|This article needs a serious clean up|
RapeMusic.com, or RM (pronounced ar-em) is an online Man Train, assembled by the worst fucking rappers in history, period. Imagine thousands of people, all with identical outlooks, all inspired by the same 4-5 underground rappers, all trying to achieve the same exact outcome. Now give them Radio Shack mics, CoolEdit Pro, and an internet connection. (Speakers are optional since it is obvious these "artists" have never heard themselves rap.) Make 10% of them black person with inferiority complexes and the other 98% of them Middle Class white boiz with minority complexes. This combination physically repulses women within 25 hops of any server that goes near the same ISP that RM.com uses. In fact, this is what happens when a girl goes to RapeMusic.com. She gets raped. (MARXIST doesn't count since he is a body-builder).
In 1999, rich white people realized that white people who wanted to be black were migrating over to the Tubes, looking to spit a hot verse on each other. These netcees populated numerous ez boards, forums and chatrooms, dedicating much of their time to online rap careers. Out of the pack, no one volunteered to deal with the mess this demographic would leave. But one brave man, known by the moniker Janitor (it's his self-proclaimed job to clean up the poop) made it his life mission to power this time vampire with vBulletin. Apparently, people think that advertising their product to a bunch of people with horrible credit or no credit cards is good for their online business. (The market will teach them!) He has since become a professional herder of lolcow and he milks them for equal amounts of lulz and ad revenue.
When you make an account, you have the option to pick what class you wish to post as.
You are the fucking scum of the galaxy. Too timid to admit you like rap because you're surrounded by rednecks or overbearing white parents, so you secretly get your negro fix by going on RapMusic.com and posting rap lyrics on the forum. (Called writtens) At the very highest level, you'll learn skills such as "Metronome" and "Syncopation", but until then, your 'art' might as well be taken directly out of an emo kid's journal and separated into sentences at random locations (that are further terminated with a / because you cut your wrists) like this:
I roll with an octopus... shopping with lots of us/
Wondering why the galactic inter-dimensional cock is mocking us cuz a/
Rolling Rock is a must. Hush, the sound of a million dead souls/
Is on top of us
The formula for a written is: ((Haiku^2)*2) + Virginity
The many mental disorders of a Textcee can best be summarized by BronzeAtlas: "I don't get it though. Why do all those cats act as if they are actual "emcees"? They plug a mic into there computer and rap, we type. Is it really all that different?"
You defeat your enemies by creating terrible rap songs with your nasal off-beat voice and fruity loops production, as well as a possible collab verse from your buttbuddy on AIM. Your primary weapon is using spambots and advertising to generate Soundclick page views in order to launch your rap career. When you reach a certain amount of page views, you can access your "Big Nigga Dick" powers to crush your opponents with special powers, such as really stupid music videos on YouTube or poorly-designed photoshop cover art.
Never mind the fact that a real producer is a person who inspires artists in a studio to get the best performance. You embraced this term as if you were the second coming of George Martin himself. (Nigga who?) You can't be bothered with simple ideas like time signatures or actual notation. Instead, you start off with the combined powers "Find Hot Loop", "Loop The Shit Out Of It" and "Proficiency: Fruity Loops". At higher levels, you'll start dabbling with actual music skills, such as "Use Chord" and "Notes", but for the most part, you will never tire from trying to emulate whatever is popular on the radio because you will be too scared to actually cut your own path. At one time, you could actually sell your music to people on RM.com. But the market has taught them!!! Broke-ass teenagers can't afford $10 beats. Broke-ass teenagers can't even afford free beats. Today, you must pay Jeff for advertising space so that bottom-of-the-barrel Rappers can use your music and not give you credit.
