—The Telegraph, doing it wrong.
In mid-August of 2008, Something Awful forum goon and creator of Electric Retard, Sigvatr, released a personal project he'd nearly abandoned, a simple video game known as Muslim Massacre. The concept was simple enough: shoot every Muslim until none survived.
With a top-down view, a machine gun, and stacks of grenades, Muslim Massacre somewhat resembles classic arcade (and later console) games such as Commando, Berzerk or Smash TV, only with more Muslims and more blood. The player fights minute-long rounds advancing through a growing pile of Islamic corpses on his quest to ultimately kill Osama bin Laden, Muhammad, and finally Allah himself.
Were the game commercially available, the packaging would likely read something like this:
The United States of America, a leader and role model for all in the modern world, is taking drastic measures to secure the freedom and safety of the world. Having borne witness to the atrocities of the followers of Islam time and time again, it has been decided that the entire Muslim race shall be wiped from the surface of the Earth.
You, the American Hero, have valiantly volunteered to make landfall in the Middle East and ensure that no Muslim man or woman is left alive. Your mission priorities are to seek out and neutralize the Muslim leader Osama bin Laden, their radical cult leader Muhammad and finally Allah, taking down any targets you meet on the way.
The shit hits the fan
Like most offensive Goon projects Muslim Massacre enjoyed a fairly longish thread with most readers enjoying the game, complimenting it, and suggesting minor improvements. The GBS morality brigade soon chimed in like the threadshitters they are, pointing out that it was incredibly racist and therefore quite lulzy, which was of course the point. Collectively, GBS was happy with Sigvatr's product and the thread enjoyed near-gold popularity before fading into obscurity and falling off the front page.
The day before September 11, however, The thread was resuscitated and a second thread was posted. Apparently the old media had discovered this 8-bit religious bloodbath and went absolutely batshit over what would otherwise have been forgotten. With the media attention, as could be expected, came outraged Muslims and the angrier white people eager to defend a cause, any cause.
—Mohammed Shafiq, chief executive of The Ramadhan Foundation, after failing to complete the first round
Nevermind the fact that Britain's violence seems to stem from the growth of the chav population and the fact that their police don't carry guns, making them ineffective at protecting the public, video games are to blame! A blog on The Guardian went so far as to ask the all-important question: should the internet game Muslim Massacre be banned? Of course this important commentary forgets entirely that once something is available on the internet it is available forever no matter what.
Sigvatr's websites Electric Retard and the homepage for Muslim Massacre were quickly suspended by his webhost without warning. Likely fearing the repercussions presented by thousands of bomb-toting terrorists, his ISP folded like a house wife when daddy gets home smelling like whiskey. Meanwhile Australian police have begun to investigate the game in a misguided attempt to minimize Muslim butthurt and to harass a freedom-loving, red-blooded American. In his own defense, Sigvatr has stated that the game is a blatant satire and not meant to be taken seriously or as legitimate social commentary.
—Sigvatr, talking out of his ass
Early in the morning on September 15th Sig bumped the second thread, entitled Goon-made racist videogame makes international news, stating that he'd posted the apology on his personal site in order to appease his webhost and have his various domains restored. Apparently it worked and the Muslim Massacre homepage is back online once again offending Muslims across the world. At this point in time, however, the cynical goons have painted him as the attention whore that he is with Helldump posters crawling from beneath their rocks to render the thread a wasteland. Soon afterward moderators found their way into the mess to pick up the pieces and clean up after Sigvatr and his detractors.
—Sigvatr again, claiming to have planned it all out
- Muhammad Sex Simulator 2015
- Sammy D S. Notorious, perma-banned, Islamophobic Yelper who fantasized about massacring Muslims in real life.
- Muslim Massacre: The Game of Modern Religious Genocide on TOW
- The original thread
- Thread the second, in which goons discover the entire world is upset and fan the flames accordingly
- Muslim Massacre video game condemned for glamorising slaughter of Arabs The Telegraph, spelling things incorrectly
- Anti-Muslim computer game stirs wave of anger anger down under
- Muslim Massacre game criticised The Metro, spreading the panic
- BAN EVERYTHING.
- More evidence that satire doesn't transmit over the interwebs The Guardian, admitting they don't understand humor
- Outrage over Muslim Massacre computer game the Daily Mail, saying the same goddamn thing every other paper has already said
- Goon trolls world, film at eleven
- The game itself, available forever thanks to BitTorrent (ignore the retards shouting about viruses, it's legit)
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|Featured article September 16, 2008|
I go chop your dollar
|Muslim Massacre||Succeeded by|
I go chop your dollar