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|This person has Assburgers Syndrome, |
so you can't say anything bad! :-(
Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
—Segacamp and his dedication
Segacamp (Akhmed bin Ahjad), the King of Asspies, also known as Michael Campbell is a troubled Canadian world renown for the September 11, 2001 events. When he isn't 'sperging around at home, he enjoys making a cappelas, video game walkthroughs and raging at people who tell him he's shit. According to his youtube channel he is, amazingly, still single. Ladies, this is your chance.
Somewhere around 2007 segacamp, after a performance infront of his parents, got the idea that he was a musical genius. Even though his parents just told him that he was good to be supportive, segacamp decided to share his gift with the world.
This is a typical performance from Segacamp
Along his singing career he has butchered such classics as Don't Stop Believing, The Final Countdown among many others. For some reason people commented that he was infact very bad, which caused him to make this announcement, where he tells us he has had enough of his haters, and that THEY'RE JUST A BUNCH OF FREAKING POOPHEADS. Segacamp also tells us he is trying to enter Canadian Idol, this being around 2007.
—Segacamp - A Responce to the Youtube Haters
A New Dawn
In 2009 segacamp decided to make a capellas. He somehow manages to be even worse at a capellas than he is at singing.
A Challenger Appears
A challenger appeared, known as DruoxTheShredder. They would duel the way you duel on the internet, by having an a capella off.
(go to 1:51 for his version)
Obviously segacamp lost, and as a result he raged. He raged hard, and to this day he is still pissed at Druox. Historians claim that it was around this time segacamp was titled "The King Of Asspies".
ABW (Asspies Barley Wrestling)
Segacamp was not pleased with his new title, nor the many people calling him an asspie, so he decided to rage harder. It only became worse for him when he won the annual ABW (Asspies Barley Wrestling) Championship beating Chris-chan in the finale. Meanwhile Segacamp tries to play it tough, and makes a video for his blogtv account wherein he threatens his youtube haters with shooting them in the head. He is very proud of the exact phrasing of his threat so he still uses it to this day.
—Segacamp, obviously being an asspie
In February 2011 The ABW Rumble took place. The stipulation of the Rumble was that if Segacamp loses he wouldn't be in the 2nd annual tournament. Segacamp was thrilled and was looking forward to the event. It turned out that Segacamp lost in the Rumble, but later came out wearing a mask and he was under the name “Mike Campbell." Ever since The Rumble, Segacamp was later convinced that if he won The 2nd Annual Tournament that the charade of him being an asspie would be over. He has taken this very very seriously as he has been training for the tournament.
In The 2nd Annual ABW Tournament, Segacamp (Mike Campbell) Lost in the 2nd round in Round 2. Segacamp was devastated as he made this video in response
There was later a contract signing which stated that If Segacamp loses his match with Etanthe3rd that he will be forever the King of the Asspies In the contract it stated that he can't change it, TY couldn't change it, and nobody could change it. In the match between Etanthe3rd and Segacamp TY betrayed Segacamp and Segacamp was shocked. He is now out of the tournament 100% forever and he is the king of asspies forever.
—Segacamp's final words to TY
Kevin, segacamp's pet turtle, died around August 2010. Most professionals support the theory that segacamp's turtle, despite being a turtle, commited suicide after segacamp's unbearable audio torture.
—Segacamp and his powers of youtube partnership
Recently segacamp announced he was now a youtube partner. Proud days for asspies everywhere. Later it was revealed he only had partnership on one video, and even so it was on an account now no longer his. Now as MrSegacamp, he claims yet again to have partnership but not a single fuck was given that day.
Segacamp discovered his ED page after constantly searching his own name on google. He then asked all his fans from facebook and youtube to help him in an attempt to stop the truth from being revealed. He also claims that he does not have a brother, only a little sister that does not wish to be associated with him on youtube. Seeing how the theory of his turtle's death was stupid, he then proceeds to tell us that the reason his turtle died was because he was too much of a lazy fuck to clean the turtle tank, and it eventually died. Letting it go by as turtle suicide would have been way more acceptable than his own cruel explanation.
When the old ED was closed down, Segacamp was really happy. He was jumping for joy. However a few days later somebody showed him the new ED page.
—Segacamp - being a tough guy.
