Transformers is a fantasy in which giant, transforming robots travel across the universe destroying planets and wiping out unknown numbers of inteligent societies to fight a civil war and finally come to Earth to criticize humans for their violent nature (and according to certain fangirls, take time out to suck each other's USB cables). They have also become victims of bad fan fiction, Mary Sue,slash and Michael Bay over the past 25 years. This epic struggle has been recreated in multiple cartoon series, a comic book (or a thousand), at least half a dozen video games, a trilogy of action-packed movies, an ornate series of tapestries, two books-on-tape, a Gay Robot Convention, and an erotica collection. Anyone going to a Transformers forum or any other form of media will experience the biggest collection of 40-year-old males and 15-year-old girls outside of a Chris Hansen pedo sting.
—Hound, while running backwards.
|Optimus Prime||Leader of the Autobots and one of the key characters. Fangirls insist on writing fanfiction that has Megatron ræping him at least 100 times. It's pretty ironic that he stands for justice and equality, considering some of his fans. For gay ass fucktards like Chris Chan Optimus serves as an idol that defines their masculinity despite their desire to have a vagina. Had to get pwned by Megatron in the 80's movie because Hasbro had a whole bunch more of toys it wanted to sell. Choosing to not follow the comic that had Transformers changing vehicle types with the same ease that your GF dumped you and found someone new, for instance, Megatron went from being a gun to a tank. Hasbro decided it would be best to kill off everyone's favorite transformer which led them to rethink their decision and bring him back after getting thousands of death threats written in crayon from angry 6 year olds.|
|Autobot Matrix Of Leadership||The Autobot Matrix Of Leadership is a Deus Ex Machina device that holds the combined knowledge of Autobot leaders from the past while also holding a magical power that when needed, can turn a wimpy ass, retarded dock loading, Megatron Fanbot, like Orion Pax, into a Moralfag such as Optimus Prime, destroy a giant planet eating entity or end a virus that causes people to spitefully troll everyone on the internet. In story lines like Transformers Anime, where Prime is a rank, such as a general, rather than something more of a spiritual level to be attained such as finding Jesus, achieving Super Sayan level 4 or Blowing yourself up for god, the Matrix has little or any use in story.|
|Jazz||Token black robot. Was pretty much the coolest Autobot because he was voiced by Scatman Carothers in the 80's and could pwn people using music, but that didn't matter since he was pretty.|
|Bumblebee||Virtually always the child relation character, except in Prime, where he wasn't really anything. In G1, he transformed into a Volkswagen Beetle that could somehow maneuver and reach high speeds like a racecar.|
|Prowl||May or may not be the Autobot second-in-command, depending on who you ask. Some will say Jazz while others say Prowl. Main job was to help Optimus figure out new and interesting ways to troll the Decepticons.|
|Wheeljack||The engineer/inventor for the Autobots. Makes things explode. Fans will say he's based on mad scientist Tesla. He had more than a dozen babies with his gay lover Ratchet.|
|Skyfire/Jetfire||A former Decepticon and friend of Starscream. After realizing what D-bags both were he made the decision to become an Autobot. In the cartoon he was pretty much only called on when the Autobots needed a ride somewhere until they got Omega Supreme. After which, he quickly disappeared.
Jetfire is the one Transformer that can make anime fans cry themselves to sleep because his original toy was a Robotech Fighter Jet and because of this he got a redesign and name change. So Skyfire who was advertised as the Macros toy became Jetfire after a redesign because companies wanting to push Robotech toys in America got all Butthurt that the Transformers had the rights to the dies for one of their toys. It was agreed that Skyfire would be redesigned and renamed to avoid confusion between the Transformers and Robotech. Still, the Transformers artists loved to troll Robotech by having Jetfire have a intermittent mode like the G.E.R.W.A.L.K. or Gurdian mode in Robotech.