You use your frightening lexicon to terrify and intimidate all around you. You rely less on wit, and more on making threats of physical violence to those who irritate you. While most people accumulate page views, or post counts, the E-Thug wishes to accumulate enough money to use his only valid power: Plane Ticket. This allows you to physically go to the actual location of a player to follow up on your internet rage. (See JNyce)
For fear of ruining your rapidly exploding rap career, you've decided to hide yourself behind an anonymizer, a proxy, a false e-mail address, and a false name. You derive your powers from instigating bullshit. As your post count goes up, your mastery of drama creation becomes more precise.When you reach a high enough post count, you learn Dominate Thread and you can command topics to go in any direction you wish. However, as powerful as this character is, he is very vulnerable to even low-level Ignore Poster powers. An Alias is very similar to Revolutionary in play style, but Aliases operate alone, giving them a more aggressive offense right off the bat.
One of the most well-geared Aliases to date is a character from Loveland, Ohio named Calvin Williamson, whose real name we aren't supposed to know. To date, he is known to have created over 100 Aliases. Other notable aliases include Faviano and Sampdevilla.
CAUTION: This class receives no pity if the real owner behind it is exposed. You will have your cell phone number, your real name, your address, your IP, your ISP, and whatever else people can get posted everywhere for everyone to see. If you fail at maintaining your Alias, you will most likely be run off the board entirely.
Perhaps as an extension of their racial/cultural confusion, it makes sense that the vast majority of people on RapeMusic command their own personal army of sockpuppets. From time to time, Janitor gets pissed off, IP Bans someone, and feeds us delicious scraps of lolmeat in the shape of their IP. Additionally, Ghet has figured out a way to snatch individual people's IPs and frequently airs them out.
You bought all that crap about the power to the people and unification and revolution before you were 12, hook, line, and sinker... and you haven't shut the fuck up about it since. Low-level Revolutionaries are not very offensive, since they require other people to be in their revolution, making them, at first, a very defensive class. Your innate powers include 'Long-Winded Rebuttal' and 'The Ability To Take Anything Personally'. Overtime, your strong personality will inspire others around you to your cause. This will give you access to Leadership talents, such as 'Stacking The Vote', useful in thread polls or battling cats, yo.
If you put a million monkeys in a room with a million typewriters, they will have eventually created the entire works of Shakespeare. This site, among other sites on the Internet, proves that theory wrong. Out of the thousands of people that actively swap cocksauce with one another, only a handful of people are actually making considerable impact in the music industry. Such an action requires guts and balls, so most people settle for being an Influential Personality. Their sheer presence is associated with many lulz, for each name as a complex and very homoerotic history attached to it.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: You've all been *Neesch*ed. POP POP
- Nimrod AKA:
- The Jersey Closet Devil
- The Mike Tyson Stalker
- Pimprod, Thugrod, Coolrod, *rod
- The Pinko Liberal Communist Hippie
- Suburban Geek turned Flashy Thug
- J-Nyce AKA:
- Foot Face
- The Thousand Alias Commander
- The Bay's Biggest Teat
- D. Omen AKA:
- Fake Blood
- Pinata and Punching Bag of RM
- The LAMEST nigga I KNOW!
- Punjabi Stalker
The Big DealThe Big Meal
- Like a Balls
- Mrs. Cire
- Online Con Artist
- Messiah AKA:
- Photoshop King
- Dates White Girls to get back at the White Man
- Pooh Bear (he fell for a Ghet honeypot)
- Favian AKA:
- Uncle Tom
- Die Hard Liberal With Conservative Views
- Fudge Packer
- Fruity All In Ya Booty
- Mesk AKA:
- Big Money
- Pour Me Another One
- Took Nimrods Parents Out For Dinner
- Drunk posting in the AM hours
- Thugged out Stockbroker
- Tragic AKA:
- Big Trag
- Dougie D
- Dely AKA:
- Patron of RapidShare
- Soulja Boy's Arch Nemesis
- Wargasms Aka:
- Tropical Shirt Sale
- AgentSpits AKA:
- Smallest Cock In Porn
- Rapmusic.coms First Rapper To Enter Porn-Industry
- DZK AKA:
- Poor Man's Eminem
- Soundclick's Elvis
- Noodles AKA:
- Mace Face
- Anorexic Tough Guy
- Irish Thug
- Jnyce's Nemesis
- The only guy in RM.com history who has elevated above the drama and produces music full-time...
- ...until he gets really successful and we start selling photoshopped shit to tabloids for a grand a pop.
