Dax Flame, A.K.A. Bernice Juach III, A.K.A. I'm not telling you my real name, A.K.A. Seizure prone firecrotch is proof of Banaan's Law. IRL, he is a fugly, pro-ana, nevernude 15 year-old boy who spends his time on YouTube doing really cool stuff. He originally started out on YouTube with 13 retarded video entries that showed off his incredible ginger kid social skills to the people who cared. Fortunately for him, more and more YouTubers began watching his videos and giving him advice on how to become popular and accepted by his peers. Unfortunately, all the advice was bullshit and was only given for the possibility of lulz in his next video. As the videos have progressed with bitching and moaning about his daily days as a total freak, it was discovered by an anonymous person who posted a video on MySpace expressing the truth behind everyone's well known "Resmarted Aspergers Hero". His real name is Madison Patrello.
Your average YouTuber who plays a fake character in order to get lulz and joy from acting like a complete spaz. Please call his mom, ask her for her son's number then call him for eternal lulz. Make sure you don't spam his line so he doesn't flee and people can't call him while totally wasted.
The Adventures of Dax Flame The fucking Internet Pimp
Once upon a time, there lived a very lonely boy named Bernice Juach. Throughout his life he was abused by his parents via anal penetration, physically and mentally and had no one to comfort him in his time of suffering. Luckily for him, his alcoholic father began paying for the Internets to visit his home. Bernice decided it would be koo to visit this strange place and see what it was all about. Still feeling the butthurt from his loving parents, Bernice found an interesting website known as YouTube. "This seems pretty neat, lol," he thought to himself. "I bet I can make loads of friends here!" he later exclaimed. Before he knew it, ppl were thinking he was pretty cool.
His real name is Madison Patrello. He attends McKinney Boyd High School in McKinney, Texas.
After having released his first set of videos describing the hardships he faced while trying to befriend Jacob, Bernice began to climb up the YouTube ladder. Although his popularity was low at the time, he continued to release more and more videos. It was not until a fellow EDiot decided to capitalize on the idea of trolling the shit out of Bernice that would lead to his sudden increase in fame. This YouTubelerity status has led Bernice to become the new Lonelygirl15 as Lonelyboy15.
He also has a hard-on for some guy named Jacob. Whenever Dax is around Jacob, he shows his affection by either pissing on him, spitting on him, or running away from him. Dax got a haircut to look like Jacob and dressed up especially for him. Dax also tried to steal Jacob's ex-girlfriend, Sophia, because she looks like Donald Trump. Sophia is a front for his totally kewl plan to bone Jacob in the eye.
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
Jacob and Dax are officially BFF! (Best Female Friends) FOREVAR! And when SoJaX gets together, they will dominate the school!. Dax is asking Sophia out on a date and Jacob shouldn't have a problem because THEY ARE BFF 4EVAR!!!!
It should be noted that Jacob single-handedly eliminated suspension of disbelief in this case. The Pee fight video was made long before Jacob came over to do homework, but Jacob asks, "Why did you pee on me yesterday?" Because of this, Dax was forced to jump the shark and now really isn't all that entertaining.
PROTIP: If you want some hot bangin' 3 way action, then make friends with her boyfriend and he'll definitely say yes to letting you plow her like a mule! Remember, it's only gay if balls are touching!
Much debate rages on whether DaxFlame is in fact an asspie. His retarded antics even led some EDiots to believe he was just a really good troll. Moar evidence points to assburgers, such as involuntary shouting, head grabbing, hand twitching, and hitting of blinds. However, he claims that he is not retarded but "resmarted" instead.
On another note, in Daxflame's first video entry, buried deep underneath the pages of comments is one by Dax himself that states simply, "GBS". GBS is most commonly an abbreviation for Guillain-Barre Syndrome, a disorder which causes one to embarrass themselves unknowingly as Daxflame so often does. However, if the faggot Dax had put as much effort into researching diseases and disorders as much as he obsesses over Jacob's nuts on his chin, he would have found out already that GBS is a nerve paralyzing disorder that has nothing to do with his fits of retarded rage. This could allude to Daxflame admitting to having a disorder with no cure, which seriously jeopardizes his resmartedness almost as much as it did his BFF status with a kid who elbowed him in the stomach and borrowed his pencil and black person Other evidence points to bipolar disorder, which could explain his sudden fits of freaking the fuck out, both physically and mentally. Though this is less funny, it's proves that Dax is in fact better off dead for the good of humanity, as bipolar tards are deadly.
