Paulie Calafiore

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Police.gif Zaulie is over and theres nothing you cucks can do about it.

The face of a wop who just got pwned by a bunch of wimmins.

Paulie Calafiore is an emo guido who appeared on reality TV show, Big Brother. He is gay and currently dating a black woman, who he enjoys abusing and belittling on a daily basis. LOL THEY BROKE UP This wop embarrassed himself in several ways including but not limited to pissing on himself, whining like a huge pussy because he was forced to bake pies, creating stupid catchphrases such as "Bred For This" and "Calafury", and being an incestous sexual deviant who was seen having a massive fucking orgy with his father and little brother on national television. He has over 9000 followers on Twitter and Instagram, and all of them are 14 year old girls and 13 year old gay boys. He also has nudes on the Interwebs and a lot of white knights from Reddit.

So who is this faggot anyways?

Back in 2014, the year of SJWs, and Gamergate, a he-whore wop from Jersey named Cody Calafiore starred on the trash TV show that is Big Brother. The highly rapeable dumbfuck attracted a nice sizable fanbase off 16 year old girls and pedophiles. He ultimately ended up giving the cool hard cash to his daddy, a cop from Rhode Island. Since he was on the same season as Frankie Grande and Zach Rance, CBS milked the Jersey trash for all he was worth until 2016. CBS then decided it would be a fine and dandy idea to have his misogynistic, pissy, ugly as fuck older brother on, which is why we are now stuck with the shit that is Paulie.

Paulie's "Promising" Start

See, Allison Grodner wasn't fine with just one Calafiore taking part in Big Brother and bringing shame to the entire state of New Jersey. She had to have another, so, she had the spectacular fucking idea to have this ugly cocksucker and some dyke's other dyke sister be whored off on BIG BRUTHUR!1!1!! Naturally, Paulie started off as a fan favorite because this show panders to horny middle schoolers and hornier cat ladies, who thought that he was "SO HAWT OEMGEE POLLY RAEP MY FACE PLZ", even though 16 year old girls already thirsted after him because he was Cody's brother, and his shirtless pictures had been circulating since the days of Dashcon. He even found himself in a showmance with a redneck black woman from North Carolina, who all the teenyboppers thought he looked cute raping. One bad haircut later, however, the horny twinks who spent their days fantasizing about Paulie raping their tiny virgin hole began to finally see the light....

SJW's Begin Polly's Downfall

Fortunately, the feminazis of tumblr of all people, began to see this cunt for who he really was, an insecure guido who think's he's so badass and funny, but in reality, everyone is laughing at him make a fool of himself. One of the things he did was make fun of some whore's fake tits, and think that he was oh so clever for coming up with the nickname "FTs", when he just proved to have a 5th grade sense of humor. "OH LOOK GAIZ LOOK NATALIE HAS FAKE TEETERS!1!!1!!11" was a line that we were all subjected to hearing about 20 times an hour. He also got a haircut and grew a beard making him look even more like a white trash hobo, to try to look like the albainian tryhard of the house who is just as big of a whiny faggot as Paulie is, and who Paulie clearly wanted to suck off. He had a crew of minions including a gay baseball coach, another gay Puerto Rican who enjoys homosexual activities such as salsa dancing, and the afro-mentioned black woman, who enjoys to shoot things and get molested by our friend Paulie.


Speaking of the hoodrat he showmanced with, #Zaulie became a popular hashtag amongst the 13 year olds, because they all fantasized about being molested by Paulie just like Zakiyah was. This all changed when Paulie started slappin' her around and cheating on her with the other obviously gay men of the house. However, Zakiyah is a desperate bitch and continued to let Paulie fill her with his rotten cum for the rest of their stay in the house. This sent the #Zaulie fans into a frenzy, with them all furiously masturbating to the thought of Paulie abusing them. They even made various tribute videos To show their LURVE for this pairing.


The fans of Big Brother, who, mind you have tolerated such amazing individuals like Frankie Grande, Zach Rance, and just about every piece of human garbage from seasons 16 and 17, finally got fed up with Paulie's entitlement and whiny behavior, so they trended #WEHATEPAULIECALAFIORE on twitter, which induced much butthurt from the Calafiore Family. Paulie's father even took time out of his busy schedule of fucking Cody in the ass to respond to all of the SJWs calling for Paulie's head. Eventually, all 6 of Paulies other white knights joined in the pity party too. However, clearly, the white knights were outnumbered by 1 to over 9000.

Cody joined in in the white knight party too!

