Stephen Fry

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Hello, boys!

Stephen Fry is a fat, squint-nosed, faggot Jew who has infiltrated the British media and now the entire internet so thoroughly, it is estimated that by the year 2020, the BBC license fee will be payable directly to his bank account and his face will replace the Queen's on the UK's currency.

He started off as a comedian in the 80's and was quite amusing as BFFs with House and Mr. Bean, before somehow metastasising unstoppably into the nearest thing Britain has to an intellectual figurehead, thus picking up the honoured mantle of Snow, Berlin, Bronowski, Clark and Francis (Stu).

It is highly likely that Stephen Fry's rise to prominence is entirely down to Stephen Fry doing a passable impersonation of what a thick person thinks an intelligent person sounds like. (That, or sucking a lot of dick.)

(This observation is often credited to IRL Troll Julie Burchill, but seeing as even she can't remember whether she said it or not, we're going to claim it as original. As you will see, this instance of plagiarism is entirely in keeping with the subject matter of this article.)

Actually, this quote was a cliché in the 1800s, well before it was attributed to... Albert Einstein.


Fry is a bipolar, and as such, has tried to off himself several times, both times by attempting to drown himself in the cum of teenagers. Mr. Fry and his millions of fanbois will undoubtedly BAWWW when they read this article over Stephen Fry's unusual sensitivity and knife-edge existence. Other bipolar people get stuck on meds and shunted into the corners of society where they belong, but of course, being Stephen Fry, he gets a TV series out of it.


Fry-ed chicken

My first words, as I was being born... I looked up at my mother and said, "That's the last time I'm coming out one of those".


—Stephen Fry in one of his crappy books (He later admitted that he stole this line from a friend [it's actually an unfunny joke amongst old queens and has been since last Thursday])

Having been so tormented by his AIDS and fail, Fry vowed to be celibate for 100 years. He eventually finally gave in to the lure of the cawk, and appointed himself spokesperson for every fag in the UK. Needless to say, he got a TV series out of it. Because obviously if there's one thing that Britain is short of, it's fat mouthy fags with a massive ego on TV.

Fry changes his jailbait boyfriends like other people change their socks, thus proving that he is like any other old fag and sorrows for the years of his repressed youth in which he was not busy playing the skin flute.

STOP THE PRESSES: In January 2015, it was announced that Stephen Fry would be marrying some fucking kid half his age that he met three months ago.

"So, what first attracted you to multi-millionaire Stephen Fry?"

This is of course further proof (as if we needed moar) that homosexuals corrupt children. Either way, this one certainly won't end in tears five years from now (when the lad's voice breaks and he grows pubes). And it won't cost Stephen Fry a fortune in palimony. And even if it does, he has several other fortunes to fall back on in order to lure young prey into depravity and moral corruption.

Stephen Fry played the role of Dietrich in V for Vendetta. He reported that "I haven't been beaten up in a movie before and I was very excited by the idea of it". He also starred as the titular crowned flower-queen of faggotry Oscar Wilde in Wilde. Indeed, Fry has every right to sit upon the rainbow-spangled throne of poovery, since in his 20 (or is it 30? seems like fucking 50) years of never being off British TV he has paid homage to his hero's supremacy by humbly never having once said anything memorable (unless it was put in his mouth by a scriptwriter).

All of his "great quotes" have been analyzed by science and proven to be nothing more than the batshit insane ramblings of a bipolar man dressed up in big words with an occasional "bum", "poo" or "silly-billy" thrown in for good measure. Oh, apart from this one:

There is nothing worse than the British in one of their fits of morality


—St. Stephen of Fry (probably on Twitter at some point in the last five years, but honestly, who gives a shit?)

-- which is a rip-off of this one:

We know no spectacle so ridiculous as the British public in one of its periodical fits of morality


—Lord Thomas Babington Macaulay: Moore’s Life of Byron, June, 1831


Like many other people, Stephen Fry (an Apple fanboi) is fond of gadgets. In fact, he loves nothing more than to slobber on Steve Jobs' decrepit, cancer-ridden cock. In common with most fags, the gadgets of which Stephen Fry is fondest of are dildos. However, he is often soundly pwnt when talking about other forms of technology that he is not quite so familiar with, such as, er, email, the internet, and GPS.

Any email or transaction on the internet uses what's called packet-switching, which means the information is broken up into packets, and reassembled on the other side ... But each side has to be exactly synchronised, otherwise the message is nonsense. So the caesium atomic clocks are necessary to make all this technology work.


