Second Life is an online virtual community where people with no lives use wishful thinking and piles of Lindens to create "sexy" avatars, then wander aimlessly hoping to find others to talk with. This almost never happens. The title of second life is somewhat inaccurate, because it implies that the user had a first life as well as his game progress on the "game". However, if they have enough free time to pretend to be an anorexic woman with big tits ( even though they're probably middle-aged men ) or a fucking fox, then clearly this isn't the case.
The only people who currently play SL are assorted Brazilians and furfags looking for someone to possibly have sex with them.
Second Life Society
Due to the the wide variety of virtual sex acts and interactive genitals available and better graphics than Furcadia, the furfags have begun to flock to Second Life. Many have even gone so far as to establish their own virtual furry sex enclaves.
If they're not furry, they're probably Gorean instead. The Gorean idiots like to pretend they are on another planet where it's normal to kidnap women, rape them, and treat them like animals. Goreans mostly are fat old guys with no life, old housewifes with no life and ugly girls thinking about becoming lesbian. Here's an example of typical Gorean dribble:
(I enter the house to find a Gorean named Demonknight. Seconds later, Demonknight's slave enters.) Demonknight Apocalypse: ((would you mind getting you sir ?)) Demonknight Apocalypse: ((out)) You: sorry (I exit the house and go around back to listen.) Tears Fermi: .kneel
They are also super easy to troll:
- Create female avatar (which is important)
- Infiltrate some community of theirs and find out who is their alpha slut (she or he usually cybers with admin and claims to be his or her irl girlfriend or boyfriend or something)
- Play along with this shit
- State that Gor novels are copied version of Robert E. Howard books and they also promote Nazi ideology
Warning! This is only an example-you'll need to think how to do this right or you'll get banned fast.
The few remaining people are always some sort of Nationalist or a confused n00b who will quit the game within a week.
Regular inhabitants of Second Life will treat it with more importance than their real life and whine to the mods about every inconvenience. The admins are completely overwhelmed with users whining about shit like somebody leaving an e-car parked on their e-lawn. Because of this people can get away with repeatedly building Polaris missiles underneath groups of innocent bystanders and launching them fifty miles into the air.
The only interesting thing that ever happened to Second Life is the "Interview with Floating Dongs" (scroll down) inflicted by clever scripters on a very wishful-thinking animation of a woman who made her fortune "selling virtual real-estate" and the nice reporting and publicity from that by Something Awful.
Example Second Life Members
- Phlat Bartfeld is a creepy gorean who gets off on humping little girls. Easily tricked into memes.
- Plastic Duck - A weirdo who made giant penises and waggled dongs everywhere until he was banned. Plastic Duck now works for Linden Labs. His job now includes helping them kill innocent black people, and blowing furfags. DO NOT GO NEAR HIM OR TRUST AT ALL COSTS. If SLH says so, it must be true.
- Prokofy Neva, the suspected reincarnation of Ayn Rand. Has a personal vendetta against Plastic Duck. Writes furiously about Nigra activities and has a hissyfit if anyone disagrees with her. Likes to compare everything and everyone to Lenin.
- intLibber Brautigan (http://intlib.blogspot.com/), who "is really damn busy". Last Thursday intLibber accidentally deletesu his whole enterprise, making pretty much everyone who ever bought land or server space from him LOSE FUCKING EVERYTHING. He's a shell of a man now.
- Anshe Chung, a former cyberwhore who is now a land baron and very butthurt about an in-game incident where she was attacked by multiple flying penises. Amazing lulz ensued, as this was for a live taping for CNet Video below. Actually an IRL man acting through his wife as a conduit for his twisted fantasies.
- The Patriotic Nigras - The creators of Fort Longcat, PN is a furry-resistance (resistance to furries, that is) organization spreading peace and lulz all over the Second Life world.
- Woodbury University - Actually a real University, in California. Made the hilarious decision of leaving their $5000 investment in SL in the capable hands of /b/tards. They can be found griefing Prokofy Neva and Ravenglass Rentals, or in Longcat, pissing away university funds on giant penises. Somehow, they've successfully brainwashed Intlibber Brautigan into thinking they're legit and not just a bunch of retards in it for the lulz, and just about all of them are banlink mods because of it.
- Hal Turner's buddies at the Vanguard News Network have sought to establish a white nationalist presence on Second Life, as noted here. VNN members initially proposed "beating up" nigras, spreading propaganda, hosting a virtual holocaust conference, and "posing as non-whites and attacking whites in an effort to polarize the population along racial lines and incite a virtual race war." Before they could follow through with their plans, they went into typical skinhead infighting about the effectiveness of such a move and quickly forgot about the original topic. As usual.
