THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ.
BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.
Dragon Cave is a conspiracy to glue all the Teenage Girls in the Internets to something other than their webcams run by a complete drama whore who goes by the name of Theodore J. Lipscomb (TJ). It’s not really a game so much as it's really staring vacantly at a screen clicking madly on little pixel eggs while your soul is sucked into the void, and TJ is not so much a moderator as the Queen Twat, but who gives a shit about semantics anyway?
The Average Dragon Cave User
Spotting a Dragon Cave User is incredibly easy!
- Glassy, vacant eyes
- Dry skin and overall poor hygiene
- Incredible intelligence levels
- Membership to Compulsive Poster's Anonymous (CPA)
- Constant droning on and on about very important Dragon Cave stuff
- Extreme protectiveness of said Very important Dragon Cave stuff
- Female and/or Jailbait. If they claim to be older, they usually are seven.
- Very sad Pedobear shaking his head and crying nearby.
- Will freak out at the mention of harming pixels
Elite Dragon Cave players have permanent PMS. Almost all of them have raging hardons for TJ and gladly suck his e-penis whenever he whips it out in front of them (which is frequently). They are even Smarter than the normal Dragon Cave users and love to flaunt it at every single opportunity. Time not spent sucking E-Penis is spent roleplaying out Awesome Dragon Roleplay Characters notable for having zero physical descriptions and almost always the same personalities.
Leet players are also allergic to change on the site; easily spotted by the amount of bawwing done when anyone so much as farts on the site. The more bawwwing, the more leet they are. Bawwing is a badge on this kind of site, and tells people how much of a shitbag they are to others and that such shit must be respected by inferior shitbags.
The Rules of Dragon Cave
Dragon Cave used to operate under a strict code of silence. Anyone who said anything about the many secrets of the dragon cave would be eaten by TJ and result in lots of Bawwwwing. While TJ has since pulled his head out of his ass just far enough to realize that trying to keep people from finding out what dragons come out of which eggs is retarded, there are still some secrets which will cause much drama if discussed.
Teh Secrets: Neglected Dragons
One of the most coveted secrets of Dragon Cave is how to obtain a neglected dragon. These are popular because they are rare and there are seven wonderfully done sprites to collect. Revealing the secret of neglecteds or even asking about the secret of neglecteds will bring about much BAWW as the mods rush to lock the thread to keep the secret from getting out, despite the fact that half of the players know how to do it already and can freely spread the information via private message and places not on the forums, such as here.
- Catch an egg from the cave and fog it. Record the exact time that you pick it up. This is your “Time of Death.”
- Incubate the egg. This will remove a day from its time, meaning your Time of Death is exactly six days from the time you originally caught it.
- Wait until the egg is five minutes from death, then unfog it and pop it into as many fansites as you can.
- Give someone a teleport link to your egg, so they can catch it if it turns into a neglected.
- Masturbate furiously.
Not good enough to obtain any sort of popularity on DevianTART, members resort to trying to achieve a significant amount of popularity within the cesspool of artistic failure that lays with DragCave's shitty pixel art community. Wielding the power of MSPaint, they brandish their computer mouse between their porky fingers and eventually create a heaving conglomerate of something, somewhat, maybe a little resembling art, but mostly, just fail. Convinced pixel dragons will get them far in the art world, they attempt to attend art school thinking a degree is going to help them earn a living but really only getting their income from basement dwellers who shell out for art for their own sim games.
The few competent artists, possessing knowledge of basic anatomy and design skills, gather a swarm of leeches that e-stalk them, hoping for free art or that, magically, their mad skillz will rub off on them. These motherfuckers charge USD$ for in-game art, which the masses inhale like cocaine fresh off the plane from Colombia.
"In-cave spriters" or ones who have shitty art displayed on the actual site, are considered demigods alongside their queen twat admin. Every comment they make, the community bends over willingly and hopes to receive a good buttfucking from them. This group of fake staff on the site are by far the most easily butthurt ones, and are ripe for the trolling. They truly believe they have some sort of celebrity status within the world by having their pixels published on this furfag site.
Every wonderful artist on DC works very hard on the precious sprites that are released into the cave. They work so hard on the holiday sprites to where they demand a special color of the sprite so they look more superior than the crappy original that everyone else is stuck with. These special sprites are recolored for the artist and many users fight to the death for shitty offspring of these special sprites so it looks "lul super awsum in my lineage!" Some of the artist are so in love with their recolors to where they'll give their own descriptions and stories of said alt, thinking that they're worth giving a shit about. To this day, there is always a recolor of every new holiday and numerous newbies that bawww about how it isn't fair.
The fatass hog, Marionetta is so obsessed with the color pink, she made her dragon look like a penis.
Dragon Cave Forums
The center of most of the Dragon Cave drama and thus the most entertaining part of the site. It’s pretty bad when the forum wank is more entertaining than the game.
Dragon Cave Players are encouraged to necro topics instead of creating new topics as, according to faux moderator Sabbita ""It saves bandwidth". Apparently Bandwidth and server space are the same in Dragon Cave due to some quirk of computer physics. As a consequence, posting any thread, even if it only barely resembles a locked thread from three years ago, results in thread locking and possibly a big celebration concluded with the summoning of the Party Van.
The admins and moderators are very fragile and emo. They are also useless Aspies noted for their special maturity levels and being total cunts. The loudest of them are notable Otherkin and are even more protective of the Dragon Cave bullshit than normal as they don't know the difference between real dragons and shitty pixel art "dragons". Time not spent jerking it to Dragon "art" is spent bashing newbies into the ground for asking WTF is up with the total lack of information on how to play this game. God forbid someone let slip one of Dragon Cave's awesome secrets or say something that’s mean!
... so please, coddle the Admins. They NEED you!
There have been many users banned for sex talk or warned if they post anything of that nature, though they don't even know that their own forum art is crawling with it. A popular art piece of the silver dragon clearly shows the female madly blowing the male (he even has a derp face), reflecting on how TJ fangirls react whenever the furfag posts.
Users of Note
TJ09: the Queen Twat
If the game being a boring clickfest run by overprotective commies who are so afraid that you'll figure out water dragons hatch from blue eggs wasn't enough, behold the trainwreck that is TJ09 - the Queen Twat and creator of this atrocity.