—Stephen Fry explains how to internet

When it was pointed out by The Register that Stephen Fry was talking unmitigated shit, Stephen "Unoffendable" Fry said he wasn't at all upset by his epic fail being publicized widely.

To most observers, Stephen "Unoffendable" Fry's highly personal form of not being upset looked suspiciously like he was throwing an almighty bitchfest, denouncing the Register as "cruel and vicious" and "frankly, evil", saying that the IT-centered website "exists merely to be nasty" and, in a burst of Wildean brilliance, calling the Register's journalist a twat. Cambridge-educated, ladies and gents.

But unlike most other people with a shaky grasp of computers and whatnot, Stephen Fry gets to make a TV show about his love of gadgets. Because he's Stephen "Gadgets" (more like "gay-dgets", amirite?) Fry. Ker-ching.


TL;DW: Stephen Fry wins the Nobel Prize for Chemistry by revealing that ZOMG!!1 alcholol is an addictive drug (only taking nearly five minutes and over 9,000 syllables to do so).

Child molestation

NOTE: (Of course Stephen Fry has never actually molested a child himself. His twinkie boyfriends are all legal.)

In August 2013 Stephen Fry raised eyebrows when he recited a "humorous" limerick on BBC TV about a pedo priest, during the ongoing Jimmy Savile loldrama and less than five minutes before a news program that led on new developments in the pedo scandal sweeping Britain.

Eyebrows were raised further in June 2014 when Stephen Fry launched into a rant at a Labour Party fundraising dinner, criticizing Operation Yewtree due to its treatment of his old friend Paul Gambaccini.

Reportedly, Fry based his argument on the fundamental principle of civil liberty that people are innocent until proven guilty (something his hero Tony Blair shat all over while he was PM) and called for tougher laws against people who invent claims of sex abuse. However, Fry is obviously unaware that inventing any criminal allegation is already a prosecutable offense in English law, thus demonstrating that we can add "Law" to the vast array of subjects he is very well-informed in.

He also thinks that if 14 year old girls have had sex with rock stars, they are probably proud of it and wouldn't call themselves "victims". Stephen Fry doesn't seem to have dropped the other shoe and realized that the "rock stars" in question would have committed the sexual offense of sexual activity with a minor, but that's OK, right?

Stephen Fry also thinks that people claiming to have been sexually abused shouldn't be allowed to be called "victims" until their abuser has been convicted. So presumably the same logic applies to hitting a granny over the head with a brick and stealing her handbag -- she's not a victim until the mugger has been caught, tried and convicted, right?

As you can see, it's vital that English law be brought into line with the infallible pronouncements of Stephen Fry, before the country goes to Hell in a politically-correct handcart with children claiming to be victims just because someone's raped them and not yet been caught.

Asked whether he was ever worried that he himself might have become the object of suspicions along these lines, he didn't exactly give a straight answer. The closest he got to denying it was to say: "I've never groped anyone as far as I'm aware."


As stated, Stephen Fry is a heeb, but like many other people, is also an Atheist. Needless to say, he got a TV series out of it (starting to see a pattern?), as well as getting to cuddle up with other God-bores like Christopher Hitchens (lol burning in Hell) and dear old Dicky Dawks -- whereas other atheifags are confined in their 24/7 search for attention to the ignorability of Youtube and Wikipedia (where such dullness really belongs).

Another cartoon Stephen Fry has not yet defended

In 2015, Stephen Fry (who, his friends assure him, "cares too much") came out to defend the "borderline racist and repulsive" cartoons published by FrogFags Charlie Hebdo. Surprisingly enough, he has yet to defend Iranian Holocaust denial cartoons, but that is surely an oversight. Being both a Jew and an Atheist, Stephen Fry commented: "And aren’t we all tired of those who claim to know the answer to life, death and the creation being so fucking sensitive about their knowledge?" Yes, just imagine how irksome it must be to be constantly lectured by someone who thinks he knows fucking everything.

Oh wait.

Fry also has some religious-bipolar-emo-thing going on too, because he's a yid when it suits him, which allows him to sob that his love of Wagner is "tearing him apart", which is handy because he then made a TV show about that, too. (The video of this show isn't on Jewtube but is worth hunting out if you want to watch Fry pretending to be able to read music and failing hard at it.

And like any other snipcock fairy, Stephen Fry thinks he is supremely qualified to pontificate about the Lolocaust:

Let's face it, there has been a history in Poland of right-wing Catholicism, which has been deeply disturbing for those of us who know a little history, and remember which side of the border Auschwitz was on.


