Open Water 2
Also known as Open Water 2: Adrift, Retards on a Boat, and the like, Open Water 2 is a thriller movie about attention whores who have fallen and cannot get back up... onto the boat. A story about typical basement dwellers who have no survival instincts, or brains, whatsoever. This movie is mostly enjoyed by basement dwellers and/or retards. Warning: Reading about the movie and what defenders have to say will have you facepalm.
Six high school friends, and a baby, go on a yacht to the middle of the ocean. There are three girls and three guys. One of the girls is deathly afraid of water, so she gets forced into the water for lulz. Once all of them are in they realize they have no way to get back on board. Instead of thinking rationally and acting on plans to get back up, they wait in the water while whining and complaining. Only two attempts are made to get back on. The heaviest guy tries to climb up the flag, which rips and he falls back into the water. Soon, they hear a cell phone ring. The jacket containing it is in reach and they grab the phone. When the call ends and the signal goes to one bar, the phone is thrown in the ocean. After a few hours, the second attempt is made by stripping and using their bathing suits as a rope. Once again, the heaviest guy tries to climb it, but it falls back into the water. They give up after that and stare at the boat, hoping their telepathic powers will cause the ladder to come down. The father of the baby hits his head on the bottom of the boat and gets a skull fracture from it. The bright idea of using the knife to make a step in the side of the boat is formed. Before it can happen, the dude with the boat says "LEAVE THE BOAT ALONE. IT'S MY BOSS'S" and stabs his friend by accident. Some girl decides to become an hero because of that and drowns herself. The bleeding guy is left to drift off with the remainder of their bathing suit rope. Another girl claims she will swim to shore and goes off. No one cares. The skull fracture guy dies and his wife screams. Now the only two left are her and the guy who took the boat. He tries to kill himself with the glass from his goggles, then realizes he can stab it into a crack to climb up onto the boat. The mother climbs up and pushes the button that lowers the ladder. The guy goes off to die. The mother leaves the baby again and jumps off to save him. They die and a mexican on a boat finds the baby.
Why It's Bullshit
- They had six fucking people to work with.
- It took two, in the end, to get back up.
- The ladder only needed to be pushed with a button to open.
- The mother left the baby alone for hours.
- They only tried two times to get back up.
- The cell phone was thrown into the ocean.
- The knife wasn't used and was also thrown into the ocean.
- The swimsuit rope was left to drift away into the ocean.
- When the mother got back on the boat, she left her baby to save the asshole that got them into this mess, ultimately dying with him.
- There was blood from a skull fracture and a stabbing. That should have attracted sharks.
Conclusion: The baby was the smartest character. She could even find her pacifier and put it in her mouth (mistake on film maker's part).
Fans and Protectors
Surprisingly there are people who defend this piece of crap. Their reasons being that the movie is very "emotional", "dramatic", "suspenseful", etc etc. Many people claim that they would have been in the same situation, proving that they are fucking idiots.
One of the most repeated defenses for this movie is, "They didn't have enough time to think about lowering the ladder/coming up with a good plan. People can't think well when they're panicking." Even though it took them about twenty minutes to get in the water, plus an additional fifteen for the last two to jump in. For the most part, the characters spend hours just treading water, waiting for something to happen. Everyone who defends this claim gets butthurt and can never think of a good reply back.
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