|This person has Assburgers Syndrome, |
so you can't say anything bad! :-(
Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
Behold, Masochistic-Wolfie (Powerword Holly Renee Barnett) ; a 17 year old, Wiccan, GOTIS infected camwhore, weeaboo, furfag, wolfaboo and self professed "almost professional" singer, "amazing" photographer and "great" artist. Her great art mostly consists of 4574659 camwhore photos and shitty animu weeaboo/furry crap (Usually depicting her and her boyfriend's fursonas yiffing). Unless she's being complimented or praised, she's most likely to froth at the mouth, spew some kind of "Hatturz maek me famous" shit, assume you're "one of Jade's friends" and become incredibly block happy.
She embodies the terms "attention whore" and also just regular "whore". Her hobbies include claiming to have attempted to an hero multiple times, cursing the grandparents that provide her with food, shelter and internets, raging at her mother for not trusting her boyfran even though she got her hymen pierced at age 15, threatening to RUN AWAY FOREVAR and then backpedaling and lolling at her dad's terminal cancer. On top of all these delightful character traits, she also suffers from an incredibly large amount of USI and a crippling victim complex matched only by a butthurt lolcow, known as Chad Syphrett.
Her outstanding photography is a work of genius and includes such wonderful masterpieces as "Bamboo staff" 1-8 where she can be seen in various poses wearing next to nothing holding a bamboo staff. There is also the deep and allegorical "New hair" 1-6 photo series where she can be seen attempting cutesy faces, adding insightful descriptions such as "Wolfie New Hair" and employing the use of greyscale and sepia to make it just that little bit more artistic. While she's
neither fuck ugly nor a secret internet fatty ugly as hell without the help from make up, her GOTIS and disposition of a 12 year old girl make her entirely undesirable.
Her artistic prowess goes beyond the scope of her bedroom, it also extends to the hospital. Yes, you heard right, she feels the need to flaunt her ailments for all to see. Because informing everyone on dA you have an abnormal spine is art, right? Since she believes hospital x rays are art, she might want to credit her doctor for taking them instead of plagiarising their fantastic masterpieces like a thieving cunt.
Her incessant camwhoring shit usually attracts fine young gentlemen who love her for her "art". Because she's modest and ttly not fishing for compliments with her fuckton of mundane, shitty, pictures, she happily laps up compliments from her loyal male asspatters looking to creep beyond the friend zone.
Furfag camwhoring variants
Being a wolfaboo, weeaboo and camwhore simultaneously, obviously these delicious character traits are bound to come together to produce something beautiful. Not content with just taking too fucking many generic social networking site pictures, she decided that she'd submit some moar excellent quality photography, furfag style. Her "Wolfie Cosplay" subsection contains wondrous submissions that would put professional photographers to shame such as "Wolfie's Collar Unhooked" and "Wolfie With Yarn 6".
When all combinations of clenched kawaii neko paws, derp faces and awkward posing are exhausted, much like Derek Zoolander she resorts to abusing various photoshop filters to generate a ttly different image to the last. With MW being so talented, you'd think she'd be able to differentiate between cats, dogs and wolves, but she can frequently be seen wearing a cat ear hat, dog collar and leash. Much like her generic camwhoring shit, these pictures also appeal to their target demographic: Fellow furries.
—Comment on "Wolfie Cosplay 9". The third person thing isn't cute, that's just her USI talking.
When she's not hard at work eyeing herself up in photobooth or scanning her spinal x rays, MW is usually immortalising herself and her boyfriend together as their durrsona personalities. Of course, no effort has been spared to make them look as kawaii as possible and she also puts some of her sketches together to depict monumentous occasions like her relationships "5 Monthiversary". It's clear to see why she considers herself a great artist when you witness her mad colouring skills rivalled by most 2 year olds.
