Green Onions

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You are now listening to something your grandparents had sex to. This means little in the grand scheme of things, as the song is timeless and you have never had sex. In fact, if you are a youngster right now, attempt the feat of having sex with your lover to the time of this song, but only if it is another human being and not your hand.

When the guitarist starts soloing, you must stick your finger in the butthole of your lover. When this occurs, it is affectionately called a crescendo, as it is a climax of sorts on both a musical and physical level.

Other Things You Might Want to Do

Did You Know?

  • This song was written by some 17 year old black kid. Makes you feel kinda useless and stupid, doesn't it?
  • He is old as fuck now, but he is still better than you.
  • OMG half the band was white? And they were the bass and rhythm guitarists in The Blues Brothers?
  • Booker T & the MG's were inducted into the Rock'n'Roll hall of fame in 1992, despite the fact that there was no real Rock and Roll Hall of Fame until 1995
  • This was a pop band with no ties to Michael Jackson or the Jackson family.
  • About 3,000 other people have covered this song and it still doesn't matter, you will never be this good.
  • This one song is better than a bunch of other genres of music.


You have no clue and you don't give a shit.

See Also

Green Onions
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