|Roadbuster||If Charlton Heston was an Autobot this is who he'd be. Roadbuster's philosophy centers on "Peace through superior fire power" and while he might not be the Bible banger Chuck was, Roadbuster is one of the most heavily armed of the Autobots. Extremely rare to find his G1 version complete because of rarity and the fact thst it has close to 20 pieces making a complete Roadbuster a Holy Grail among collectors. Was another Die from the Takatoku toy line includingSkyfire and Whirl.|
|Blaster||Autobot version of Soundwave; has cassette babies too but no one gives a shit. Hates Soundwave more than anything else since he raped Beachcomber, but gets paired with him anyway because no means yes.|
|Tracks||Most fabulous of the Autobots and got his name because the writers thought it'd be fun to hint to some of their illegal habits, if you need more proof, isn't there an Autobot named Huffer? Some fangirls like to pretend he's straight, even though he turned down a woman in canon.|
|Cliff Jumper||He was that Transformer voiced by Casey Kasem. Right there's the total that anyone cares about him because he's pretty much a fucktard that thinks he's tougher than he really is. Was written out of the show when Casey Kasem got all butthurt because the writers of both the Comic and Cartoons portrayed Arabs as Child Raping terrorists. So what was the problem?|
|Hound||Hound was a jeep in the 80's cartoon and... that's it. He hasn't been anything else. In 2007, he got a new toy that came with Ravage. Why an Autobot jeep came with a Decepticon casette-cat, nobody knows. All of his most notable lines revealed that fact that he was retarded.|
|Windcharger||Did nothing interesting, and even the creators of the Transformers knew it. His original profile basically read, "he has ADHD", except they had to outline the symptoms so as to fill space. The one notable thing he did was become an hero.|
|Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime||Transforms into a van with flame decals and is the most hated Transformer evar, for pretty much no reason. Ironically, Hasbro executives truly believed he would become popular after they killed off Optimus Prime. Instead, millions of ten-year-old brats locked themselves in their bathrooms and threatened to commit hara-kiri/seppuku. Possibly the biggest source of drama in the entire fandom, but the reality is that he pwns pretty much everybody. In fact, one could say that he is in many ways a much superior leader than Optimus Prime ever could be for the one reason that he can be decisive, something that Optimus is incapable of but as the writers admit that they made Optimus a cross between Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan as opposed to Rodimus being based on Generals like Patton or MacArthur, Rodimus is the better leader because Optimus is a politician as opposed to Rodimus being an actual military leader.|
|Ultra Magnus||A pretty much useless character, considering he is second-in-command to Rodimus Prime. He hardly does anything useful yet being one of the most powerful autobots evar, and can't even handle the role of leader. All he does is fail at stopping the Decepticons and gets blown to pieces for his troubles as well. Also, he can never deal with anything at any moment, it seems.|
|Arcee||First female Transformer evar. Her fans are pretty much the most easily trolled of all of them, as all you have to do is say that females were only introduced into the series to appease feminists, she spent all her time flirting with Hot Rod, and that since alien robots don't have gender, she's technically a man. In Spotlight Arcee it was revealed that she was a transexual, causing fangirls everywhere to shit bricks.|
|Elita-One||Optimus Prime's sister. Stayed on Cybertron to keep an eye on her bitches while everybody else was doing man's work.|
|Hot Shot||Pretty much the lead character in Armada. Nobody remembers him for anything past the jAaM jokes, even though the only people that laugh at those are asspies. Was openly gay for Wheeljack.|
|Blurr||The galaxy's fastest transformer. He is so annoying that at some times his irritating nature even rivals that of Wheelie's. His main shtick is that he runs and talks really fast. That's his character. That's it.|
|Kup||Kup is the token geezer of the franchise. He is always talking about his old war stories and never shuts up about them, to the point where sometimes the other characters act irritated at the fact of said not shutting up about his war stories.|
|Grimlock||Depending on whether you're a fan of the comic or the cartoon, Grimlock is either a Genius that likes to play dumb that became leader of the autobots or a fuckwit that is easily amused by Kup's boring ass stories about how he had to walk barefoot in the cyber snow to school. Later in both the Cartoon and Comic, the artists get lazy and only draw him in his Dino mode citing that it has more power and defense than his robot form as the reason for this behaviour. Only member of the Dinobots whose name doesn't begin with an S|
|Wheelie||The most obnoxious and annoying Autobot in Transformers history who goes from being a dog whistled voiced, end rhyming boybot in the original, 1980s movie to a Joe Peshi, wannabe sounding tough guy in the Michael Bay movies.|
|Megatron||The robot that turns into a Nazigun; also the main villain of the series. Brought war to a peaceful planet in every continuity, and generally fucked everyone. In the 2007 movie, he totally pwned the black robot, ripping him in half after being asked if he wanted a piece of him. He replied, "No, I want TWO!" This proves the nigga must die in every action movie. No exceptions. Megatron then proceeds to rip apart every black man to have ever walked on the set. The main reason why Megatron had to become Galvatron, much to the dismay of fans, was because Hasbro couldn't sell the gun version of Megatron in countries like Australia because they have stupid laws about teaching kids how to kill with toy guns. So they would be able to sell all their toys in these backwards countries, Megatron got a name change and became a fantasy fusion cannon which isn't anywhere near as bad as a toy gun.