One of her finest pieces depicts their fursonas OMG almost doing it and is entitled "Almost rape". Because she likes to think she's a masochist, her "vampire" boyfriend can be seen chomping down on one of her impossibly over inflated tits attached to a pro ana standard midsection while she pulls an animu 'gasm face. Also if you look closely at the positioning of her arms you can clearly see she's doing an "I DUNNO, LOL" pose. Even though she's jailbait, she decided to upload the questionable picture anyway. Since the dA admins were finally spoonfed "enough evidence" to prove that the character is Wolfie's loli fursona, it was purged for being CP.
Lernin' 2 draw
You may wonder where MW got all of her fabulous, ttly original posing ideas for some of her beautiful drawings. Well, it would appear that (surprise, surprise) she employs the use of bases. Being an honest and upstanding member of the dA community, she ensures that she credits the original base creators promptly.
MW would like to somewhat preserve her image as an artist so rather than tracing, she instead prefers to attempt to
reference copy the base poses very poorly. Obviously, there's the addition of a shitty mane of hair, a tail, animu fangs and faggy neko ears initially. She also seems to have a preference for kawaii embarrassment lines across her nose, like most weeaboos. Her "referenced" pictures usually have retarded proportions in comparison to the original bases including oversized/pinheads, gangly legs, anorexic figures and deformed hands and fingers.
You just lost the game
"Almost professional" singing
After fagging up all visual mediums, MW also enjoys serving up a delicious helping of ear rape. If singing at an almost professional level is imitating the lead singers in cover songs and adopting a nasally tone that makes pronunciations sound fruity, she's right on the money. In other cases, she just takes a leaf out of Ashlee Simpson's book and mimes. She also does beautiful, word perfect renditions of Azn songs. After DELETING FUCKING EVERYTHING from her youtube account, she didn't count on a mirror account being preemptively created for such an occurence. Since the program used to download the vidyas is made of fail and AIDS, some of them have been sped up faster than the audio. At least it saves you from the long term effects of eyerape.
Being an exceptionally talented individual with a beautifully multi faceted gallery, MW also writes outstanding short stories. Kyuusetsuki Ookami (Supposed to be moonspeak for "Vampire Wolf," only she appears to have misspelled "Kyuuketsuki") is a work of literary genius that would impress even the most accomplished authors like Stephanie Meyer.
As you can see it reads like a shitty Hellsing fanfic where Vampy becomes a faggy, rapist version of Alucard that faps to furfags and talks too much during his sexual assaults. Of course the natural reaction to being attacked would be to suplex the motherfucker and hack off his testicles while he's down. As Wolfie is an enigma and above such things as a comprehension of social norms, she thoroughly enjoys the notion of being her rapist's eternal sex slave and also goes to the trouble of introducing herself. Also note how her boyfriend's vampire/human age ratio is 100:1, yet her's is 10:1. But what's all this about masochism and destroying people's lives? Isn't she supposed to be Wiccan?
Hurr look at me, I have an unorthodox religion!11
Another aspect of MW's lulziness is that she claims to "100% Wiccan". After an intense googling session and a quick skim over TOW, it's clear she's merely attention whoring again because she apparently knows fuck all about what it means to be Wiccan.
So aside from disrespecting herself and others, falling foul of the threefold law, being an underage wino and the desire to have her mosquito bites punctured, she's 100% Wiccan, okay?
Back the fuck up, who's Jade?
Anybody not washing their face in her cuntflaps about how wonderful her gallery is, is usually assumed to be in cahoots with her IRL arch nemesis, "Jade". But who's Jade and why is she somehow responsible for MW being a whiney, paranoid, faggot? MW's paranoia is a defence mechanism she uses to convince herself that nobody could evar find her insufferable without EBUL Jade's input.
So how did they come to be arch nemeses? MW and Jade were friends once upon a time, until one day MW entered a chatroom with Jade and another friend of hers. When she was asked to roleplay she had a nerdrage and set upon Jade's friend like a rabid bitch, presumably because she's aware her OC is a steaming pile of horse shit. There was short bawwfest as a few exchanges were made and MW in a grand display of maturity and infallible logic, decided that "OMG Jade msut be a douche becuz i ttly dnt liek her fran!11" From that point onwards, they were sworn enemies.
