Joe Blackburn

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Jobcentre Plus.gif
This article is paid for by decent, honest, hard-working, salt o' the earth British taxpayers like you.

Thanks a lot, Broken Britain.


The handsome Mr. Blackburn.
You gonna get eaten.

Joe Blackburn is a charming young lad from Bradford in the North of England who came to prominence after he made an appearance in a documentary entitled Can't Stop Eating, all about the trials and tribulations of several young people living with a rare genetic disorder known as Prader-Willi Syndrome.

But What Is Prader-Willi Syndrome?

I'm very glad you asked. Allow me educate you.

Prader-Willi Syndrome (also known as Fat-Fuckin'-Bastard Syndrome) is quite possibly one of the lulziest disorders this side of autism and not only because it has the word 'Willi' in its name. Because of a fuck up in their chromosomes, sufferers of Prader-Willi, called 'PWs' for short, suffer from a constant and ravenous feeling of unfulfilled hunger which can lead to excessive eating and, in some cases, life-threatening obesity. In addition, PWs are also prone to juvenile and irrational behaviour, 'rectal picking', and frequently throw temper tantrums when things do not go the way that they would like.

Combined with their lack of intelligence, these ranting, roly-poly retards make excellent lolcows and their antics are a source of great lulz to all those around them.

Which brings us back to young Joe, our Prader-Willi poster boy.

Can't Stop Eating

OMG HAWT
Ironically, the fat cunt eats Anthony Hopkins.

The documentary, Can't Stop Eating, which can be found in several parts on JewTube, actually covered a number of individuals suffering from Prader-Willi syndrome, but by far the breakout character was young Mr. Blackburn who endeared himself to the viewing public with his comical levels of childishness and assholish self-absorption. His grotesque, red-faced appearance and hilarious, croaky accent only helped to cement his place into the hearts and minds of those who point and laugh at retards everywhere.

Joe lives in a care home specializing in caring for PWs where he spends most of his days piggin' out, maxin', relaxin' like a slob and eatin' four yoghurts that he's nicked from the Co-Op stuffing his fat face with food and IRL trolling his carers.

Joe's bird, Sarah.

Over the course of the documentary, we see our apple-cheeked hero get into a shouting match with a nigra called Garfield, brag about shoplifting food from his local supermarkets, laze around in bed, tard rage, go down the pub with his dad (who he later bullies into buying him a 'chicken curreh'), feed some pigs, and eventually embark on his own Chris-chan-esque love quest as he tries to win the cholestorol-clogged heart of Sarah, a fellow salad-dodging retard that he met over the Internet.

The unquestioned highlight of this documentary is when Joe recieves a call from Sarah, who has finally seen a picture of her would-be beau in a newsletter and found him to fall somewhat short of her expectations...



Fortunately, however, after being rejected, Joe enlists the help of his goblin-like wingman, Clint, who manages to win the fair maiden's hand for Joe, by using the time honored romantic gesture of squatting outside her bedroom door and whimpering, "Go on, Sarah. Joe loves you. Joe loves you. Go out with him."

The two eventually get engaged with a ring that Joe claims he bought, but then later accidentally lets slip that his grandmother gave to him. Within days of having the ring jammed on her chubby sausage finger, however, Sarah breaks off the engagement but keeps the ring (presumably to pawn it and use the money to buy more junk food), thus proving that all women, even fat, retarded ones are, ultimately, gold-digging whores. For his part, however, Joe seem doesn't mind, and immediately starts perving over other girls.

To this day, young Mr. Blackburn is assumed to be an unattached, eligible bachelor.

Remixes and Poops

Because fat people are hilarious and fit only for mockery, Joe Blackburn and his PW pals have become very popular among the remix-making fraternity of YouTube, who have spliced various clips from the documentary together to make all manner of pumping choons. Indeed, to this day, Joe's chubby, toad-like mug still pops up in various YouTube Poops.


Quotes From The Big Man Himself

Advice Joe.
   