Fun Fact: When Hasbro was having Marvel design a story around their Transformers product they hated the name Megatron, saying it sounded too evil. It only stayed because one of the writers said, "It's supposed to. He's the leader of the bad guys."
|Galvatron||Unicron finds Megatron adrift in space, and decides to upgrade his firmware. This results in a Leonard Nimoy voice, new appearance, new name, new alt. mode, and an alignment change from Lawful Evil to Chaotic Evil. Galvatron is so much less of a pussy than Megatron that he can't even wait 5 fucking minutes after being born to kill the shit out of Starscream. His main characteristic is that he is utterly batshit insane, and gloriously so. To troll Galvatron fans tell them that he isn't the real Megatron. He's a copy of Megatron that the Constracons made. The real Megatron is just a head hidden somewhere that has only, recently, just woken up a la Transformers 4 or Transformers Animated.|
|Starscream||Decepticon fighter jet and also their second in command, which was clearly a bad decision on Megatron's part as he spends his days trying to kill him. Fortunately however, he spends his nights making up for it. Popular among people that will usually end up majoring in business or political science because he shows that a person can achieve quite a bit and climb the ladder to high levels with no real skills by being an ass kissing sycophant. Remember kids, it's not what you know but who you are willing to stab in the back to blame your most recent fuck up on. In retrospect, Starscream also serves as a metaphor, allegory for the coke fueled dollar jockie, commodities trader from the 1980s. Gets his name from how loud he was when Megatron first shoved his cannon up Starscream's ass. The Decepticons claim that even the Stars could hear his Scream, thus the name Starscream. Now you know why fans call him The Screamer|
|Skywarp||Basically an all black Recolor of Starscream. Has the absolute coolest power out of all the Decepticons, Teleportation, but because he is so stoned, he lacks any and all imagination to use it properly prefering to rather use it for pranks and pop into the Decepticon Restrooms to catch Starscream masturbating to pics of Alexis. Is the most loyal of all the Decipticons to Megatron because he is too stoned to have desires of his own. Best known for being the most indifferent and getting his ass kicked by Rumble and Frenzy. Later gets upgraded into Cyclonus by Unicron. Even with an upgrade he is pretty much the same Plain Jane, stoned stupid and overly loyal character that Skywarp was but gets more screen time.|
|Ramjet||Known popularly to fans as belonging to a group of the seekers called the Coneheads because of how they are drawn with their nose cones as part of their helmet. Probably the dumbest of the Deceoticons because he is that person who only gets invited to parties because he'll headbutt an anvil for 10 dollars.|
|Blitzwing||Rather unmemorable as a G1 character but when the writers made him a Bipolar, Schizophrenic in Animated, all the Emo, Cutter Kids saw themselves in him and you have the birth of a popular character.|
|Astrotrain||When their soacebridge is out of commission this is the Transformer the Decepticons use when they need a ride somewhere. In robot form he is the same size of all the other Decepticons, such as Starscream but in vehicle form his shuttle mode is large enough to fit Devestator deep inside him. A triple change like Blitzwing but without the crazy. Much like how Devestator started a mass production of gestalt robots, Astrotrain and Blitzwing did the same with triple-changers until the market was flooded with them. Changes from robot to train to space shuttle and back again.|
|Soundwave||Likes to say "Energon Cubes" like a real badass, and has the most chilling laugh you will ever hear. Shoots cassette babies out of his chest named Lazerbeak, Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, and Buzzsaw.  Troll Soundwave fans by reminding him that he's one of the most cold-hearted Decepticons and doesn't make exceptions from his traitorous ways for Mary-Sues or his cassettes. It's also fun to point out to Soundwave fans that in the comic that the cassettes are pretty much his slaves because, like Ratbat, they were larger robots that were assassinated and given smaller, much weaker cassette bodies that now found themselves dependant on Soundwave for protection and survival, ensuring their loyalty. Adds a whole new dimension to Blaster, doesn't it? A black robot with slaves.|