- Ghet for Prez
- Internet Hax0r because he knows Computer Science III
- Has strangled over 17,000 negroes with his bare hands
- Failed Producer/Wannabe studio engineer
- The most racist person in the entire Hip-Hop industry
- BlackSoultan AKA:
- Never Black Enough
- Wosrt Album Cover Ever
- Zoloft Addict
- "I've never said a certain race does anything because of their race" then "And yet white people love Carlos Mencia and George Lopez!"
- "Such an ideology should also mean that black children should be adopted by non-blacks and vice versa in order to make sure they do not have a skewed perception of the world. Such is not the case." AKA Anti-Diversity
- Azeus AKA:
- Yahunyahti, AzeussuezA, Anidawehi, Azeus_suezA, The Architect, Azeus_Rex, etc.
- Eric Clapton's Muse
- The Way, The Truth and The Light
- Pompous Arrogant Tool
- Middle-Class Black who can only be black on the Internet
- The L-Taking Champion of 2008
- Gay Zonday
Sometimes, these fucking morons get together and form a group with the collective IQ of Pi. Some of these groups have a prolific influence on the board.
- Anthrax Alliance
- Peter North's Boy Scouts
- Tha Foundation
- Secret Society (Affectionately known as SS)
- California Old
- Purple City Byrd Gang
Occasionally, this collective of welfare recipients and it's loyal following of white apologists occasionally create something noteworthy. Below is the best you can hope for when you force a successful culture to subserviently follow another a failed culture like a lost puppy.
- Nimrod Vs. The Camera
- Nimrod and the Tattoo of Doom
- Server's Suicide Attempt
- The Diddles Chronicles
- Motherfucking Ethix
- RapeMusic Meeting
- Odd Man Out and his Mother
- Thismiss Tits Incident
Sever's Suicide Attempt
Sever is a lad on RM who has suffered from bipolar disorder, depression, and is generally emo as fuck. He also has horrible taste in music - he thinks 311 is the best band evar and Nirvana was bad. He thinks Lil Wayne is a talented rapper, that Canibus is one of the best rappers, and that bone thugs and Beastie Boys are bad. Needless to say he gets trolled for these opinions quite a bit, but thats only the beginning of his fail. From his unsuccessful attempts at rap, to begging for acceptance from WordofPrey only to be pimpslapped around, and posting various humiliating life experiences and seeing each thread reach several pages of ridicule, Sever has been quite the lolcow. However, in 2005 Sever broke down and attempted to commit suicide, and was hospitalized. Someone used his account to make the thread, which led to much lulz and drama. He had a "breakdown" and apparently attempted to overdose with PCP, as seen in this post made with his account:
"Firstlythis is not Joe directly, this is his friend and I spoke to him on the phone earlier today. He is in the assisted living center in Hartford, CT. Last night Joe suffered what he and his family originally believed was a manic and bipolar breakdown. However, after blood and urine testing, the results showed positive for the chemical, PCP. Long story short, the current result at the present time is that Joe is left with limited movement on the left side of his body, including him leg, arm, and face. It is unclear how significantly damaged his nerves are at this moment, but I am asking everyone to pray he will be alright. This is not a joke, and he is not proud of the recent events. Please leave some love for our boy so he has something come home and read. If you would like to contact Sever you can reach him at (203) 213-5672. Thank you."
"P.S. Don’t forget about the 10-man Collab."
Yes, thats right, his dying words would have been FOR RM TO REMEMBER HIS PLAN FOR AN ONLINE COLLAB BETWEEN 10 NET-RAPPERS. Needless to say, the line became a meme.
Sever Server survived and made a full recovery though, and continued to grace RM with his faggotry.
The Diddles Chronicles
Diddles is a classic RM.com meme about the tale of a chunky, talentless, waterhead, emo, fat bastard named Diddles who worked so very hard to fit into the community and failed with every breath he took. He is an obese internet user known for being dissed and sonned on rapmusic.com. The reasons for this are many, but include - Smokefest, whining, aliases, unemployment, the escort, his pictures, "leaving for good" threads, his failed message boards, his wiggerhood, and simply bringing it on himself. For example, making numerous threads about food did not help his predicament of being called a fatty. He is also a manchild, despite his paradoxical claims of being more mature than everyone else. He is not quite on the scale of Chris-chans epicness, but he established himself as an online celebrity in a similar style at RM.
