [20:42] * Deviance changes topic to 'Pack up and leave'
Since they have nowhere else to go, #U413 is now cancering up Rizon IRC. U413 now has chat rooms integrated on the site, although almost nobody uses them.
Recently, Chevex set up email accounts for U413. You can now get a @U413.com email address! ...for $50 a year. This was part of Chevex's Jewish plan to coax as much money from the 13-year-olds on the board as possible, but his plan soon failed as they were all too poor to cover the cost, or just didn't know how to get onto mom's PayPal. On the other hand, the forum members were too fucktarded to know what bandwidth was. Even still, other users were sad enough to actually buy one of these, or at least have thoughts about it. In fact, the original thread was a shitstorm for the first few posts, with Chevex finally stepping in and trying to calm everyone the fuck down, eventually everyone submitting to Chevex's sudden reappearance, giving in and spamming his PayPal with monies.
U413 vs. LUELinks
Some of U413's userbase came from LUELinks (moar liek JEWLinks, amirite?) aka The End of the Internet, which is some other invite-only site that
nobody cares about every faggot and their brother wants an invite to. Chevex soon stole LUELinks's idea of having an invite-only forum and reworded his excuse on LUELinks's forums. Since Chevex made U413, he became increasingly butthurt when members of LUELinks personally attacked him in flame wars, making him retreat back to his board. If it wasn't for each site's lockdown schemas, both sites would be in an endless war right now.
U413 vs. 4chan
—A /b/tard on U413.
Since the original entrance code was leaked, the site's owner Chevex thought, "spam this site all over 4chan? What a brilliant idea!" and started getting his members to flood 4chan's boards with the same topics over and over, claiming that U413 was an underground 1337 community. Soon after, U413 was filled with gullible /b/tards, increasing the ego of the 14-year-old veterans on the board. Members then started to complain about the spam and rejection they got in retaliation, making them wonder why they ever went onto 4chan in the first place.
More and more threads made their way onto 4chan, mostly on the /b/, /g/ and /x/ boards. /x/, being gullible as usual, went and signed up to U413 without any questions asked. /g/ and /b/ however were quite hostile towards these unwelcome newcomers, quickly saging the threads and trying to get rid of this newfounded cancer. In fact, 4chan isn't the only forum that was raided by U413; a quick Google search reveals their attention whoring on forums at Newgrounds, Moparscape, Armor Games and YouTube. Yeah, that will make sure the userbase is kept clean of morons.
After hundreds of the same fucking threads, Anons from /g/ stepped forward while /b/ were running in circles, finally telling U413's owner to STFU followed by quickly raiding the Internets for his personal info and posting it all over U413-related threads and on U413 itself, resulting in bans getting handed out everywhere. Quickly after this, Chevex stopped his invitation schemes in the hope that Anon wouldn't rape him any further.
U413 vs. ED
Alex found his site's ED article after Google Alerts told him about his great new article (he has it set to alert him for his nickname), resulting in massive butthurt as he then ended up posting a sticky in his forum asking for an army to be formed to take down his personal information off this article. Because they were new to the Internets, the members of U413 quickly fell for his personal request, and started vandalising this page until it was locked by ED sysops. Chevex then declared war on ED sysop Lmte because he was reverting every shitty edit they did. This soon led to a shitfest in U413's IRC plus plans being made in U413's forum for future vandalisms of the site.
A long time later, Chevex locked the original thread after realising that editing a revertable article doesn't work, thus contacted his Lawyer and went on with a lolsuit instead in an attempt to get his information off ED, which was personal information he publicly left on the Internets in the first place. TL;DR: Chevex is a moron.
—Chevex, declaring war against Lmte for reverting his vandalism
Chevex telling it like it is
In an attempt to be funny, Chevex uploaded a video to YouTube in which he reads the article on U413. Subsequently he went and put it on the U413 ED article. End result, a 10 minute video in which he skips out the good parts. Chevex is too egoistical about his ED pages proving he never knows when he's not wanted.
Protip: Turn on closed captions for added lulz.
U413: The new Hackers on Steroids
In July 2010 Chevex started his invite scheme again after finding his super seekret forum was becoming as dead as Anontalk. At first the invite page was accessible by anyone. One of the many trolls who lurk this page every day warned Chevex that a link to the invite page was on U413's ED article. At first he made links to the page from Encyclopedia Dramatica redirect back and forth, and when that was averted he removed the page completely and invites could only be accessed by the sites INVITES command.
It should also be noted that even though Chevex "doesn't give a shit about ED or /b/" he checks this page at least once every day, usually more. Now that's commitment, perhaps even obsession.
Some of their other members will plan to hack your credit cards if you troll their site and make them mad. This will actually never happen because most of them are retarded and never heard of socks and Tor (unless you actually give them your details). So, beware of Sam_Cursed, who will totally rape you and hack into your bank account with her apparently high IQ of 156 and tough life.
(in reality, she is a mediocre guitar soloist.)
The owner himself
—Unh4ndled on having an imaginary girlfriend.
U413 is ran by Chevex, aka 23-year-old Alex Ford, a super-successful bachelor/entrepreneur who literally turned his sad life upside down. After finding the website SuccessfulBachelor.com was available, he snapped it up, lost weight, became fabulously wealthy and now enjoys life every day. Alex is living so large he only works four hours a week and spends the rest of his time playing online poker and Halo. In fact, he has became so successful, he has begun to teach others about his great skills.
He used to go by Unh4nd13d on U413, he changed it presumably to attempt to escape the emotional distress that the ED article has so cruelly inflicted upon him.
I have been chasing my success all my life and that journey has brought me here. Now I want to help all of you do the same thing. I experience joy in my life when I see that spark of motivation in yours. As a life coach and business consultant I cherish every minute I get to spend helping someone else. It is an experience that is unrivaled by anything I have ever tried to do in the past.
- www.U413.com (404s when link is followed from ED)
- U413's MySpace
- U413's Twitter
- U413 2.0 Info
- U413 on Blogspot. Full of tl;dr gibberish and whining about immaturity.
- How Alex pays for U413
- Don't feed the trolls
- IM PRESSIN CHARGES
- The cancer that is killing /b/
- Personal army
- Alex Ford
- Alex Wuori
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