Marcab Confederacy

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Various planets united into a very vast civilization which has come forward up through the last 200,000 years, formed out of the fragments of earlier civilizations. In the last 10,000 years they have gone on with a sort of decadent kicked-in-the-head civilization that contains automobiles, business suits, fedora hats, telephones, spaceships — a civilization which looks almost an exact duplicate but is worse off than the current U.S. civilization.


—L. Ron Hubbard

We are Marcab...we are legion...expect us!
A Marcab drone pwns a Hollywood Co$ building.

According to batshit insane Church of $cientology leader (redundant much?), David Miscavage, Anonymous and their current Project Chanology shenanigans are a massive Marcab Confederacy away team on a mission to create a Project Mayhem of sorts, in advance of a huge invasion fleet to fight LRH's forces of light on Battlefield Earth (also Mitt Romney's fave book).

The national anthem is "Never Gonna Give You Up".


How the Marcabian fleet controls Anonymous.

According to L. Ron, the Marcabians had an oppressive political system: "If a person was considered to be in contempt of court or anything like that, he was simply fried since there was a curtain of radioactive material which went clear across the front of the bench anywhere that a witness or anybody would stand, and so on."

Hubbard said that the Marcab Confederacy invented income tax as a means of punishment (okay...we get it hæt the IRS!), with the death penalty imposed for making even the slightest mistake in returns — "one comma wrong and it's "dead forever"." (Perma B& IRL). The Marcabians also appear to have been distinctly socialistic, having "had plan balanced economies" They were also keen on motor racing and every once in a while Scientologists undergoing auditing "will run into memories of race tracks and race-track drivers"..

L. Ron isn't around to elaborate further beyond on his original "observations", but it's pretty obvious that this story - as with most C0$ "theology" - is somewhat akin to copypasta/creepypasta so go right ahead and pull some ridiculous shit from your butt and tack it on to the end of the 'story'.

For example, it is also known that Marcabs worship a god called Mudkips and survive on a steady diet of steroids They also will never: a. Give you up; b. Let you down; or c. Run around and desert you.

The Marcabian 5th Invasion Fleet is now an Eve Online corporation and is open to Marcabians that wish to join.

Cover Blown

Anon's Death Star (wallpaper): The Anonymous Flagship Longcat.

On Saturday Feb 16th, 2008, Anon's 1337 field agents intercepted intel from Co$ HQ in Clearwater, Florida.

Breaking Broken News

Call me a Marcab. STAT
Apparently, DM has accepted an explanation for the sudden Anonymous uprising Phenomenon (Plague of those below 2.0 on Tone Scale) that defies all reason. Allegedly some brilliant Hubbard fanatic has convinced many senior Co$ that the CRAB PEOPLE The Marcabs, the Fourth or Fifth Invader Fleet and the Psychos have used the Internet to take control of thousands of net minions.

These hapless victims are attacking Scientology under the direction of the Psychos' immediate Lieutenants: ARSCC (wdne). Several current and formerly overtly prominent ARS SPs are deemed to be Regional Directors of Operations for Anonymous. These Regional Directors will be targeted for express handling should legal efforts fail to win injunctions against the mass demonstrations.

I've had this madness communicated to me from two different and usually reliable sources. Have they blown our cover?


"I have received intelligence"

Anon Responds

Got rAIDS?
Can one of you help me? I was getting my orders on the secure comm channel from the Marcabs for Operation JD and I've been getting conflicting orders from the German Secret Service, the Psychiatrists, the Nazi Commies, and the ARS forums. Can someone tell me who my immediate superior is, I'm just a lowly minion. The fleet on the dark side of the moon cannot wait much longer.


—Anonymous minion

According to your reference ID your direct superiors are actually the Zionists. The German Secret Service, Psychiatrists, Nazi Commies, and ARS have apparently been fucking with you. Contact Zionist Relay Station "Jewgolds" to reestablish contact.


—Marcab coordinator



—Marcab pilot

Abort! Abort! We have not deployed Anti-Lawyer Devices to your sector yet! Get out! Get out! If you have enough fuel left in your rocket-powered DC-8s, fire up the Emergency Civil Procedure Smokescreens and Electronic Data Discovery Subcontractors. That should buy you enough time for a tactical retreat win!