- Full Name: Dana Alan Butler
- Birthday: June 30, 1980
- Location: Waterville, Maine
- Ethnicity: Fat
Pictures - Diddles has posted many ridiculous pictures on rapmusic.com. The most infamous of these are the "SmokeFest" pictures, in which he pretends to drink alcohol from a bottle that still has a cap on it. His pictures also show his many identity changes. He has gone from "mean muggin'" the camera, wearing urban clothing by a picture of 2pac, to spiking up his hair to wearing striped shirts under button ups. Diddles is quite the chameleon, even if the colors clash.
The Escort - Diddles has taken pictures with a slightly overweight dark skinned woman known only as "The Escort". It is unknown if he had relations with her or if he only paid her to take these pictures with him.
Unemployment - Diddles has not had much in the way of employment, the corollary of this being that he is broke. He may or may not be employed now, but it is unlikely. He has a history of collecting welfare to use the internet, buy "new gear", and go out "clubbin'". He has made many excuses for being unable to work, the most prominent being his hydrocephalus/waterhead condition.. despite the fact that this condition doesnt stop him from going out and getting drunk. He also graduated high school.
Wiggerhood - The wiggerhood of diddles lasted for a few years. During this time, he was seen wearing urban clothes, "mean muggin'" the camera, wearing Jew chains, and in general using a "gangsta" persona. He is also credited with the phrase "I'm fucking gangster, bitch!" The lengths he went to represent his wiggerhood were remarkable, considering that he lives in Maine.
Aliases - Diddles has used many names to post on rapmusic.com. He is estimated to have over 200 names, including those with no posts on them. His better known names include - Brand New Jones, Big Daddie, Cella Dwella, Basement Dwella, Antighetto, Intellect One, -DaNa-, and mr diddy. It is unknown why he has used so many names, especially when they are usually identified as him within a few posts.
Leaving Forever - Over time, Diddles has made several dramatic threads announcing that he is leaving rapmusic.com for good. He usually returns within a week or two, and not only that, usually posts on another alias during his supposed absence. The most notable of these events was when he posted that he was not only leaving, but creating his own site to rival rm.com. Apparently, he wanted a mature site, without the immaturity of rapmusic.com. Unfortunately for him, his first message board was quickly flooded with ridicule. He made a second message board, but that did not go far as
he is still posting regularly at RM. After almost 8 years of being RM's greatest lolcow, diddles has mostly migrated off of RM and can be found at offtopicz.com as Dana.
Rap Diss to RM - One day, diddles was caught in another wave of sonnings, ownings, and getting clowned. Typically, his modus operandi would be to complain and throw a hissy fit, and at most "leave" the site for two weeks while posting on an alias. But this time, the diddlemonster had enough. This time, he waged a battle in the tradition of Busy Bee vs. Kool Moe Dee. He recorded and uploaded a rap diss against the site. Not only did this include dope rhymes, but also several gasps and stutters. His voice also sounded whiny at times, just like his posting style. There was no beat, and he released the flames completely acapella. His delivery was very quiet, presumably so his parents wouldn't hear. Overall, he sounded like a fucking colossal retard, and the bomb he dropped exploded into numerous lulz.
The audio is still up on the old soundclick page, and can be heard here. See F*** RapMusic.Com.
- Diddles acronym thread, solid sonning
- MVP/GOAT of diddles sonnings
- Ready, aim, backfire!
- Typical retardation
- More retardation
- The fatty makes a food thread which backfires.
- "Man fact is id fuck ram u lil ass into the ground if i saw u on the street! so back the fuck up!"
- "whats the matter? argy i didnt blow up and say some mind numbing retort?"
