Isabella Valentine

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Imagine her whispering sweet nothings into your ears. Are you ready to cum yet?
How about now?
Save your money!

Isabella Valentine is an Internet Hypno-Dominatrix whose claim to fame is that every few weeks, eBaumsworld loses its' collective shit over "an mp3 that can make you cum without fapping!" that she made.

Jackpot - No Hands

The mp3, Jackpot - No Hands.mp3 (or sometimes lolguy.mp3), consists of a chick who has a way sexier voice than face or body telling you to breathe deeply in a flirtatious manner. Regardless of whether "Jackpot" works or not, this part is actually pretty relaxing.

Next, she begins to seed your mind with keywords and suggestions, so that (if this is working on you, which it may or may not) for example, when she says "glow", you feel like someone is touching your peen.

Eventually, she tells you that the next time she says the word "Jackpot", you are going to have an orgasm. Then she turns into a total cocktease, with a countdown that goes back up before finally announcing "Zero! Jackpot! Cum for me now!" at which point you're supposed to blow a load all over yourself. Or not, if it didn't work for you.

Early in the file, she does inform you that it may not work the first time, and that you should repeat listening until it does. Multiple anons have confirmed this, with some having great success on the first try, others having their romance explosion after a few listens, and some never having their hands-free fap. Others have said that it sets the tone for a very good orgasm when they bring in their hands at the end.

What she does not inform you of is that before she brings you out of the trance, she basically also tries to hypnotize you into buying moar of her hypno-mp3s. So you should be careful to either turn it off after you cum or cut that part out of the mp3 beforehand. Also, if you haven't listened to this before, don't just download it, put it on your mp3 player, and go to bed to listen to it, because you'll be awake all fucking night, slowly going mad with Valentine's voice clawing at your brain. Srsly. Listen to this shit during the daytime the first time.

Some copies of the file are known to have Leeroy Jenkins placed carefully between when she says "zero" and "jackpot", simply because some people enjoy being dicks.

Isabella's Other Work

Hypnowhale moneywhore.PNG

Isabella makes an awful lot of money from guys who are willing to pony up $35+ for a "session". Besides Jackpot - No Hands, and its sequel, Jackpot II (which has a lot of "Girls rule, boys drool" bullshit towards the beginning), and Jackpot III, her ouvre includes:

  • Adoraphine
  • Anal Slut Training
  • Ass Worship
  • Black Impregnation (LOLWUT)
  • Body Takeover
  • Cock Worship
  • Confidence Beach
  • Cuckold Therapy
  • Destruction of Ego
  • Evil Brainwashing
  • Evil Surgeon
  • Fairy Panties
  • Forced Cuckold & Bisexuality
  • Gender Transformation
  • Gender Transformation 2
  • Glory Hole Sissy Slave
  • Jackpot 2
  • Lady Vampire
  • Lesbian Man
  • Love Spell
  • Loving Cuckold
  • Pathetic Wanker
  • Prison Probed
  • Shemale Therapist
  • Sissy Training
  • Sissy Virgin
  • The Cuckold Male
  • The Tease (Isabella you JERK! Do not listen.)
  • Weak Cuckold
  • Wife's Guide To Strapon

Guessing from the titles, most of these are things you DO NOT WANT to be listening to while your brain is in any kind of vulnerable state. From the few that were sampled by one brave anon, we know the following:

(Note: For a full list of fetishes and for the hypnowhale's official description of each file, check the link provided.)

