Dr. Steel

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Dr. Steel, demonstrating his "creative" fisting technique.

Dr. Steel (known to his mom as Phineas Waldolf) is an underground musician and a less-than-successful "artist" who wants teenage loners to give him their money. He's cobbled together a ridiculous, trite "backstory" about how no one understood him in the big, mean ole toy industry, so he burned the place down, became a mad scientist, and now makes dolls with buzzsaws for hands. His totally original goal is to, in essence, create a Utopian Playland by taking over the world with his Toy Soldier army. Dr. Steel is a pioneer in the art of using sockpuppets IRL. He pays models (yes, those are models not real fans) and then goes around bragging about his legion of fans, where he gets the money, we don't know.

It all comes down to having fun. We spend our lives trapped, when all we really want to do is play. So, let the people play! Let us build a Utopian Playland.


—Dr. Steel, making perfect sense.

His entire discography consists of a little over two-dozen songs on three albums that were released almost 10 years ago. Amazon doesn't even offer the physical discs - only an .Mp3 download, PERHAPS FOR GOOD REASON. Since then, he has only released 3 other tracks, "Thudd," "Land of the Lost," and some gay, industrial-screamo cover of the Inspector Gadget theme song (and "Read Along" if you count that gay, 16 second intro track). Phineas overproduces his vocals until he sounds like Darth Vader getting a blow job from a garbage disposal. He claims to be "Industrial Hip Hop" which is to say, it's typical gay goth garbage with a sample-heavy beat. However, both Trent Reznor and Asher Roth could beat this guy up without breaking a sweat (and probably already would have if they had ever heard of him).

If you should choose to enlist to become a Toy Soldier, it will soon be apparent that you've just signed yourself into an actual draft. If, at any time Dr. Steel needs some new nurses (his equivalent to stagehands) he may very well contact you if he's in your area. Should you refuse, congratulations! You just saved yourself from the hambeasts that attend his shows, their stink forming a haze around his person at all times. But maybe he likes it that way.

Most commonly seen wearing a lab coat, goggles, and gloves, Dr. Steel plagiarized Hugo Strange from the Batman series)

Sometimes while on stage he'll remove his coat and rocks around in a wife beater to remind the nurses on stage that he is white trash no matter how much he pays them to pretend he's a genius.

His Music

Free Dr. Steel music can be difficult to find because anyone who has his CDs would rather claw their eardrums out than afflict the masses with his poison. Dr. Steel's music can be bought on the usual websites as well as his own. His style is techno/industrial, which is to say Nine Inch Nails with a whole lot of buttsecks. Albino Blacksheep hosts a flash music video made by Starkravenmadd featuring Dr. Steel's Fibonacci Sequence here.

Torrents are the best way to dl Dr. Steel; that way, you can do the same amount of work downloading his music as he does actually producing it. His discography can be found here and here.

Lament For A Toy Factory

It's A Trap!

His lyrics vary from building robots, whining about how we're all COGS IN THE MACHINE, MAN, bikinigrams from Satan, and other stupid shit. Strangely, he seems to be very Anti-Mason, even to go as far as writing to "show their conspiracy." It has been known to attract devianTARTS, so it is best not to listen to his music near large groups of people, and incredibly retarded to announce that you are listening to Dr. Steel on a forum, chatroom, or any other place because everyone knows Dr. Horrible was first.


A curious development involving Dr. Steel is that Christians are taking notice to him, which will most likely generate an epic amount of lulz in the near future. Thinking Christian did an article concerning Dr. Steel, starting off the piece with one of his quotes:

Hello, my name is Dr. Phineas Waldolf Steel™ and I’m crazy. At least that’s what they tell me. It’s a real load off my mind too. I mean you can get away with pretty much anything if you’re bonkers.


The hilarious, though not surprising part of this article is that the author actually takes Dr. Steel 100% seriously; his philosophies and views, even his desire to rule the world. The author goes on to end the article with a warning to all Toy Soldiers and Dr. Steel fans:

Don’t be a Toy Soldier. Live for what’s real. Live in the light of what is true. Live in the light of the Light personified: God revealed in Jesus Christ.


Jerry Falwell would be proud.

The Reality Behind Dr. Steel

This not-surprisingly fictional messiah for steampunk faggots was created by (or with help from) a retard who will piss on a page and call it "art", Rion Vernon. Did we mention Vernon can't draw worth a shit?

On Aug 30th, 2002 the Dr. Steel trademark was registered by Vernon who looks an awful lot like Steel. In fact, some who have gotten close enough say he has a barcode tattoo on the back of his neck. Oh wait! So does Vernon!

Photos couch.jpg Photos couch (2007).jpg

Photos figure drawing.jpg Photos figure-drawing (2007).jpg

These are old pictures retrieved from internet archives and you used to be able to find them on his website. He has edited the one on the top to remove his "Dr. Steel-esque" beard and changed the one on the bottom so you cannot see the barcode on his neck.

After successfully becoming Dr. Steel he waited 7 FUCKING YEARS to try to remove his name from the public trademark register since he didn't want the faggotry surrounding Dr. Steel associated with himself, but of course he couldn't keep up with his paperwork, so his request was denied. "Dr. Steel" is currently owned by Calypso Productions, who Vernon had originally formed a partnership with to separate you stupid fucks from your money... making crappy t-shirts and compact disks with Dr. Steel's ugly ass on them.

Some of the fans aren't even real. Check this bitch out. Vanessa is some kind of model who somehow got her fat ass on the payroll with Dr. Steel as one of the original nurses, and is friends with Vernon. Her myspace is titled "messystench" and she writes about penises, crappy music, and what we would otherwise refer to as utter shit.

In short, Dr. Steel's real name is Rion Vernon, and he is a scam. Now fuck off.


In January 2012, Dr.Steel has informed one of his cohorts that he has suddenly decided to punch the clock. Clocking out from the entertainment industry for reasons that he finally realized his faggotry. He had taken down his sites and has wished to not be contacted, promoted or his piece of shit merchandises to be sold. Thank god.

Not a single fuck was given.


Dr. Steel Image Gallery

See Also

External Links

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