The Chanology Experiments
The Chanology Experiments encompass a series of experiments involving Scientology and the Internet Haet Machine, Internet Love Machine (the Hugbox), and four machines invented over the course of the experiments -- the Internet Change Machine (a.k.a. World Wide Justice Device or Why We Protest Device), Internet Liek Machine, Internet Hurr Machine, and the Lulz Haet Construct -- and dramatically advanced the field of Theoretical Lulz. Among other discoveries, these experiments ultimately resulted in the isolation of a fifth force of the Internet: the Hivemind, colloquially termed Zalgo.
Scientology Meets Haet Machine
In January 2008, Anonymous lulzologists detected massive amounts of fail emanating from Scientology. A video of Tom Cruise raving batshit-crazy about the benefits of Scientology had leaked out onto YouTube, whereupon those Jews removed the video due to a copyright claim by the Church of Scientology, International. Research fellows at the 711chan /i/nstitute decided that Anonymous should study Scientology's capacity to generate Lulz. The result of the initial experiment involving the Internet Haet Machine, conducted by the Partyvan /i/nstitute, was Project Chanology, widely regarded as an Epic Win.
Scientology was closed due to Thetans. Tom Cruise's website no werked. The Dianetics Hotline was pranked 24/7. They claimed that Anonymous was a haet group composed of cyber-terrorists. The results of the initial experiments are as follows:
- Fax Machines --> Black Faxes
Regime Sets 711chan Up The Bomb
A spai from the hacker group called the Regime had managed to sap the sentries at the 711chan /i/nstitute and set up them the bomb, destroying their lab and prompting 711chan to end all further research into Scientology.
Internet Change Machine
Meanwhile, independent researchers at Marblecake Labs, having managed to acquire the blueprints of both the Internet Haet Machine and the Internet Love Machine a.k.a. the Hugbox, constructed both machines in their sekrit treefort clubhouse. They inserted the Internet Haet Machine into the Internet Love Machine, surmizing that the Hugbox could convert LOLs into a force that could Change the World, a.k.a. World-Change. The experiment produced the Internet Change Machine, a.k.a. the World Wide Justice Device (WWJD) or Why We Protest Device (WWPD). Researchers have since found that World-Change is in fact a complex LOLicule composed of one part Anti-Lulz and one part Retard.
- IHM -> Hugbox -> Internet Change Machine
Message to Scientology
They then inserted the Re: Anonymous on Fox 11 video into the Internet Change Machine, producing the Message to Scientology video, a veritable shot heard 'round the world.
Wise Beard Man
Just then, a NORP known as Mark Bunker admonished the Anonymous researchers on the illegality of conducting Internet Haet Machine experiments on Scientology. He complained that the Message to Scientology was too scary, and proposed that the Anonymous researchers should pursue the study of World-Change instead, so as to better combat Scientology.
Marblecake heard the advice of Bunker, and thinking quickly, inserted Bunker into their WWJD, turning him into Wise Beard Man, the spokesman for Anonymous' use of Gandhi Tech and IRL Protests against Scientology.
- Mark Bunker -> ICM -> Wise Beard Man
- DDoS -> ICM -> Gandhi Tech
- Online Raids -> ICM -> IRL Protests
Call to Action
Marblecake then conducted an experiment that turned the Message to Scientology video into a Call to Action, kicking off the highly controversial second phase of a series of experiments that have since been dubbed The Chanology Experiments.
- Message to Scientology -> ICM -> Call to Action
- DDoS -> ICM -> Oh fuck the Internet is here!
- Raid -> ICM -> IRL Protest
Researchers at the Partyvan /i/nstitute, on the other hand, regarded these experiments as abominations. Witnessing the massive amounts of Anti-Lulz produced as a byproduct of the Chanology Experiments, Partyvan decided to halt all further work related to Scientology, leaving Marblecake and other less experienced independent researchers to carry on the work. So Marblecake did, announcing their next experiment to occur on March 15, called Operation: Party Hard.
