Forumlambda.png ForumsDiscord-favicon.png DiscordTelegram-favicon.png TelegramTwitter-favicon.png TwitterSteam favicon.png Steam GroupReddit favicon.png Reddit

Portals   ED in the News   Admins   ⚠️ Help ED Rebuild ⚠️   Archive   The Current Year

We're currently doing maintenance, the wiki may become slow or unresponsive.


From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Kail, looking extremely fly.

Kail is a shit musician from New Jersey who mixes Comedy with Folk Rock, though usually most of the time he just rips off Sonic music and sings over it. Since cutting his hair and shaving his beard, there is nothing left about him that is remotely interesting. He's also started a "nu-metal food blog" called Alone I Bake which he no longer posts on. Most recently, he's started a new website called MUSCLETOWER which hosts not only his shitty music, but his equally shitty podcast Destroy All Slackers.


Kail's first album Fun and Fancy Free is the worst shit to ever storm the internets. He took a couple Sonic songs and sung over them and posted them on MySpace and people shat themselves wild. What's even gayer is that the album only has like 4 songs and the rest are unfunny prank calls. Links on his MySpace say you can download Fun and Fancy Free for free, but we know this is lies because when one clicks upon the mighty link, they're directed to nothing. He thinks he's cool because he dresses and acts like he's a metal head by wearing Dimmu Borgir shirts at shows and by swinging his long, flowing mane around, but really his music is like a dump Bob Dylan took with lyrics Tenacious D shat out. Apparently according to his blog on MySpace, he's recording a full length album called "Rock and Rule" which he will be selling for cash monies so that he can feed his insatiable lust for Hookers and blow.

Typical Kail fan.

Tails is Hot

A lovely ballad Kail wrote about his love for an 8 year old fictional fox from the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Kail claims the story is from Sonic's point of view, but we really know it's from his own. The song tells the story about Sonic sucking on Tails's cock, enjoying his proverbial "liquid goo," and then asking Tails if he would like to watch a movie with him after the job is done. It is Kail's most famous song, with fangirls all over the world shitting themselves over it. If it was played on the radio, Kail would be arrested for pedophilia, but since it's on the internets, it's become a phenomenon.


He has 6,000 MySpace friends that suddenly appeared over a period of 6 months. Most of his fans are hot ass teenage girls with big titties, but for some reason he looks passed that (he must have strong eyes, amirite?) and fucks them with his mighty man harbl.

Humor Songs

Like Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails before him, Kail decided to be a gay faggot and release his album for free, rather than sell it. It came out on April 22, 2008 for free from his website, which there's a link to below. It was made available in a downloadable .zip, but you can download each shitty song individually.

Since he's a lazy asshole, he took clips from the KISS movie KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park and made it into a music video.


After a few years of no activity, Kail popped up mysteriously on Twitter in 2009. As of 2011, he's still posting shit nobody cares about and thinking he's worth a damn. In late 2010, his website MUSCLETOWER appeared on the internet, only hosting one thing: his new podcast. Now he's brought along his high-school friend Andrew Teller to talk about being faggots and loving Sonic the Hedgehog. The show seems to be sponsored by Adam and Eve, the adult entertainment company, meaning these gays are being paid to talk about shitting and cumming.

Rip Off

Kail is the most unoriginal musician on the planet, he rips off everyone ever. Things and people he rips off include:

See Also

External Links

Portal music.png

Kail is part of a series on


Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.