"TJ09", AKA T.J. Lipscomb, is a 27-year old from Shelton, Connecticut with a massive yet amazingly fragile ego who doesn't even know how to give a simple "thank you" to his many slaves who do all the actual work towards the site. Most likely he is a furfag, otherkin and highly likely secretly a cuntboy. TJ's hobbies include stealing shitty pixel art from videogames, getting nailed for stealing shitty pixel art from videogames, seducing teenage girls into making him shitty replacement art, and throwing tantrums when others don't do exactly as he says. Be sure to stroke his ego good by sending him kind messages.
As if his ego wasn't fragile enough, there was an egg with the code "TJSux" being traded in one of the boards which received quite a bit of attention. Unfortunately, no screenies were taken in time, due to the butthurt twat when he found this code himself. He soon deleted the egg AND its code. Many remember it well but it cannot be found when put into the search address anymore. GG, guys.
SockPuppet Strangler (Obscure_Trash): Top Whinebaby
For many years, the so-called strangler of sock puppet accounts (commonly known as Sock) was a global moderator on the forums. They strutted around the forum, acting as liaison between the userbase and the admin, TJ09. Their constant presence on the forums was obviously a comfort to all, especially the multiple users they specially targeted and ran off the forum. Fortunately, they ragequit when TJ refused to promote them to admin. Sock even left an extremely classy message in their signature and scroll explaining why they were leaving, placing all responsibility on TJ. When literally nobody cared that Sock had left, they updated their name to Obscure_Trash as a play for attention.
Faux Mod Sabbita/Layn
A self-important 12 year-old girl who likes to think she is not only a moderator but good at computers. After this article was found she changed her screenname to "Layn" to try to throw off the trolls. This might have worked if she didn't keep the same avatar, attitude, posting style, deleted every single one of her 5,000+ posts and burned her Dragon Cave scroll. In fact, using a picture of herself as her avatar didn't help.
Her main claim to fame is being even more paranoid and anal than 50 Elite Dragon Cave users combined! She flits around the forum to spew her opinion everywhere and actually think it means something, when really what most of the kids do is roll their eyes and skip her posts. Newbies think she's a mod. TJ's fangirls think she's a god. The rest of us think she needs to Shut the fuck up.
When not being a drama whore, Sabbita is busily churning out nauseatingly-bad dragon "sprites". She likes to whine when it looks like her sprites are not the favorites in a thread because she's so special.
Sabbita 2.0: Crazywargod
Crazywargod is like Sabbita/Layn 2.0. More helpful and annoying than ever, crazywargod seems to think he is a mod and therefore has the authority to tell people when to shut up, continuing to attempt to get in the last word himself, however unreadable those "last words" may be.
Often seen in debate topics, he is adamant on starting shit he cannot finish, and when he finally realizes he has been outwit, he quickly backs off and demands all users do the same. After all, it's the only respectful thing to do!eleventy!!
I obviously know what sarcasm means!
DolphinSong is a well-known asshat artist who thinks her two cents in any conversation is actually worth something. It's also well known to see her disagree with pretty much ANY idea without uber logic information. Newbie artists constantly lick her e-clit in hopes that she'll help them make sprites for their dragon requests. It's not uncommon to see her bash ideas and art with science and reality (because magic just doesn't exist, even in a world of dragons with the ability to use..MAGIC!) to help her argument and make herself sound smart and refuses to shut the fuck up until someone proves her wrong or shows better evidence (which most people do) and only then will she disappear from the thread, obviously outsmarted.
Whenever she's not spewing bullshit, she's masturbating to her own posts about her special alt Rosebud Dragon, that she's overly obsessed with, just to remind everyone else that she has one, in hopes that they'll think she's superior and feel jealous.
She disappeared from the site for some time but soon came back with wonderful news.
Starscream is an oh, so lovable mod who loves toes. Chewing on them, sucking on them - Starscream can always be found making literally everyone around them uncomfortable, seemingly without ever noticing people fucking hate it.
...That's it. That's literally the extent of what Starscream does. You'd think someone holding the title of chat mod would have some kind of job to do, but nope. All she does is rub her feet in other people's faces, touch other people's feet without permission or consideration, and hang about the forums as if anything she has to say is vaguely important (hint: it's not, as everyone but Starscream realizes). Oh - not to demean her job, she also sometimes pretends to mod the chat, mainly when she or her goonsquad are being called out on their bullshit. If someone who doesn't give a shit about sucking her dick is being harassed, Starscream will not give a shit - and will likely tell you to shut the fuck up and stop bothering her. Then'll she suck your toe.
Thuban: Definitely Not a Star
Not much to be said about Thuban. In fact, she might go utterly unnoticed if it weren't for the fact that she clings to her title of chat moderator as if anyone frequents or enjoys the chat anymore. However, as a chat mod, she is most well known for modding drunk, which leads to severe favoritism while modding, long bouts of whining about her life, not moderating anybody except those she personally doesn't like, as well as showing her true colors. Every now and then, she'll also cry about how useless she thinks she is. Even though she's absolutely right, she'll eventually drag herself out of the pity party she's thrown for herself, and hop right back up on her high horse. Thuban is also prone to spouting her mouth off around the forums, leaving the rest of the users to all wish there was a Thuban-free zone to escape to.
LadyLyzar: Power Bottom
LadyLyzar is actually somewhat impressive. After literally doing nothing - N O T H I N G - for actual years in her position as help mod, she was promoted to global moderator. Gotta give props to someone who can be that incredibly useless and yet be rewarded for it!
Ext3h is the QueenTwat's arch-nemesis who has managed to gain the adoration of the masses. He ran a popular fansite (until some successful troll DDOS'd it and successfully killed it forever). Users flocked to the site, which he used to collect statistics to further his own game, which he constantly cheated at and scripted for. Ext3h gave no shits about the rules, laughing in TJ's face (or so we like to imagine) when TJ told him to knock it off and stop using his site to cheat. Ext3h did no such thing, to which the QueenTwat promptly responded to by burning his scroll, deleting his fansite thread, and not allowing him to create another thread, although users continued to worship at the feet of Ext3h's fansite. Even though he was only using them, users loved his site because he actually provided basic game shit that TJ still refuses to add to his own game.