Lawl of Newfag Attraction
The epic wins of the past two months had attracted massive amounts of a super dense particle composed of Anti-Lulz and Retard called Newfag to both the Partyvan /i/nstitute and Marblecake Labs. Researchers have since dubbed this effect the Lawl of Newfag Attraction, also known colloquially as the Eternal September Effect.
The Newfag particles that had strayed into Partyvan /i/nstitute experiments involving the Internet Haet Machine were transformed into Haetfag particles, gravitating towards /i/nstitutes at 420chan and 711chan.
- Newfag -> IHM -> Haetfag
Meanwhile, the stray Newfags that were attracted to the Marblecake Labs experiments involving the Internet Change Machine a.k.a WWJD were transformed into Protestfag particles, and condensed into a super-dense body of Protestfag known as the Enturbulation Org, which to Marblecake's dismay, became a research group independent of Marblecake devoted to changing the world via Activism Against the Scientology Organization.
- Newfag -> ICM -> Protestfag
Field agents of Enturbulation Org interecepted intel from the Scilons blowing Anonymous' cover as a landing party of the Marcab Fourth or Fifth Invader Fleet, and further exposing the Psychiatrists' funding of the Chanology Experiments, who were in turn mind-controlled by the Marcabians and their Illuminati operatives. Enturbulation Org attempted damage control by inserting the recovered intel into the Internet Change Machine, creating a new meme among Scientology researchers.
- Anonymous -> ICM -> Marcab Confederacy
- Longcat -> ICM -> Longcat Death Star
Internet Liek Machine
Meanwhile, /b/tard scientists had built an Internet Haet Machine at CoS Relent. Hearing WBM's message, the CoS Relent leaderfag closed the doors and joined forces with Marblecake Labs and Enturbulation Org, who proposed to insert the left-over Haet Machine through the Internet Change Machine, mistakenly thinking they could turn the /b/tards into healthy, contributing members of the Anti-Scientology Organization. In reality, this experiment produced an Internet Liek Machine, which under ordinary circumstances turns LOLs into Mudkips-Liek, a complex LOLicule composed of one part Lulz and two parts Retard.
- IHM -> ICM -> ILM
Enturbulation Org set aside a lab called the Thunderdome in their /b/asement, to dump otherwise failed experiments for the /b/tard researchers to improve upon. Here they placed the Internet Liek Machine, first among many failed experiments. However, the TD researchers for their part had discovered a new, interesting, and virtually limitless source of potential lulzcows in the form of newfags, moralfags, and egofags, and in time, leaderfags of the Marblecake and Enturbulation research teams -- if only they could discover the workings of this strange new Internet Liek Machine.
Operation: Party Hard
On the Ides of March, Marblecake and the Enturbulation Organization carried out their second IRL Protest experiment, yielding only about two-thirds of the World-Change that the February 10th experiment had produced. Without the Partyvan /i/nstitute's Haet Machine producing fresh lulz, the Internet Change Machine had begun to run out of fuel to convert into World-Change.
- 10th of February -> IHM -> Party Hard
The Reconnect Debacle
Meanwhile, Scientology had begun labeling the Anonymous researchers as a "Haet group". The Marblecake researchers proposed the use of the Hugbox on future Scientology experiments in order to produce love. Not only were these experiments regarded as an astronomical Epic Fail, but their catastrophic results nearly led to the end of all scientific research into Scientology lulz. Of note, massive amounts of Protestfag particles were transformed into pure Moralfags.
- IRL Protests -> Hugbox -> Operation Reconnect
- Protestfag -> Hugbox -> Moralfag
- Old Guard -> Hugbox -> Magoo
- Anonymous -> Hugbox -> Anonymoose
BAWWW Theory: Moralfag vs. Haetfag
Here, Thunderdome researchers made startling observations. Just as Epic Fail can spontaneously transform into Epic Win through an as yet unexplained phenomenon, Epic Win can also transform into Epic Fail via its rapid decay into potential Anti-Lulz, in part due to the aforementioned Lawl of Newfag Attraction.