Chatlog 2- I have important things to do, grabs some death and die.
Chatlog 3- I'm a yandere, I'll fuck you up!
That's fighting talk!
Sometime last Thursday, MW was so indifferent to the onslaught of trolls that she declared war on them all and challenged Jade to an IRL duel. Because she was so vocal about it OTI, everybody was expecting shit to get real. Online onlookers became anxious as the hours passed. Eventually, both participants were back online on dA. All was quiet until someone went to inspect the damage. Now for the dramatic conclusion: NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED. So on top of MW's extensive list of facepalm-worthy character flaws, you can now add internet tough guy to that list because she's so fucking HXC she can't seem to bring the pain IRL even though she bawws at trolls for exactly this reason.
Another component of MW's lulziness is that she's completely in denial that trolls are responsible for her painful symptoms of chronic butthurt. If you're a gullible fuck, she'd have you believe that trolls are insignificant and have no impact whatsoever on her life and busy schedule. That attitude is merely a facade. In a similar fashion to Jessi Slaughter, she'll claim bursts of trolling have no effect but a short while later she'll bawww about it or draw attention to it for asspats from her modest legion of whiteknights and perverts. I hasten to add that Jessi Slaughter is 11 fucking years of age.
We here at ED have kindly compiled a list of protips MW could use to conceal her butthurt moar effectively:
- Sending in your whiteknight to edit the article is futile. Looks like you sucked his cock for nothing, lol.
- MW claims to have never read her article because it's full of lies and slander. Since not viewing the article however, she seems to have conveniently moved all of her camwhoring shit to her scraps, hidden her dA activity and DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING from Youtube. You can almost taste the butthurt.
- Writing baww journals about your article is not advisable. Especially when it's only a work in progress and not even an official article.
- Do not accept the advances of whiteknights notorious for whiteknighting for even the most autistic of lolcows. They only want one thing.
- Do not immediately block somebody just because they're not rimming you about your "art".
- Continuing to message people you've blocked is for pussies.
- Calling someone a dyke because they pointed out your flawed anatomy is an obvious sign of butthurt. Or a centipede filled vagina.
- Threatening people with an IRL showdown and then failing to deliver is the last resort of a faggot internet tough guy attempting to salvage whatever minute bit of their shit status remains.
- Writing "Masochistic-Wolfie Hates Trolls" on your profile is pretty fucking stupid considering you have a penchant for saying those silly no lifers have no effect on you.
- What with all this Wiccan shit you have to obey, shouldn't you be shutting the fuck up?
I feel compelled to block and subsequently reply to you. BUT I'M NOT BUTTHURT!11
Further proof that MW is ttly emotionally stable is the fact that she has a series of drawings she calls "Vent drawings" usually depicting how she's a giant emo faggot.
MW's most cherished pastime, she dramawhores with great frequency. Because she claims to live such a hectic and busy lifestyle, it is believed that MW only usually has time for dramawhoring when she's not engaging in a wholesome routine of camwhoring, writing godawful Mary Sue self insert stories, drawing shit, furfag abominations, earraping the denizens of Jewtube and getting porked by an emo faggot who in all probability has a pencil dick as he resembles a 5 year old girl. Since she blocks people as readily as she surrenders her virginity, the most delicious lulz are to be had from her public bawww journals. Grab a box of Kleenex, her stories are heart wrenching.
This is MW's preferred method of pawwing at the internets for delishuss attenshunz. The reason for this is because it has proven to be a super effective hugbox, usually gathering >9000 asspatting comments laden with delectible sympathy to her terrible, imaginary plight. While anybody who isn't retarded would tell her to lern2internet, lern2IRL or GTFO, her target audience generally consists of other whiney teenage faggots who will happily lick her aching arsehole and reassure her that she's "vere muhchoor nd al dose mean ppl r jsut jellus!!1" The lulziest journals have been screencapped for your viewing pleasure.
