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Skinny jeans (also known as skinnies, drainpipe pants, pencil pants, nut hugger jeans, cigarette pants, etc.) are....well if you were too retarded to not figure it out already, are jeans that are skinny. Skinny jeans originated sometime in the 1950's and were mostly worn by men with little tiny Azn dicks. During those wonderful times, women didn't wear pants and had to resort to wearing skirts or nothing at all. But as time past, some retarded women who didn't know their fucking place in the kitchen rebelled by wearing trousers that were similar in concept as skinny jeans. By the 1960's, women wearing jeans started becoming common and was spreading as fast as the cancer that is killing /b/.
But like all good things, skinny jeans started getting worse and slimmer much like a nigger in the middle of Africa dying from a horrible case of AIDS with no hope of a cure. Nowadays, skinny jeans are typically worn by wimmenz and hipster fags who have no fucking balls. Skinny jeans can be both a blessing (if worn by the right type of woman) and a disaster (if worn by men and fat women). Either way, you're going to find people ruining all the eye candy.
How it all started
Although skinny jeans may be normal when worn by females, they were also considered gay when worn back in the days (much like it is now). It gained popularity when famous celebrities such as Elvis and other hippies started wearing them. And from there on, skinny jeans became a fashion disaster that entered into the shit filled world of Rock 'n Roll. Amongst rockstars, it is known that the tighter the jeans, the more "awesome" they seem to be. As time continued to pass by, it seemed as though the skinny jeans fad took many different directions. All of which that were in need of instant extermination.
The trend began to expand and started being more diverse. Instead of men walking around in tight jeans, the world soon saw men walking in tights, and even spandex. It got to the point where straight men began wearing make up and pantyhoes. And those were just the 70's; they got much worse in the 80's. Much like everything else in the 80's, the skinny jeans from that time era was a complete fashion disaster. As the 80's began to die out, so did the skinny jeans fad. During the 1990's, skinny jeans were completely uncommon amongst men (unless of course you were a fag) and men began wearing normal and even baggy jeans thanks to booty gorilla nigger noise. But like all wondeful things, there was a catch. Bad enough was when you saw men show off their ass in skin tight pants, but even worse was when they started sagging them and had to bleach your eyes from their man panties.
And thus, left us a decade of skin-tight pantsless world in favor of normal and baggier jeans. Now if only skinny jeans could have died with the 80's and never have came back... Or at least have them only worn by women.
Skinny Jeans 2: Electric Boogaloo
Apparently, the world wasn't forever safe from skinny jeans dilemma. As the new millennium began, so did the revival of skinny jeans. Thanks to Hipsters ruining everything yet again, the fad that was once dead was revived and slowly making a comeback. Much like their favorite indie bands, the public were quite skeptical and really didn't give a flying shit about them. And then out of nowhere came the emos, another group of faggots/dykes much like hipsters, but moar of MySpace-loving attention whores listening to My Chemical Romance trying to fit in by trying hard to seem self-harmful. As emos are well known to wear smelly tight clothes and ridiculously long ass bangs for their fringed hair, they just had to adopt them into their culture.
Quickly discovering that emos had began wearing jeans, the scenes quickly followed and stole yet another fad popularized within the emo subculture and wanted it slimmer. Eventually, skinny jeans started becoming popular amongst the punk and trash metal culture. It wasn't so bad when women discovered that wearing skinny jeans could give them more attention and have guys stare at their asses all day. Therefore boosting the self-esteem of some ladies and making them feel like that special girl they always were.
Niggers? In my Skinny Jeans?!?
It was niggers who killed the trend, and it was niggers who made them even more popular. Ever since 2007, rap stars such as Lil Wayne (a closet faggot, srsly) and Soulja Boy have popularized skinny jeans within the rap community, making them a bunch of posers for not having pants tht fall past the anus.
From then was it known that gangstas had to wear skinny jeans 'cUz iT wHuZ ThUG LyFe, NiqqA!!1 Every hardcore gangsta knew if they wanted stay pimpin' fo' lyfee, they had to get rid of their baggy jeans that was big enough to fit in 10 people inside (which they needed in order to rob the liquor store of all of its grape juice and 40 oz's), which resulted in a wide spread robbery of every Levi's, Hot Topic, and any other store that sells skinny jeans committed by niggers.