A Legacy of Drama
The history of Dragon Cave is long and tumultuous, littered with many a flamewar and wankfest. Most of this bullshit revolves around artwork or TJ, or possibly both, though it will occasionally explode over something as simple as a bit of lag and downtime. All art is copyright the wonderful artists at Dragon cave and using it anywhere else or editing them without permission will result in polite emails being sent requesting that you take them down. Thank you.
How to Treat your Users
One day in the fall of 2008 the teenage girls got sick and tired of the Admins' trigger-happy banhammer and censorship of even the most basic aspects of play and decided to make a thread called How To Treat your Users with the hopes that TJ would mend his evil ways. The resulting emo comments and flamestorm reached a category five on the lulz scale. Here are a few choice excerpts from the horse's mouth.
—TJ09 @ Nov 5 2008, 05:09 PM
—TJ09 @ Nov 5 2008, 06:06 PM
The Site Admin TJ09 (T.J. Lipscomb) changed his title to Clearly too rude for this forum after locking the thread.
A great big Bawwwww rose out of the forums after the How to Treat your Users thread was locked with all the girls scared that TJ had left the site 4EVA!!! Dozens of members started sporting "I support TJ" buttons and banners while bawwing extra loud at everyone who suggested that Mayyybe TJ was wrong and that maybe he needed to grow a pair and stop being such a twat. Dozens of "we support TJ", "We Love TJ" and "please come screw us TJ!" threads cropped up, spamming out all notable content from the forums in most sections of the site. A few users pledged to leave the forums as well in honor of TJ's leaving the forums.
Though everyone hoped they would not return, most never left and neither did TJ. Instead he instead began lurking instead of moderating his own forums leading to massive spam and after listening to butthurt fangirls crying over him supposedly leaving the site 4EVA!! he posted a news post, "Uhou Idcesbot!", which was written in Saurian (no shit, TJ is so lame he makes announcements in the language from the Starfox games). This thread eventually became a rant fest of epic proportions once someone found a Real Life picture of TJ and posted it. TJ saw this, panicked and wiped the thread to try to remove all traces. He then proceeded to show how much more mature than the rest of the forum he is....
Translation of the furfag-speak: '
This had absolutely nothing to do with the initial post into which the new "anouncement" was edited and everything to do with the fact that apparently the Dragon Cave forums handle massive numbers of posts about as well as TJ handles his users. The display of asshattery and wiping the thread of all posts did not stem the tide of posts, however, and the thread was up to over 200 posts and rising within 20 minutes of the wipe, many of which basically could be summarized as Stfu. Feeling butthurt that his cry for attention and attempt to cover-up his ugly mug failed to pan out as intended, TJ wiped the thread a second time, locking it, and completely shut down the forums. When the forums came back up online the above image had been deleted.
On the night of April Fools, TJ decided to whip out his e-penis and replaced half the sprites on DC with Pokemon sprites. Much BAWWWWING arose as the Art Nazis realised that for the few minutes they used those sprites without credit, Nintendo would sue DC. Others simply Bawwwed about the admin's account getting hacked while some posted that they couldn't get to sleep because they were crying too hard about not knowing what was happening (unfortunately we couldn't retrieve this post as TJ deleted the thread, surprise). Yet no one stopped to realise it was April Fool's night anyway.
They Found Us!
Thanks for the FREE traffic to all guide sites like this that would have otherwise gone unnoticed, thus preserving your secrets! Thanks, geniuses.
Updated: Now there's a Wikia site dedicated to this crap. You can find the formerly forbidden secrets at this site. Queen Twat found his brain and realised other people had brains too and could actually work out what dragon came from what egg. About fucking time too.
Preserved for posterity, some posts of interest.
I don't think this can be reported just for being incredibly offensive, but it does have a few dragon stages and some information about them. http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/User:3tails/Dragon_Cave Just a warning: it is incredibly offensive. And sab - both you and TJ are mentioned personally.
If this has already been mentioned, my bad. -- SockPuppet Strangler Feb 10 2009, 04:37 PM
............. ............... ............ who. do. I. talk. to? I emailed the support contact. the disclaimer said that guides are meant to be "funny" and anything that goes beyond will be deleted. pointed out how offensive it is. -- sabbita/Layn Feb 10 2009, 04:40 PM
I already brought it up with the mods, and the basic consensus is tacking encyclopedia dramatica would cause more trouble than it's worth. I personally would love to see that page gone though. -- Pokemonfan13 Feb 10 2009, 04:50 PM
Ugh...ED...god I hate that site. It disgusts me, but there's really nothing we can do. It's like going to 4chan and telling them to stop acting like morons. Not going to happen.
and I believe that really....we shouldn't be going after these guides so maliciously...it's just making us all look like raging control freaks...fact is, we don't have power over the rest of the internet.
If, like Komodo said, they're making profit off it somehow, then we can get them, but if they're just posting it in a forum and not making profit off it....nothing we can do. It's not like it's THAT difficult to figure out what turns into what anyway, and as long as they're not advertising the guides on here, they aren't really doing anything wrong, yes to us they are, but the fact is our ToS holds no value at another site.
If one gets super popular and becomes annoying, then we should go try to get it down, but we can't get rid of every guide, we shouldn't really be trying. -- shikaru Feb 10 2009, 05:45 PM (this means SPREAD THE LINK!)
.... T.T They're claiming the "educational" part of fair use in copyright law from what I can tell, and that is NOT what the educational thing is for. It's so that schools can copy material to hand out to students. -- Pokemonfan13 Feb 10 2009, 06:41 PM
Oh, and I'm probably going to end up wiping most of this thread tomorrow when I have time -- Pokemonfan13 Feb 10 2009, 08:01 PM (wuss Nazi.)
sent an email to their (ED) "support" email..... and guess what? their "support" email, for you to contact in case you have a problem with it being "insulting" rather than "funny".... doesn't exist! lol! -- sabbita/Layn Feb 12 2009, 01:42 PM
can I ask a question? isn't it kind of silly to post the links to all these egg guides when you don't want people to know what they're getting?? -- manticore Feb 13 2009, 10:02 PM
You know guys, it is best to ignore ED. It's run and maintained by Anon, and therefore there is no way to actually get them to stop doing whatever it is they feel like doing. Any attempt to "retaliate" against them only results in a longer ED article and higher potential for us becoming targeted for a raid.
