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Arin "Egoraptor" Hanson, co-host of Game Grumps, prior to the channel's creation was e-famous for his Newgrounds flash cartoons and other contributions to the site. Visually, the manchild resembles post-op Michael Jackson. He's also in his late 20s, in spite of looking like an overweight middle aged lesbian. Also, he's
engaged married. Yes, shocking. I suppose even the filthiest of beasts can find true love (although, I'm pretty sure the ol' lesbian will break it off the second she finds out he has a dick.)
His accomplice, Jon "JonTron" Jafari, a festering obesity incarnate who likely eats more in a day than what the entire population of Congo eats in a few decades, is also, but to a much lesser-extent, famous on the internet. Jon's not-so extensive following includes his mother and some 14 year olds from Reddit. When his fat cherub face is not chowing down, he's taken a liking to using his mouth to make words, and sometimes even string sentences together. Sometimes he constructs coherent sentences, but unfortunately they are semantically void, and any attempt to interpret them for meaning may lead to permanent brain damage.
The two met up after Egoraptor reached out to JonTron in hopes of beating the shit out of him for ripping off his unique autistic style of comedy. However, things took a turn when they eventually met. Arin noticed how utterly retarded JonTron was and this killed his resolve to murder the shitbag. Instead, in the moment and overcome by guilt, Arin decided they should combine their unique talents to form Game Grumps. Ego still lives in regret of his decision, but fortunately for him the Youtube $$$ he makes from children tuning in everyday is enough to keep him going.
Additionally, there is a third unseen member to Game Grumps-- Barry, which rumor has it is the nickname for the creature/alien-like thing living on JonTron's neck. Supposedly, his work is to add the obnoxious yellow text to each video.
Since Jon's departure in June 2013, he's been replaced by Danny Sexbang of "NinjaSexParty" as the new Grump. Then co-host Ross "RubberRoss" O'donovon have been added to the mass of untalented lard, bringing with them a whole new era of 'entertainment'. Starting with spinoff shows such as Steam Train.
Egoraptor, being the lazy manchild he is was hurting for cash and needed a new source of revenue as well as a new target audience since 12 year olds from newground don't have any spare money. Seeing how other bottomfeeders and lowlives made a living by catering to friendless morons and giving them the illusion of being their best friend he did what he does best: Stole the idea and ran with it. Instead of selling cartoons he now can sell crappy merchandise, the illusion of having real friends and rare used games on ebay to afford his freeloading lifestyle.
The early viewership of game grumps consisted mostly of /v/, who watched it ironically due to egoraptor spending weeks astroturfing his show there. The fanbase he is now stuck with consists of people so socially awkward of hideous they failed to attract anything that can be considered a friend in real-life, losers who pretend "Arin" is their real friend and then proceed to send their few belongings and spare allowance to him and the mentally challenged.
The level of delusion about the nature of the entertainer-audience relationship will surely be source of some drama down the road, as it's only a matter of time until one of them snaps and proceeds to rape and kill egoraptor to be 'forever with him'.
The main function of the Game Grumps channel is to supply fodder for various works of marvelous art. In just over a month since the channel's creation, fans have created many "works of art", shipping the two in any and every way way possible.
The question of whether or not Game Grumps is supposed to be funny still remains. While the two spend the duration of their videos giggling like a pack of trampled hyenas, our team of experts here at ED have not yet been able to unravel the mystery-- what the fuck is so funny? Our experts report : "we're not even sure that the laughs are legitimate or that they're just laughing at each other's poor jokes out of politeness."
- "Oh god, it's in the back of my throat"
- "I think people caught on to the fact that I was a ho- wait, never mind"
- "What should we call our fans?" "...Cumfaggots"
- "But I just wanna touch your big black cock"
- "Oh god, I almost vomited"
- "Uh, I think I'm going to the bathroom and jack off"
- "How about I just give you a blowjob"
- "Touch the kid, touch the kid, touch the kid"
- "Would you fuck a girl with no eyes"
- "Steve, Bill, Langley, and Big Bill, have go on a journey to go to 7-Eleven."
The two have been accused of being under the influence while recording, however the two have outright denied these claims during their Mega Man 7 series. And we totally believe them.
The Cum Chronicles Of JonTron
Jon Jafari's pulsating bag of gypsy juices cannot easily be tamed. At times, he needs something more involved than tentacle porn or old dusty photos of his mother. Sometimes he needs something dastardly and sinful to abate his Transylvania tremors in the nether-- in this particular case, when the moon was full in the sky one horrid night, Jon's lust was tamed by sneaking into Arin's finance, Suzy, while she slept and giving her a facial.
