Smell Yo Dick

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Polyamory is risky bidniz.

Smell Yo Dick calls into question the strife felt by participants of the old system of relationships against lovers who genuinely enjoy exploring themselves through sexuality. This controversial composition written by upcoming R&B star Riskay has reignited discussion on the tubes involving God, love, and fidelity. Some argue that true freedom comes from following a 12 step program and ridding oneself of fear based emotions, such as jealousy. Many more people advocate a long term commitment to one person, much like eating pizza every night for the rest of your life.

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Exhibit A

The only way we can resolve this domestic squabble is if you let me inspect the odor radiating from your genitals.

Why you comin' home
At five in the mo'n?
Somethin's goin' on
Can I smell yo dick?

Don't play me like a fool
'Cause that ain't cool
So what you need to do
Is let me smell yo dick

A Challenger Appears

The lyrics made clearer

Dear Sir,

I have been attempting to reach you on the mobile phone for the fifteenth time this night. I have called and left numerous messages, and even used the text function on my mobile phone to save you time and the inconvenience of answering during the social gathering you are presently attending.

Despite my sincerest attempts, you have failed to respond to my request to identify your whereabouts, your social clique, and in what manner you have partaken in festivities tonight.

Do not take me for a fool, as a trusted confederate has followed and documented your actions throughout the night and I promise severe consequences for all treacherous deeds.

Indeed, arriving at 5:00 am from a previous night of merriment has only piqued my awareness to something afoot. As such, I am forced to take drastic measures to confirm your fidelity or treachery. When you arrive home, please remove your trousers, so I may detect if you've attempted to hide your adulterous ways through washing your phallic member with soap and water. Although extreme, I insist on this being the sole method of confirming the truth.

My resolve to use such drastic measure were only reinforced when you left me at home alone to enjoy the company of other women. If it is your decision to stop our relationship, perhaps I would have been more forgiving if you have had the courage to tell me that we are no longer a couple. Instead, I must be left in doubt as you fail to answer my phone calls; that makes it that much more painful.

And so, I imagine that while I am sleeping, you are attempting to court women of ill repute. Indeed, as promised, my confederate has photographic documents confirming my deepest fears. As I hear it, you were suggestively dancing with a harlot named Diamond, and attempted to impress her with your wealth and loosen her defenses with liquor. It is time for you confess to your lies.

I have contemplated murder over your disrespect towards me. It would be heinous for you to attempt coitus with me after you have had adulterous relations with another woman. Your repeated denials are for naught.

As such I must once again insist that when you arrive home, to remove your trousers, so I may detect if you've attempted to hide your adulterous ways through washing your phallic member with soap and water. Although extreme, I insist on this being the sole method of confirming the truth.


Hello Madam,

This is a quite preposterous exercise in futility. If you attempt any such action, I may violently resist it through brutal assault and battery to your face.

Your confederate's documents means nothing to me as the pictures are general in nature and do not suggest or promote any evidence to my alleged adulterous ways. Your confederate spies have to respect my privacy and desist in slandering my reputation.

Despite your misinterpretation of the events, I was not courting Diamond. I must confess that she was attractive, but I would never attempt to court her due to our long standing relationship.

I believe that in your state of mistrust, you will most likely believe any ill news about my actions. You must understand, dear lady that a successful gentleman as myself will catch the eyes of other women during social gatherings and many pictures of me socializing will be taken. Perhaps one or two of them will be of me socializing with women of ill repute, but it doesn't mean that I have attempted sexual encounters with any of them.

I am not a lecherous man who will sleep with any willing women, despite the considerable, irresistible size of my member. So no, I will not drop my pants to satisfy your paranoia.


Dear Sir,

I insist.

The Sniff Test

The sniff test hearkens back to the days of yore when dirt worshiping heathens would become extremely inebriated and, thus, forgetting all the people involved in sexual intercourse. The procedure is fairly simple; however, the real challenge occurs in analyzing the results. Keeping true with its advocacy of safety and caring, Encyclopedia Dramatica has taken the time to deconstruct and present this information translated from Jew.

Step by step guide

  1. Sniff cock.
  2. Analyze odor for idiosyncrasies.
  3. Determine appropriate course of action based on data collected.


Here is a helpful table to guide you through analyzing your sniff test. We hope this will be paramount in maintaining your relationship(s).

The Meaning of Smells
Cock smells like This means
Mustard Sammich
A dirty mouth Blowjob
Cunt snot Secks
Rick Astley Buttsecks

A Visual Guide

Dicks can wind up in myriad places. Here is a brief visual guide to the various scents that can be commonly found on a man's genitals.

Moar Info

See also


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Featured article March 9, 2010
Preceded by
Jim Bunning
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