Online Dating

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This is the typical 18 year old virgin with perfect body that you may find on Facebook.
Doing it wrong. Doing it right!
What your online date really looks like
We all know that this is actually you.

Online Dating is a modern phenomenon in that, regardless of how many freakish, desperate, fat and dirty people we meet, we continue to search online for "The Right One". Every online dater knows that their so called "girlfriend" actually isn't interested at all in them, nevertheless they refuse to admit it. Their empty lives leave them with nothing to do besides go on some instant messenger or chat and type things such as "*sticks his 20 inch cock in 2 her ass super hard*" and "*grunts and screems as he shoots 2 galons of seemen into her body*". Anyways internet dating is for faggots that are too ugly to get a date in real life, so they resort to online relationships which they deem "Just as good.".

As with any online endeavor, online dating is full of misleading words, tricky people, and outright lies.

Women Seeking Men: Common Terms

  • Voluptuous: This (or curvy) is what a fat girl says when she has not come to terms with the fact that she is, indeed, fat.
  • BBW: This stands for "Big Beautiful Woman". It also means "I'm fat, but I'm ok with it."
  • Free-spirited: Synonym for filthy hippy slut.
  • Shallow/Superficial: You are shallow and/or superficial if you do not like fat chicks.
  • Not skinny, but not huge: Synonym for voluptuous.
  • Real man: Synonym for pussy whipped.
  • Knows how to treat a lady: Synonym for real man
  • Outgoing: A girl who admits to being outgoing, in all actuality, just fucks every guy within a 5-mile radius.
  • Independent: Synonym for feminist dyke that doesn't cook.
  • "My friends say..." or "Some guys tell me...": This is the beginning of a sentence that is a lie
  • "Not a ho": She's a slut; expects no compensation.
  • "Easy going": Easy.
  • "Fun": Puta junkie whore.

As We here at ED researched, we found that 99% of all terms found in women's profiles mean one of nine things. They are:

  • I'm fat.
  • I'm ugly.
  • I have no social skills.
  • I'm fat.
  • I'm a slut.
  • Even my mother hates me, mainly because of the fact that I'm an insufferable bitch.
  • I'm fat.
  • I'm letting myself go and have the self-esteem to match.
  • And last, but not least... I'm fat.

Men Seeking Women: Common Terms

There were fewer hidden meanings in men's profiles. Guys are pretty much:

  1. Queer and/or get beat up, or
  2. Want to get laid.

Please note that there are some good looking men using online dating sites. These men will either kill (and possibly eat) you, or they can only get off via sexual practices so disgusting they can't find a paid professional to do the dirty work.


See Also

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Online Dating is part of a series on Dying Alone

Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnna Nicole SmithBrandon CrispBrian AdamsCharmaine DragunChris BenoitCodey PorterDavid CarradineEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyHeath LedgerKitty0706Leelah AlcornLemonade CoyoteLoki BlackfangMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiRicardo LopezRipperLiloRudolph ZurickShawn WoolleyShayTyler DumstorfWilliam Atchison

Those Dying Alone

2 gryphonAhuviya HarelAlex FordAmerica's Third PartyAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoArgent009Arguecat3Sophie LabelleBambifan101Basement DwellersBenny_the_SnakeBikerfoxBill9929Bob RehahnBrian Richard ZaigerBrianna WuBroniesByAppointmentToChloe SagalChris CrockerChris-chanChuck M.CrazyvideosandrantsDaniel BrandtDavid HockeyDBoyWheelerDeekerDGTrixieDiaper BoyDnepropetrovsk maniacsDon RobertsDorian_GayDragoneerDrakonEmoEpic Fat GuyErik RibsskogFagolescentsFanFic CriticFat ManFaust & PoryAnita SarkeesianFilthy Frank Five Nights at Freddy's fansFluffy teh wolfFriends of A-LogFurriesG-ZayGhostGirlvinylGoddessMilleniaGraykatHellkiller777I Dislike Cis PeopleIan Miles CheongIchverbotJINXDROWNEDJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn Patrick RogersJonathan McIntoshJonmonJoseph CampJoseph8276Kathleen ToddKevin HavensKimmo Johan AlmKrashedLecarickLeigh AlexanderLordelthibarManchildrenMariotehplumberMarjan SiklicMonica PunkMoviebobMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanNaokoElric2250Nathan GaleNawlinWikiNeckbeardNick BravoNullcherriOnideus Mad HatterOnyx ForepawPacificoceanasiaParkourdude91Peter CoffinPhil FishApril DavisPit ViperRandi HarperRicki RavenRobert Wayne StilesRootbrianRose3212Sad FrogSam PepperSceptreSchnookumsSethistoSnapesnoggerSonmanicSuperlisamcbEric RidenourThe Unknown AutobotTheSockDetectiveTom PrestonTourneyfagTyciolUlillilliaVinceintheBayWeegeeisgoingtokillmYouZoe Quinn

Their Methods

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