In addition, when Moralfag and Haetfag particles come into contact with one another, they react and transform into a form of Anti-Lulz and Retard known as BAWWW. The reaction of Moralfag and Haetfag particles due to Operation Reconnect caused Anonymous to divide by zero, collapsing into a black hole of Anti-Lulz and an explosion of faggotry rivaling that of /b/-day, swallowing many brave /b/tards scientists into the drama void and shooting many more out into the vast reaches of the Internets and IRL, never to be seen again. This phenomenon would become the basis of the Lulz Haet Construct.
420chan Divides By Zero
In the midst of this reaction, haetfags of the 420chan /i/nstitute proposed to send the Enturbulation Organization through their Haet Machine. One researcher at the Partyvan /i/nstitute saw the faggotry of their plan and caused the 420chan /i/nstitute to be sucked into the Partyvan /i/nstitute's Internet Haet Machine, causing 420chan to briefly divide by zero, interrupting their plans to experiment upon the Enturbulation Organization for a time.
Decentralization and the Epic Fail Guys
However, members of Enturbulation saw the need to safeguard their work in case further Internet Haet Machine experiments on Enturbulation were to occur. A call went out to decentralize the Chanology Experiments to every city that was participating. Each city would construct its own Internet Change Machine and provide its own means for conducting research into changing the world, independent of Enturbulation Org. The Epic Fail Guys were born.
Marblecake Labs, still operating unbeknownst to Enturbulation Org, were attempting to manipulate Enturbulation into accepting their plan for the next monthly experiment, dubbed Operation Psychout. However, researchers who held dual fellowships in Marblecake and Partyvan, observing the Anti-Lulz produced by Reconnect and the further Anti-Lulz being proposed, set about trying to interrupt their experiments and succeeded in sending an extreme moralfag and leaderfag of Marblecake, darr, through the Partyvan /i/nstitute's Internet Haet Machine. The manipulation of Enturbulation by the Marblecake research team had been exposed as well, nearly leading to the dissolution of Marblecake Labs.
- Darr -> IHM -> Leadarr
Operation Battletoad Earth: Fair Game Stop
Due to the effects of decentralization, as well as the fallout from what has since been dubbed Darrgate, the next few experiments were underwhelming to say the least, as the researchers could not even agree upon the names of their experiments, much less how they were to be conducted. Should the experiments be conducted using the Internet Change Machine, the Hugbox, or both? Should the experiments produce lulz or world-change, or a mixture of the two? The May experiment reflects this discord among the researchers. Some chose Lulz, some chose Change the World, and most were left wondering what the fuck just happened.
Oh Fuck the Internet is Here -> ICM --V Reconnect -> Hugbox ------------------V Operation Battletoad Earth: Fair Game Stop
At the Enturbulation Organization, the vast amount of Anti-Lulz and Retard had finally collapsed into a drama singularity when it was discovered that LE, the leaderfag of Enturbulation, had dipped into the donations pot to buy himself some Ramen. A moderator named Tuesday, upon confronting LE about this, was told to STFU. She responded by disclosing the details of the controversy to the public, sparking an epic shitstorm that nearly ended the Enturbulation Org's research due to LE's butthurt. This incident has since been dubbed Ramengate.
Lulz Haet Construct
Independent researchers in the Thunderdome had begun work on a controversial new variation of the Internet Haet Machine known as the Lulz Haet Construct under the deft guidance of a Marcabian (not to be confused with Marblecake Labs) double-agent. Having observed the collision of Moralfag and Haetfag particles during the fallout of the Reconnect incident, they sought to harness this strange new energy, noting that the caustic effects of the collision of Moralfag and Haetfag particles could be utilized as chemo against the cancer that was thriving all throughout the various Anonymous research /i/nstitutes.
Theory of Epic Fail
Here an interesting property of the Internet Liek Machine was found: the ability of Liek to convert normal boring Fail (Anti-Lulz) into Epic Fail (by adding two parts Retard and one part Fail), which can then be converted into Win or Epic Win by an Internet Haet Machine.