—Marcab Commander

This is Captain Nigra of the cruiser Pedobear. Marcab Command has dispatched us to your sector with Anti-Lawyer devices and LAZERS fully charged. Be aware that the Lawyers have gone into defense mode and deployed dogs and possibly curtains. Prepare for an immediate GTFO. May the lulz be with you.


—Captain Nigra

Attention, this is the Science and Observation Division. Ceilingcat ships have tracked your DC-8 to zone AZNS-1 by TLDR-4. We have unconfirmed reports that this zone is directly over a jumbled series of tubes. Marcab Command advises that you make as many orders to Netflix as possible through your comms device, at least 100, thus filling the tubes and preventing the enemy from organizing until Captain Nigra can supply aids.


—Commodore Juggerbot

...Tests are partially inconclusive. F40PH performing above expectations against dogs but lack of furry hampers effectiveness. Curtains still pose threat. Designing possible solutions including giant shears and taping interior designers to the front. Not ready for combat. Projected date uncertain.


—F40PH Research report stub

Man, this crap would be considered too crazy for a Sci-Fi channel movie.


—Roger Ebert

We were responding to a distress call while testing the new ZA WARUDO prototype generator, it wasn't until a challenger appeared that we realized it was a trap....


—Sole Survivor of the W.T.F Minazo.

This is Anonymous6141 reporting epic amounts of fail in all Scilon defenses. Legion has arrived. We were expected. And we shall not fail. Currently shoop da wooping everything inside with spraypaint.



My Fleetz: Man The Harpoons!

Space Fleetz? Ya rly, we has them.
The Marcab Confederacy: You may not know what's going on but it's A+.
Marcabian Galactic Fleet engages Scilon Basestars and Thetan Resurrection Ship
The Marcabian 101st Airborne Division parachutes into Clearwater


Marcab Confederacy naval maneuvers are fairly simple but very effective. They consist mostly of charged lazers fired in salvos by their capital warships, and barrel rolls by their fighter craft to help strengthen their shields in critical times of heavy fire. Do not refer to outer space engagements as "Dog Fights". It lowers morale. A more effective and neutral term is "fleet engagement" and also "dong bombardments".


The Invasion Fleet is assembling on the dark side of Earth's moon, decanting from warpspace near the orbit of Mars and activating cloaking systems to head to Lunar Space. Once the fleet is assembled, they will abruptly deactivate cloaking and head towards Earth, beginning an Orbital Bombardment on any Earth Defense systems, be they ICBMs, the SDI, etc. If necessary, Orbital Bombardment will be employed against Terran Cities, though we will try to prevent that. We expect no opposition fleets or advanced defense, this being a Type 0 Civilization on the Kardashev scale. However, be careful and alert, ESPECIALLY after the loss of one of our task forces due to a simultaneous warp calculation fuckup and reactor FUBAR. Deus Ex Machina is in effect, and the main government of the Earth's opposition, the United States, even with an overextended military, has a heavy space presence that will at least delay our depleted forces. The European Union is more compact in size, has a smaller space presence but a ground invasion would be harder. Russia still has a large size and has the power to harass our invasion craft. China will be a fucking hard place to subdue, may have to leave them out. We will screen the planet as /i/nvaders begin to invade the major areas of population. Due to a relative weak ground force, we may have to deal with sustained resistance from Terran army and air forces, especially if Orbital Bombardment cannot be conducted for the political reason. Reinforcing fleets will arrive in a few days to provide more troops for a lengthy occupation and eventual assimilation into the Confederacy. Also, cocks.

Fleet Depth Chart

My other Zig's a Mudkips.
...Anonymous is here.
Teh Fleet
DESUS attack.
Marcabs: Ridin' Dirty!
42nd Bomber Wing = Serious Business
2nd /k/ommando Regiment - Come and get them!
Operator, Operator, Operator, Operator, Operator...
Got Thetans?...Get LUL'Z!!!
Marcab Secret Service: Delivering Dox since 1337 A.D.