Firstly, there's the shocking "Broken Bones" journal. This is where we see our heroine Wolfie recapture her dog as it was trying to run away (probably because she subjects it to sickfuck furfag sexual torture). Our story begins when her dipshit grandmother OMFG accidentally dropped the dog's leash (Fucking awful, I know). Anyway, tenacious Wolfie lunges for the dog's lead and steps on it, preventing it's escape. For some reason during her leap of faith, she somehow managed to slam her own fucking thumb in a door. Of course this is all her dumb cunt grandmother's fault for dropping the fucking leash. She then goes on to describe how they showed no concern for her delicate little fucking thumb, despite the fact she claims to be a masochist (SO HXC) and the fact that she never showed any signs of being in pain. Whatever. Fuck her grandmother for not being telepathic, the cunt. MW also thought that seeing a chiropractor for a broken thumb would be a plausible solution.
Having seen too many shitty episodes of Maury Povich, MW is well aware that claiming to have been threatened or attacked by a man IRL will cause many people to raeg and collectively take her side regardless of whether or not she's done anything to deserve it because people with vaginas are always innocent and vulnerable. Even though, that's the kind of reaction she was baiting for, she took the HXC angle and presented herself as the kind of person that can pwn a buff, 6 foot tall male.
What caused her to rage hard enough to threaten to stab somebody to death IRL? He called her boyfriend a reject and her a slut, so she's ttly justified, ok? Despite the fact that she doesn't consider herself to be a slut she felt the need to justify herself to all of dA in great detail about how her boyfriend's babycock is the only one she's evar sucked and evar will. Let's not forget there was a point in time when "Vampy" was 18 years of age while she was still a loli. Good job pleading your case, jailbait! Let's not forget this bitch is supposed to be a "Durr don't hurt anybody u gaiz" Wiccan. The lulziest element of this journal is when she describes our hero as "a mentally insane problem child who thinks he gets the worlds meaning." MW might want to take some time to reflect on that one.
Initially, it begins as a generic "BAWW MY BOYFRIEND'S NEVER AROUND TO DICK ME" journal. She gets over it very quickly stating that she doesn't care anymore (probably because she's found some other pencildick in the interim). She then immediately jumps onto the subject of how her grandad's an insensitive asshole for trying to raise her correctly. Because trying to shape her into a respectable, ordinary human being is emotional abuse that is ttly driving her to suicide u gaiz! Since she's an angsty furfag, her grandfather needs to beat her moar. His efforts thusfar have been commendable.
Much to her watchers' glee, she will continue to camwhore and not an hero because she wouldn't want to devastate her faggot boyfriend who already pays her as little attention as possible. With MW being a very principled young lady she decided to temporarily forgive her grandfather for years of so called abuse because he bought her some artfag supplies. This further reinforces the fact that she's a whore, as her love can be bought with material possessions. She also rounded off the journal with a declaration that she's not spoiled and even if she was, she has the right to be a whiney shitface because she's had a difficult life bitching to the intarwebz all the fucking time.
I HATE My Dad
This one's pretty succinct, but it explains her raeg towards lesbians. It would appear she's a rugmuncher in denial, since she views her father as nothing more than the penis that knocked her mother up (but let's just give her the benefit of the doubt and overlook the fact that her mom happily recieved the cock at the time). Her dad's not qualified to lecture her on the correct way to live her life, apparently. Her dad revoked her car privileges because she's a snivelling little cunt, but MW had a cunning plan. She was willing to accept a car from that diabolical bitch of a grandmother of hers, because she's a
delightful girl selfish, hypocritical, greedy, cocksucker.
BAWWW I hate grandad too!11
For some odd reason, her mean grandfather has it in his mind that MW doesn't actually give a shit about her family. But she ttly does care! She does chores and
fucks feeds the animals! MW's furfag senses were tingling when her grandfather punished her filthy dog for pissing on the carpet. Of course, being a gigantic drama whore, she blew this entirely out of proportion. In an grand display of epic win, the old man told her he was also going to be revoking her car privileges for being an ungrateful little shitstain.