—Stephen Fry on C4 News, October 2009

As a result of this little gem, Britain's national treasure #1 was thoroughly pwnt in the ass by the entire nation of Poland. Oddly enough, when Johnny Polack made it clear how offended he was, Fry did not boldly declare "So fucking what?" In fact, he crept quietly back to his hugbox and licked his wounds while showering in the never-ending stream of jizz splurging forth from his millions of adoring fanbois for comfort.

In February of 2015, Fry appeared on Irish TV and throws an epic benny by announcing that God is an evil, vindictive, megalomaniac tyrant and a silly poopy-head into the bargain. Unfortunately, even given that Ireland is 99.8 per cent Catholic, he wasn't doing it for the lulz. Cocaine may have been involved.

However, Stephen Fry has already stated in one of his many, many volumes of his autobiography he harbors a personal grudge against God for making him a homosexual and thus condemned to Hell anyway. If Stephen Fry was half as clever as he thinks he is, he would see that he is simply being trolled by God because God knows what sort of drama queens faggots like him can be.

However, it is also possible that he was having one of his delusional periods in the bipolar cycle and thought that the interviewer was sending him subliminal messages. You see, the interviewer's (who is very famous in Ireland) name was Gay Byrne (pronounced "gay burn"). As in "Tweet in hell, fag". No wonder Stephen Fry flipped the fuck out.

Two years later, an anonymous person reported Stephen Fry to the Irish police for blasphemy over his comments from February 2015. Just when he hadn't been in the public eye for ages and needed to take a noble stand against something. Obviously, this person -- whomsoever they may be -- took over two years to become offended by a profound religious transgression. Makes perfect sense.


Complex theological and cosmological issues are no match for the mighty brain of Stephen Fry

Following Stephen Fry and reading his every brainfart is a condition of joining Twitter and as such there are rumoured to be only three people left on the planet who don't know the dimensions and shade of Stephen Fry's most recent bowel movement.

Stephen 'Unoffendable' Fry has threatened to quit Twitter twice in the past, on the first occasion because there was "Too much aggression and unpleasantness around" (translation: Someone called his tweets 'boring' --srsly) and on the second because he had allegedly been misquoted by some journalist on the matter of whether or not women like sex, which he is of course uniquely qualified to judge because he is Stephen Fry.

But Stephen Fry without the adoration of millions being just a keystroke away 24 hours a day would be an impossibility, so back he came both times.

Stephen Fry responding to accusations of attention-seeking behaviour with a keenly-crafted bon mot. Dear Oscar himself couldn't improve upon it.

Stephen Fry is also noted for not having been offended by a Daily Mail article about cute boyband member Stephen Gately dying of gay, and then storming the barricades on Twitter to show exactly how unoffended he was.

As a loony leftie, Stephen "Unoffendable" Fry is in a permanent state of his personal version of being "not at all upset" by the Daily Mail's somewhat right-of-centre editorial stance. He is not upset so much, in fact, that he has seen fit to add to his website a TLDR essay about the fact that the newspaper supported British fascists and took a pro-Hitler line during the 1930s.

Obviously, this observation had never ever been made at any point in history before Stephen Fry so righteously brought it to the nation's collective attention, and is completely original and worth making.

From time to time, Stephen Fry deigns to make a wish come true for a frantically-fapping Twitter fan by answering their questions on life's imponderable mysteries, answers which are obviously not available to mere mortals lacking an open-ended contract to make TV shows based on e.g., whatever happens to be their favourite colour that week.

For instance in response to the deep, profound and deeply profound question: "Why is art so pretentious?"

Art is never pretentious. It's almost a definition. Fear and contempt of art is pretentious however. Caliban's fear of his reflection.


—Stephen Fry on Twitter as usual

However, Stephen Fry obviously forgot to mention that mangling a quote and not attributing it could perhaps be seen as a teensy bit pretentious.

The nineteenth century dislike of realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.


Oscar Wilde (preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray (1891))

Stephen Fry may have a TV series about being on Twitter in the pipeline, only time will tell.

Steven Fry eventually decided to delete his twitter account after people got butthurt over a joke he made at the costume designer for Mad Max: Fury Road. He'll probably come back next week after threatening suicide for sympathy. February 2017: And it came to pass that St Stephen of Fry repented of his errors and quietly slinked back onto Twitter, exactly as predicted. If this fag tried to hang himself, he'd use a bungee cord.

Stop right there, criminal scum!

