In early February of 2010, a writer for a blog known as ReadWriteWeb posted an article about Facebook's plans to unite with AOL, a move which will combine people's friends lists from both sites and some other garbage about which nobody cares. It goes on to ramble about Friendster and social networking and whatnot, and typically would have gone mostly unnoticed, only to be commented upon and shared by the site's regulars. What the unwitting author didn't anticipate, however, was the average Internet user.
—This won't help. These people are too stupid to read.
ok cool now can I get to facebook
Three comments in, a curious phenomenon began. The entry suddenly received an extraordinary amount of traffic, but the comments were all odd and out of place. Things like "The new facebook sucks> NOW LET ME IN.", "when can we log in?", and most importantly "I WANT THE OLD FAFEBOOK BACK THIS SHIT IS WACK!!!!!" Soon afterwards dozens and dozens of comments appeared, all lamenting nonexistent changes to Facebook's layout and the inability to log in. By the end of the first page, roughly five comments weren't confused complaints about login issues. Shortly thereafter, more intelligent denizens of the internet determined the problem: this swarm of morons was entering the phrase "Facebook login" into the Google, ignoring the link that actually led to Facebook, and instead following the third link listed, one that read "Facebook Wants to Be Your One True Login" led to a page that was predominantly red, rather than the longtime and familiar blue and white theme that Facebook uses by default.
At first the site's staff and users "wondered if it could be a giant, orchestrated prank," such as the sort of shenanigans that Anonymous has been known to engage in occasionally, but the truth was something much worse. These people really were this stupid. The comments poured in, one idiot after another, all complaining about how they didn't like the "new" Facebook, somehow completely unaware of the fact that they were nowhere near Facebook. After a while longer, a clear picture began to form of the demographic that was affected: the old, the poor, and the uneducated. Essentially AOL users had somehow escaped their pen and were abusing Google.
A truly epic thread is born
Of course such an incident cannot go unnoticed and before long, links to the article began to spread through the various social media, further boosting its rank in Google's search index, drawing in more imbecilic flies to its digital honey. The author added a disclaimer encouraging the lost and confused to leave and go to the real Facebook but it was far far too late. 4chan, Something Awful, Twitter, Encyclopedia Dramatica, Digg, Reddit, eBaumsworld, and even Facebook users took notice, trolling the hapless retards in the comment threads, stealing the passwords mistakenly posted in comment boxes, and spreading the word to those of us on the Internet who happen to be more knowledgeable and experienced when it comes to such things as "typing", "clicking" and "reading" - thus perpetuating the cycle that kept the thread growing at a fantastic rate. The post had reached critical mass at this point and there was no turning back and certainly no saving these idiots. ReadWriteWeb posted a second article the following day explaining just what had happened and how Google had failed to predict the dead-stupid behavior of the average American idiot, and tracing the original post's rocket to Internet stardom.
—Laraine, who could very easily be your mother
It's all over now, baby blue
The furor has since died down and the thread has gone to pot, filled now with spammers rather than idiots, fakeposts by those who are late to the party, and little else. There is an important lesson to be learned by this, however. Reading through the scads of illiterate comments on that page, one suddenly understands how Nigerian scammers still manage to take people in; one realizes how for-pay porn websites make money; one knows now how fake antivirus programs end up installed everywhere. This mass display of stupidity shows us that despite years of computer use and their integration into daily life everywhere, people are still utterly retarded and don't understand anything. Isn't modern life grand?
Facebook Login is part of a series on
Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article April 28, 2010|
|Facebook Login||Succeeded by|
Michelle Lyn Taylor