- "I do not have a fucking dent in my head you u dumb fuck. I swear any of you kids that clown me on here would prob get fucked up in real life. I aint playin. I can clown on this fuckin faggot all i want to, wtf you dgonna do u lil fuckin bitch? The kid wears shit 3 sizes too big, acts like the internet is some real life shit and looks like a fucking teenage crack head. What now? I think your name is fitting of you... Forget you, you fucking chump."
- "Rapmusic.com is nothing more than a troll fest" -speaking the truth for once
- "I CAN NOT LIFT OVERLY HEAVY ITEMS, THE LEFT SIDE OF MY BODY IS WEAKER THAN THE RIGHT. I DONT EVEN HAVE FULL MOTOR SKILLS OF MY LEFT HAND. IM FUCKING TYPING ONE HANDED RIGHT NOW." -*If you would like to obtain a special typing wand, mash the keyboard now.*
- "I am no fucking halfwit, I'm not fucking ignorant... I have a level of intelligence even if you fucking retards think otherwise. I am no fucking mascot for an online message board. God, you kids are stupid. Verb will never ever be on my level, intectually or intelligence wise."
As you can see, Diddles is at his most comedic when raging over being trolled. Another fine quote comes from the RM Aim Chat:
- Danas tha Godd has entered the chat room.
- Elite Bug Chaser: fat stuttering bastard
- Danas tha Godd has left the chat room.
Other citizens of RM on diddles:
Index: You try and try to be nice to him, but he always does something to remind you why you made fun of him in the first place. He's like the fat kid in grade school and the skinny kid with the big mouth who would always get his ass kicked because he would never shut the fuck up rolled into one. In his head, amongst the mini geyser, there's like a battle between two of the most annoying personalities in existence. How does somebody become this worthless of a human being?
Ethix is the Canadian Ambassador of black person Culture. He is the hardest black person on the Internet ever. Every camera in the world owes Ethix money. However, the tubes were too strong for the streets, and Ethix was defeated in pitched battle sometime in 2005.
A few of these retards met up. They switch to camwhore mode and start waxing philosophical about how nice it is to take a shit, being from New Jersey, and Rape Ape. They also apparently have a 'zipper' that looks like it's about 3.5 grams. D. Omen got brutally sonned throughout the meet, as documented by Academy Award-Winning filmmaker SirRMboss.
Odd Man Out and his Mother
- Combatants: Odd Man Out, Affliction, Skyrbe
- Weapons: Unholy amounts of ugly
- Predictions: Odd Man Out gets a sex and a race change to hide his identity.
Odd Man Out (AKA: Grendel) was a mild-mannered netizen of RapeMusic.com who pillaged towns in Denmark that made too much noise. One day, in a particularly challenging fight with the Norse hero Affliction, Odd Man Out had assistance from an unknown monster. No one could find out where the moster was attacking from until Skrybemind's found her location and discovered the monster was none other than Odd Man Out's mother. She immediately began to seduce everyone on the forum, promising them victory, power, and glory if they only stuck it in her pooper without a condom a few times a week. Many responded. Thousands died of an unknown SuperAIDS strain that can be caught simply by looking at her.
This is her story. (The camera died shortly after this photo set was taken.)
Thismiss Tits Incident
Sometime last thursday, a girl known as thismiss, with a reputation for being a prude, had her camwhore tits exposed to the forums. Epic butthurt and lulz ensued, and she tried to delete fucking everything with her mod powers. This ultimately failed, and her noodz were leaked out to everyone for great justice. This was followed by more lulz, photoshops, and further exposure by her online boyfriend meta maestro. Full article coming soon.
Places of Interest
Take everything you know about /b/ and perform a lobotomy on everyone there. Then saw off their genitals with butterknife. Now violently turn them into Micheal Richards, who was suddenly cast for the lead role in a movie about Richard Pryor's autobiography. That's LipStick Alley. (LIPSTICK ON MY BOXERS FAG, AMIRITE!?) No matter what happens in terms of meme rapidshit, LipStick Alley is at least 3-4 months behind. Notable personalities of this forum include Azeus, Yo Momma/Malosovich, Verb, Diddles, Abstract Visionz, BEEF, Biggedawg, Nanijah, Feme Sole, Ndividual, and of course the Pwnage Crew. Pwnage included Index, Royceshady, Sunstar, Skeb Ijk/Kool Moe Dee, Iconoclast, Cane, White Recluse, Abztract, Macabre, rosa, jesus chris, and others. They were known for their reign of terror lasting for several years, their hatred of Niggers and Verb. Verb was the original freeposter who formulated brilliant statements such as "suck my dick hahahaha", "verbo is turbo", and "stfu ya BRICK lol". He was the archnemesis of Pwnage, though many others felt their wrath. Pwnage were basically /b/tards before /b/. They gradually became less active and faded from prominence during the rise of C-Unit as the main beef supplier of RM.