 
Loadsa biscuits an' stuff. And pork piiiiiies...
 

 
 

—Describing sort of things he eats, Joe gets slightly carried away with the thought of delicious pie.

   
 
Ter fuck, I'm doin' it tonight.
 

 
 

—Joe Blackburn on his intentions with Sarah.

   
 
I love yer deep down... Whaa-aaah...
 

 
 

—Joe Blackburn, body of a whale, soul of a poet.

   
 
I'm off meh diet, yer know I'm off meh diet. Get me a beer! I durn't drink juice... Change it!
 

 
 

—Joe Blackburn, a man of refined tastes.

   
 
I durn't mess about wi' my girls.
 

 
 

—Joe Blackburn would cut a bitch dead if she ever answered him back.

   
 
Shut yer big fat gob.
 

 
 

—Joe, trolling Garfield.

   
 
IT'S ON THE SHEET! IT'S ON THE SHEET!! IT'S ON THE SHEET, YOU CAN ASK SHARON!!
 

 
 

—Joe Blackburn, tard raging

   
 
I'm not big, Sarah. I'm tellin' the truth 'ere.
 

 
 

—Joe Blackburn, being slightly economical with the truth.

   
 
Go shopliftin'... What I do. Get caught, go to pris'n, I durn't give a damn.
 

 
 

Fuck the police.

   
 
I want 'ave a bearbeh.
 

 
 

—Joe Blackburn on the other other white meat.

   
 
Four yoghurts.
 

 
 

—He likes his yoghurt, does Joe.

   
 
And 'ave got 'n' 'ouse when meh mam 'n' dad die.
 

 
 

—Joe Blackburn on his property portfolio.

   
 
Get stuffed.
 

 
 

—Joe Blackburn is unamused by your faggotry.

   
 
Ee-hee...
 

 
 

—Joe, crying.


See Also

External Links


Einsteinaspie.jpg
Joe Blackburn is part of a series on Aspies.

Adam LanzaAlbert EinsteinAmber ButtrumAndy KaufmanAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAspierationsAspies for FreedomBambifan101BeefraveBenny_the_SnakeBill GatesBill9929BodyXPoliticBoris MalagurskiBram CohenBrownsquirrelChibiyimaChris-chanCyndilovespiccoloDarrDarviela MaravaronaDaxFlameDisneyFan01DragonfanDrp1zzaEdenHeroineGirlErik RibsskogEvan GraggFlaglerchatFlardoxGary McKinnonGrantMGraykatHannah CappsHeed My WarningInmendhamInuboy1000IronholdsJahi/4444Jared MiltonJessi SlaughterJINXDROWNEDJoekerJohn Patrick RogersJoseph8276Kawaii KitsuneKawaiiKittee88KelseyaliciaKevin HavensKingMasterReviewKirbysloverKloeriKphoriaLordelthibarLougaraM. ChaosM. ChaosManlytearsMariotehplumberMark ZuckerbergMascotGuyMinefagsMisha SilenostiMissyMix HyenaMonica PunkMutescreamMylarBalloonFanNemo HanaNeuroNichole337Nick BravoNicky ReillyOlinkalexOnigojirakaijuOnyx ForepawPacificoceanasiaPopcornPrince JeremyPMDrive1061Robert Clark YoungRootbrianRoss LumbusROtardsRyanSelerySiriusOrionisSperginStarbladeStarkiller88SteAndKelTablecowTGcomixThe Eclectic EspeonThe JuggernautThe Unknown AutobotTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagTherealagerbonToKeNTom SersonToshTylerthDragonUlillilliaWeatherManKevinWerechuWetflameWilliam FreundWilliam AtchisonWim CrusioWolfAdvocateWolfeedarkfangZS3

Joe Blackburn is part of a series on The British
Churchill Bulldog.jpg

The Pride Of Britain

Fine Entertainers

Our Rich Cultural Heritage

Jolly Good Times

Politics

The United Kingdom

Portal icon television.gif

Joe Blackburn is part of a series on

Media

Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.