Taking Down ED
It's 10pm, in between watching reruns of MLP, you decide to see if someone has been criticising your art. Scanning your name on Google, you start losing interest when suddenly, you see there is a link to Encyclopedia Dramatica on page 14. Following the link you are shocked to see that someone has not only claimed that your totally original characters are simply recolours and tracings, they have said that what original content you have actually made is nothing more than the fingerpaintings of a 13-year-old, WHEN YOU HAVE CLEARLY SAID MANY TIMES YOU ARE 18. In a fit of rage, you spit the doritos from your mouth and sweep the empty Mountain Dew cans from your desk, logging into your DeviantArt account, you quickly message your twelve followers, and together you make a devious plan for revenge. An hour later, after successfully blanking the article and vandalising several admins user pages, you and your friends say goodnight after a lengthy round of patting each other on the back. Satisfied and proud of your actions in defeating those vile EDiots, you go into a deep sleep. In the morning you catch a bus to your minimum wage job, still bemusing yourself over last nights antics, only to find to your dismay, that you have been fired after an anonymous email was sent to your boss containing the detailed rape fantasy you wrote about her. Struggling to keep back the tears, you ride the bus back home while pondering over how the EDiots found it, after all, you made sure to post it under the name SparklefoxYifflover37, instead of your normal name SparklefoxYifflover73. Upon getting home, you see a mysterious folded piece of paper lying on your doorstep, scanning the area cautiously, you reach down and pick it up, slowly opening it to read the haunting words;
There are two choices from here on out. You could say "lol Internet", or you could do something much funnier. This article covers that second choice.
Taking down ED, as you might expect, is something that is quite easy to do. By the time you're done reading this article, hopefully you'll have a better feel for the many ways to do this. It would appear that the majority of these attempts originate on YouTube. This is likely because vloggers are scum. Their fans keep telling them how great everything they do is, and as a result they have a bad case of runaway self-esteem.
We'll start with a rundown of past success stories.
If you're lucky, you'll become a musical piece of ED history.
Raped as a child, CircaRigel would forever have something to prove. One day she caught ED calling her friend Irish282 a pedophile just because he was trying to help out children. Naturally, she made it her duty to /whois ED and post some completely inaccurate dox.
—Mike Sandy, oblivious to the existence of fucking
More than ever, the Internet makes it easy to become a Video Star from the comfort of your Canadian public housing, and there's no better proof than Rootbrian himself. Unfortunately, Brian didn't appreciate the fame we brought to him, so he put together a vlogging crusade to bring down ED (Pronounced by Rootbrian sometimes like Ed, the Man's name, and other times with a long 'E' sound, like 'Eeeed'), which is still active to this day.
- Rootbrian got his Mom on video
- Rootbrian tried telling people not to donate to ED (Which got a lot more people donating).
Armed with L337 hacking skills, psychic powers so powerful that they could barely be contained within a giant fucking lump on her fivehead, lactating man-dog-tits large enough to feed all of Haiti, and a sturdy pair of orthopedic shoes, VampiricSpektor poses a triple-threat to ED's continued existence on the interwebs.
—blanking this page., after
Those wishing to emulate VS must remember to make videos calling ED illegal while trying your very hardest to get someone to bomb their server... and you'll probably need a sturdy pair of orthopedic shoes.
(To anyone left confused about VampiricSpektor's gender by those two paragraphs, take note: its genitals are buried so deep beneath the fatty membrane surrounding its body that its gender is knowable to nobody, save a mortician.)
One day, after returning from a walkabout in the bush, Steve Hodder-Watt, a Waboriginal native of Australia, bumbled across the ED article about Aborigines. Without realizing that ED has an article on just about every race there is out there (new articles are created as new races are discovered), Steve immediately jumped to the conclusion that ED is a racist site. He then asked his lawyer to put the squeeze on Google, to have ED removed from the Internet.
Naturally, this gave him assloads of media attention.
Ava, a noted E-lawyer and tranny, immediately became butthurt after seeing "her" article back in 2007 and sent in a DMCA. This was promptly lol'ed at and the article remained on ED. Then, in 2008, Ava emailed the ED mailing list with this nugget of lulz.
Some time Last Thursday, dreary EDiots awoke from their slumber, checking to see if Encyclopedia Dramatica had come back up from maintenance. Instead of finding the "Hang in There" page with that ugly monkey cunt, they instead found a redirect to a site called, "Oh Internet." Confused, these EDiots went to their favorite forums and asked, "WHERES MY ED???" Slowly, the truth emerged from the clouded haze of confusion. Girlvinyl in a surge of money hungry rage deleted Encyclopedia Dramatica and replaced it with a hilarious website attempting to catalogue memes. Suffice it to say, it got so few page views compared to ED, that it closed in October 2013, while Encyclopedia Dramatica keeps going strong.