Though it should be noted that whoever wrote the article is clearly not familiar with the rules of the Internet. It claims that this forum is full of teenage girls, and one of the Rules is that there are no girls on the Internet. :V -- Lythiaren Feb 13 2009, 08:31 PM
QUOTE (Loli @ Feb 15 2009, 03:44 AM) How in the world is that cheating? If we had some magical program that auto hatched eggs or changed what came out of it that would be a cheat. It's called a guide for a reason genius! If you don't want people to know without hatching their own eggs you might as well block access to all scrolls too. Most people would be able to put two and two together and realize what adults and hatchlings come out of what eggs after seeing a few scrolls. Hell that's how I decided on my own eggs in the first place.
QUOTE (Layn @ Feb 15 2009, 12:51 AM) the point of the cave is to learn what egg hatches into what on your own. that is how tj designed it. Posting guides is against this, as they reveal to anyone what becomes what, and takes away teh challenge that is the game. learning what tehy hatch into still takes some thought.
Do you even read what you post or are you just parroting that from everyone else? -- Seiken no Hisui in reply to Sabbita/Layn and Loli Feb 15 2009, 03:57 AM
Thread Wipe!! with rewrite of first post: This is not a thread for discussion. Just post the link or links in question and leave. Do not respond to others' posts unless you have pertinent information to add. If you find dragcave art on a website and it is not being posted as a collectible or in strict relation to dragcave (as a scroll link, etc) please post a link to it here or report it to the site if it is one such as deviantart where they will remove it. Even if it has a "from dragcave" tag somewhere it is still likely to be theft, as you are not allowed to use dragcave art without permission from the artist (and the artists are not likely to have given permission). This is especially true if the poster has edited it and is not giving credit. I greatly dislike egg guides, but as long as they are not claiming to have permission and there aren't any adds on the guide don't bother posting them. They're more trouble to take down than they're worth. -- This post has been edited by Pokemonfan13 on Feb 15 2009, 08:07 PM (contradict much?)
St Patrick's Day and the "Lagmonster"
Many members decided to join the usual Elite DC players in awaiting to see if TJ would release new shitty pixel art. Much to their dismay this didn't happen, but instead, having so many people on the site caused DC to have a server crash. Bawwing occured once more as people could not check up on their dragons and even more bawwing occured when their pixels got killed as the server was down for 2-3 weeks. Once TJ restored the server though, the fangirls furiously sucked his massive e-penis:
— Moonfeather13 Jul 23 2009, 04:05 PM
Asshattery at its greatest:
You enter the cave as you did daily to adopt a dragon hatchling or egg, adding to your family. But what you find were no dragons, no eggs, only something else, something much more sinister than the annoying Lagmonster Dragon you tackled once before. Piles of adult dragon and hatchling bones scattered about as well as egg shells of various dragons. A low growl is heard as you enter the cave and soon you find your path blocked by a sinister dragon that was feared by all. Sharp fangs gnawing in flesh as claws ripped apart everything in its path. Solid datachip wings were folded to its back as its red eyes of death make you shriek in terror....you were staring into the eyes of none other than the Datamonster!
All was thought to be lost for the beloved dragons and there was thought to be no hope in rescuing them, no matter how hard the owners tried. The Datamonster was just too strong! Just then, a knight stood out amongst them all by the name of TJ09.
Raising his trusty sword-of-recovering, TJ09 took a mighty swing at the Datamonster's vile bloated stomach. The awesome power of sword rent asunder the evil beast hide, releasing and reviving all the dragons trapped within. The Datamonster let out a final mighty roar of anguish, clawing at the sky as if trying return the escaping dragons to his gaping maw. Having released the dragons TJ09 made a mighty leap and with one sure sweep of his magnificent sword beheaded the vile Datamonster, ending it's threat once and for all!
But, unbeknown to TJ and the revived dragons, The ferocious and evil Datamonster still clung to the mortal coil. As the brave knight walked away, the cybernetic beast's limbs began to twitch, nearly imperceptible to the eye. Then the camera panned in on the creature's severed head, as it's glowing red eye slowly opened up and narrows, vowing to seek revenge.
TJ09 is now a hero! He lead the way as all the dragons returned home to their beloved families. The owners cried with joy as they were reunited with their beloved dragons. TJ09 smiled, knowing the journey was long, the battle was hard but all in all, it was worth it all. With the mission completed, the brave and heroic knight disappeared into the light, awaiting for the next time his help would be needed. - Aug 12 2009, 01:50 PM
Twas the night before Christmas, and every member was shitting their pants in anticipation of the long-awaited Christmas dragon of 2009. But, it was soon discovered that something was amiss! There was not just one dragon to be had, but 3 beautiful recolors. The members rejoiced, until realizing that they could each get only one, and they couldn't choose which.
This was a catastrophe! Now they would NEVAR have all the dragons! What was to be done? Why, what Dragoncave does best; whine about it. The members banded together, swarming from far and wide, and began to baww loudly in every forum thread that remotely touched on the topic in the hopes that TJ would realize the error of his ways and revert the dragons back to one color. Sadly, most of these threads have been deleted. Their lulz is lost to us forever.
Some clever IRC dwellers thought they'd be heroes and decided to figure out how the site assigned versions of the dragons to different scrolls. When their brains gave out after a few minutes of such strenuous detective work, TJ stepped in and revealed to all how it was done:
(2:39:30 PM) Xylene: Is there still a way to tell what your scroll number is? SS was curious.
(2:39:38 PM) Trilby: I think my dog just fell up the stairs.
(2:39:44 PM) reddragon420: lol
(2:39:52 PM) dejavugurl: lol
(2:39:56 PM) Eruru: XD
(2:39:57 PM) Purpletail: ..and my last gold give me a daydream....ahh well
(2:40:00 PM) Purpletail: its cool
(2:40:08 PM) bluebell_rose: xD, I has in my sig, my id scroll
(2:40:12 PM) TJ09: Xylene, technically yes.