How to spot a Paulie White Knight

Believe it or not, people besides his incestual cult family also white knight for Paulie, and want to protect their "Sweet Wittle Baby" or whatever cringe shit his middle school fans come up with. Here are some ways you can spot a Paulie white knight. 95% of his white knights reside in the cesspool that is twitter. If someone tweets with the #Zaulie hashtag, they're a Pauliefag for sure. If someone watches all of Cody's shitty YouNows where he threatens to fight past big brother alumni for trash talking his brother, and then tweets about how AWESUM the Calafiore family is, they're probably a pauliefag. If someone goes on reddit and makes a thread about how they feel bad about Paulie for having to bake pies :( and about how he got BULLIED by the FEMINAZIS Natalie and Bridgette :((((( (this is an actual thing a pauliefag said btw.), then they might as well give Paulie permission to use their face like he uses hot tubs.



Yep. This fuckface has pictures of his 1 inch dick floating around on the interwebz. Naturally, we can only assume that when all of Paulies 12 year old white knights saw this photo, they all collectively came in their Hello Kitty panties.

Post Show Fuckery

Post show, Paulie spends his time arguing with 13 year old girls, promoting bestiality on Twitter, and posting cringeworthy quotes. His many white knights ended up purchasing a trip for him and his slampiece to go to the Bahamas together so they can have 23 crack babies.

Meet N Greet

So last October, Paulie held a meet and greet at some arcade in New Jersey. Among the guests at this shit-show included his brother Cody, notable flaming faggot and Pedobear Frankie Grande, an irrelevant fatASs who was later exposed on Twitter for making sockpuppet accounts to attack his fellow Big Brother houseguests, and of course, his personal sex doll. At the event he trashed the CBS company, told an audience full of 16 year old girls that he was not the woman hating monster that Tumblrite SJWs made him out to be, and even fucking butchered Bruno Mars in front of his girlfriend. Don't believe me.... just watch.

Keep the clorox on standby


Upon leaving the Big Brother house, Paulie boy developed a fetish for fucking lions of all things. He frequently posts pictures of his favorite victims for yiff on Twitter, with cheesy motivational quotes stamped over them. He even got a tattoo of a lion to symbolize his fetish for Simba and friends.


A few days before Halloween, Zakiyah decided to unfollow and block a group of 16 year old girls because some Zaulie dick-riders had slid into her DMs about them supposedly shit-talking her favorite piece of white trash behind her back. This ended up starting motherfucking World War III, and sent Paulie on the worst Twitter rant since Leslie Jones had her meltdown last summer. A gallery full of screenshots from his tirade is coming soon, so stay tuned, EDiots.

WE HAZ DA BEZT FANZ!!!11!!!11!

Some time after the unfollowing and blocking controversy, a large group of Zaulies biggest cum guzzlers got together to use their welfare checks to finance a trip for Paulie and Zakiyah to some fucking island in the Caribbean that nobody cares about. Being the two attention whores and drama llamas they are, they immediately began bragging about receiving the trip on Bird Poop Site. When the legions of Big Brother fans who have nothing to do in life except live in their mothers basement and blog about mind-numbing reality tv learned about this, they went absolutely duking nuts, and started yet another war with the Zaulie stans. Death threats were slung about, keyboards were smashed, and surprisingly, Paulie had nothing to say this time.

The Great Cheating Drama of 2017

Shit really began to hit the fan in December of 2016, when some asshole on Twitter came forth with some serious exposure on Paulie. Apparently, Paulie had been cheating on Zakiyah with some bimbo named AshesToAshes, or Ashley! Screenshots from a Facebook group showed that Ashley had flown out to New Jersey and New York City to visit Paulie on his birthday, to fuck him. At first, everybody, including Ashley, denied these screenshots as false and a work of Photoshop. But that was not all! Even more info was released on Twitter revealing that Paulie had also had a fling with Amanda, also known as Miss Blogger! Miss Blogger was a woman who liked to suck the dicks of the token racist white men on every single season of Big Brother, and she too denied these allegation. The Miss Blogger bullcrap was ultimately revealed to be fake, but the same does not go for Ashley.

Paulie Takes To Periscope

On December 31st, Paulie hopped onto Periscope to address the MEAN BULLIEZ!!11!!!1 During the Periscope, Paulie got into a Skype call with Ashley, and he claimed that this Skype call was the first time he had met Ashley face to face. Well, guess what? Mr. Cala-fury was lying through his teeth! He made an ENTIRE Periscope in which he blatantly lied to all of his supporters about Ashley, claiming that he never met her and had only emailed her about PR shit. And get this - it later came out that Paulie actually FORCED ASHLEY TO LIE during the Skype call, and muted her multiple times. Paulie is just proving even further that he is the slimiest, most horrible, most disgusting houseguest to ever compete on Big Brother, both for his behavior in the house and out of the house.

