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The Nightmare Before Christmas

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Original film poster. Highly valued by collectors and emos everywhere.

The Nightmare Before Christmas is a bulimic, gay pride film for social rejects to fap to, created by necrophiliac, Tim Burton in an attempt to make corpse fuckers feel cool (because srsly, the only people who won't run from them screaming will already be dead). Despite the lack of commercial success, it has a cult following amongst goths and emos, who often spend ridiculous amounts of money on merchandise from the film at their local Hot Topic, sacrificing their weekly allowance as homage to their mopey and ungroomed god, Tim Burton.


Jack Skellington: An incredibly autistic skeleton who is about as tall as a house and as thin as your anorexic little sister. Is deluded into thinking the King of Halloween can deliver severed heads as Christmas presents (maybe secretly for the lulz?). Is stalked by a fat, undead ginger. God help him.

Sally: A creation and property of the town scientist, Jew. Sally is madly in love with Jack so the logical thing she does is stalk him. But to her despair, Jack has no interest in her whatsoever in the entire movie, which is, of course, due to the fact that she is (like most emo girls), downright ugly and quite a fatty.

Dr. Finklestein: A crazy scientist that has an obsession with creating dead women.

Lock, Shock, and Barrel: A trio consisting of two shotas and one loli that kidnap Santa and sing the worst song in the movie.

Oogie Boogie: Wannabe klansman yet also a sentient nigger (indicated by his ape voice, dice addiction, and child prostitution) potato sack. Made of bugs. Has a rape chamber where he preforms unspeakable acts of inhumane torture. According to IdeaWiki he killed Jett Travolta.

Santa Claus: A fat pedophile twat who gets kidnapped by children and used to make pr0n. Incredibly unimportant to the story considering his fap-status to the spawn of white Christians.


Jack Skellington discovers Christmas.

A couple of cringy numbers from the undead, and the scene is set: main character Jack Skellington is tired scaring the shit out of people for the lulz. Going for an emo sobbing session, Jack gets lost in the woods and finds a set of doors leading to holiday-themed worlds. Meanwhile, Jack is stalked by Sally the ragdoll, who wants to bone him. Instead of telling him and risk infecting him with her ginger, she instead hides behind a grave slashing her wrists.

Jack opens a tree-shaped door that leads him to a magical faggoty wonderland, filled with snow and elves. Following yet another musical number, Jack decides to claim Christmas as his own holiday and brings back several Christmas-related items back with him, to show his friends and bring forth his plans to take over some holiday once harbored by Jesus freaks, for Epic Lulz. Some think Jack is really just a massive troll.

During the process of taking over Christmas, Jack hires the help of Lock, Shock, and Barrel, Oogie Boogie's sexslaves. Their mission is to kidnap Santa and stop him from giving presents to 13 year old boys. Taking the fat bastard back to Halloween Town, Jack may carry out his master plan. As it turns out, the kids take Santa to Oogie Boogie's, a rejected Klansman with a gambling problem where he plans to have awkward banjo sex sessions with Santa.

Finally, Jack goes on to play the role of an anorexic, emo Santa by delivering presents to children around the world. Despite the fact that Jack has been the king of Halloween for hundreds of years and has no concrete idea of what could pass as a good present for kids these days, he delivers presents including a severed head and possessed toys which would only be considered decent in Alabama or in Jeffery Dahmer's house. During this time, Sally attempts to save Santa, only to be captured by Oogie and kept as his whore and, more importantly, maintain his kitchen. After numerous alarming calls, the army intervenes and eventually blows the FUCK out of Jack's emo-mobile. This validates that Jack is a failure when it comes to Christmas, ensuring plentiful lulz for all until he starts being emo and sings again.

After he gets off his emo ass, Jack goes back to Halloween Town and saves Santa. He fucks Sally (saying "fuck it" and not feeling concerned of AIDS on account of being only bones) as Santa goes off to give presents to all the good little boys and girls. Everything's fine and once more, the emos and goths of the world are creaming themselves over a ridiculous film.

New Faggotry vs. Old

Last Thursday, Disney decided the coke pile was running low and that the emos and goths could do with new wank material. By new I of course mean release the same old shitty film with wrist-slitting scene music replacing the old tunes. Long-time faggots such as Fall Out Boy, Marilyn Manson, and Panic! at the Disco all whined and shrieked down a microphone for several hours to produce the new sountrack, causing fangirls and fanboys to orgasm and shit their pants while watching the movie. All at the same time.

What do the Old fags of the Fandom Think?

While the scene kids of today want to drug the remake and sleep with it, the goths of yesteryear cry big black tears at the supposed rape of their favorite film. They liked it before it was cool to like it! Except, it was never cool. They're particularly butthurt over the change in music, licking the balls of their second god, Danny Elfman. Then again, it's Fall Out Boy. Who could blame them?

The emos remain in the middleground being pussies.

Is it Worth it?



One of the biggest faggotry fansites for the fandom is Pumpkin Patch a site dedicated to giving blowjobs to Burton and all his characters. Sign up to the site and you immediately have full access to all the forum, fanart, and Burton fags. Also, if you do join up, you have to check this box:

I feel mature enough to join this community (no spamming, no flaming, etc.)


—Yes, I do. Honest.

Show them your maturity today.



See Also

The Nightmare Before Christmas is part of a series on
[Grow up and quit whiningEmbrace your inner darkness]


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