Losing a car for a second time made her rage hard enough not to wish her dad happy father's day. She then sounded off on this ridiculous furfag rant about how animals understand her moar (of course, she assumes this is because her family are shit when in fact it's because she's a reclusive, basement dwelling, selfish, unappreciative, whore, furfag). In response to her grandfather's act of unforgiveable animal cruetly, she choked the dog, dragging it into her room by its collar.
She continued to baww about how her parents fucked her off saying the stories they told her were lies even though the reasons she listed could all be plausibly used in conjunction with eachother. Not to mention the fact that she's an insufferable little cow. She then rounded it off with a fresh helping of LMAOnaise when she babbled on about how people call her fat and how she fatefully ended her IRL friendship because of that infamous E-friend.
I'M RUNNING AWAY FOREVAR! DON'T TRY AND STOP ME!
Of course, MW couldn't tell all these tragic tales for long. She needed a dramatic conclusion. In true attention whore style, she announced to all of her E-friends that she could no longer live in her grandparents' abusive hellhole and that she would be leaving within the next couple of hours. She was devastated to have to leave but still found the time to write "Please leave a comment". What was the main trigger that caused her to want to run away anyway? Was she beaten? Sexually abused? Made to eat shit? Here's the thing: Her parents didn't want her boyfriend to take advantage of their retarded 15 year old daughter, so in Wolfie's world that means they despise her and don't give a flying fuck about her happiness. Nothing says "I hate you" like preventing the statutory rape you're going to regret for the rest of your life when you get your ass kicked to the curb for a better lay.
Here's the dramatic and unpredictable plot twist. She didn't fucking run away. Instead, she posted a journal the same evening implicitly stating that she wasn't attention whoring (even going into as much detail as to correctly identify Munchausens by Proxy as a possible coverstory for her bullshit) but instead there were a myriad of good reasons why she couldn't immediately escape that terrible place such as being tired and not actually having a place to fucking go. It was nothing at all to do with having never planned this so called escape in the fucking first place and the unlimited internets, food, water, heat and free accomodation her grandparents lovingly provide for her sorry furfag ass. The cunt should at least be grateful they even allow her the freedom of expression to be the dreadful, retarded wiccan furfag we see before us today.
When her miniscule tits have been satisfactorily sucked dry by the dA community until only powdered milk remains, MW enjoys uploading frivolous videos mostly comprised of shit nobody cares about. She generally babbles on about her "hectic" life as though she's an E-lebrity so everyone will be interested in her mundane shit (unfortunately her shitty videos don't really have as big a following as her journals). There are a few hidden gems in some of these videos though, such as admitting to valuing a dog over her terminally ill father and saying that 3 consecutive men got tired of her shit in the space of a week.
Bonus you rage, you lose vidyas
The average human being can last anywhere from 10-30 seconds. Begin.
Yeah, you know how she bawws about animal abuse? Here she is ragging her dog around by its harness and picking it up in uncomfortable fashions to make it dance for your amusement. Isn't it kawaii?
UPDATE: SHE'S BACK AS OF DECEMBER 1ST, 2011!!!
She has returned! Apparently, she lost her password, but lo and behold, the Queen herself has returned. Her birthday is December 12th, leave her a nice comment? Don't forget, be very nice, and be generous with the compliments!
- Alphawerewolff Another highly delusional wolfaboo.
- Sandythewolfhusky Wolfaboos, wolfaboos everywhere.
- Feel free to leave her a supportive message about how she's a melodramatic, retarded cunt if you've ever had to suffer the indignity of real abuse.
Witness her majestic singing voice in all its glory.She's deleted most of her vidyas but you can still go ahead and tell her she can't sing at an almost professional level.
- Unfortunately, she's PRIVATISED FUCKING EVERYTHING. but she'll add anyone as a friend so it's just as lulzworthy
- Again, PRIVATISED FUCKING EVERYTHING.
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