- Fail -> ILM -> Epic Fail
- Epic Fail -> IHM -> Epic Win
First Thunderdome War
Seeing the Dome's work as a threat to their plans for changing the world, Enturb attempted to quash the LHC research and put an end to the Thunderdome in early June. The development of this LHC would depend on first correcting the severe imbalance of Anti-Lulz produced by Enturbulation Org's research. /td/iot researchers immediately began producing such epic amounts of Retard that not even the Enturbulation Org could stop the massive flood of piss and jenkem, even after detaining one Dome researcher, the very same Marcabian double agent. The Enturbulation Organization relented, and the Thunderdome celebrated their first great victory among many.
- Enturbulation -> Internet Liek Machine -> Ocean of Piss
Operation Sea Arrrgh
Marblecake Labs, still operating in relative secrecy, forged ahead with their next experiment for Enturbulation Org, Operation Sea Arrrgh, intent on producing equal parts Lulz and World-Change. Many regarded this experiment as a decent success, although it only produced a fraction of World-Change produced by the February 10th Operation.
- Oh Fuck the Internet is Here -> ICM -> Operation: Sea Arrrgh
Thunderdome's next experiment presented itself in a fat Attention Whore called "Nameless." Researchers first identified her as the cancer that was killing Kansas Chanology, and proceeded to attempt to isolate the properties of Moralfag and Egofag. Researchers found that when sent through the Internet Liek Machine, the Moralfag part of her would transform into BAWWW mode, further fueled by the Egofag, causing several Newfags to transform into Moralfag and white knight in her defense.
Lawl of Newfag Coherence
This phenomenon, named the Lawl of Newfag Coherence, caused Thunderdome researchers to consider the experiment a danger to the integrity of the Dome.
- Nameless (surrounded by Newfags) -> ILM -> Bawwwing Camwhore (surrounded by White Knights)
Shoe on Vagoo
Working independently, researchers at the Partyvan /i/nstitute inserted Nameless into the Haet Machine, obtaining her full dox, several tit pics, and a shoe on her roast-beef-textured meat curtains. However, even after milking her dry of Lulz and dropping her cell phone number in a thread - causing the Enturbulation Org to step in and closed the Thunderdome for a day - Nameless still maintained structural integrity as an intense Attention Whore.
- Bawwwing Nameless -> ILM -> Shoe on Vagoo
Thunderdome researchers finally realized the only way to disperse such a concentrated form of attention whore was to starve it. So they did, and she eventually dispersed into the nether regions of the internets. Domers ultimately regarded the experiment as successful in advancing their understanding of the Internet Liek Machine. They had also tested the limits of the Dome, and realized the temporary closure of the Thunderdome was a harbinger of things to come.
Soon thereafter, an Attention Whore named Magoo would again test the Dome's limits. A former OSA troll herself, she strode quite non-chalantly into the Thunderdome, thinking herself more than a match for any of the Thunderdome's denizens. As she began taunting the researchers, they handled her with kid gloves at first, the previous closure over Nameless still fresh in their memories. Yet Magoo only became more and more emboldened in her taunting, until finally one researcher took the gloves off and kept it real. The rest of the trolls, smelling the blood in the water, proceeded to raep Magoo with full force, demonstrating that under extreme conditions, the Internet Liek Machine would function similarly to the Internet Haet Machine, albeit producing Retard at a two-to-one ratio to Lulz.
- Magoo -> ILM -> Kill Shot
Tommy Gorman Tommy Gorman
Broken down and crying, Magoo ran to her BFF Tommy Gorman Tommy Gorman and accused one prominent researcher, Megaphonebitch, of threatening Magoo with raep, while accusing the rest of the Dome researchers of being OSA operatives using Black Dianetics against Magoo. Predictably enough, Tommy Gorman Tommy Gorman white knighting to Magoo's defense, confronted Megaphonebitch IRL at the next monthly protest and threatened to push his shit in, all over a false accusation. Thus Tommy Gorman Tommy Gorman became the first and only member of Enturb ever to troll Megaphonebitch successfully. In honor of his victory, the Dome sent him through the Internet
Ling Liek Machine, turning him into the Heavy Weight Champion of the Thunderdome. Don't forget to click his ling.
