Jodie Foster

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Child prostitution never looked so good.
File:Jodie Foster 12.jpg
Maybe musicals aren't gay after all? Oh wait I forgot she's a dyke.
The Panic Closet.
Jodie Foster's picture on a pinball machine? bad taste for the win!
Geek Sheik... or not.

Jodie Foster is the Communist Dyke former child star who almost destroyed Democracy and the free world with her mosquito bite tits. Foster began her Pedo Baiting career at the tender age of 3, topless and baring her ass in a coppertone commercial. This whorish behavior quickly led to many fondly remembered roles in which she was raped and humiliated inevitably for the greater good of her soviet overlords.

Look, it's terrible, I know, but weakness really, really bugs me, to the point that if there is a wounded bird on the sidewalk, I look at it and I go: I think I'll just kick it.


—Jodie Foster, Britain's Daily Mail

Doing it for the lulz

Growing up in the Jew gold encrusted hills of LA and being showered with critical acclaim Foster was afforded many luxuries such as a life-time of sexual abuse. This caused a natural progression toward lesbianism, atheism and communism which were further cemented by dating Scott Baio and inventor of the celebrity pedophile porn video, Rob Lowe.

At the barely-legal age of 18 all Foster's systematic abuse finally paid off when she convinced a stalker by the name of John Hinckley to assassinate Ronald Reagan. When asked what the fuck he was thinking by police Hinckley replied that "I did it to impress Jodie Foster". Of course when confronted in court the whore said "I don't have any relationship with John Hinckley". He threw a pen at her and yelled "I'll get you, Foster!"

This entirely reasonable response spawned a pre-internets meme which was the primary precursor to I did it for the lulz. From that moment forward mindbogglingly insane shit could be explained by claiming it was done to to impress Jodie Foster. There is even a pre-historic punk band named Jodie Foster's Army.

Singing Career

For some retarded reason Foster went to a French speaking school in America and has native fluency. From common knowledge scientists have acknowledged that as French-ness increases, the likelihood of homosexuality approaches 1.

What is not explained by this video is how someone so French is dressed so poorly, alas Dyke > French. It is highly recommended that you bathe in bleach after witnessing this atrocity.

Almost Raped

The patron saint of the almost raped. Since the beginning of time this bag of bones has been raped and almost raped again and again in every second movie that exists.