|Ravage||Probably the fan favorite of Soundwave's cassette slaves because he's not an annoying piece of shit, tough talking, wannabe bad ass like Rumble or Frenzy and when Soundwave lets him lose, Ravage gets right on the job of spying and killing people - minus the ego shit of having to tell everyone within earshot how great he is first. Was one of the greatest Transformers characters of all time until Shattered Glass made him into an overly Cute/kawaii white Jaguar that could transform into a Catgirl.|
|Cyclonus||Galvatron's prison bitch. Did pretty much nothing in Animated. Trolls like to piss off his G1 fans by calling him the Easter Bunny. At least he's not one of those G1 hydrofoils with the pedo beard|
|Shockwave||Cyclops asshole who runs the space bridges and is secretly moist for Megatron, much to the eternal dismay of Starscream. One of his arms is either a gun or a giant dildo. Evidence suggests it is the latter. Surprisingly, the counterfeit, Radio Shack version of his toy is highly sought by collectors and can demand big bucks if in box and in mint condition because of its rarity. So blame only yourself if you were an asshole of a kid who smashed this version to punish your mom because she didn't buy you the real thing.|
|Swindle✡||Token Jew of the Decepticons. Would literally sell you his sister for 5 energon cubes and has sold out his teammates when someone offered him the right price. In later incarnations, when they aren't using all the giant Gestalt Combiners, he is played more as a Trans-galactic trader that can get you what you want or has whatever you want for the right price. In G1 he's portrayed as not being much of a team player, as being a part of the Combaticons gets in the way of his quest for more Jew Gold. The only thing that keeps Megatron from blasting his ass into atoms is that he is a part of Bruticus and for his many connections|
|Spike||Token human from G1. Every fan hates him because he got to turn into a Transformer and made out with Bumblebee.|
|Carly||Token woman from G1. Marries Spike in the end, even though when they met he was 14 and working on an oil rig and she was graduating from college. I can buy Spike being into cougars but seriously, do child Labor Laws even exist in cartoons or is it because they're produced in 3rd world countries where the idea of a child having a dangerous job is a hard reality?|
|Sparkplug||Holds the title for being the most different things, as he has been a human, a dog, and a Mini-con. Most remembered for his original role as Spike's father, except that nobody remembers him.|
|Alexis||Token human female from Armada. Hated just as much as Spike, but because she got to make out with Starscream.|
|Kicker||Token human from Energon. Hated more than both Spike and Alexis combined, and he has had a hatred towards Transformers, even his fuckbuddy, Ironhide. Not to mention while making out with his so-called girlfriend, Misha (Or Mika or whatever the fuck her name is) and he looks like an Astronaut that entered MLG in that space suit.|
|Sam||Token human from the first three movies. Hated just as much if not more than Kicker, but he and Mikaela broke up and is now making out with Carly Spencer (Not to be confused with Carly from G1). Not to mention he was annoying as fuck, hence why he was replaced by Cade Yaeger.|
|Sari||Token human from Animated. She is idiotic to the point that she was voiced by the very fucking greedy actress, Tara Strong, who also voiced the fucking primary pony, Twilight Sparkle, from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This could explain why she is annoying as hell.|
|Jack||Primary token emo human from Prime. Is making out with his fuck-buddy Arcee a lot, and by a full extension, fucking disgusting fanfics of him and Arcee are everywhere in the Transformers fandom.|
