Discordianism is the quasi religion of disruption, oppositional antagonism, the antithetical end of dialectic philosophy... or to put it another way it's the religion of Nobody Cares aka Trolling. Because of the "religion's" antithetical nature, it both is and isn't a religion simultaneously. Participants are encouraged to "play the field" so to speak, which amounts to essentially fucking with yourself and everything around you on a whim simply for the sake of doing it. This more often than not results in attempted claims of, "Relax bro, it was all just a social experiment." in the epic aftermath of the shit hitting the fan in every other direction imaginable.
The primary play book of the form is the Principia Discordia, which is a big book of bullshit full of random, deranged prose selling itself as sanctimonious surreptitiousness when really it's just a bunch of fuckin drugged out, weed induced "revelations" couched in the guise of some "I art holier than thou." crap coaster that some unironic neckbearded wantwits cling to for snowflake support. At this point it's mostly used for botched bragging rights amongst those who want to try and claim to be way more discordian than you. The effective Eris entitled equivalent of, "Do you even lift, bro?"
The Five Commandments
In the book, Principa Discordia, Malaclypse the Younger (Powerword: Gregory Hill) was inspired by Eris to scrawl some word that nobody reads or follows, including those who subscribe to this comical belief system. In order to spare the reader's brain cells, the Five Commandments have been simplified below:
- I - Eris is the only deity out there, and the Discordian movement is the only Discordian movement.
- II - All Discordians have to use the Discordian numbering system. Note that there is absolutely no explanation or tutorial given as to what this numbering system is,
thereby making it impossible to obey this commandment. ODD# III(b)/4,iii;39Aft3181
- III - A Discordian must eat a hot dog on a Friday during early Illumination.
- IV - Discordians cannot eat hot dog buns. Corn dogs are a loophole.
- V - Discordians are prohibited from believing what they read, thereby rendering void all of the previous statements.
Adherents to the propaganda and other crap associated with this ploy, most notably the toilet paper known as the Principia Discordia, fall into 5 distinct groups. It is theorized by some that these are phases that each Discordian must go through on their path through life.
- Pinealist Faggots, who are generally underage b& little queers who do jack shit other than spout off decades old memes from the Principia Discordia. If you see some faggot screaming about the number 23 and fnords, he's probably a goddamn pinealist faggot. Probably smokes alot of weed.
- PDfags users of principiadiscordia.com's forums. At this point, the pinealist faggot has simply evolved into a tight asshole'd 30-something post-grad that complains about how much of a pinealist shitneck you are in the language of continental philosophy, critical theory, and other commie red dribble. Between the rise of social media, chans, garbage cans like reddit, and the community simply being filled with salty assholes, this is a dying breed.
- Serious Occultists - These are fuckers like Phil Hine who took this shit too seriously and think that they can summon a sex ghost by fapping to sigils and stuff. Also, the people who created Ebola Chan probably fall into this category. If it's posting r34 of Eris on /x/, then you're probably dealing with a srs occultist.
- Really real Discordians - People who are in my group of Discordians and think just like me, because your discordianism is obviously fucking wrong.
Robert Anton Wilson, also known as 'People who actually think this might be true, but don't shout about it'. This makes them the most dangerous breed of all. RAW is regarded to be the king of the Discordians, despite having a head size approximating Jupiter. RAW is what all true Discordians aspire to one day reincarnate their sorry asses backward through time into. Also the author of The Illuminatus! Trilogy.Really real Discordians don't read RAW much anymore because he was an old straight white guy that had negative opinions of feminists.
Drama Involving Discordians
PD.com maintains a "secret" (sign up for an account and it becomes available) board called "operation mindfuck" where they stage raids on anything from Wizardchan to Christian Forums, or most frequently, against their internet arch-enemies: the neo pagans and other assorted faggots that use sites like Mystic Wicks.
Additionally, 90% of PD.com's accounts are either banned or inactive for how much of a circlejerk the active userbase represents, and most of the threads on PD are either dead, concern themselves with mitigating trolls, and the most active tend to be trolls winning the game. Discordians are nothing but drama, and don't let them pretend otherwise.
One of the only ways to extract any form of lulz from these faggots is to make personal attacks against their more beloved members (i.e. call Nigel a filthy welfare nigger, or call Roger's daughter a disgusting carpet munching bull dyke). Hell, you can literally dominate PD.com's forums for days at a time by simply arguing in favor of /pol/ tier opinions (in PC language, of course so you're not rooted out as a troll from the get-go).
As a bunch of virulent leftist post-grads who like to sniff their own farts, you'll have days of entertainment until you finally trigger them by saying "nigger" one too many times and the 5-man community one-by-one silences you in their account settings.
Seriously, argue against any leftist opinion (esp. privledge or welfare) and you'll have the most active thread on the board for a few days.
POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHOOD OF ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent deity, reversing beyond-mystique." We are not really esoteric, it’s just that nobody pays much attention to us.
MY HIGH REVERENCE MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, AB, DD, KSC, is the High Priest of POEE, and POEE is grounded in his espiskopotic revelations of The Goddess. He is called The Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold.
POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-2’s pineal gland, and has only one scruple -- which Mal-2 keeps on his key chain.
POEE has not registered, incorporated, or otherwise chartered with the State, and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations, which is only fair, because POEE does not recognize the State.
POEE has 5 DEGREES: There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE. The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on. An Ordained POEE PRIEST/PRIESTESS or a CHAPLIN. The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather. And POEE =POPE=.
POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as Discordian Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS. The POLYFATHER ordains Priests.
Disregard All The Above Shit About POEE
The only thing worth while in the Principia Discordia this and this as well as the contents of pages 00023 and 00054. These 4 pages alone describe much more about Discordian philosophy than any of the little joke organizational charts that people don't give a fuck about anymore.
If you want to pass yourself off as the most unique little snowflake you'll need to randomly latch on to old and obscure shit and then smear it all over yourself like hipster war paint. Of course it'll probably need a fresh batch of your own bullshit to liven up the stench as much as possible, so don't be afraid to mix in whatever My Little Pony inspired Hot Topic trash fad you can find. The more you can fag it all up the ass with your pounding pretentiousness the easier you'll make it for everyone to know that you've got "Personal Pronouns" and opinions pining on about the patriarchy.
- The terrible, terrible forum for Discordians, the self-styled 'worst forum on the Internet'. and never a truer word was said in jest. Srsly, these guys are fucking faggots.
- You haven't read it daily since 1969!?.
- Super Metroid: Eris
|Featured article December 2 & December 3, 2017|