- Tommy Gorman Tommy Gorman -> ILM -> Thunderdome Champion
Second Thunderdome War
Meanwhile, the leaderfags of Enturb saw the Magoogate Experiment as again threating their plans to Change the World. On June 21, 2008, LE, tamphex, and Stu made a unilaterally unanimous decision on behalf of the Enturbulation researchers to close the Dome, claiming it had contracted terminal cancer. The Dome's closure sparked a shitstorm the likes of which had not been witnessed since April.
Being a Caturday, Domers were still sleeping off their drunkon from the night before. Upon waking and finding themselves kicked out of the /b/asement, they proceeded to bawww at LE, who told them to STFU and set up a new research facility off-site. While some researchers continued to point out how much of a fuckwad LE was, that his move was going to spark another /b/-day like incident, two opportunistic researchers named Anonymousguyfawkes and Raziel proceeded to set up a new temporary treefort.
The Domers soon gathered here, and developed their /b/attle plan to force Enturb to restore the Dome. Here it was revealed that Marblecake was still sekritly controlling the Chanology research. This drama bomb provided the motivation to develop a two pronged battle plan.
- Shitflood Enturb
- Expose Marblecake
TakeAnonMe, research fellow at Enturb, had become fed up with LE's bullshit. He handed his admin password to the Domers, who proceeded to make the contents of the invisible Mod forum public amidst general trollery and shitflooding. They fired up the Internet Liek Machine and began to spew its ocean of piss and jenkem upstairs, which no mod was able to contain. This combined with the epic trolling of LE ultimately resulted in the Enturbulation staff relenting once again, preserving the future of the Thunderdome's research. The Second Thunderdome War had been won, marking the peak of the Thunderdome's activity.
- Enturbulation -> Internet Liek Machine -> Ocean of Piss
In the ensuing aftermath of the Second Thunderdome War, several Thunderdome researchers saw the need to set up backup treeforts in case their clubhouse in the Enturb basement was even threatened with closure again. One of these was Scientology Exposed a.k.a SEx. Just as the massive amounts of protestfag had coalesced into a memetic gravitational mass known as Enturbulation.org, the tons upon tons of Retard and Anti-Lulz produced by the experiments of Enturbulation Org and Thunderdome had finally formed into a new memetic gravity body in Scientology Exposed. Hoping to yield results similar to the early initial Scientology experiments, but sorely lacking the technical know-how, they built a sorry replica of the Internet Liek Machine and inserted it into the Internet Haet Machine, producing the Internet Hurr Machine, which turns everything into Hurr-Durr, a toxic form of Retard that causes everything it touches to decay into Retard. In its lifespan, the Internet Hurr Machine produced nothing of value whatsoever.
- Internet Liek Machine -> Internet Haet Mchine -> Internet Hurr Machine
Operation: Spy vs Sci
Their hidden hand exposed, and their membership decimated, Marblecake conducted their last two experiments in World Change in July. The first of these, Operation Spy vs Sci proceeded in a similar vein as Operation: Sea Arrrgh, but with the surplus of lulz from the early experiments all but depleted, it yielded negligible amounts of World Change. It was clear that drastic measures were needed if Chanology were to continue.
- Oh Fuck the Internet is Here -> ICM -> Operation: Spy vs Sci
Over 9000 Anon March
In the final blowout of Phase 2, Anon researchers gathered at Federal capitols around the world, most notably Washington, London, and Sydney, to run an experiment in massively multiplayer IRL trolling. In Washington, about 400 Anons gathered at the steps of the Lincoln Memorial on the hottest fucking day of the year, so instead of partying hard everyone sat in the shade and drank their coolaid.
- Oh Fuck the Internet is Here -> ICM -> Over 9000 Anon March
Some protestfags began waxing philosophical about how much Chanology meant to them. One Thunderdome researcher in attendance resorted to the usual methodology: spamming "NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER" IRL. This is what happens when Cyberspace bleeds into reality: Meatspace.