In February 2016, Stephen Fry's husband Elliott Spencer excitedly told The Sun "newspaper" that the pair were in talks to buy a house in Los Angeles and relocate to the US. Within days, Stephen Fry had bitchslapped the little queen by announcing that he was staying in Britain which he loves so very much that he can barely countenance the idea of living anywhere else. What could have caused this confusion?

Could it possibly be the following section of US immigration law?

[A]ny alien convicted of, or who admits having committed, or who admits committing acts which constitute the essential elements of- [...] (II) a violation of (or a conspiracy or attempt to violate) any law or regulation of a State, the United States, or a foreign country relating to a controlled substance (as defined in section 102 of the Controlled Substances Act (21 U.S.C. 802)), is


Unimpeachable sauce

Somehow, publishing a volume of self-indulgent autobiography full of page upon page about your monumental cocaine abuse doesn't seem such a good idea, does it? Whoops, too late.

Radio work

For alcoholics, a recognised cure is to play the Stephen Fry/Radio Four drinking game, in which one downs a shot if 30 seconds pass without Stephen Fry being referred to, quoted or appearing as a guest. Needless to say, this never happens.

TV work

Fun fact: During the fortnight spanning Christmas 2012, Stephen Fry appeared on British TV on 189 separate occasions (not including adverts and voiceovers at c. £25k a pop).

At the moment, Stephen Fry has over 9,000 new series in the pipeline but can be found most regularly lording it over Essex-boy and tramp-nibbler Alan "I'm not violent, honest" Davies on the BBC TV show "QI", a programme that looks like it was filmed for radio and which is worshiped by millions of dullwits and Wikipedophiles across the UK as though it were the RAND corporation crossed with the fucking Brains Trust or something.

Since there is a series of this show for each letter of the alphabet, it promises to be with us until the year 2050 at least by which time Stephen Fry will own a measurable percentage of the world's total wealth as he gets >£45,000 per show. They'll be a bit fucked when they get to "X" though and will probably have to show 13 episodes of the 90-year-old Stephen Fry putting his shrivelled willy in a paper cup or something to keep the asspies awake.

All the real spadework is done by researchers (nerds refered to as "Elves", who change regularly due to being sacked off when they spurn Stephen Fry's odious drunken advances) and all Stephen Fry's many many errors of fact and random outbursts of unfunny get edited out, thus making him appear an unimpeachable intellectual colossus of the airwaves.

As yet, Stephen Fry has yet to make a TV series about being a person called Stephen Fry who makes TV series about any old shit for the money, but this can only be a matter of time. In fact, he may have already done it while I was typing this article.


  • Rewriting History (subs pls check title). Someone invents a male infertility pill, travels back in time and puts it in the water supply of Hitler's home village, rendering his father infertile. So Hitler was never born! BUT oh noes, the Nazi party gets a worse leader than Hitlol and he uses the magic water of infertility to render all of Judenkind infertile, thus effecting the lolocaust more humanely -- without spending a penny. This proves that Nazis are secretly Jews. In the end the narrator and his boyf go off to live in a fabulous parallel dimension of faggotry. TL;DR: Basic Hitler time-travel shit with added AIDS.
  • The Liar. University drop-out and chronic plagiarist becomes thieving rent boy (remind you of anyone?) and at the end some shit happens and he perhaps becomes a spy or something. TL;DR nothing happens for hundreds of pages and then a deus ex machina stops it from not happening and no-one cares.
  • Mossad is my Tosspot and another volume or two of self-indulgent autobiographical crap, you'd have to pay me good money to even touch them.
  • Probably others, e.g., I think he wrote some dipshit novel "recontextualising" The Count of Monte Cristo.
  • More Fool Me (released September 2014). Another 1,000 page dose of autobiography (has such an interesting man ever existed?) Advance publicity reveals that Stephen Fry "used to" spend vast amounts of money on cocaine, and once missed meeting Robert DeNiro because he overslept. If those are the "newsworthy" highlights, you can imagine what shit the rest of it must be.

Little Big Planet

Sometime last monday, Sony wanted to make a game that would be milked for all it's worth and they needed a narrator for some reason and Stephen Fry was thier first choice not knowing that his faggotry would extend onto video games and show how much of a pedo he may actually be.


Actually, it was Thomas Jefferson who said that, not Stephen Fry

This article can only be regarded as further evidence of Stephen Fry's unstoppable progress until all the information in the world mentions him in one way or another. While you have been reading this, Stephen Fry's personal wealth has increased by at least £9,000.

See Also

External links

If you use the internet, you are never more than three clicks away from Stephen Fry, so this section is redundant.

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Featured article July 23rd & 24th, 2014
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