Title Year Rape Count Rape Type Description
Taxi Driver 1976 1,000,000 Statutory Rape The story of a crazy murderer who saves a child prostitute from her pimp by shooting every man in the brothel. Inspired an actual psycho to shoot Ronald Reagan.
The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane 1976 1 Almost Raped A 13 year old Jodie Foster lives alone, both of her parents being dead. She spends her time tricking neighbors into thinking her father is still alive, and banging her crippled boyfriend. Eventually Martin Sheen almost rapes her, until she serves him tea laced with cyanide.
Foxes 1980 1 Almost Raped Sorry to spoil the ending, but Jodie's BFF (IRL Dyke fucker Cherie Currie), whom she spends most of the movie trying to save, hitchhikes with a lovely married couple who try to rape her. During the struggle the car crashes and she dies, a strange ending for a movie known as a lovely and realistic coming of age story.
The Hotel New Hampshire 1984 3 Rape, Almost Raped, Furry Rape A movie offensive in every possible way, it could best be described as "Law and Order: SVU" crossed with "The Benny Hill Show". This movie is almost worthy of an article it's own and is basically the internet in movie form, it contains incest, rape, a furry, rape, homophobia, rape, lesbian kissing and plenty of rape, all in the early 80's. It reduces a scene in which is gay guy is beaten up and gets mud shoved up his ass into wacky shenanigans. It also contains characters including a lesbian, furry, attempted rapist who turns straight, a clown who commits suicide, a midget who commits suicide and a stuffed dog who is put to sleep without permission the morning before it's owner, Jodie, is raped, in her strangest rape scene to date.
The Accused 1988 1 Gang Rape, Almost Raped This boring made for TV movie was escalated to infamy when Jodie Foster encouraged the director to make it more graphic, which it still is by today's standards. It tells the tale of a young rape victim who takes the onlookers to court for cheering on the attack.
The Silence of the Lambs 1991 1,000,000 Almost Raped In this story, FBI trainee Clarice Starling is used as delicious bait by her boss to get Hannibal Lecter to help save a kidnap victim. An underlying theme in the movie is that Clarice is small and vulnerable and creepy old guys keep hitting on her. While Hannibal never rapes her, it's pretty clear he would eat her genitals, which is technically rape.
Little Man Tate 1991 2 Almost Raped, Visual Rape Jodie Foster only has a brief role in her directorial debut in which she indirectly BAWWWs about her shitty childhood as a prodigy. It is about a 7-year-old boy genius who is shunned by his peers. In the movie he walks around a University campus alone and is befriended by Harry Connick Jr. who takes him to a bar hoping to film a sequel to The Accused. The next day the kid shows up at Connick's dorm and witnesses some avid sexing which legally constitutes eye rape.
Sommersby 1993 1 Asking for it In this movie, Jodie's husband returns from the civil war... or does he? The answer is no, at the end it's revealed he's a kind-hearted conman who looks almost exactly like her husband for no explicable reason. She reveals that she knew all along due to not being retarded, and she likes her men to be dangerous aka abusive rapists.
Maverick 1994 1 Almost Raped In this movie, Jodie is convinced by Mel Gibson that a group of dangerous Native Americans want to kidnap her for non-consensual sexual purposes but not to fear because he will take her place. This was actually untrue, he was friends with them and just wanted to impress her.
Nell 1994 2 Rape, Almost Raped Jodie plays Nell, a woman who's lived in the wilderness with her mother for her whole life and never met anyone else. It is revealed that the reason she was raised in the wild was that her mother was raped as a teenager and fled to the wilderness to raise Nell, and her twin sister who died as a child. At first Nell is terrified of men as her mother taught her that penises were "daggers in the belly" but she gradually loses this fear and is almost raped in a bar.
Contact 1997 1 Asking for it If traveling to a strange planet to meet aliens with unknown motives isn't asking for an anal probe I don't know what is.
The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys 2002 1 Almost raped The sexual suggestiveness of this movie's title is palpable, though misleading. Jodie has a small role as the comic relief, a nun who discovers that the stars of the movie have been writing a comic book in which she is an evil character drawn being fucked in various sexual positions. After she confiscates it, the boys concoct an elaborate scheme to kill her with a mountain lion, but fail when one of them is killed by it.
Panic Room 2002 1 Almost Raped In this movie, there is a scene in which Jodie's daughter, fellow closet case Kristen Stewart, is in a room with two burglars, one of whom wants to kill her/possibly rape her. The second one however doesn't want to hurt anyone and protects her from the psycho.
Flightplan 2005 1,000,000 Almost raped In Flightplan Jodie's five-year-old daughter is kidnapped during a flight, assumedly by a pedophile. To quote Jodie in the movie "People do things to little girls, sick things, you know that!" In the end it turns out she was kidnapped by crew members for reasons too complicated and retarded to explain.
Inside Man 2006 1 Asking for it Jodie has a very small role as an infamous bitch who specializes in getting rich people out of trouble for a huge fee. Half way through the movie, about a bank robbery, she goes inside the bank to find out if the robbers are looking for information that incriminates her client. It turns out that they are and she leaves empty handed. You'd have to be a retard to go into a bank during a robbery, anything could happen.
The Brave One 2007 5 Almost raped, Asking for it In her most obvious rape film in years, Jodie's fiancee is murdered by a gang and she is beaten within an inch of her life after he stops them from raping her. She then goes on to use herself as live rape bait, killing all who try to fuck with her.
Nim's Island 2008 0 Almost raped, Asking for it This may be a child's movie, but that won't stop the rape themes. Jodie plays a reclusive and batshit crazy author who travels half way across the world with only her imaginary friend to save a girl she's never met. Anyone with half a brain would know it's extremely dangerous to travel alone, especially for women and especially in the countries she travels to. There are many scene's where she is alone with a random large black man who luckily doesn't try to fuck her a new cunt. Completely retarded.
The Beaver 2010 ? Right in the beaver I don't even care what it's about it's fucking called The Beaver LOL

Almost Rapped

Painful to watch.

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