4th (or 5th) Marcabian Interstellar Invasion Fleet
Operation: Chanology
Order of Battle


  • 1.1 1st Fleet - Mudkipz Brigade: Led by Admiral Magoo
    • 1.1.1 Longcat-class Super Dreadnought - Longcat (Flagship) Commanded by: Grand Admiral Matteo
    • 1.1.2 Slowpoke-class Interdictor Ship - Slowkip (Commander Tarp's stealth-mongling ship)
    • 1.1.3 Slowpoke-class Interdictor Ship - FUCK YEAH SEAKING
    • 1.1.4 Battletoad-class Battle Cruiser – Pedobear
    • 1.1.5 Battletoad-class Battle Cruiser – Diabeetus
    • 1.1.6 Rickroll-class Carrier - Chocolate Rain
      • 1st DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 3rd DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 69th Mudkips Bomber Wing
    • 1.1.7 Bodypillow-class Drone Carrier - So Ronery
    • 1.1.8 Destroyer Squadron 666
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Applemilk1988
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Cracky-chan
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Hal Turner
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Failchan
      • EFG-class Destroyer - FRED (the most destructive one, to boot)
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Situation
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Guido
      • EFG-class Destroyer - So Cash
    • 1.1.9 Battletoad-class Battle Cruiser – Smugleaf

  • 1.2 2nd Fleet - Chocolate Rain: Led by Rear Admiral Tay Zonday
    • 1.2.1 Slowpoke-class Interdictor Ship – Goatse
    • 1.2.2 Slowpoke-class Interdictor Ship – Candlejack
    • 1.2.3 Slowpoke-class Interdictor Ship – Cockmongler
    • 1.2.4 Battletoad-class Battle Cruiser – FGSFDS
    • 1.2.5 Battletoad-class Battle Cruiser – LOLWUT
    • 1.2.6 Electronic Warfare Squadron 42
      • GAME-class Electronic Warfare ship - YOU
      • GAME-class Electronic Warfare Ship - JUST
      • GAME-class Electronic Warfare Ship - LOST (Captain Hatonymous)
      • GAME-class Electronic Warfare Ship - THE
  • 1.3 3rd Fleet - Unknown: Removed from reality by accidentally dividing by 0 while calculating warp jump.
  • 1.4 4th Fleet - Rating Pending: Led by Vice Admiral John Smith
    • 1.4.1 Rickroll-class Carrier - Rule 1
      • 5th DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 7th DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 42nd Mudkips Bomber Wing
    • 1.4.2 Rickroll-class Carrier - Rule 2 (CAG: Anonyneko)
      • 6th DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 10th DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 79th Mudkips Bomber Wing
      • 99th Mudkips Bomber Wing
    • 1.4.3 Rickroll-class Carrier - When I Was (CAG: OberLeutnant DRAC250)
      • 12th DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 13th DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 15th DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 20th DESU Fighter Squadron
      • 21st DESU Fighter Squadron
    • 1.4.4 Slowpoke-class Interdictor Ship - Tacgnol
      • 32nd Marine Division - Catnarok (CMG: Berserker Captain Angry German Kid)
    • 1.4.5 Intradictor-class Destroyer - Rule 34
    • 1.4.6 EFG-class Destroyer – Lronymous
    • 1.4.7 KFC-class Blockade Runner - BOSS NIGGER
    • 1.4.8 ZOMFGWTFBBQ-class Corvus Assault Ship - Diana's Assassin
    • 1.4.9 ZOMFGWTFBBQ-class Corvus Assault Ship - Lee Harvey Oswald
    • 1.4.10 ZOMFGWTFBBQ-class Corvus Assault Ship - Stonewall
    • 1.4.11 ZOMFGWTFBBQ-class Corvus Assault Ship - Robert F. Kennedy
    • 1.4.12 ZOMFGWTFBBQ-class Corvus Assault Ship - John F. Kennedy
    • 1.4.13 ZOMFGWTFBBQ-class Corvus Assault Ship - Jill Dando
    • 1.4.14 ZOMFGWTFBBQ-class Corvus Assault Ship – Gandhi
    • 1.4.15 ZOMFGWTFBBQ-class Corvus Assault Ship - Malcolm X
    • 1.4.15 ZOMFGWTFBBQ-class Corvus Assault Ship - Richard Nixon mach.3
    • 1.4.16 Destroyer Squadron 90: Led by Commodore Moot
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Lron
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Miscarriage
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Cruise
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Xenu
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Freewinds
      • EFG-class Destroyer - Wi(o)ll Smi(o)th
      • EFG-class Destroyer – Footbullet
    • 1.4.17 115th Destroyer Battlegroup: Led by Vice Admiral Suiseiseki
      • LULZ-class Mothership - Something, Something, Something, Dark Side
        • 45th DESU Fighter Squadron
        • 47th DESU Fighter Squadron
        • 51st DESU Fighter Squadron
        • 54th DESU Fighter Squadron
        • 97th DESU Fighter Squadron
        • 9,001st DESU Fighter Squadron
        • 39th Mudkips Bomber Wing
        • 52nd Mudkips Bomber Wing
    • 1.4.18 Destroyer Squadron 120
      • EFG-class Destroyer - A
      • EFG-class Destroyer - C
      • EFG-class Destroyer - A
      • EFG-class Destroyer – T
    • 1.4.19 Destroyer Squadron 33: Led by Pvt. Billy McFadzean, Hero
      (Recently returned from crushing the Neebunok Rebellion)
      • EFG-class Destroyer - I
      • EFG-class Destroyer – S
    • 1.4.20 Destroyer Squadron 2
      • EFG-class Destroyer - F
      • EFG-class Destroyer - I
      • EFG-class Destroyer - N
      • EFG-class Destroyer – E
    • 1.4.21 Destroyer Squadron 55
      (Recently returned from crushing the Neebunok Rebellion)
      • EFG-class Destroyer - T
      • EFG-class Destroyer - O
      • EFG-class Destroyer – O
    • 1.4.22 Heavy Artillery Squadron
      • DDoS-class Low Orbit Ion Cannon - Squadron Alpha
      • DDoS-class Low Orbit Ion Cannon - Squadron Beta
      • Overflow-class Longcat Flooder - Squadron Gamma
      • Chemo-class Gigaloader Shelling Ship - Squadron Delta
  • 1.5 5th Fleet - Ghosts of CoS: Led By: Commissar Colonel The Ghost of Lisa McPherson
    • 1.5.1 Retributxxor-class Battleship - Linkin Park
    • 1.5.2 Retributxxor-class Battleship - My Chemical Romance
    • 1.5.3 Retributxxor-class Battleship - Insane Clown Posse
    • 1.5.4 Retributxxor-class Battleship - Evenacence
    • 1.5.5 Annihillatxxor-class Orbital Bombardment Platform - Wrong Location Nigger


  • 2.1 1st and Only Marcabian Space Marine Army: Led by General WBM
    • 2.1.1 2nd /k/ommando Regiment: Commander Hotaru Guy
    • 2.1.2 3rd /k/ommando Regiment: Commander Richard "Mac" Machowicz
    • 2.1.3 23rd /m/ech Brigade: Commander William Weaboo
    • 2.1.4 33rd Lander Group
      • 13th DMC-12 Landing Craft Squadron
      • 17th DMC-12 Landing Craft Squadron
      • 24th DMC-12 Landing Craft Squadron
      • 31st DMC-12 Landing Craft Squadron
      • 59th DMC-12 Landing Craft Squadron
      • 67th DMC-12 Landing Craft Squadron
      • 98th DMC-12 Landing Craft Squadron
  • 100th Scottish Kill-it-With-Fire Brigade: Brigadier-General Mecha-Wallace
  • 2.2 2nd Occupational Army
    • 2.2.1 1st Occupational Corps
      • 1st Killdozer Capture Brigade
      • 2nd Killdozer Eradication Brigade
      • 3rd Killdozer Occupation Brigade
    • 2.2.2 2nd Occupational Corps
      • 504th ROFLcopter Short-range Gunship Brigade
      • 508th ROFLcopter Short-range Gunship Brigade
    • 2.2.3 3rd Occupational Corps
      • 1st ROTFLMAO Long-range Gunship Brigade
      • 18th ROTFLMAO Long-range Gunship Brigade
      • 34th ROTFLMAO Long-range Gunship Brigade
      • 90th ROTFLMAO Long-range Gunship Brigade
      • 1,065th ROTFLMAO Long-range Gunship Brigade
      • 2,439th ROTFLMAO Long-range Gunship Brigade
  • 2.3 3rd Mobile Cancer Infantry: Led by Half Star General Shrike Brannigan
    • 2.3.1 Mechanized Newfag Corps
      • 3rd Infantry N00B Division
      • 24th Infantry Fail Division
    • 2.3.2 Airborne Oldfag Corps
      • 82nd Airborne Guro Division
      • 101st Airborne Caturday Division (Air Assault)
      • 18th Airborne Cyberstalking Corps Artillery
    • 2.3.3 1st Sustainment Ggiafag Command
    • 2.3.4 44th Camwhore Medical Command


  • 3.1 Unimatrix 01 Data Transfer Fleet
    • 3.1.1 1 of 3 Anonymous Borg Cube
    • 3.1.2 2 of 3 Anonymous Borg Cube
    • 3.1.3 3 of 3 Anonymous Borg Cube
    • 3.1.4 1 of 1 Anonymous Borg Assimilation Cube
      (Currently cleaning up the mess left over from the Neebunok Rebellion crushing)
    • 3.1.5 1 of 1 Anonymous Borg Sphere
      (Hosting Partyvan Wiki, in orbit around Mars)
      • 711th Fighter Wing: Led by Admiral Sean
        • Syense Squadron 1 - Corporal Sean
        • Syense Squadron 2 - Commander Sean
        • Syense Squadron 3 - Vice Admiral Sean
  • 3.2 Reconnaissance Squadron 4: Commanded by Grand Admiral Matteo
    • 3.2.1 Ceiling Cat-class Recon Ship - OIC whutyoudidthere
    • 3.2.2 Ceiling Cat-class Recon Ship – Orly
    • 3.2.3 Ceiling Cat-class Recon Ship – Yarly
    • 3.2.4 Ceiling Cat-class Recon Ship – Ohai
    • 3.2.5 Ceiling Cat-class Recon Ship - Caek
    • 3.2.6 Heavy Weapons Guard Ship – Nowai
    • 3.2.7 Heavy Weapons Guard Ship – Yaweh
  • 3.3 Experimental Divisions
    • 3.3.1 155th Speedycat Interceptor Wing (Performing combat trials of the prototype Speedycat-class Interceptor and the GoGoGo Overdrive Module)
    • 3.3.2 12th F40PH ADC (Anti-Dog-Curtain) Armored Division (Repurposing and refitting underway - Hypothesis operates on the fact that dogs are like furries, and may be equally susceptible to the crushing power of the F40PH. May break the stalemate during situations where dogs and/or curtains have been deployed.)
    • 3.3.3 AIC Armed Intramedical Corps. Medics that both heal and hurt. (Currently in Stonetemp1pilot's very capable hands.)
  • 3.4 Terror-based Tactical Units
    • 3.4.1 CAJ-1 (Covert Anonymous Jihad 1) - Expert operatives, armed with THE BEST terrorist weaponry household supplies can make. In dire situations, operatives will sacrifice their lives, detonating body-mounted spam bombs in crowded locations.
    • 3.4.2 CAJ-2 (Covert Anonymous Jihad 2) - Masters of tubular warfare, utilizing troll weaponry to induce widespread epidemics of faggotry and fail.
  • 3.5 /b/lack Ops
    • 3.5.1 1st /x/terminator Fleet Under Command of Flag Captain Creepy Pasta
      • Goth-class Destroyer - Evanescence (Flagship)
      • Goth-class Destroyer - Doorway of Alarm Clocks
      • Goth-class Destroyer - Field of Paper Flowers
      • Goth-class Destroyer - Sweet Sacrifice
      • Goth-class Destroyer - 50,000 Tears
      • Goth-class Destroyer - Whispered Voices At My Ear
      • Goth-class Destroyer - Long Lost Words
      • Goth-class Destroyer – Tourniquet
      • Goth-class Destroyer - A World of Fragile Things
      • Goth-class Destroyer - Left In The Dark
        • 72nd DESU Fighter Squadron
        • 108th DESU Fighter Squadron
        • 116th DESU Fighter Squadron76th
        • 76th Mudkip Bomber Wing
    • 3.5.2 2nd /x/terminator Fleet Under Command of Flag Captain Peter, 1st Lieutenant Bjorn, and 2nd Lieutenant John
      • Hipster-class Frigate - Clove Cig
      • Hipster-class Frigate - Pabst Blue Ribbon
      • Hipster-class Frigate - Pitchfork(Destroyed from the Neebunok Rebellion)
    • 3.5.3 1st /f/urry Fleet Under Command of Flag Captain Krystal
      • Furry-class Kamikaze - Renamon


  1. DESU fighter squadrons often consist of close to 10,000 individual fighters, meaning that yes, we have OVER 9,000 DESU fighters.
  2. Mudkips bomber wings, numbering around 500 per wing, take up approximately twice as much space as DESU fighter squadrons on carriers due to them needing moar fuel, and having to carry enough harpoons.
  3. Required force size for a Marcabian Space Marine Army requires a full legion of 10,000,000 Anonymous. Seeing how this is the ONLY Marcabian Space Marine Army, the numbers are a little fuzzy, and its closer to 100,000 Anonymous, which are subsequently broken down into regiments of 5,000-10,000 Anonymous, then down into companies of approximately 1,000 Anonymous, then platoons of 100 Anonymous, and finally squads of 10 Anonymous.
  4. DC-9 Landing Craft Squadrons consist of 20 landing craft, each of which can contain upwards of 1,000 Anonymous.
  5. The DESU fighter was introduced as a replacement for the LU-LZ34 Arwing due to its superior barrel roll capacity an on board implementation of the AAFADS-VIII (Active Anti-Fag Area Denial System, Mk. 8).
  6. Furbishing of armored ground forces with the new F40PH ADCAL-II (Anti Dog-Curtain Armored Locomotive Mk. 2) is a slow process, due partly to the fact that its anti-curtain systems are still in experimental phases and is only truly effective against dogs, and also because of the fact that it only moves on very long rails. This problem is undergoing a workaround.
  7. Goth-class Destroyers each carry enough ordinance to reduce Scientology's Fair Play-class battleships to dust.

See Also

External Links

Xenu homeboy.pngMarcab Confederacy is part of a series on ScientologyXenu homeboy.png



DianeticsDisconnectionChild abuseSaint HillScientology's History of the UniverseSec CheckFreewindsSea OrgGlossaryReligious Freedom WatchVolunteer MinistersOSASpace Opera


L. Ron HubbardDavid MiscarriageTom CruiseScientology AgentsTommy DavisRogues GallerySuri CruiseTerryeoHeaven's GateThe RegimeEvil Jacket GuyJoe FeshbachVaLLarrrTom NewtonJohn CarmichaelFreezoneCaptain Bill RobertsonDanny MastersonWill SmithOschaperKendrick MoxonTim ArmerJorge SerranoRon SaveloJohn TravoltaJett Travolta


AnonymousWise Beard ManJason BegheGas Mask GirlMagooNew Zealand Fail GuyMessage from ScientologyShawn LonsdaleRorschachMoralfagsLeaderfagsRaidfag WenchJames PackerLeah ReminiEpic Nose GuyStu WyattTommy GormanThe Unknown AutobotPsychiatristsMarcab ConfederacyDavid Wu-KapauwEpic Sword GuyAgent Pubeit


PROJECT CHANOLOGYWhy We Protest ForumsA Scientologist's Guide to 4chanThe GeteratorNeil Gaiman's SandmanPaul "Fetch" CarnesReligionIsFree.orgYou Found the Card/i/alt.religion.scientologyComplete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX888chan

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Marcab Confederacy is part of a series on

Project Chanology

Visit the Anonymous Portal for complete coverage.

This is a legacy template, Portal:Anonymous used to be the chanology portal.

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Marcab Confederacy is part of a series on


Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article March 13, 2008
Preceded by
Gas Mask Girl
Marcab Confederacy Succeeded by
Ides of March