(2:40:20 PM) TJ09: If you look at your cookies
(2:40:24 PM) ***dejavugurl pokes her blue stripe egg and albino
(2:40:26 PM) Trilby: I hear a thud on the stairs and he comes in and flump on his blanket all "hrmph">
(2:40:29 PM) Trilby: .*
(2:40:30 PM) TJ09: There's one that contains the ID of the user that's logged in.
(9:55:30 AM) Diana: How -did- you code that?
(9:55:31 AM) dejavugurl: I'd prefer the gold or the gold with red and green
(9:55:32 AM) Kallistrate: same, Cinnabar
(9:55:33 AM) Diana: It sounds complex.
(9:55:34 AM) Diablo: but whatever
(9:55:43 AM) Odie: i would have much preferred each dragon to be completely random
(9:55:44 AM) Diablo: these will never be my favorite dragon
(9:55:45 AM) KitN: i would be dissapointed to get a solid gold wing set
(9:55:49 AM) TJ09: It's really simple: User ID mod 3. --Dragoncave IRC
The mystery was solved! The members discussed this new development avidly while continuing to baww about how much they hated what color they got. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, TJ pulled out his mighty e-penis and proceeded to ban several of the people talking about it, including one of his own OPs. The reason stated was that "reverse engineering went against Dragoncave's rules", despite the fact that it was TJ who told them how it was done in the first place. The remaining members, furious at their admin for being such a fucktard, proceeded to whip up a shitstorm of rage and BAWW that was not to be outdone until Dovealove's bitchfit a less than a month later. Eventually, the IRC settled down and everyone resumed jerking off to the new pixel dragons.
The Support Thread
A while back, a wonderful thread was created so if a bawwwwing user had their fragile feelings hurt in life or online, they could all go to this thread and whine and bitch in hopes that people would give them advise and support, along with much genital blowing on the side. For years, users would come with sob stories from small as a pet fish dying to a loved one dying (though in most cases, it turned out to be false for attention), and all of the attention whores would get their praise and feel like a white knight from giving the lamest advise. Every so often, there would be a butthurt user throwing a bitchfit for not getting enough attention, or someone says the wrong thing and hits the deepest nerve in the bawwing bitch and gets warned, causing many users to avoid the thread due to the fact that if they aren't careful enough or suck e-penis hard enough for the whiners, they could get warned and bitched at, "get there posts deleted from the thread, even though they were just trying to help". Soon the shit hit the fan when one bitching user (who happened to be a mod) posted their sob story and a rather blunt member came in to give her some kind words. Many "reinforcements" came rushing to the crying mod's aid and suggested the rude member, who was MedievalMystic (probably one of the 2% of DC users that ISN'T a bawwwing bitch and actually has the balls to speak her mind and fight off the fangirl drama), to kindly "back off", though she wasn't having any of it and stood by her posts, letting the others know that if they didn't like it, they don't have to read it. It got to the point where one of the head mods, SockPuppet, came in to remind everyone that this was a snuggle cuddle thread, not bash and be rude.
The mods soon realize that there was no use beating a dead horse and Medieval wasn't going to take back what she said and soon after, the thread was closed. SockPuppet put in some few last words and it turned to bawwwing about how disappointed she was in everyone for having to lock the discussion and gave helpful advise about why it's important to choose your words carefully because you never know how fragile someone can be. All while Medieval was probably sticking her fingers in her ears and mumbling bitch pep talk to herself.
Mighty Artist Bitchfit Part 1: Dovealove
Dovealove, the 'artist' with the most shitty pixel art on the site, had a fight with TJ and decided she would remove all the art she ever contributed to the site. Not that we're complaining, less shitty art the better! However, trouble ensues:
More lulz was created on the thread when the mods themselves began bickering in the thread. TJ, being the prick he is, treated the 16 year old girls like shit because being fangirls, they would never stop sucking that e-penis. This seems more like a repeat of the past, "How to treat your users". Sources have revealed that Attention-Whore twat TJ had tried to dominate and control everything on the site and obviously couldn't handle it. This is also why he is the only admin on the forum and why no one else has the amount of eggs under their name as him.
http://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?showtopic=81010&st=0 Baleeted, see the first page of the thread here and a related post in her DevianTART journal here.
And of course, the mods have locked this to prevent bawwwing because their egos are just too fragile to handle it. And before they delete fucking everything:
Later on it was discovered this was all an elaborate plan to manipulate the DC users into complaining and giving the “artists” more rights (as if they needed more fucking rights, they have the whole site and more sucking their e-dicks). As stated by Marrionetta:
"Request denied. Get back in the spriting kitchen, woman." - Jan 30 2010, 07:31 PM
Mighty Artist Bitchfit Part 2: Lythiaren
—Lythiaren, blaming others for her "murdering" her creation.
Almost as soon as this post was made, the fangirls of DC swarmed all over her with the praise and attention she was looking for. Lythiaren was undeterred, though, as she was now bathing in the adoration that such typical attention whores crave and she wasn't about to give that up:
After the announcement, everyone who wasn’t licking Lythiaren’s e-clit or making crappy signature banners was furiously trying to collect as many of the pixels as they could. The pixels were finally retired, and after a few more weeks the drama died down. To this day, even mentioning the frill wank will cause people to whine and post about how sorry they feel for Lythiaren.
Recently there was a new thread added to suggest the re-release of the shitty frill dragon and much to everyone's surprise, Lythiaren approved and began working on new shitty art while everyone massively licked her e-clit in hopes that she will go all the way with this. Much squee and excitement grew from this thread in joy that the shit art would possibly be returning to the cave. That is until one brave troll dug up an old post from the original frill bash to throw a wrench in the thread's planning, even adding an "amen" as an extra "fuck you", luckily for the thread, the users were either too stupid to realize it was a troll, didn't know about the original Frill bash, or didn't care relive it, giving the troll attempt only minor attention for now.
Even more recently, the post seemed to have stirred up negative vibes into the members and soon mostly everyone on the thread began fighting over different opinions and bringing in opinions of other dragons and eventually a mod came in to permanently lock the thread, putting an end to the possible Frill update. THANK GOD!!