|Unicron||Giant planet that eats other planets. Looks like a huge pokeball and was voiced by Orson Welles when he was at the bitter end of his career. His action figure is far too big, fragile and expensive for mere children so buy them something else.|
The G1 Autobots
The problem with the G1 Autobots is that they're more reminiscent with the elite of a deposed monarchy then they are with freedom fighters. They more resemble an ousted regime trying to take back their lost social positions than people that would invest a thought towards social issues like freedom because Mirage and Tracks are rich boys fighting for a reason no one can pin down. Wheeljack is the crazy engineer/nerd inventor that is always in his lab. Ratchet is a surgeon while Sideswipe and Sunstreaker are jock frat boys that think themselves better than everyone. On the other hand, the Decepticons are people who clawed their was to the top like Megatron. Bureaucrats like Starscream. Low ranking soldiers like Skywarp or simple cannon fodder like the cassettes. If this show were happening in real life, conspiracy theorists would say it was Autobot propaganda designed to make the Decipticons look bad so they can solicit help in reestablishing their Autobot regime. If the Autobots were all hugs and kisses, then why did they banish the Decepticons to planet Char to live on rations that have only ever been seen in Japanese prison camps during WW2 when they won back Cybertron after the 1980's movie?
Television and Movies
Kiss Players is a Japanese Transformers Manga and toy line wherein the Transformers fuse with human girls when they kiss. Optimus Prime enjoys having his human girl rub his shift stick; it makes him moan. Honestly, Japan? When a girl defuses with a Transformer, she is covered head to toe and dripping with Autobot.
Shit that retarded weeaboos obsess over in hopes that watching Japanese anime will somehow make them Japanese. However, none of them have actually seen the original version as it doesn't come subbed and none of them speak Japanese past the word "kawaii." A favorite among slash fans that actually know it exists, as every character in the entire show is gay.
Transformers Energon is the fucking shitty sequel to Transformers Armada and is leaps and bounds worse. Also, the show shows weeaboo at its finest! Also not to mention this show has one of the worst human characters ever, that being Kicker Jones, especially in his MLG Astronaut suit.
Yet again a sequel to Transformers Energon and the final fucking installment in the Unicron Trilogy, and boy many of the actors in this shit show would eventually become
victims of voice actors of MLP.
Transformers Animated is the latest Transformers cartoon to be forgotten by its legion of former fans, who all moved on to fap over Prime instead. With the use of shitty paper cutouts to depict characters, it proves Cartoon Network is too fucking Jew to hire Korean animators like all the other fascist media outlets. Features a ninja version of Prowl who became an hero in the series finale, causing fans the world over to follow his example.
To begin its list of failures Animated takes place in Detroit of all places. Even Optimus Prime has to keep a gun on him at all times to keep from getting Jacked by a random thief every other day.
The worst thing to come out of this series has to be Sari Sumdac, a half nigger, half robot loli that makes pedophiles with certain types of hearing loss lose their minds because she is unfortunately voiced by their dog whistle voiced goddess, Tara Strong. Best compared to Mina Tepes from Dance In The Vampire Bund in that Sari also has an adult, or rather, older teen form but the pedos at DeviantArt would rather draw rule 34 of her, gets all kinds of raped, in her kid form.
Animated is the most hated by the fans, (Note:Fans of Transformers and not Tara Strong as her fans are idiots and will praise German scat porn if she voiced someone in the dub), because Optimus isn't voiced by the man, the myth, the legend Peter Cullen.
Ha, take that Tara Strong. All those posts about voice actors like Peter Cullen or Patrick Warburton being inferior to you because they only have one voice. Look who's a legend and puts you to shame with only one voice and doesn't have to flash his tits or ass to get attention. Peter Cullen.
