Genital Herpes

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Genital Herpes (technically herpes simplex, but more commonly known simply as "herpes") is a virus that effects humans and one of God's gift to teh lulz. It won't kill you, but once it infects you, it's like a tattoo: permanent, and worth having.

Although a permanent STD, according to advertisements for herpes medication Valtrex, herpes will cause you to live a more glamorous life: riding horseback through the ocean shores of California, white-water rafting in the Colorado River, riding a motorcycle through the chilly evening desert plains, and climbing the rugged terrain of the Appalachian Mountains.

In fact, you get genital herpes because you are a whore. Feel free to treat those with genital herpes like the smegma-sucking, santorum-licking, low-life shits that they are.

1-in-4 Americans over age 12 have "teh herp". While not shocking at first, the number can be viewed as a staggering statistic if applied in the following manner: Imagine, if you will, going to see your local baseball team and the stadium is at near capacity. 10,000 of your fellow beer swilling, hot dog eating brethren are herpetic. Feel better now?

What to do if you have herpes

The proper treatment for genital herpes is with bacteriostatics (herpes simplex virus) and antivirals, such as acyclovir. Acyclovir should be taken orally in 200 mg doses five times per day (for a total of 1 g daily) for 10 days. Oh, what's that? Your stupid health care system doesn't provide you with prescription coverage? No problem: you can always practice the tried-and-true method of just not telling people that you have herpes because, hey, you're not contagious if you don't have active sores, right?

Celebs with "Da Herp"

It's not a herpes lesion

Licking herpes sores is called herpilingus!!

It's...

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See Also



Genital Herpes is part of a series on Dying Alone

Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnna Nicole SmithBrandon CrispBrian AdamsCharmaine DragunChris BenoitCodey PorterDavid CarradineEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyHeath LedgerKitty0706Leelah AlcornLemonade CoyoteLoki BlackfangMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiRicardo LopezRipperLiloRudolph ZurickShawn WoolleyShayTyler DumstorfWilliam Atchison

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Genital Herpes is part of a series on Body & Health
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