Not-So-Mighty Artist Bitchfit: Earthgirl
The DC forum members' brains are dead: to begin with. There is no doubt about that. The ever-whiny members of the DC community rung in the new year with bawww and drama as usual, after that year's beautiful new dragon grew up and - LE GASP - some ugly horrible h8ers with knowledge of anatomy and color theory and other such total bullshit didn't think it was artistically perfect!
How could a proper Dragon Cave fangirl just stand back and watch all this hatred flow into the forums? Answer: they cannot! The fangirls came out in droves and defended the beautiful art, with such great arguments as:
Not about to abide this incoming tide of idiocy, those with brains stepped in and told the fangirls like it is:
Just as it seemed that common sense was about to prevail - even the mods were protecting the "haters" right to critique - the artist steps in with a nice wanky temper-tantrum to make everybody shut up:
And after that baw-filled post, the thread was closed for a while. It was eventually reopened, however, and a member of the "STOP CRITICIZING BEFORE YOU START DRAMA" crowd proposed that the holiday release threads be reserved for squeeing and asskissing and those evil criticizing hater fucks can go whine where nobody can see them. Another member smartly noted that this was censorship, and thus the drama was started right back up. The thread was then closed again, for good this time, but the wanktrain was chugging merrily along now and wasn't about to be stopped. It was instead rerouted to the forum feedback thread, to the distress of some.
The wank only got juicier from this point on, with users calling for a "squee-only" zone in release threads, simultaneous cries of "CENSORSHIP!" and "BULLYING!", and a bullshit statement from Earthgirl trying to backpedal from her previous whiny comments.
—Earthgirl, full of shit, tries to reclaim her dignity and fails.
After the drama died down, a butthurt Earthgirl can now been seen sometimes sporting the user-title, "PROUD MOMMY OF BUTTERBUTTS!(a name that sounds like the creature was raped in the ass over and over while being filled up with cum. Though it fits as that's how she felt when people pointed out how horrible the sprite was.)" to make herself forget the fact that her art has been the worst to ever be released in the site.
Part 2: Earthgirl's Final solution
Earthgirl, also known as Groovie on Flight Rising, was caught on tumblr advocating for the genocide of a whole people. She cannot deal with legitimate critique of her sprites, but she feels completely free to suggest setting people on fire and thinks fetishizing is a compliment. And she's not sorry. She says so herself every time she posts about it.
Oh God. The SJW Corp. on dramarising strikes again.
I’m going to sound very racist here and I’m not sorry. AT ALL.
First off, I take great offense when I hear that gypsies are called ‘Romani’. No. They are NOT ‘Romani’ or ‘Rroma’ or whatever their stinky asses want to be called. Because of their newly-claimed name as the ‘Romani people’, Romanians are often mistaken for gypsies and suffer greatly from that.
Thankfully, eversince they went loose all over Europe (and even America, I hope) and caused problems, people started to wake up and notice the difference and realize that the oh-so-discriminated gypos are really a plague.
Romanians = white people, mostly civilized. Looking for work, studies, sightseeing. Educated for the most part. They have a culture and a country.
Gypsies(or ‘romani’ if you want) = not white(Indian), roam in large groups, impossible to civilize, stinky(allergic to soap), they mostly steal and destroy everything. Uneducated. They don’t really have a…culture.(tho, they probably did 100 years ago) They can’t fucking adapt anywhere!
'Gypsy' is not a racial slur. Gypsy is what gypsies have been called since the dawn of history. They came from India, just saying, incase some ignorants who see this don't already know it.
As for me being racist?
White people = I am one of them. Not judging.
Black people = totally okay with them. Exotic. They proved to be capable of adapting and being civilized.
Asians = kawaii little yellow people. *pats them*
Gypsies = KILL THEM WITH FIRE!
-Earthgirl, suggesting we set Romani people on fire. Also, she's white so she has no right to judge them, but she's perfectly happy judging groups she is not a part of! Isn't that great?
—Earthgirl, telling East Asians and black people she totes didn't mean to offend them, why aren't they just complimented, geez!?
—Earthgirl, who would love to meet more East Asians and black people because she hasn't offended them enough online. She'd like to be even more of a creep in person!
—Earthgirl, trying to repair the damage done by insisting her suggestion to set Romani people on fire is valid.
When called out on all of this, Earthgirl never apologized, yet backtracked and eventually linked to a post on her blog that said "early april fools". Unsurprisingly, no official action will be taken against Earthgirl and members who call her out on the forum will be warned and silenced, while Earthgirl's punishment will be "people knowing about what she said"... And hardly even that much, considering when TJ brought it up, he kept it anonymous and it was a huge circlejerk from 98% of the users about how much of a "born leader" TJ is, showing that once again, no one has any fucking idea about what they are talking about.
To this day, Earthgirl has had the balls to show her gypsy-hating face in the forums. Though this bitch can't seem to take a fucking hint that she isn't welcome there anymore. Evidence shown by 97% of the users that completely ignore her posts whenever she decides to comment on random topics, thinking that her .02 is still worth something to them (which it isn't).
Mighty Artist Bitchfit Part 3: Odeen
It seems even new artists in DC aren't shy to demand a good genital blowing when they whip up a nice pile of pixel art for the faggot users to rejoice over. Recently there was change to a sprite from one of the holiday listings where the wing color was being "changed" without much of a warning. A wave of deja-vu hit the users as this was similar to the Christmas '09 incident where no one could choose the colors of the wings they wanted. Changes as such are impossible to go without some users baawing at how the change ruined their perfect dragon and precious lineages. At first, Odeen tries to show dignity and ignore the complaints but like every artist on DC, it doesn't take long before her ego and pathetic feelings are raped black and blue by negative opinions and she is eventually reduced to a blubbering cauldron of lulz as she throws a baawfit herself on how people are "murdering" her precious shitty art to save lineages and le gasp! She feels unappreciated!
Eventually a mod closed the thread but shockingly didn't order everyone to cease their frustration on how their dragon was ruined. It's still being debated and talked about. The next Christmas wish we all have is that Odeen admits failure in art and disappears, much like Dovealove.
