Internet Kill Switch

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Internet Kill Switch is part of a series on final solutions.

[crackersGas the...]

We cannot afford to wait for a cyber 9/11 before our government realizes the importance of protecting our cyber resources.



In June 2010, grumpy old buzzkilling troll Joe Lieberman introduced a bill to the US Congress that will install a big, red easy button in the Oval Office of the White House, so that Presidents can turn off the Internets with the flick of the wrist in the event of a national emergency. Never mind that the Prez already has the power according to Telecommunications Act of 1996 that says the President has broad powers to simply shut off any and all regulated telecommunications if he/she/Chosen One deems it necessary for national security. He can't shut off a website, but he can shut off any and all wireless or wired Internet access.

He got the idea when he was catching up on old South Park episodes and saw Over Logging from season 12.

What he failed to realize is that Dan Kaminksy thinks he already has this kill switch, which he plays with in between drinking tequila and masturbating to XSS. In one of the most fucked up jokes on the Internet, Dan Kaminsky was given a part of the key. Somehow, people forgot that Dan had his shitty shell box owned up due to WordPress bugs (blogging, lol).

If there ever is a kill switch, it will more than likely be abused...assuming that whoever is in charge knows how to use a computer. Like anyone over 60, they will need the help of their children to use it.

Ostensibly, the proposed kill switch is to prevent a major cyber attack from Chinese hax0rs in an attempt to clog up the tubes with cheap, toxic Chinese pr0ns and bring down the Internets Twin Towers, but the real purpose of the kill switch is to stifle dissent for the children and to protect the cultural heritage of American Exceptionalism that we so rightfully deserve. Also, since Lieberman is a technophobe who hates progress, it's part of his evil plan to take us back to a time of traditional values like black & white TV, rotary dial phones, and record stores.

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