Mark Gormley is an internet musical sensation and the first major YouTube celebrity of 2009. A native of Pensacola, Florida, Mr. Gormley wrote his epic compositions as far back as the late 1970's. The brutal sincerity of his lyrics, coupled with his unpretentiously ursine appearance, endeared himself to the e-public. He holds the rare distinction of being one of the few internet stars to receive unanimous support and praise from all corners of the internet, his YouTube video comments depicting him as a god among men. Also, his size/age to voice pitch ratio is the direct inverse of fellow internet celebrity Tay Zonday's, which may have some yet unknown cosmological significance. His resemblance to a computer composite of every sex offender in the national registry or a strange man who dresses in longjohns is also cause for speculation. It remains to be seen how far Gormley's new-found fame shall take him. He is also well known for his epic powerstance and ability to superimpose himself onto any image of his choosing.
Arguably the most well-known song of Mark Gormley's is his hit single "Without You", which was produced by the space-happy Phil Thomas Katt - a known Jewish porn director and sex offender. In Katt's introduction to the music video for "Without You", he appropriately describes it as very, very intense. Phil Thomas Katt's or PTK webpage is prime ground for the trolling http://www.philthomaskatt.com/. PTK has been awesome enough to leave a java answering machine for us to make fun of his haircut on. In the song, Gormley exposes two sides of his personality.
Here I sit with a cigarette burning
All alone and you're not here
All by myself and no one to talk to
Thinkin' bout you, girl is all I can do
Pulling a point, is that all you think of?
Putting another prize on the wall
Someone you know, not someone you call
Additionally, many of Mark's video's are notable for the "Gormley Powerstance". This stance can easily be replicated using basic ASCII art.
(Use with caution)
o /\ |\
o /\ ||
o /\ /|
Many people have tried to replicate the Gormley Powerstance, and many have failed. The origins of the name "Gormley Powerstance" are unknown. Though this critical moment in time is not yet documented, currently three separate Archeological teams are currently working on uncovering its origins. One thing, however, is for sure: it's INTENSE.
In fact, the only things that are more intense than the Gormley Powerstance are his collection of intense music videos
What does the future hold for the next star of the lucrative Youtube music scene? Will he succumb to hookers and blow? Will his life revolve around getting upskirt pictures while getting into a limo? In an Uncharted Zone Exclusive Special Report, Michele Carnley interviews Mark Gormley.
—Mark on what he thinks of YouTube fame.
Unfortunately for everyone, Mark has turned down a few major offers to promote himself, such as concert bookers as well as appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live! where other Internet sensations have gone, like Tay Zonday. It seems like Mark is too big of a pussy to get over his reclusiveness, so as the result, he'll be stuck in Pensacola, Florida forever, wasting his time with The Uncharted Zone making more low-budget shit videos. In other words, he will continue to rob the mainstream music world of a terrific singer-songwriter, so we'll now all be stuck with more shit like Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, and the Jonas Brothers. Damn it, Mark, how could you?!?!
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Mark Gormley is part of a series on
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