- The Second Life Liberation Army are a terrorist group who feels butthurt that Linden Labs doesn't pay attention to them anymore. They are waging a campaign of bombings against American Apparel and other obvious, boring targets.
- The Wrong Hands - Splinter group made up of former w-hat goons, woodbury university members, and various, assorted, self-proclaimed griefers/trolls. The group's original purpose was to troll the JLU. Due to the present lack of the JLU in Second Life, the group's members spend most of their time in their private sim giving each other handjobs and reminiscing about how they used to be relevent to everyone other than Prokofy Neva. Despite being a group of self-proclaimed troublemakers, TWH members are in fact some of the easiest Second Life denizens to troll in that something as minor as copybotting their snowflake griefer attire will send them into a whirlwind of anal leakage.
Second Life users are encouraged to pay for in-game money, which they can then use to buy in-game goods. Second Life likes to promote this economy in the old media as being rich with items such as houses, nightclubs, designer clothes, and popular music.
Actually, the primary industry in Second Life is cock.
All Second Life avatars are built like Ken and Barbie by default, in that they are without any form of genitalia. To counter this, thriving cock and cunt industries have emerged. These cocks and cunts have been designed and programmed to act just like their real-life equivalents, with the exception that they always work but you have to fap at the same time to get a truly sad illusion.
Common features of Second Life cocks and cunts include:
- Erection or engorgement
- Pubic hair which appears or disappears on command
- Power Word: Piss
- Power Word: Cum
- Twitch on touch (Truly repugnant)
Most of Second Life's user base can be found outside the cock or cunt shops. Here they purchase and make use of the latest in penis or vulva technology. Most Second Lifers remain in a perpetual state of undress around these shops, many of them publicly engaging in cybersex. If you should find yourself wanting a cock or cunt, simply follow the trail of nude avatars and lols to the nearest penis or vulva store.
If you want to make things you need to buy land and pay for it's upkeep. Outside of cocks land is the only way to make decent money.
Anyone who owns property or commercial operations in SL must be assumed to be a bourgeois running-dog imperialist class enemy and a hater of nigras, as these users benefit most from the status quo, and are thus resistant to the inevitable collapse of the Linden dollar economy as new markets become rarer
and the capitalist-mercantile system crumbles with the onset of post-colonialism. HAHAHAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, MILITARY EXPANSION FUELS WAR INDUSTRY THUS OFFSETTING POST COLONIAL ECONOMIC IMPLOSION BUT EVENTUALLY LEADS TO OVEREXTENSION AND CULTURAL BACKLASH RESULTING IN A SLOW DECLINE PUNCTUATED BY BRIEF PERIODS OF EXPLOSIVE VIOLENCE.
Things to Do
Linden Labs demands that all residents verify their age with a third party company. This is likely due to frequent loli that so often appears in Second Life's cock shops. The blog states that any sim with a mature rating, and areas within it must flag their property as mature. All residents that have not given personal information to the Linden overlords will not be allowed inside these areas. This fails miserably however, because of the simple fact that land owners must set the protection themselves. Nobody wants to limit the mature adults from accessing their sim so nobody really sets the restrictions.
New users can marvel at all of the sights in Second Life. Colleges, nightclubs, cozy homes, clothing stores, and concerts are generally uninhabited. This keeps the lag down for the few people who might be interested in such things.
The other ninety-nine percent of users can be found habitually entering asl or outside new user portals, cock stores, and wacky gothic sex clubs.
Although Second Life was built for social interaction not much interaction actually happens. Residents generally spend their time sitting in one spot for an hour so the land appears to be popular. In return the user will get a few linden dollars worth virtually nothing in real life and in game could buy the person a wonky penis. This is called "Camping". Other users run the same boring quests over and over to gain lindens.
When not sitting around doing nothing or having Cybersex the people of SecondLife blow each other up. This is how it works: 13 year old boys gather other 13 year old boys and start an army group with a faggot name. This "army" teleports to a "base" with around 200 other 13 year old boys, and they shoot at each other, screaming their prepubescent voices into their shitty microphones while crashing the sim and lagging everyone within a nine sim radius. All because their money wouldn't buy them Counter Strike.