Transformers Prime is the newest Transformers. Pretty much everything about the show sucks. They killed off Cliffjumper in the first episode, again in the second episode, and a third time in the third episode, and his wife watched it happen every single time and was then made to show the video tape of Cliffjumper's death to their children in the fourth and fifth episodes which were titled "A Very Special Transformers Prime". Has graphics that look unimpressive even next to the Transfomers Animated. Starscream has legs like Barbie and all the fanshits love him. The only time fanboys and girls admit to watching this incarnation of the Transformers is either because they are into the whole Starscream/Megatron rape thing or because Miko Nakidai is their waifu. Because of the deep and compelling writing of Transformers Prime, so many fans can relate, on a personal level with Miko. Or is it because she's an Azn with a shitload of rule 34? I forget. Miko is basicly the fat, autistic, basement dwelling American's wet dream of a Japper or any Azn for that matter but bonus points for her being Japanese because the before mentioned hold them in the highest regard, probably because they're the whitest looking of all the Azns. Miko runs around in either skimpy or ultra tight clothes because, like most Azns, she thinks they'll show off her failure of a chest and flat, pancake ass. She has no interest in school and only wants to find a white, American boyfriend with a big dick, or at least bigger than the average Jap male, that will be able to plow her ass 24/7 because, according to the Japanese, American men are sexual monsters that never tire and can keep the pumping going even right after they Squirt. On the other hand, Miko's mother wants her to be the cliche Japanese student that does good in school, speaks 3 languages, plays 3 instruments including the violin, so 4 in total, and is capable of building a computer with just a paper clip, a piece of lint and a battery, you know, like all Japanese people are capable of. She is probably the most popular girl in a Transformers series outside of the Kiss Players.
Transformers Robots in Disguise
First time a show took its name from another Transformers show (Which started the trend of weeaboo Transformers in the Western world) that came out in 2001. This 2015 show is a sequel to Prime, and all the TFP characters that appear in this (Especially Bee and Prime) decay, and new bots appear just to replace older ones, i.e. Strongarm instead of Arcee, Sideswipe instead of Smokescreen, Grimlock instead of Bulkhead, etc. Speaking of Grimlock, its no coincidence that both him and the Robots in Disguise 2001 Grimlock were both green, except this one from 2015 series is a dinosaur as opposed to the 2001's backhoe. This show also rips off Power Rangers and uses its formula every single fucking episode!
Transformers Cyberverse is the upcoming Transformers show, and made to "celebrate" the 35th anniversary of Transformers........... Even though the original G1 show came out in 1984! Looking at the art, it appears the animation gets fucking worse every now and then.
Transformers the Film
Not to be confused with Transformers the Movie, which was pretty much the most badass Transformers has ever and will ever be. Featured Shia LeBoof bitching about how he got a free Camaro because the radio's a little wonky and represents every Ebegger because he's always trying to get something for nothing, but nobody noticed his or any other human character because they were all too busy staring at Megan Fox's tits.
Transformers 2: Electric Boogaloo
Transformers ROTFL is the second Transformers action movie directed by Michael Bay, now with even more robots in blackface, über-dork Shia LeBeef, and robot testes, with the added bonus of a Decepticon robot named Alice that can transform from a Realdoll, that makes sammiches and only wants to fuck, into a walking castration machine with lasers. She was created to be the obligatory slut but some fans theorize that her character may be a metaphor or allegory to something. Naturally, this movie is a big hit with thirteen year-old nerds and their fathers.
—a /b/tard after watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
This Micheal Bay fucker doesn't know when to stop. He's made yet another shitty movie but he promised it will be better then the last. It was, but better in the sense that you step in dog shit and before you can change your shoe you step in dog shit again. Maybe it's not as bad as the initial stain, but it's still just more shit.
Called Dark Side of the Moon, this one stars the same whining nigger from before because the USofA decided that banhammering the 30-foot giant robots would stop the fighting of the 35-foot giant robots that previously tried to kill them. While laughing like whitey watching niggers fight over a bucket of KFC, the Decepticons gather a bunch of magic dildo's and use them to create a magic portal to bring their planet over to Earth to have a massive orgy. The Autobots arrive at the end to save the day, and Optimus rips Megatron's head and spine out of his body. It's essentially a fanfic with explosions.