Its Over

A live look at the faces of the Zaulie cumguzzlers after hearing they broke up, right after sending them on a vacation they paid for with their welfare check.

During the Super Bowl, as the New England Patriots came back to rek the Atlanta FAILcons, Zakiyah and Paulie released a couple of now deleted videos on their Twitter pages to announce that it was the end of their fake relationship as they know it. All of the white knights immediately started BAWWWWWWWWWing over the breakup, because they realized they would have to come back to reality and that their vicarious interracial fantasy was finally over. Oh, the lulz. Just wait until Big Brother 19 rolls around and they find another swirl showmance to fap to that will be history by Thanksgiving....

See Also

External Links

Portal icon television.gif

Paulie Calafiore is part of a series on


Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.

Paulie Calafiore is part of a series on Dying Alone

Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnna Nicole SmithBrandon CrispBrian AdamsCharmaine DragunChris BenoitCodey PorterDavid CarradineEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyHeath LedgerKitty0706Leelah AlcornLemonade CoyoteLoki BlackfangMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiRicardo LopezRipperLiloRudolph ZurickShawn WoolleyShayTyler DumstorfWilliam Atchison

Those Dying Alone

2 gryphonAhuviya HarelAlex FordAmerica's Third PartyAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoArgent009Arguecat3Sophie LabelleBambifan101Basement DwellersBenny_the_SnakeBikerfoxBill9929Bob RehahnBrian Richard ZaigerBrianna WuBroniesByAppointmentToChloe SagalChris CrockerChris-chanChuck M.CrazyvideosandrantsDaniel BrandtDavid HockeyDBoyWheelerDeekerDGTrixieDiaper BoyDnepropetrovsk maniacsDon RobertsDorian_GayDragoneerDrakonEmoEpic Fat GuyErik RibsskogFagolescentsFanFic CriticFat ManFaust & PoryAnita SarkeesianFilthy Frank Five Nights at Freddy's fansFluffy teh wolfFriends of A-LogFurriesG-ZayGhostGirlvinylGoddessMilleniaGraykatHellkiller777I Dislike Cis PeopleIan Miles CheongIchverbotJINXDROWNEDJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn Patrick RogersJonathan McIntoshJonmonJoseph CampJoseph8276Kathleen ToddKevin HavensKimmo Johan AlmKrashedLecarickLeigh AlexanderLordelthibarManchildrenMariotehplumberMarjan SiklicMonica PunkMoviebobMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanNaokoElric2250Nathan GaleNawlinWikiNeckbeardNick BravoNullcherriOnideus Mad HatterOnyx ForepawPacificoceanasiaParkourdude91Peter CoffinPhil FishApril DavisPit ViperRandi HarperRicki RavenRobert Wayne StilesRootbrianRose3212Sad FrogSam PepperSceptreSchnookumsSethistoSnapesnoggerSonmanicSuperlisamcbEric RidenourThe Unknown AutobotTheSockDetectiveTom PrestonTourneyfagTyciolUlillilliaVinceintheBayWeegeeisgoingtokillmYouZoe Quinn

Their Methods

9gagAIDSBoozeAnimuask.fmAsperger's SyndromeAssigned MaleBath SaltsBody PillowsBullyingCosplayDead FriendDeviantARTDiscordDrugEdginessFanFictionFeminism The Filthy Frank ShowFive Nights at Freddy'sFleshlightFriend ZoneFurry ArtGarry's ModGooglewhackingHackingHover handsHufflepuffHypebeastSelf-seclusionInfantilismInvisible GirlfriendIRCJenkemKotakuLeague of LegendsLegoLibertarianismLiveJournalLonelyLoveShyMai WaifuMinecraftMLP ForumsMMORPGMen's rights activismHomestuck‎MUDMy Little PonyMy Tiny DickNice GuyismOculus RiftOh ShiternetOnline datingOnline sex gamesPlastic CrapPlenty of FishRuneScapeSecond LifeTaking the Internet Too SeriouslyShy Boys IRLSilk Screen Goku ShirtSmogon UniversitySocial JusticeTeam Fortress 2The SimsTulpasTumblrTV TropesUncyclopediaVloggerheadsWizardchanWorld of WarcraftYouTube

Dislike1.png Paulie Calafiore is a Bad New Article. You can help by fixing it.

See the template page for more info.