To your left you'll see a picture of his filthy, filthy handy work, This was taken moments after she woke up from the smell of Jon's toxic cum wafting through her nasal passages. We're unsure of exactly who took the photo, but rumour has it Suzy took the picture herself, wondering what the strange substance on her face was, and hoping her Facebook friends might be able to help her out. That was purportedly the first time she came into contact with cum, since the couple agreed to wait until the honeymoon.
How do we know it was JonTron? Well-- for one, everyone knows that no human could possibly cum that much, only a gypsy could account for such a load. Secondly, when JonTron was confronted via twitter about his problem, not long after an unconvincing denial, he went ahead and deleted fucking everything off of his twitter account.
You can chalk this up to the impulsiveness of one very guilty gypsy.
The Ensuing Backlash
Of course, as always happens with E-famers, their luck eventually ran out on 18th February 2013, when they uploaded an episode of the brilliant game entitled "Naughty Bear". Despite being given many prompts on what to do in the game, they proceeded to walk around like a pair of idiots for 10 minutes talking about the the game's mechanics and unrelated life events before calling it quits after just 3 episodes. Naturally, most of the Fanboys hated their poor performance.
JonTron Leaves: The Least Tragic Departure Ever
On June 25th 2013, 3 videos were uploaded that ended Game Grumps for good;
1) A sudden departure video featuring Jon filmed alone in shitty cellphone quality like he'd been taken hostage, cutting to Arin, Barry and Suzy looking disingenuously unhappy while immediately introducing Jon's replacement.
2) A desperately unfunny new Game Grumps featuring the new "Not So Grump", Danny, from some shit no one cares about. The obvious pre-scripting of things to say about the game as well as Arin's desperate laughter at everything Dan says reeks of Poochie-ism
Speculation is rife as to what prompted this dramatic exit from the show, but the hints are there that Arin's fiancee Suzy was involved. Perhaps she was getting too involved in production, Jon mentioned it to Arin and Arin and/or Suzy couldn't take it, thus prompting a very sudden exit? Check out Jon's face when Suzy gets into Game Grumps business in this video DAT FRUSTRATIONS.
Clearly, the intention is for Arin and his succubus to continue to make money while someone else rides his coattails, but sadly the new contributor sucks a pile of donkey cock larger than Suzy's ego, so it's really more of the same.
Another popular theory is that Arin tried to make sexual advances towards Jon's rl waifu (who remarkably looks like Arin himself) and when rejected slapped her. This caused Jon to sperg out and sperate all ties. Legally there is nothing Jon can do, because his slave-contract with polaris forbids him from criticising from fellow "polaris" members.
The ship has begun sinking since Jon's departure. While the series is no worse than it was before, arguably improved since the fat cunt decided to focus his lack of creative talent elsewhere, fans are unsubscribing to the channel, disliking newer videos en masse and in general acting like the children they are. It says a lot about a series when it begins to conduct its swan song when an absolute cunt of a human being like Jon Jafari takes his leave.
Where is Jontron now?
Ironically, his funniest ever video!
The Gain Grumps
Surprising absolutely nobody, Suzy decided to follow up her marriage with Arin by eating fistfuls of cake and never stopping, gaining an astonishing amount of weight in a few months. She now has more chins than her husband and spends his JewTube Jew Gold on clothes that fit, make-up to cover her ballooning face and enough chocolate to inspire a diabetic coma.
Since the Game Grumps ALS Video, viewers have helpfully pointed out that Suzy is becoming a landlocked bloated whale, appearing three times the size of Barry who stands next to her. Rather than using these comments to get motivated and start puking, it looks like she turned to drinking melted ice cream rather than oxygen and kept piling on weight quicker than her plate. Due to the absense of Jon, Suzy has officially become 'the fat one' of the group.
Since Arin is a loving husband, he hasn't made her put down the fork and actually get off her expanding ass - or he has and she's ignored the suggestion all together.
What is certain is that while he may have enough money for her inevitable liposuction and pending divorce, Suzy isn't going to stop gaining weight any time soon - as if she couldn't be any less fuckable with her grating voice and caked on makeup.
- /v/'s investigative work that played a major part in compiling JonTron's cum chronicles
- Some long faggoty sperg letter written some jackass who faps to let's plays shit
- The YouTube channel Caveat: Lower your volume, their featured video autoplays on clicking, and god knows you don't want your friends or family knowing you watch this shit. Be sure to clear your viewing history as well.
- Where you will indefinitely find the majority of their fanbase (until they grow up and realize the channel is not actually funny)
- Main Grumps
- - Egoraptor's YouTube channel
- - JonTron's YouTube channel
- - Danny's YouTube channel
- - Ross's YouTube channel
- - Barry's YouTube channel
- Suzy's YouTube channel -
Game Grumps is part of a series on
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Game Grumps is part of a series on
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