The oh so great Holiday Raffle Events
In 2011, a wonderful Christmas event was created to where users could decorate their Christmas trees and view other trees on scrolls. There finally came a time to where the trees were now going to be voted on which was the best. Many users rushed to get their precious tree perfect for all of the voters in hopes that they'll place. When the winners were finally announced, a special prize dragon, apparently called the Tinsel dragon, was given to them. The winners massively sucked TJ's e-penis while everyone else had a massive bawww fit on not getting a special dragon and many others threw massive fits over the fact that they didn't know there would be prizes in the first place. Anyone(who was pretty much everyone) that was fucking stupid enough to announce that they won were suddenly raped with personal messages of other users begging for offspring of their prize dragon and went as low as pretending to be uber best friends with the winners to get their hands on the shitty pixel art offspring.
Things went on like this and didn't die down for half a year and then a new raffle began after Christmas again and this time it was just QueenTwat picking "random" winners for prizes. Low and behold, the same dragon was picked for the next prizes! The winners didn't have much to complain about but the original owners of the tinsels from 2011 bawwwed about how their precious prize dragons no longer felt special to them because their percentage in numbers went up and the value was now declining.
Queentwat finally decided on a new prize dragon in another raffle/event and the fangasm suddenly shifted from the tinsels to the new shimmer scale dragons(Hooray, more shitty prize art!). The spriter, Mysfytt, didn't hesitate to praise herself and her art, along with other information on the new dragon. She strictly confirmed that her special alt shimmer scale was only going to have two mates and no others, though recently she bred it to not one, but three completely different male dragons than what she listed. Either Mysfytt is a dumb cunting liar, or she doesn't know how to breed her dragons properly.
Then the most recent event was a snowball contest where users competed against each other by gathering snow and building bigger forts. How fun. Only users that had absolutely no life and friends were able to have the time on their hands to compete and be in the top winners. After the event finished, the rewards for the winners soon revealed that the lame-ass tinsels were once again the prizes, oh yay! This time, most of the winners were pissy that they got yet another repeat prize and bawwwing became so bad that a new thread was created that wanted NO MORE prized dragons altogether. Here, elite users post their opinions on why they supported the idea or had other ideas such as a brand new prize breed every few years, stupid newbies would pop up every now and then saying that there should be new prize breeds EVERY year(clearly not knowing about the scales and percentages when it comes to rare dragons), and soon the original 2011 tinsels owners would come in and bitch about how their tinsel is the only special one and that the new generations of tinsels are shit and making them look bad. Many users threw their bitch fit but recently, these fucktards are now noticing that people aren't giving in to their whining anymore. One specific user couldn't just sit back and accept the fact that their powerful bitchfits are not working! What do you do when your tantrums lose their power? You lulz spam the report button to try to make teh bad pple go away! Which had no avail anyways.
Christmas Shitfest of 2014
This is the time of the year when everyone loses their shit even more than usual over the shitty pixel art. And god forbid anyone reveal teh secrets. MUST NOT REVEAL TEH SECRETS!!! Just like your god TJ, you can't handle people having half a brain and figuring things out on their own.
What do you expect a "born leader", like TJ, to do when more than half of the users on the site are basically screaming for no more raffle events and prizes? Does he take their thoughts into consideration? Does he work on a new idea to create activity? Or does he pull a "Lulz, fuck you guys" and drag on the same events that triggered a lot of flame wars against the holidays and raffle events as if his users are worth nothing to him? Correct! Only the QueenTwat himself would give his faithful subjects the finger and carry on as if everything is sunshine and rainbows. Yet another raffle will be going on after the holidays and since there has been no announcements of new prize dragons, they will surely be the same yet again. A perfect shitstorm is brewing and the 3% of DC that aren't brain dead will be feasting upon the lulz that are soon to be shat out by the baawing users when they finally catch on that TJ's promises are nothing more than sparkling piles of bullshit.
Valentine's Fuckasco of 2017: My Valentine was a lie
In a complete turn-around for DC, the pretty-in-pink holiday seemed to be going fairly smoothly, at least for a site full of lolis and furfags. In typical TJ fashion where TJ always makes the best decisions eva, this seemed too boring. To restore the status quo, TJ picked a franken-stiched together piece of shitty pixel art that was, of course, stolen. Halfway decent artists immediately recognized the shitty quality to be so much more shitty than usual that it had to be stolen. Of course, by the time the QueenTwat could be convinced to get off his ass and face the situation, the fraken-art he'd picked had hatched, users had picked up plenty of the shitty pixel eggs, and people had time to get emotionally attached to pixels on their screen. While users were fawning over how cute the awkward and ugly stolen art was, artists were presumably sucking TJ's epeen to pretend to follow the "rules" he set up on the site (clearly not meant to apply to him) and present him with a suitable alternative. Even though he must get at least a dozen submissions a holiday, clearly every single other one of the previous submissions was "unsuitable" for the site and that would been seen as playing favorites.
Too late after the release had already started but before TJ's shitty pixels grew up, the stolen franken-art was removed and replaced with an original dragon that kept the original ballsack-inspired scheme of the ugly-ass fraken-art, complete with vague explanation about "unforeseen circumstances". (Who knew that known art thieves would continue trying to steal art?) Users were all aflutter about what might have happened, when the thieves revealed themselves, whining about how they were innocent victims in this grand scheme to rob them of their shitty art release.
—Tazzay, a known art thief who has been caught plagiarizing on several sites, on behalf of herself and edwardelricfreak, who hasn't shown their face since being dragged out from under the bus
At which point the furfag the site's come to know and expect finally decided to play into the drama game and reveal his own cards.
The wankfest proceeded from there, complete with users who really had no idea what the fuck was going on speaking up and, en masse, insisting the non-proportionate, ugly franken-art was gorgeous and rightly deserved to be in the cave. Even after being slowly explained and outright shown how it was clear the original shitty dragons had been traced from multiple sources, users insisted there "wasn't enough proof" and "we should take the artists word for it if they said they didn't trace anything" and they were "disappointed in how the situation was handled". Those with a little sanity stepped back to watch the lulz, while 98% of the site continued to bicker about it, even though 100% of the time in the past, this has resulted in TJ giving exactly zero shits except his own opinion.