Segacamp couldn't handle the truth being put out on ED, he decided to retaliate, and make his own wikipedia page. But what happened instead, because he's extremely unintelligent, was that he created a user, and then wrote about himself on his user talk page. Not even his user page, he decided it would be best put on his talk page.
Seeing that no one would do shit for him, Segacamp decided to make a few of the displayed videos on ED private, but seeing how they were saved it didn't really make a difference, and instead a far more humiliating performance was put up.
Things just got personal/Successful Troll is Successful
For copypasta: Phone: (519)765-2004 Cellphone: 519-476-7122 Address: 46249 Talbot Street, St. Thomas, Ontario
Segacamp finds a boyfriend-free girl
On 12/1/2010 an unexpected announcement was made, segacamp found a girl desperate enough to be associated with him. This was good news, since segacamp had thought about closing his youtube account, stopping the lulz. His lady, Miss Monkey, is without a doubt a tremendous achievement for segacamp on his venture into adulthood, now he just needs to throw out the toys under his bed.
Their relationship turned out to be a shortlived one, and after hacking into MissMonkey's computer lots of goodies were released, including audio recordings that contained him having Mario and Peach pretend sex with MissMonkey.
New Partnership on Youtube
To protect himself from trolls and haters, he went to an old friend, also known as Geoff The Hero. Geoff has indeed helped him in the war against trolls and haters, by uploading lots of irrelevant videos on his channel. Segacamp will go on with his regular asspieing, despite sharing his youtube account with someone else. This is another great example of how naïve Segacamp is, and not being able to tell he's being trolled. The partnership has finally come to an end, only foreseers could have seen that come. Later, Geoff would sign him up to a "Segacamp Machinima" channel and upload ballbusting videos, making the keyword "Segacamp" refer to people getting kicked in the balls.
MrKrampenDamp confronts Segacamp
Last Thursday MrKrampenDamp, an logical analyst told the world about his deep analysis of the asspie phenomenon segacamp. Then he asked segacamp for some promotion in response to his video, which segacamp was not amused by. Segacamp replied back in anger, whereafter MrKrampenDamp told segacamp that if he didn't do as he say, he'd notify everyone about segacamp's newly arrived penis picture on ED. Segacamp suddenly changed his tone and a deal was made after some dramatic pressure from MrKrampenDamp, which finally resulted in a very angry shoutout video to MrKrampenDamp, and his good joyboy Vorph, the creator of this page:
He then made a second shoutout video on his new channel, also announcing the new alliance between Segacamp, MrKrampenDamp and Vorph, and good times were had.
After Segacamp decided to give his password out to several people, it got closed. Luckily a great person managed to get ahold of it and give it back to segacamp, only to have segacamp fuck it up and accidently close the account again. He is now back on Jewtube to please his massive european fanbase as
MrSegacamp which is a more manly name anyways according to Segacamp. The new account is now "thesegacampgamer."
In May 2011, 2 hackers by the names of Etanthe3rd and gigglesthehedgehog claimed that they "hacked" Segacamp's fan-page and helped bring back the ED page. Segacamp hates these 2 "hackers" with a passion. You can see the emotion in this video.
A few days later, Segacamp found out their SUPER SECRET TROLLING ORGANIZATION.
Segacamp Did 9/11
Around 2012, Segacamp was accused of causing 9/11, and the results were a lot of videos and trolling on his Twitch that goes on to this day.
Geoff would later go on to make Machinima Segacamp, which Segacamp consistently mispronounces as "Segacamp Machinima". These would include classic videos including him smashing his laptop, getting sucked off by a mankey, and signing him up for bogus contracts.
Werecamp and Chim Aera
He also got pissed by Chim Aera, a user on the GoAnimate train, doing grounded videos of Segacamp. By this point he had already created a new fursona named Werecamp as he was getting too much backlash, so he tried to use this character as a shield where he takes off his glasses and talks in a 'deeper' voice which fades out gradually during videos until he just sounds like himself again.
Segacamp was also a "MC" of TommyNC2010's talk show, Tommy Talks, where he would ramble about games and get ignored. Segacamp was basically the only guest that did not try to manipulate him and still got kicked out. Later he would start his own show, SegaTalks, which not only is cancelled each time he gets a copyright strike (since strikes block livestreams for 3 months), but is basically him going on an even longer ramble, ignoring chat, and earraping the users because of a guest "Darth" who keeps yelling in the mic.