  • Adoraphine is basically audio creepypasta. Especially the left channel will drive you mad. Also, contains near-constant suggestions that you are addicted to "Adoraphine", the "drug" created by mixing fake drugs created by Isabella and some other whale. In other words, she's trying to hypnotize you to "give us money." AVOID.
  • Arabian Princess is a mind fantasy about a beautiful Arabian girl. You start to fall in love with her and worship her as you and her fuck. Then you find out it's Isabella. Unless you can block out the subliminal messages of "I need you Isabella, I love you Isabella, I worship you Isabella", AVOID.
  • Bewitched is some dialog between Isabella and some other hambeast acting like witches. Editor could not get past 8 minutes before bursting into uncontrollable laughter due to the nature of the dialog. Good laughs, otherwise AVOID.
  • Body Takeover is all about making you imagine you are being forced to wear panties. If you listen to this while asleep, you will dream about wearing panties. AVOID, unless you are into that sort of thing.
  • Confidence Beach is actually heterosexual. It involves walking along a beach, and walking into the water, where your dick gets bigger, and then you get out of the water and get sucked off by three hot bitches at once. SAFE, RECOMMENDED.
  • Destruction of Ego has this description: "The only way to truly be a slave is to first realize you are nothing. You are not a man. You are pathetic, weak, and powerless." AVOID.
  • Fairy Panties is a bit of a queer one. Definitely aimed at female listeners, unless you fantasize about fairies flying around your penis in pink panties with french lace on the side. Men, AVOID this. Actually, women AVOID this one too, unless you're listening for the lulz.
  • Gender Transformation 2 is another that's exactly what it sounds like. It's almost completely free of any eroticism, instead just harping about how you've always wanted to be a woman and what you have to do to become one. Unless you get off on phrases like PERMANENT HAIR REMOVAL, AVOID.
  • Hymen is some twisted shit where she hypnotizes you into thinking you're a woman, then proceeds to break your hymen. LOL WUT.
  • Jackpot 2 is more fucked up than the original. It starts off with her licking your cock and then letting one of slaves give you a titjob, but then she tries to brainwash you into being her slave. Unlike the first one, you should very much AVOID.
  • Jackpot 3: Delectable Paradise is based heavily on romance, and requires you to listen to the first Jackpot before. She has hot, romantic, passionate sex with you, and then triggers you to cum without using your hands. As this involves you falling in love with her, it's best to AVOID.
  • Jackpot 4 (BRAND FUCKING NEW) is identical to the first one, but made specifically for guys. Includes visuals of girls in wet T-shirts and lots of sex. Unlike the first one, there isn't any "WORSHIP ME NOW" crap at the end. SAFE, RECOMMENDED.
  • Lady Vampire is the White Whale pretending to be a vampire, claiming she can read your mind, and even influence it. There's a lot of half whispered bullshit in the background, and the "vampire" claims to be obsessed with you. Couldn't make it past five minutes. AVOID, unless you want a cheap laugh.
  • Lesbian Man involves you being turned into a beautiful girl and have sex with another girl. Afterward, you are given the option to return to being a man, or "stay as a woman", whatever that may mean. Other than that, it doesn't feature the love, worship, and money undertones that are in most other files. Up to you to give it a shot.
  • Love Spell is all "Give me money. Give me money. You are in love with me and addicted to me, and you want to buy lots of my mp3s and give me all your money,", all the time. AVOID.
  • Shemale Therapist starts out as if it were an actual therapy session and she coaxes you into relaxing. Immediately after, she takes out her cock and rapes you with it. AVOID.
  • Sissy Secretary (now only available via torrent). "Oh hey, here's a shitty plot. Now I'm going to call you names and force you to dress up like a girl. I'm going to transform your body and fry your brain, and now you're a stupid, slutty airheaded blond bimbo. Now go suck some black cock." AVOID.
  • The Succubus is very confusing with constant voice changing and panning, but contains quite a bit of erotic material, so you might want to try it out, if you like imagining a hambeast in different forms. Up to you to give it a shot.
  • The Tease is exactly what it says in the title. This is one you fap along with, and she tells you when to speed up and when to slow down. Except at the end she leaves you hanging, and tells you not to fap. SAFE, just ignore the cunt when she tells you not to finish.
  • Wet Dreams is meant to be listened to while sleeping. There's no mention of worship or obedience, and can even be listened to on repeat. Basically meant to let you have wet dreams. SAFE, RECOMMENDED. Can also be downloaded for free from the above link, if not included in the torrent.

She also has non-sexual mp3s that are longer "sessions" where she supposedly takes you out into space and infinity and all kinds of crazy awesome sounding stuff, but nobody has ever heard any of them to confirm whether they are awesome or more "goddess" bullshit. Lucid Matrix is srsly fucking cool.

How to avoid a life-long obsession with the white whale

First off, you should not listen to any of her mp3s on speakers, but using headphones, in an audio editing program. Cut out any parts that you feel uncomfortable with, especially the parts where she's obviously trying to create a subconscious desire to buy more of her "sessions". Also, pay attention and AVOID the "sessions" I marked with AVOID, and don't be a dipshit and download something like "Prison Probed", put it on thinking "I wonder what this is", and fall asleep. Christ almighty, if you're that stupid, you deserve some serious prison probing, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Note for 2016...despite her having achieved fame partly due to her trans/sissy files, she did a sudden about-face (about-chins?) and completely turned against the trans community, including advocating hate crimes. This caused some discussion on various forums about a possible mental break, considering she mentioned the fact that her daughter shouldn't have to share a bathroom with a 'sissy'...which confused those who knew her only child was a boy.

Also, it goes without saying that you haven't spent $35 on this, and you're not going to spend thousands of dollars on this hambeast in the future, because You Are A Pirate.

Pic related: It's you.

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