April Fool's Inci-mint (2017)
April Fool's 2017 opened with a game that right off the bat, anyone reading it could predict the userbase would lose their shit over. The Prisoner's Dilemma done dragon-style. Play against an anonymous user to escape getting fucked over by a gold dragon. If both of you stay silent, you escape unscathed with a dragon commonly found in the cave. If both of you sell each other out, then you both get eaten. If one of you stays silent but the other passes the blame, then the person who pointed the finger gets a "special" version of the same common dragon given out by the game. But. This dragon is U P S I D E D O W N.
Predictably, DC threw an epic shitfit. This upside down dragon was not available to everyone! Waaah! This is, of course, unfair in a collection game! Users with the sp-ed dragon wildly celebrated their ridiculous new collection of pixels. Users with the regular dragon claimed to just be glad they did the right thing. And most amusing of all, users who got jack shit cried at TJ, insulted users with the sp-ed dragon, and generally circlejerk'd about how they'd gotten fucked over.
All the losers of the Prisoner's Dilemma consoled themselves by saying they'd be okay if the dragons didn't last. TJ, if he could be bothered to be around, likely sat around laughing his ass off about how much everyone cared about this useless shit. The dragons, of course, stayed upside down, much to the masses displeasure and literally no one's surprise.
The Return of the Valentine's Fuckasco (2018)
After years of whining for access to both the shit-black and penor-colored versions of the "Sweetling Dragon", the man in charge decided, without telling anyone or bowing down the artist (who left the site years prior and has since only returned to do the good work of trolling the userbase) who originally shat her shitty art upon the site, to create an even more elitist dragon availability. Before, whichever shitty version a user ended up with as an adult was the only color that user could ever receive. As his act of god, TJ made it so people with the shit-black version (the shittier but more rare - and therefore more desirable to the masses version) could now have a chance to get BOTH versions. Considering those with the penor version were the ones baaw'ing the loudest over wanting both lazy-ass recolors, the shit hit the fan good.
Returning to his roots, TJ disappeared and left users to fight it out amongst themselves, without so much as a head's up to any mods. One such "mod", Starscream the toe freak, made a closed club for the Elite Shit-Black Owners and then advertised it on the forum. In a terrible move to calm things down but fantastic move to feed the flames, a forum mod made the brilliant decision to pin the advertisement for the elitist club. Meanwhile, in other parts of the forum, users ran around like headless chickens, insulting each other in a desperate grab to appeal to their god TJ and gain his favor. Mods uselessly sat around watching the forums burn, as they seemingly forgot they possessed the power to silence users' by taking away their ability to post for a while.
Finally, after many attempts to contact Kila, the artist of the shitty dragons, Kila stormed onto the forum, insulted the one person who actually did contact her and said a fair "compromise" would be to go back to exactly the way things were before, then stormed off on her high horse having given the final word. Finally, TJ acknowledged something was happening and un-did his brief shitstorm, making it so people could once again only have the shitty recolor they've always been able to have.
Eager to suck Kila's dick, the userbase praised her for once again bringing peace to the forums, ignoring the fact that about 95% of them have been demanding to have both re-colors for yeas now. Sadly, DC has once again survived their self-made drama to cry another day.
Trolling Dragon Cave
Being so full of wankers and drama whores, Dragon Cave is ripe for the trolling. Here are some easy, fun ways to fuck with Dragon Cave users that will guarantee plentiful and beautiful lulz.
- (This will leave asses at their sorest)Every time a new breed gets released into the cave, post on the new release board and criticize the art. Especially if it's a holiday release. Even if it's something small as "The wings could've used a bit more color.", other users will pluck up the courage to speak their own criticism and the rest will coddle and white knight the artist, causing a major baaw fest. At some point (it won't take long) the artist of said released breed will baaw about how they feel unappreciated and will keep reminding everyone about how hard their slave work is on their shitty traced artwork. More than likely, you'll manage to get the board locked. PROFIT!
- Go into a thread in Dragon Requests and edit somebody's precious pixel dragon without asking. It doesn't matter if you improve it or completely rape it, just touching it without asking is grounds for causing drama. If the spriter asks you politely to not edit their work, argue with them and tell them you improved it to get a rise.
- For even greater lulz, make a thread in Suggestions/Requests with edits to an in-cave sprite (remember, do NOT ask permission!). Again, it doesn't matter whether you make the sprite better or worse than it was, but improve it (not hard) for even more self-important drama. UPDATE: Some commendable soul went and did this, much to Lythiaren's chagrin.
— Lythiaren, who thinks she's actually somebody worth giving a fuck about.
Unfortunately, the mods deleted said anon's hard work to protect the feelings of the fragile spriters, so if you follow in their footsteps, make sure you get the attention of one of the artists before posting it so they can receive a good and proper raping from your unauthorized edits.
- During holiday releases, the forums are full of lazy fanbrats looking for people to log into their scroll and catch eggs for them. Volunteer to be a catcher for one of the whiny noob retards, and after the gullible noob gives you their password - and believe me, in their desperation for pixel dragons, plenty will - change the password, then kill or release their rarest dragons (holiday dragons, golds, silvers, tinsels, neglecteds, and Guardians of Nature are good candidates) or, if they’re eggs or hatchlings, abandon them. TJ won’t do anything to repair the damage, since giving away your password is against the rules, so the moron’s loss is permanent. It's best if you can manage to do this to several lazy fanbrats before getting banned. The more the whinier!
- In the General Discussion forum, post anything with a conservative/Republican/Redneck bend to it. Insult homosexuals, trannies, non-whites, Jews, or pretty much any other of the Democrats' pet "minority" groups; say abortion is wrong, Jesus is right, and that anyone who disagrees is going to Hell. You're sure to get at least 100 of the local gay/nigger/tranny/Jewish/all of the above aspies jumping all over the bait.
New releases are always a cause for alternate bawwing and e-penis sucking on the forums. Bawwing because the fangirls with shitty internet connections won’t be able to get the new and shiny eggs, and e-penis sucking because everyone else will be screaming about how fabulous the new art is and how amazing TJ is for making the site, coding the release, giving them new dragons, and generally existing.
The best ways to troll a new release thread are to post spoilers for the releases in the thread or give honest critique on the art. A list of dragons waiting to be released can be found here, however, it is accessible only by forum members in an attempt to preserve the sanctity of the secrets.
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