Not only have niggers adopted the skinny jeans, but they have added their own ghetto twist to it. With the science education most niggers achieved from dropping out of kindergarten, they have managed to combine wearing skinny jeans and sagging, which doubles the amount of faggotry.
Already used to walking like penguins when they sag their pants, black people now have a much harder time trying to walk. In this sorry state, trying to escape from da police is now a much harder task seeing how they can barely move a muscle in those pants.
But hey, look on the bright side, at least they won't get their jeans stuck on the fence like they used with their baggy jeans (if they even can make it to the fence). This means a lower niggger population as the police catch them all!
We also now know that niggers do not in fact have bigger dicks like they so love to claim every day because no normal sized dick could fit in when wearing skinny jeans. This should lower the nigger population even further as nobody wants a teeny little baby cock.
Indeed, it was hipsters who were responsible for bringing back the skinny jeans fad back into the public with their shitty Indie music whom nobody has heard of, their "alternative" way of seeing things, and flooding every Starbucks corner with their Macbooks. What they had not expected was having it become popular. You see, hipsters hate everything that is popular and mainstream, and the pants they revived was no exception. Soon, they started raging at the very sight of seeing non-hipsters wearing skinny jeans. From the irony of it all ensued the lulz.
Advantages of Skinny Jeans
Despite having many obvious disadvantages, there are surprisingly a few advantages that come with wearing cootchie cutters and many that come with other people wearing them. Some of the advantages include but are not limited to:
- Trolling Hipsters
- Most girls who wear skinny jeans apparently don't wear panties or go commando due to panty lines. That meaning not only can you look at their asses in those tight pants, but you also could sneak a peek at their booty cracks. Don't worry if they might get mad, they're asking for it
- They make women more slutty, thus increasing chances of getting laid. But seeing as you're reading this article, you most likely won't get any.
- They lower fertility rate if you're a guy meaning lower chances of knocking up your best friend's middle school sister. But seeing as you wear skinny jeans, you're probably a faggot into gay buttsecks
Well, the disadvantages were pretty much stated everywhere in this article. If you actually wasted your life reading all of this article (and let's face it, you probably have nothing better to do other than fap to CP pictures on 4chan) then this will pretty much be a summary of what you already read. For those to lazy to read, continue.
- Skinny Jeans are gay and will make you look like a faggot
- Fat women
- You won't be able to hide your boner, but seeing as you wear skinny jeans you probably have a small dick or none at all
- You won't be able to fit in your jizz stained boxers meaning your pants will be filled with shit and jizz stains
- Tight pants make vaginas smell like shit and fish
- They're gay
- They might rip when you bend down
- They'll burn your testicals when trying to run in them provided if you even can run in them
- They will cut your blood circulation
- They take forever trying to get them on and dry cleaning can shrink them making the already tiny pants smaller
- They're gay
- You can't really fit anything into your pockets
- They're gay
How to Troll People wearing Skinny Jeans
Evidently, trolling people who wear skinny jeans isn't really that difficult at all. It's actually fairly easy and can cause delicious drama if done right. Although detecting people wearing skinny jeans on teh internets is not as easy as it is IRL, it shouldn't be too hard. If the person you want to troll is either a hipster, emo, scene kid, skater, gay, a woman, or all of the above then they automatically wear skinny jeans. Trolling can be done both IRL and on the internet.
- Tell them how they must have small dicks to be able to wear those
- If female, call them whores for wanting to show off their ass
- If they aren't one already, call them a hipster/emo
- Tell them it makes them look gay
- Brag about how comfortable you normal/baggy jeans are
- If its a girl, stare at their ass all day. If she gets mad and asks why, tell her because she's wearing skinny jeans. If she replies she's not a whore and isn't like that, then she's lying.
People who wear/wore skinny jeans
- Metalheads especially thrash metal fanboys
- Elvis Presley
- Male trannies
- Your mom
- Anyone from the 1950s
- Not wiggers
- Not fat people
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