Butthurt ensued from the 13-year old boys since Megan Fox wasn't in this one, but they quickly got over it when they saw the blonde lesbian that replaced her.
Still popular with the Alt Right because of all the trolling it does against Obama pretty much saying that Corporate America has no respect for Obama and Obama can't Hook a Nigga up by getting Sam a good job for Obama and his admin wanting to hand Sam over to the Decepticons and sell out America in the second movie despite Obama calling in favors to get Malia a job with Harvey Weinstein ✡. Alt Right fans of the movie think there might be a hidden message in these scenes.
Transformers 4: Age of Explosions and Exploitation
One is the worst Transformers film so far, this dog shit had grossed $1,091,405,097, despite many, many, MANY negative criticisms.
Fans were excited about the Dinobots being in the trailor and then disappointed when they had to sit for 3 hours of this shitfest to see the Dinobots for 5 minutes.
To make things worst, a sequel is planned to be released in 2017, with that Michael Bay fucker kicked out from directing, and a writer who wrote the 3rd and 4th Batgay movies was hired to provide the script. And even worse: the spin-offs of the movies are planned too. Even scarier: Michael Bay has expressed interest into doing live action versions of Robotech and Evangelion. The giant robot nightmare may never end.
Transformers 5: The Last Blight
The Transformers meet Arthurian Myth.
Transformers number 5 is further proof that Michael Bay has no respect for fans of The Transformers franchise as we are supposed to believe that the Witwickys are long lost descendants of Merlin from the King Arthur legends and without any focus, it has been their job through the ages to keep the secret of the transformers.
It doesn't end there. With close to 8 billion people on this Earth, we are supposed to believe that Marky Mark is the chosen one of legend that is destined to find Excalibur and prophesied to save the Earth only because he was in the last movie.
It only gets dumber from here. Out of the billion-trillion planets in the Milky Way, the reason The Earth is Transformers Central is because it is secretly Unicron and the plot of the whole movie comes down to that the Transformers can either destroy the Earth and Unicron to save Cybertron or choose to save the Earth.
Obviously, Michael Bay has given up in the same way George Lucas gave up with Return Of The Jedi. Screw depth and a plot. All you need to do is give the characters something to chase after for 150 minutes, pad the movie with fancy special effects and you will always make money.
One- and Three-Step-Changers
Hey, quick question. Remember when you were a kid, and you played with your amazing Transformers toys? remember how fun it was to ignore the instructions and just figure out how it worked on your own? Wasn't that fun? Well, it seems kids today are too impatient to spend, like, 30 seconds to transform their toys into badass robots. That's why Hasbro has invented Transformers toys that transform in 1-3 steps! on paper, it sounds like a fine idea, but in reality, IT REMOVES ONE OF THE VERY THINGS THAT MAKES TRANSFORMERS FUN. It's almost as bad as the Action Master Transformers toys, which took away the toys' ability to transform altogether! It really speaks volumes about not only the attention span of children today, but also how stupid toy designers think kids are. In a few years, maybe the damn toys will transform on their own! Just imagine the conversation you would be having with your child/grandchild about your toys you had as a kid:
You: "Well, back in my day, we had to transform our toys with our hands! usually it only took about 30 or so seconds to do it if you knew what you were doin'..."
Kid: "What? You mean you gotta use your hands? That's like a baby's toy! Mine transform with the help of my electro-telekinetic head strap! Yours sound about as fun as playing with a rock!"
You: "Eh, kids today, with their rassa-frassin' electrum-tellikeenatick toys..."
Drama Generation Techniques
- FIRRIB is seriously the stupidest fucking thing to argue about out of the history of things to argue about.
- Ask characters stupid questions about rape and buttsex on Formspring. And here is a nice list of Animated characters to fuck with. Here is a list of Bayformers on Formspring. For extra lulz, ask movie Optimus Prime questions about Bonita. Or you can just sit and watch Unicron troll people who ask him questions.
