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Fibromyalgia bear: Symbol of hope or Pedobear in disguise?

Fibromyalgia is another fake medical problem invented as a joint collaboration between lazy women, unethical doctors, drug addicts and the Jew pharmaceutical industry. Like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Autism and Cancer, fibromyalgia is essentially a fancied up way of saying "doing stuff makes me tired, give me some money and/or drugs". Claiming to suffer from it is a common tactic used by the lazy in their quest to achieve the American dream of getting paid by the gub'ment to never go to work and get loads of free drugs.

The fact that the medical community doesn't have their shit together well enough to classify fibromyalgia as a disease or a disorder is telling enough. Fibromyalgia is not a disease defined by any real pathology or etiology but is rather defined by an aggregate of symptoms that include: tiredness, laziness, lacklusterness, sluggishniss, lolessness, fatassedness, whininess, soreness and fail. Many people on teh internets claim to have fibromyalgia and are very defensive about it because deep down they know they are just faking it and can therefore be easily milked for moderate-to-high-quality lulz. The best way to achieve this is to say things like: "I'm not saying you know that you're faking it, but..." and then explain to them why it is obvious that they are gaming the system so that they can stay home, pop pills and get sympathy for their "suffering" on teh webs.

Profiting from Fibromyalgia

Winner of the 2009 Fibrodyke Award!

One of the best things about fibromyalgia is that it can score you some intensely powerful prescription drugs. If you are into, or will settle for, benzodiazepines or low-grade painkillers, even mentioning fibromyalgia can get them for you. If you want marijuana or the other good shit, all you need is a formal diagnosis.

Do not be afraid to go Wikipedia Favicon.png doctor shopping until you get the drugs you so desperately need want -- everyone else with a fibromyalgia diagnosis is doing the same, only they're too delusional to realize it. All you need to do is go to a doctor and complain of fatigue, generalized pain and overall faily feeling. If this does not work just keep whining until they diagnose you. If you need tips on how to seem whiny and faily you can watch The Italin Stallionette's videos on YouTube (check tags for fibromyalgia); follow this simple advice and the sweet, sweet profit will soon be yours.

If you've already been doctor shopping but are too intellectually deficient to get the good shit, just mix whatever ones you do get with booze and weed and cough syrup and voila! you will be completely mindless and ready for hours of trawling through old memes and countless hours of really really really shitty videos on the webs.

PROTIP: Try to avoid legitimate doctors, as they will see through your bullshit and give you antidepressants or chickenshit tramadol. These will not get you high and in the unlikely event that you are a man, they will give you erectile dysfunction. Flush them down the toilet, give them to your dog, or sell them to some emo kids.

People Who Claim to Suffer From Fibromyalgia

Symptoms of Fibromyalgia

The symptoms of fibromyalgia include


Treatments For Fibromyalgia and Other Fake Illnesses

Doctors really do know how to treat this

If you are a hardworking man and your wife, mother, sister, or casual acquaintance claims to suffer from fibromyalgia, avoid meeting Bubba in federal prison by suppressing your desires to murder said female. Modern medicine has yielded some very effective treatments that just might help get her off her fat, lazy, intellectually disabled ass and potentially even provide you with some mild lulz. These include:

The Final Solution to Fibromyalgia

When it comes to sensitive and unstable people with fake illnesses, trolling them until they commit suicide is always a viable option. This is not only good for lulz, but represents a valuble skill that will help you navigate effectively through real life in the future. This skill practically guarantees you a successful future in politics, business and/or editing ED.

See Also

External Links

Fibromyalgia is part of a series on Body & Health
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