Where is he now?
Segacamp can be found on Twitch.tv doing streams of games he can't play and constantly ragequitting and replaying the same games over and over. You may expect a DSP chat, but instead he constantly gets trolled and doesn't realize it. In the year of 2018 he:
- Played "Summer of RPGs" with 3 games, getting trolled into thinking he locked himself out of the 'best ending' in Chrono (Crohno) Trigger, naming characters 11enin and nvele9 in Final Fantasy (while losing a pair of shoes and failing to reacquire them), and playing almost none of Earthbound. He beat 0 games out of 3.
- Played "Fall of Puzzle Games" with 999 (which he got 2 bad endings and quit), Brain Age (which, despite yelling to chat that he wasn't 50 years old, kept getting Brain Ages of 50, ragequitting sudoku, revealing his colorblindness), Layton (just like DSP, he ragequit at the name selection screen because his handwriting was garbage), Scribblenauts (which he ragequit at level 1-1 because he couldn't follow instructions and couldn't beat it even with a walkthrough). It's worth noting that these games had a lot of 9/11 references in them, for some reason. He beat 0 games out of 4.
- During the same time he was trying to play the Fall of Puzzle Games he started 2 long games for no reason: Link's Awakening and Pokemon Yellow. Pokemon Yellow which he already played many times before, and still couldn't finish. He ended up wasting 3 months of viewer time playing these, as he ragequit both near the end (Link's Awakening because even with cheating he couldn't get through a dungeon, and Pokemon Yellow at the Elite 4 because he kept grinding incredibly low level pokemon). The only redeeming factor out of these games was the trolling, but that's it. He beat 0 games out of 2.
- At the very end of 2018, he was breaking his own schedule by playing Pokemon Yellow (a 'sunday only') game on his midweek streams. All he did was play Pokemon. This caused a boycott that made him take a 2-week break and a 3-week break back to back over to 2019. Meanwhile he gets spammed with "ass key dix" which are actually spaceships.
Despite only 2 streams so far in the year of 2019, it has been incredibly eventful:
- A 'fan' PixelProtocol sent him 3 games for GameCube (pirated of course): Paper Mario TTYD, Harvest Moon, and Animal Crossing. TTYD ran at about 5 FPS, and the latter two ran at about 20 FPS. Every 15 minutes his system would overheat and he'd lose his save, so he ended up playing... Kirby's Adventure (with the stream muted for a whole hour without him noticing), and Mario Golf (games he's already played before). By this point, everyone knew this would be the "Year of Replays" all over again.
- Despite all the games and suggestions from last stream, they were all ignored for the second one, as he played AM2R (another replay) rather than the fan-suggested KOTOR. It became obvious he was just trying to dodge playing it - when he did play it, he skipped important dialogue, got stuck in the first room, and quit. After replaying more Randomizers, he goes to Super Mario Bros. for some reason and says he could beat it with warp zones in 5 minutes. The stream crashes, meaning that Super Mario Bros. causes his craptop to overheat and his system is actually worse than an NES. He continues to play for 1 hour and 30 minutes and he never finishes it.
Expect 2019 to just be a repeat of 2018 for Segacamp, despite his insistence that he will start on a "high note" for 2019.
He's still on YouTube, but at a new account because he shared his channel with someone named Spulk, and they locked him out. He can also be found in other peoples chats, telling every single person he sees to follow him, which is hard to believe considering when he streams there's less than 5 people viewing. Segacamp also loves to talk on Skype with other streamers, either while they stream, or while he's streaming. As usual, he's Segacamp on Skype too.
His old YouTube (all videos are unlisted): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_lGrtkU0TWXUSJMYSopsXw
- He has never kissed a girl before.
- His parents are embarrassed of his videos and want him to take them down.
- Segacamp values his youtube account more than his family's wellbeing/safety.
- Segacamp still has toys under his bed (TRUTHED - he showed this on his only liveshow on blogtv)
- He sleeps with a teddy bear
- He doesn't know how to make his bed.
- Segacamp's current youtube
- Segacamp's Twitch
- Segacamp Archives
- Segacamp's Facebook
- Personal Facebook
- Segacamp's Skype
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