You have to buy, raise, feed, breed, etc. these things so you can be a winrar and your life will finally have meaning. They are the bane of many sim owners and residents because they reportedly contain ovar 9000 sim-lagging scripts. They have been b& from at least 100 sims because of this. People try to breed them in hopes of selling fancy colored offspring, but in the end the one who really makes money is Sion Zaius because he's the guy selling the items needed to grow the stupid things. Oh, and they can die!
Here's the ways they can be killed:
- Returned to inventory (can only be stored/traded in official chicken boxes)
- Die of old age
- Killed by another chicken
- Killed by the chicken you're trying to breed the other one with
- Disease (you must buy moar pet medicines!!!!...from Sion Zaius of course)
- They Starve (you must buy moar food from...yeah that asshole ^^)
- They feel like it
- They an hero
- Pretty much anything (not kidding)
If for some reason you can't destroy them just file an AR report saying something to the effect of the entire sim is lagging and they're unfairly hogging sim resources and the Lindens will practically do the job for you. Also, you can message them personally and tell them you're reporting them for added chat-log generated lulz.
A while back on 4chan, Anonymous wondered whether or not Second Life was raidable. Really, it never is that raidable because of the sheer size of the Main Grid, but it's always worth a shot. With that, the Patriotic Nigras were born, and Second Life was at the mercy of /b/.
But what of the Teen Grid? Are there any trolls from 4chan fucking everything up for the kiddies? No. But there are some trolls that may actually be teenagers from other parts of the internet. These trolls (who aren't really that good at trolling) started a group of griefers which terrorized the Teen Grid for around a year. This group was known as DwiTek.
Both groups operated in basically the same way.
- 1.A raid! It's a hard job kids. To raid even smallest event you need /b/ros,organistation and good plan.
Else you'll get B& by sim admins fast.
- 2. Cybering and then sending other side miget gay porn pics claiming "It's me my sexyeh stud!". it's easy,lulzworthy but needs moneyh
- 3.Roleplay trolling.
- 1. Make New hotmail or 10minutemail.
- 2. Make new SL account.
- 3. http://wiki.patrioticnigras.org/wiki/
BALEETED Website back uperror'd.
- 4. Search for a "Roleplay Sim" ingame.
- 5. Make a box.
- 6. Make a script on the box with one of the spamming scripts from the below template.
- 7. Click on the box, hit "Take Copy".
- 8. Teleport to heavily populated Area.
- 9. Equip box on any body part.
- 10. ????
- 11. PROFIT!
- 12. .jpeg/.avi that shit for lulz.
There also is a "Sandbox" where you can build things out of primitive shapes. Or you could just make an automated script that does it for you. Try these fun ideas for maximum lulz!
- Make a big immovable box constantly plays an annoying sound and drop it on top of people at random.
- Create something that endlessly self-replicates until the servers grind to a halt trying to keep track of them all.
- Make a swarm of invisible objects that home in on the nearest person. These objects should fling people over the horizon on contact.
- Create a box that homes in on people and shoves them around
Some areas are set up in such a way that anyone teleporting in is sent to a welcome area with "no guns allowed, STRICTLY ENFORCED" signs, avatar shops, and other such faggotry. These are your best target areas. Bonus points if the area in question happens to be inaccessible without teleporting.
Spawning these items into public places is known as "griefing". Here are a few fun places to test them out!
- [Blu Yiff Club]
- [The Yiff and Snuff Den]
- [Furry Fashion]
- [The Ark]
- [Dragon Yiff Club]
- [The Furry Den]
Some musicians are so untalented that they have to play in a virtual world just to get people to like them. Needless to say, hilarity always ensues when a griefer shows up and starts playing very loud screaming sounds. You know what to do...
- Online sex games
- Fort Longcat
- Urizenus Sklar
- Patriotic Nigras
- Mircea Kitsune
- Ralph Pootawn
- Garry's Mod - Same shit
- Get A First Life
"I wonder how much a penis costs?" A view from Real Life.- 404. "Please join our Group" Typical Advertising Bullshit- Deleted.
- Flying wang survivor threatens DMCA action (seriously)
is part of a series on
Anshe Chung • Boyd Doghouse • BritbongReturns • Christoph Naumova • Felinoid • Hardstylenno • Harrison Digfoot • IntLib • Kalel Venkman • Kopyboat • Krispup • Lemonade Coyote • Mircea Kitsune • MrDisambiguation • Prokofy Neva • Ralph Pootawn • Skuee • Tamias the Chipmunk • Urizenus Sklar • Voland • Yiffy Yaffle • Yoko Beaumont •
Second Life is part of a series on
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|Featured article January 31, 2007|
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