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HeartMob users will unironically tell this woman that she's beautiful.

Some people believe that trolls are the absolute scourge of the internet. Pretty much everyone on the internet has, at some point, had their insightful comments met with a scornful “hahahaha fgt u suk balls lololol" from an insensitive troll. Fortunately, pretty much every social media site or app provides a “block function” so that you do not have to interact with anyone you don’t want to. Also, the human body provides its own natural block function known as “ignoring what some retard on the internet says.” However, in the minds of those who think that every place they inhabit must be a Safe Space wherein no one contradicts their thoughts, the concept of “ignoring” is simply untenable.

And so, thanks to 572 backers on Kickstarter raising an astounding $20,989, Ashoka Fellow and Queen White Knight Emily May proudly presents her newest innovation HeartMob. HeartMob combines the features of a hugbox, a circlejerk, and a personal army. If anyone's feelings are hurt by something someone said online, then said person can immediately connect to a network of people who will shower you with comforting words and tell you how beautiful you are regardless of whether or not it is true. But, it's most conspicuous feature is that it allows you to raise your own personal army of sorts. Because feeding the trolls with mass amounts of attention is the most sensible way of getting them to stop them from targeting someone, right? RIGHT?

So, What is HeartMob Really?


"Powered by Idiocy" - FTFY.

HeartMob is a network of volunteers who, after an alleged intensive screening process, become on-call shoulders to cry on after someone was told "ur fukin retard get aids an die faggot hahaha" online. The volunteers then proceed to shower them with affectionate and reassuring words. Honestly, it sounds like you could probably just set up scripts to give reassuring replies when presented with the right keywords. But, then there's the second and more interesting aspect to the service: you can also enlist groups of volunteers to come to your aid and either confront the trolls or record their antics for future posterity.

There is a false dichotomy between online and offline harassment. Both have the same root causes—sexism, racism, homophobia, and transphobia—and both have similar effects: They silence victims and cause depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorder.


—Emily May, unaware that computers can be turned off

Personal Army

Another satisfied user.

HeartMob disclaims that they use the tactics of "trolls trolling trolls" or "harassing the harassers." Instead, they claim to use the dubious tactic of "fighting fire with water," though the effect described in the linked article is that of a personal army that can be called upon to fuck with anyone that this cadre of furious lovebots deems to be abusive. Of course, there is no mention of what constitutes "abusive" so we can only assume they operate off a completely arbitrary system of their own design.

Here’s how it works: Anyone experiencing online harassment can report and document the harassment through HeartMob’s private, highly-secure website. Members of the Heartmobber community then offer a network of support by taking actions of the target’s choosing—whether that’s sending them loving, supportive messages, banding together to downvote abusive comments on a Youtube video into oblivion while upvoting loving comments, or assisting with the documentation of harassment by taking screen shots of abusive tweets or posts.


HeartMob, unaware of how the internet works

Yes, you read all that correctly.

First of all, HeartMob apparently believes that enough downvotes on a YouTube comment will push it into "oblivion," whatever that means. Maybe they're trying to say that people who have their comments set to the default sorting of "Top Comment" won't see it, but they're completely missing the point. The astute commenter who posted "u stupid cunt, ur video sucks as much dick as u do, i hope you die in an AIDS fire bitch" is trying to elicit a negative reaction and the fact that someone is so butthurt over someone's retarded internet comment that they would actually get a mob of people to downvote it is fucking hilarious.

Secondly, once the anons of the internet catch onto the fact that whenever you talk shit about a certain person or video that a mob will react to it, something called the "Streisand Effect" occurs. Basically, when someone or something no one cares about makes a spectacle of itself people who would have otherwise never known nor cared about that something will suddenly decide to fuck with that something for no particular reason. Making your discontent known to the public is probably the worst move someone could make, and now there's an entire mob dedicated to doing so.

Lastly, why do you need others to take screencaps for you? Just do it yourself if you want to, you lazy fuck.

The internet is on its last leg: R.I.P. Internet.


This instructional video will teach you everything you need to know about HeartMob.
The Young Turks babble on incessantly about technical shit they don't understand.


HeartMob is Here to Help About missing Pics

See Also

External Links

Portal trolls.png

HeartMob is part of a series on


Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

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HeartMob is part of a series on

Social Justice

Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage.

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HeartMob is part of a series on

Social Media

Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article March 9 & 10, 2016
Preceded by
Alison Rapp
HeartMob Succeeded by