- Over 9000 Anon March -> ICM -> NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER
711chan Backraid Attempt
The 711chan /i/nstitute decided that it was high time to put an end to Enturbulation.org's World-Change experiments on Scientology. Much like the 420chan backraid three months prior, it failed miserably, as those attempting to organize it proved exceedingly easy to troll. Presented with the claim that even if Enturbulation were destroyed, the dozens of decentralized Chanology /i/nstitutes would continue on spreading Anti-Lulz, the sc/i/entists could not agree whether Enturbulation should be destroyed, or whether they should assist Thunderdome researchers in /b/lackops raids against Scientology in order to make those Moralfags bawww and return Chanology to its lulzy roots. Ultimately the thread was locked by moderators, and no action was taken. The first test-firing of the Lulz Haet Construct had been a modest success.
The unrelenting drama and attrition of the past six months had ultimately worn the Chanology research groups down to a state of perpetual Anti-Lulz. A fresh supply of Lulz was needed if Chanology were to continue for another six months. In a rare instance of cooperation among Enturbulation, Marblecake, and the Thunderdome, the three groups headed a public, collaborative message video project that would take Anonymous contributions. Their work resulted in Reclamation : Phase Three, a call for Chanologists who had left to come back and return Chanology to its lulzy roots, as well as a DDoS raid that drove Scientology to place all of the websites that hadn't been hit in January behind Prolexic's $8,000 per domain DDoS protection. Phase Three would be marked by attempts to disperse the overwhelming amount of Anti-Lulz or convert it into Lulz, as well as many varied backraid attempts.
Unbeknownst to the researchers, the use of Internet Change, Haet, and Liek Machines, as well as the recent test-firing of the Lulz Haet Construct all at once would awaken a monster that would threaten to unravel the very fabric of the Intertubes. His name is Zalgo. He who -- oh shi-
In the Reclamation video, it was announced that Phase Three would launch on August 8th, 2008, sparking a new meme in which users would type or shoop "888" in threads all throughout the regular Enturbulation forums. Capitalizing on this burst of creative chaos, 888chan was conceived and launched as an effort to bring the lulz back to the Chanology experiments, bring them to a successful conclusion, and provide a base of support for other combined online and IRL Anonymous experiments in the same venue (an imageboard that allows Anonymous posting) that originally gave rise to Anonymous and Project Chanology.
On September 8th, 2008, protestfags BAWWW'ed and RAAAGE'd to find that Oliver Schaper had issued DMCA claims against over 9000 Anti-Scientology YouTube videos. Their response was swift and decisive, as they uncovered his ownership of, among other things, Peephole TV, a website that distributes gay porno to anyone stupid enough to pay for porn. In the first ever example of combined arms trolling, /i/nstitute Anons proceeded to BWRaep his websites (a shared hosting plan, really?), as the EFGs on the ground stormed the offices of one of his companies in Tustin, CA.
- Oliver Schaper -> IHM -> Peephole TV
Enturbulation Org becomes WhyWeProtest Forum
On the morning of November 29th, 2008, members of Enturbulation Org awoke to find the doors of their research facility closed, and the interior emptied of it's scientific equipment. Under the cover of darkness, LE had stolen the Internet Change Machine along with the PayPal donations, and bought a ticket to LExico so he could buy ramen, hookers and blow (in exactly that order). Soon thereafter Marblecake moved in to take total control of the Chanology experiments, launching a new WhyWeProtest Forum based on the Enturbulation Org database, and building a new Internet Change Machine based on schematics on hand. Sadly, many of the researchers who once brought life to Enturbulation Org have moved on or simply don't give a shit about Chanology anymore. This has led to WhyWeProtest turning into a hive of faggotry and pointless OCMB moonbattery.
To date, The Chanology Experiments rank among the lulziest events in Internet history, in a league with /b/-day and Anonymous on Fox 11. However, to this day *chan communities continue to feel the aftershocks of the earth-shattering drama experienced during those first pivotal months. Researches who wish to apply the findings of these experiments must proceed carefully, or else risk awakening the chaotic influence of Zalgo once again.
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