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Pregnant Loli

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Pregnant.. or internet diseased?

Pregnant loli or teen mothers are 14 year-old lolis, like Bristol Palin, who've managed to get knocked up, sometimes on purpose and sometimes accidentally half the football team.


The classic Falcon Punch actually solves teen pregnancy!
Pregnant whore's morals: Keep the baby, cheat on the daddy.

While is common to find lolis faking pregnancy to receive a get-out-of-school-free card aka "maternity leave", some pregnant lolis are not faking it and actually were knocked up. These bloated freaks of nature will grow to immense sizes and waddle about the school hallways pulling their backpacks around on a cart, basically trying to garner as much attention as possible before their social life is taken from them more from the time constraints imposed by the required care of their newborn child than the social ostracization resulting from having slept with one or more of the following:

  • football team--bible belt rednecks know how to knock up lolis good and then bible-talk them into keeping the baby
  • basketball team--once you go black, you won't go back
  • science club--best source of crystal meth
  • computer club--free gaming with pirated warez
  • teachers--best way to graduate high school and get answers to quiz before selling them

Pregnant lolis can be far more annoying than even your typical valley girl. They will whine constantly and complain about how they "feel like a fat cow" and how their "back is aching", all the while demanding tons and tons of junk food mixed with pickle relish, mayonnaise and pastrami. This behavior is solely for the purpose of making as many suckers people around them feel sorry for them and forget that they are nothing but dumb sluts who forgot to put their diaphragms in, much less take their birth control pill, or in the worst case stick to masturbation instead of spreading their legs for some inbred loser. This behavior will, of course, cause half the football team, *all* of the basketball team and whichever geek on the chess club is responsible for distilling Nyquil into Crystal Meth to piss their pants in fretful anticipation of the results of the blood test.


Have a nice life, prego.


There is a cure for this condition. It is called an abortion. 99.9% of all teenage pregnancies do not result in this because most pregnant teens are too fucking stupid to realize that not only are they going to contaminate the gene pool, their children are going to be half-breed retards who will make the same fucking mistake again within two decades of their being born. To date, not one child born to a pregnant teen has ever gone on to do anything of merit, note or even worth giggling. Save for Hillary Clinton, although her claim in this regard may be rendered moot if a bill in Congress passes allowing for retroactive abortions.

Pregnancy Pact

In a Massachusetts high school, seventeen girls started a pregnancy pact to see how many retards they could pop out at once. This, once again, proves that liberals are nuts about sluts. Even though, back in the times of the Bible, pregnancy pact is what the Virgin Mary did after she was knocked up by God.


Teen mothers can cause drama in several contexts:

  • Childfree people love to whine and complain about how all the other girls in their town got pregnant at 13 and everyone gave them free cars because of it, while they themselves had to work eighty-hour weeks to put themselves through college as astrophysicists.
  • Pop parents enjoy being judgmental about teen mothers, unless those mothers are performing all their actions in accordance with the Crunchy Parenting Code of Conduct, in which case they're totally cool and mature.
  • Regular parenting boards sometimes suffer teen mother invasions, which results in a bunch of fairly normal women with little internets experience trying to deal with demands of tolerance from bitter high-school students with bad spelling.
  • Libertarians like to include teen mothers in the wide and wonderful realm of welfare wank.
  • Occasionally, semi-celebrities like Jamie Lynn Spears or Keisha Castle-Hughes get pregnant before they can vote, which invariably causes eruptions of drama between people who omg loooooove the actress in question and will totally support her no matter what she does, and the people who think maybe teen pregnancy is a bad idea even if you do have millions of dollars at your disposal.
  • Invoking the wrath of decent people who work for a living.
Comedians, like David Letterman, like to use pregnant lolis in their joke. Bringing your loli daughter pregnant with your grandkid to a baseball game is the best way to generate drama. Such drama is useful for wash up politicians, like Sarah Palin, who needs to use her pregnant loli daughter to stay in the media spot light.

Where to find teen mothers


See Also

External Links

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[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]
Pregnant Loli is part of a series on Psychology
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AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex


AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia


Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases


ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary


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See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamsDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyMary BellPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning