Legacy Computers

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Typical computer
File:250mb hard drive in 1979.jpg
"Would you liek to see my holiday photos?"

Legacy computers are anything more than a week old. It's a nice way of saying, "Hey you computer is shit and I've made this software especially shitty for your computer, enjoy." Legacy computers can't do shit.

Why They Exist

People are such cheap bastards that can't go to newegg.com and buy a decent computer for around 10,000 dollars. A result of their cheapness is an interest in Linux, which is fast only on slow computers.

The US Government's oldest computers, heading for their 60th birthdays and still calculating your taxes

What can I do?

Take me to your leaSTACK OVERFLOW
  • Not use Linux
  • Purchase the most expensive computer you can find, wait a month, and repeat.
  • ????
  • Speak to aliens. Two of the US Government's oldest legacy machines are currently 12.5bn miles away from Earth and heading out the solar system. ET is gonna be real impressed by our snazzy 69.63 kB of memory, encoded on state of the art digital 8-track tape.


Intel is working on a smaller model due by this October next June last Thursday.

Legacy PCs usually are known as the following:

  • Macs (common yuppy masturbation device)
  • Anything without an Official Windows 9 Certified sticker.
  • Less than 32 GB DDR3 ram
  • Only 4 cores
  • Non-dual-layer-blu-ray-DVD-disk-drives
  • Computers with clogged tubes, i.e. Google Chrome
  • Any computer that dies when you take out the ram while it is running.
    • Cheat Code: Trade your used-up, rotten Fleshlight on Craigslist for a legacy computer, affix an Official Windows Vista Certified sticker to the chassis, and then sell it on Craigslist (with a picture including the sticker) for a tidy profit: more than enough to buy a new Fleshlight!

See also

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Legacy Computers is part of a series on


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