After spending years on Facebook being an annoying attention whore and being a horrible failure of a mother, Jolene managed to catch the eye of Facebook trolls who called her on her bullshit. After being informed that she had become Internet famous on Encyclopedia Dramatica, she concocted the perfect plan of faking her death on Facebook in order to guilt the trolls into removing her from ED.
The Martin Twins & MeganLeeHeart
—According to her hubby, adding minor update of their drama to their article is harassment and they're still wishing we gone down sooner.
Also known as the modern day Internet equivalent of Bonnie & Clyde: Partners in Crime. These two (or three, if their mentally unstable twin counted in) are the biggest scumbags the world and the Internet have ever known. Starting out cheating and stealing since the Summer of 2008, and compulsive lying and death threats upon earning YouTube Partnership since 2010, they have made themselves out to be the most notorious couple. Since discovering their articles, they've been obsessed with taking down ED so they can get rid of all the evidence of their crimes. They have tried everything from sending their brainwashed white knights to vandalize their pages with vanity edits to threatening lawlsuits to get their pages taken down, resulting in failure and their page gaining even more notability. Now deliberately hoping that ED will be gone by Christmas of 2013 due to lack of funding so all traces of their online crimes will be forgotten. Currently,
they're moving their hiding spot from YouTube to Facebook in hopes of getting under the ED radar to spread their crime and sending out repetitive death threats in private to anyone who dares to try and expose them. This is eventually short-lived as they repeat their crimes on Facebook like they did on YouTube and then play the victim card by claiming to be false DMCAed. Brian Martin is using his new channel to submit shitty Minecraft videos while using illegal bots to raise his views and subscribers for easy money. Later he and his new partner in crime Marko Princip lost a lawsuit of $20 FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS against Brandon Keating and David "Ty" Moss for fraud and damages over YouTube channel videogames
After seeing his Encyclopedia Dramatica page and blaming everyone he knew for making it, meta-fatass decided to send his white knights to vandalize the page, this resulted in having his dox and daughter's school published, after that he decided to hire an Internet lawyer and sue us, this was the message sent to ED by his lawyer:
Name: Lcdo. Jose R Cordero Phone: 7874233511 Email: [email protected] :Company: https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Asalieri, https://encyclopediadramatica.rs Comments: Hi , My Name is Jose Ramon Cordero, and I am a lawyer in Puerto Rico. You are hosting a page (i trust you have no knowledge of this), which is breaking a lot of laws, defamation, child abuse, and is also using images without consent for Ad-revenue, I please ask this page be shut down to avoid further complications. Images of myself are there as well, without my permission, he is also using false information. I have discovered his true identity by my own means. Please solve this ASAP as me and my client are getting pretty bothered with it thank you very, very much!!!
Later we realized said lawyer is a mexican youtube rapper and could no longer give a fuck.
It's science time folks! What do you get when you mix the autism of Chris-Chan, the sociopath of half Nate Spidgewood and half Brian Martin, the gayness, and the unwarranted self-importance? You get---whoops! Mixed with Taking Down Encyclopedia Dramatica by accident gives you the results of Donald Carlos Seoane also known as Donny Long the Self-Claimed Gay Porn God. Ever since his ED page is made he created numerous ED sockpuppets to take his page down along with taking down other pages and spam it with a tl;dr hateboner grudge speech against people like Eddie Dzial nobody gave two shits about. Unfortunately his PTSD is triggered to the max that he won't stop creating sockpuppets until his page and the entire Encyclopedia Dramatica website is taken off the web for good.
Hacked into the forum because Zaiger set the forum password to "niggers1" and released a list of EDF users email addresses under the pseudonym "P.F." He then sent this information to Daniel Brandt before being doxed himself.
—Onideus, —now wait a minute... he has friends?
After becoming a Disgraced ED SysOp for threatening to call the cops on another user for trolling him, he threatens to use a RDDoS attack to bring ED to its knees. Clearly he's not upset about losing his mighty banhammer of Thor. After that his article (which he joined the site to protect) was expanded and he spent the next month making various threats on facebook (complain to host to have us shut down, sue us, call the cops etc) but never did anything. Eventually paid Zaiger to let him back on the site and spent several years doing our dirty work for us before being kicked out alongside Zaiger.
Took over the site after Sharrod. No one knows why or how. Filled it with virus spam ads and e-begging links and used the money to support his drug addiction instead of getting a job. Was forced out and is now homeless. As a last ditch effort to get his cash cow back, tricked some guy into making him a mirror of ED (he couldn't do it himself) and tried to blank the forum in hopes people would move to his new ED, out of loyalty to him.
No one did.
Start as a user and be useful until you get promoted to EDitor. Once that happens you'll need to give the bureaucrats lots of blowjobs until they make you an admin out of pity. When the opportunity presents itself, overthrow the current regime and take control of Encyclopedia Dramatica! Nobody would suspect a thing and you can finally delete your article.