Conclusive evidence suggests that DaxFlame is just acting and in it for the cocks.
Daxflame Gets Sick... OH NOEZ!
After much cock guzzling, Daxflame contracted the deadly AIDZ virus and came within inches of being an hero. Daxflame's body then rejected the lulz, causing him to puke up his heart and some of his ovaries. Thankfully, he managed to catch his heart at the last second, and forced himself to swallow it again. After spending days being sick and not being able to talk to his beloved friends on JewTube, Daxflame finally got out of the snow enough to post moar videos.
Sophia is OFFICIALLY a bad choice!
During a trip to Blockbusters, Daxflame spots his former love interest, Sophia, which causes him to have a small erection. Daxflame derives a cunning plan to force Sophia into dating him, and ultimately allowing him to stick his 2" penis down her rotten cunt while he jams his hairless balls down her ass, emulating the move made famous by Tony Eveready. After calling her name out, he cups his hands around her eyes (remember, this move caused Jacob, his gay lover, to repeatedly elbow him in his gut until he felt like vomiting his heart out onto the nurse), and says "GUESS WHO". Sophia screams and quickly swipes at his hands. This move officially puts Sophia in the same boat as Dax himself, a raging psychotic.
Breaking News: Dax Confesses
It is also clear from this video that no one wants to join his team.
Global Warmings: The Convenient Truth
Recently DaxFlame has decided that he is going to save the world from "global warmings" in a documentary he called The Convenient Truth. According to Dax, global warmings is caused by gas prices, bad guys, and exhaust pipes falling out of airplanes, and will cause the earth to burst into flames by 2011. His theory to save the earth from a one way ticket to explosion-town is called Manifest Ocean. The proposal is to put cannons underneath the water on either side of America, which will shoot at the land underneath it, putting the entire country underwater. Because we don't already pollute the water and kill marine life enough, global warmings will be put to an end and the earth will be saved. He answers many questions to the obvious troubles of living underwater with very simple solutions, such as the following:
Q: How will we breathe underwater?
A: By breathing our own carbon dioxide through a series of straws.
Q: How will other animals survive underwater?
A: They will all be dumped in a huge submarine.
Q: What will we eat and drink?
A: Phials of syrup and chocolate, spoonfuls of flour, and space food.
Q: How will we go to the bathroom?
Q: What about all of this extra sun screen?
A: We make graffiti that say Daxflame. I SWEAR!
Q: How will we have electricity?
A: By wrapping cell phones in plastic wrap and pissing ourselves, obviously.
Q: Wouldn't the use of cannons that powerful contribute to global warming?
A: I'm just livin' life, maaaaan.
Still have questions for Dax? Watch his videos for the surprisingly simple and logical answers to the challenges of underwater life. It will leave you breathless, and you might even have an asthma attack.
January 16, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 31,100 for daxflame. (0.05 seconds) March 5, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 13,900 for daxflame. (0.04 seconds) March 8, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 20,800 for daxflame. (0.03 seconds) March 10, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 294,000 for daxflame. (0.09 seconds) March 14, 2007 Results 1 - 10 of about 366,000 for daxflame. (0.08 seconds) January 2, 2008 Results 1 - 10 of about 661,000 for daxflame. (0.04 seconds) July 24, 2008 Results 1 - 10 of about 475,000 for daxflame. (0.39 seconds)
January 3, 2007 (1 year anniversary) Daxflame is the #18 most subscribed of all time with over 63,000 subscribers and over 5,000,000 channel views and 5,000,000 video views, which is #86 all time.
Acting or Aspie?
In 2010, it was announced that Daxflame is indeed acting, He is about to be in a film called, for now, Project X. Daxflame's real name is Madison Patrello. His father and mother's is Shawn Patrello and Missy Patrello. Madison went to McKinney High School, in Texas.This is a LEAKED photo on his sister's myspace, Dylan Patrello. He forgot to delete. This was the ONLY photo she had of Madison(DAXFLAME)
Gallery of Flame
Too old for Irish282
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|Featured article March 5, 2007|