This is where the Textcee eventually ends up when he wishes to man the fuck up and actually take his talent to the streets. And by streets, I mean the eternal sausagefest of useless nigras/wigras constantly dissing each other with audio recordings (RM.com equivalent of a drive-by) or trading porn accounts. (RM.com equivalent of slanging rock) This forum was originally what it name implied - a forum for hiphop collabs and hip hop networking. That was until the fabled Boot Revolution of the early 2000s. The people wanted a forum where they could photoshop cocks on each other and sling shit at each other like monkeys. The Mods opposed them in this goal, and this led to an enormous uprising. Everyone started spamming threads with pictures of boots (Still no one knows why they chose boots in particular) and disrupted everything. Aliases such as Booterotomy3:16, Boot & the gang, Bootdrow Wilson, Boothoven, Bootsy Collins and others wrote their glorious scriptures, diatribes and rallying calls for an increase of lulz. The mods fought back in determination, even going as far as banning everyone with Boot in their name (which led to a few innocent casualties) but in the end, the people won and the revolution was successful - Audio Emcee Hookups would go on to be full of beef, lulz, bullshit and penis size competitions.
The GRB is RM.com's end-game content. This is where high-level Rapper classes go to earn phat lewts, imitate the battle styles of Eminem and Canibus (see: Sever), and then judge each other on who did the best imitation. High-level Revolutionaries come to play here as well, since they can 'Stack the Vote' in favor of one Rapper over another. The GRB is notorious for Aim Rings, in which netcees who are buttbuddies on AIM agree to vote for each other. The votes are public, so to try to get away with stacking votes they will often wait until just before the poll closes. All this leads to absolutely epic amounts of butthurt, as people hate-vote by voting against someone who voted against them, and AIMring/cheating accusations fly all over. Throw in arguments about rules and technicalities, and you have a glorious shitstorm every year. With that said, it brings out some humorous/dope tracks, and there are real money prizes for the winners - $1000 for 1st place.
The Emcee Battles forum consists of rappers who actually rap in real life, freestyle battle and attend live events, which sets them apart as a distinct population from most other wiggaz of RM. The forum is less plagued by beef and trolls, as its populace focuses on IRL events rather than building soundclick rap careers. They do have their share of lulz though, and notable personalities include EmceeGoddess and the epic lolcow know as Apollo. (yep, apollo still gay -Diabolic)
After the Matrix came out, this forum blew the fuck up and became the staging grounds for the most far-fetched conspiracies imaginable. Today, it serves as the starting zone for anyone who picked the Revolutionary class. If you wish to argue about the impact on Race and History, or Race and Warfare, or Race and Rice Krispy Treats, or Race and Toilet Paper Manufacturing, or Race and *, then this place is for you. Besides race-baiting, frequent pastimes in this forum include the classic debate on religion, as well as the occasional conspiracy theory. SPOILER: You will find many Leftist White Apologists from Academia (including a graduate instructor!) naturally flocking here to relive their glorious days about the great proletarian revolution of the 90s that never happened.
- The one, the only, Rapmusic.gay
- This is how to advertise yourself here, no lie
- Diddles vs. Verb, clash of the titans
- Classic breakdown of Nimrod by DZK
- Epic Alley beef
- Lonely, bored, attention-whoring housewife gets owned when her husband logs onto RM
- EXPOSED! :eek:
- More exposure
- Salvdor the audio rapper bites text lines for his GRB verse. The rest is history.
- Alley Lulz
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