- The first Transformers TV show was not anime but actually a 22 minute commercial designed to sell toys. Try telling that to the Azns. For even more lulz tell the fanboys that the creators thought they'd be lucky to get 5 years out of it and never expected the Transformers to span generations like a good classic rock band.
- Troll Transformers comic book nerds on the Allspark forum by claiming All Hail Megatron was the best series evar.
- Question whether Unicron, could beat up the Death Star. And then claim the Death Star would win.
- Say that Rodimus Prime was twice the leader that Optimus was.
- Ask how Megatron can create the Constructicons and later be created by them in the original cartoon.
- Bring up the 'trukk not munky' debate.
- Ask Tramp Graphics how gay Transformers make babies and then counter it with the facts, watch as he bitches about how wrong you are.
- Ask if female robots are canon, then accuse anyone who says no of wanting some black cock.
- Ask anyone who calls female robots 'femmes', why the males are not called 'hommes'.
- Call the movie a shitty two hour commercial for General Motors, Burger King, Mountain Dew, Apple, Nokia, the U.S. Airforce, and the HEX-BOX 666. Alternatively, praise the movie and talk about how much you idolize Michael Bay.
- Tell someone who claims they married a fictional character or that they are a fictional character that they live in a delusion.
- Call Cyclonus the Easter Bunny. (G1 or TFA only, faggot, he was a helicopter in the Unicron trilogy!) And just like that, Cyclonus fanfags feel compelled to jump to the defense of their waifu.
- Point out anywhere that, since they were both created by Alpha Trion, Optimus Prime and Elita-One are siblings.
- Criticize the TF Wiki, say the Wikia is better, or inform Jeysie that she does not, in fact, know everything.
- Go into a slash community and say Prowl x Jazz wouldn't work. Back it up with canon for extra lulz.
- Go into a het community and say Inferno was gay for Red Alert. Back it up with moar canon for extra lulz.
- Find any OC and inform the creator that she's a Mary-Sue, and list reasons why-- unless, of course, you're dealing with Toon Queen, in which case tell her that her mommy didn't love her. Offer genuine critique on either for bonus lulz.
- As a last resort, you can always threaten to rape someone at the Gay Robot Convention or kick their ass. Whatever works for you.
Gallery of Transformations
Specially Made Userboxes
Use one of these on your user page if you assign yourself as either faction!
- Pregnant Optimus Prime group. Pretty much embodies the scum of the fandom
- Transformers P0rn
- A walkthrough of some particularly ridiculous moments in Transformer fandom history
- HAY REMEMBER THAT DUDE TURNED INTO A TAPE PLAYER HE RULED.
- Butthurt homophobic against fangirls who write about having SEX with TRANSFORMERS!
- Robo-slash adoring lesbian fangirls who love writing about having SEX with TRANSFORMERS!
- Lulzy fan site on all the batshit rejects from the above mentioned message boards
- TRANSFORMERS IS RUINED FOREVER!
- Someone doesn't understand the deep, meaningful relevance of TF porn.
- Feel free to troll and tell yuor friends...
- The website housing the chatbox below A shitty RP board. Cbox is back. TROLL AWAY.
- Transformers RP cbox Old version of the Cbox with old trolling is still up. Posts here do NOT go to the main box. Look at it for archival purposes only.
Links to all Transformers Cartoons in chronological order
- The movie
- The original cartoon
- The Headmasters animu
- The Super God Masterforce animu
- The Victory animu
- Beast Wars
- Beast Machines
- Robots In Disguise (the 2001 version, not the shitty remake series)
- The shitty Armada series
- The shittier Energon series
- The even shittier Cybertron series
- The animu-esque Animated series
- The Prime series
- Robots In Disguise (the shitty remake series)
Transformers is part of a series on
Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.
|Transformers is part of animated shows, a series on Television|
|Featured article May 10 & 11, 2013|
|Featured article May 10 & 11, 2013|
August 6 & 9 1945
James Alex Fields