Delete Fucking Everything
Write an angry blog! This is usually used in conjunction with one of the others below. Click here and here to see how people so ridiculously butthurt will pretend as if they are absolutely not bothered. Note, also, how they claim victory where there is only utter fail. This is a typical method of trying to cover up an initial BAWWWWW reaction or a failed attempt at humoring the "Don't Feed the Trolls" myth.
Threaten a lawlsuit
A favorite of many; - make bogus legal threats. If you like, you can actually bother seeing a lawyer so he can laugh you out of his office.
Beg troll groups
The founding fathers guaranteed your right to petition. While it doesn't say anything about the government listening to your petition, you are always free to make Internet petitions on sketchy websites. You might be able to get 10 signatures before some memefags come flood your shit. A common response to this is :D my petition is getting many signatures!. Make no mistake, Internet petitions have never done anything. Ever.
UPDATE 1/3/2012: For something that was posted on September 2nd, 2009, this shitty petition only has
470 471 513 signatures, most of which are fake, lulzy, or from butthurt people with an ED page on them. This goes to show that this is totally something of utmost importance
|This page has been repossessed, please return it to the king immediately|
|Encyclopedia Dramatica can re-purchase Mine for $16 via this website|
The proper way to destroy ED articles.
Be just like Neo! The powers of DDOS, virus-programming, database hacking and more are right there at your fingertips! They teach this stuff in High School! Really!
Chances are, if you want an article eradicated from ED, you still live with your parents! Why yes, nobody else in this world knows more about clothing, housing, feeding and protecting you like your good 'ol Maw and Paw! They'll show those mean 'ol EDiots what for!
Tell your FBI friend
Everyone has a friend who totally works for the FBI. Why not try to use him like a regular fat chick? I mean, the FBI isn't working on anything better. It's your tax dollars, your net personality is entitled to protection.
Tell Google to remove them from the Internet!
Leave messages on Joseph Evers' voicemail
Please do this. Everytime you yell, part of the HD gets erased.
Start a war between the sysops, they'll start taking down pages left and right. Then when they realize that you're the faggot who started all the shit, they'll make up and go after you. Risky method, best tried if you have body guards that are ninja or fucking badass.
Some people are simply stupid. Some are ignorant of the law. However, if your preferred path is crazy, you can try DivineAngel's method of hexing us. After she hexed us, 2008 was slightly less lulzy. So, for lack of evidence, hexing is the most successful method yet. CWC's "Curse-ye-ha-me-ha" was not as successful. Unless you count the hundreds of people who hurt themselves laughing.
If you don't believe in all that dirty voodoo magic you could try cursing us, which is of course totally kosher in God's eyes. The viability of this method is still under investigation, pending CT scans of all sysops and a scan of the servers for any thurmatological buildups. If you come on ED and the page suddenly starts flashing runic symbols, please inform Joseph Evers immediately.
Write a book
David Gonterman found what might be the most ingenious method of taking down ED. The plan was to write a book and expose us. Sadly some people took pity on Davy and convinced him to scrap that shit. Many lulz were lost. Too bad, that book would have TOTALLY ended us.
Participate in Pride-I Mean Spirit Day
Of course, there are some people that aren't in it for the lulz. These people are either over concerned parents that were too late to see what the hell their kid was doing beforehand and decided "the Internet isn't a safe place for children", or the other type is usually different. Apparently some flaming faggots got all emotional and depressed, so they committed suicide. Guess most parents weren't too happy about the whole ordeal and decided to pass a "Spirit Day" which is supposed to "wipe out cyber-bullying", even though they know that cyber-bullying is just an Internet form of bullying, albeit more lulzy. So if you aren't in it for the lulz, be sure to fag it up with your stupid teachers to remember all of the Fags that gave their lives for the lulz.
- Anti-Encyclopedia Dramatica.com
- Free speech
- Serious business
- Shit that will never happen
- The Anti-ED-Club
- You vs. ED
People who have successfully taken down ED
- Camille Marino
- Grace Saunders
- Jolene JRyda
- Linkaton Furaito
- Madeleine McCann
- Mike Sandy
- Myah Walker
- Paul Fetch
- Prince Jeremy
- Sherrod DeGrippo - PACK IT UP. WORKS DONE HERE. WE'RE FUCKED.
- Steve Hodder-Watt
- VampiricSpektor - Only because EDiots trolling him did it as a ploy.
- So far these people have had spectacular success in trying to Petition to take down ED! Not!
- Another seriously butthurt individual trying to take down ED.
- made by a particular blue cat
Taking Down ED
|Featured article August 14, 2010|
|Taking Down ED||Succeeded by|
|Featured article April 27, 2011|
|Taking Down ED||Succeeded by|
Internet Tough Guy
|Featured article April 19 & 20, 2012|
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|Featured article May 29 & 30, 2013|
|Taking Down ED||Succeeded by|
|Featured article August 27 & 26, 2018|
Garbage Pail Kids
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