Dating sim

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It's an easy road from this to picking daisies in the springtime.

If you are wapanese and ronery or can't get laid no matter what you do, this is the pointless cure for you! A dating sim is a video game which allows you to have relationships with anime girls who wouldn't look at you on the street. Many people who play these sort of games are said to have absolutely no life and some of them actually think situations such as those depicted in the game can really be true. A lot of free Dating Sims can be found in such sites as Newgrounds, although one must remember that playing one dating sim is considered research. After that, it's just plain faggotry. This, of course unless you are actually repeatedly using these sims because you couldn't figure out how to ask an Asian cunt out in the first place, in which case you are a total fucktard.

Hentai Games

Just like dating sims but with some kind of reward. Beware that even Hentai Games can start a Wapanizing process. Often times scenes of extreme torture and bondage seen in Hentai will be more likely to turn you into someone who would prefer staying at home and masturbating to extreme torture and bondage, which kinda defeats the purpose of using a Dating Sim (beyond the lulz factor). Though some girls do in fact relish the small chance they'll meet a man willing to piss on their bound and gagged nakedness, we'll just say there aren't nearly enough of these "fun girls" out there to make whacking off to slave sex a productive lesson in the art of dating ze bitches, ya naaw mean??

Gameplay

Even Wikipedoes have their own dating sim!

Many dating games play similarly to how you read those Choose Your Own Adventure books when you were a kid, except that they're incredibly more slow-paced; after spending half an hour clicking through text as the protagonist inanely self-narrates his morning, you'll be prompted to decide whether he should buy a bento for lunch, or eat in the cafeteria instead. You'll be rewarded for your decision with another half hour of clicking through text — it's enough to give you a repetitive stress injury. Some argue that another significant difference between dating sims and Choose Your Own Adventure books is that you can pretend to fuck a hollow character cliche of a girl upon successful completion of a dating sim; however, technically speaking, nothing is stopping you from doing that with your favorite books from your childhood as well.

It is still unknown who had the dreadful idea of creating those kind of games. On the other hand, it's good for him, as there are thousands of people who would kill/rape/torture (in whatever order) him if he ever publicly announced that he is the evil mastermind behind that horror. Dating sims have a really special kind of gameplay, even more tedious, repetitive and boring than most MMORPGs. It's special, as it is the first kind of game that is not FUN. Even a Halo marathon will produce more lulz than playing a dating sim.

Picture yourself a game, made of:

  • a bland interface (load/save/exit this piece of crap)
  • a textbox
  • a background (99% of backgrounds in dating sims are more or less empty classrooms)
  • one or more un-animated character sprites, supposed to represent the imaginary friends you're talking to.
  • and, in the case you're playing a hentaï dating sim, after over 9000 hours of boring gameplay, a short sex scene, made of 3 slightly different images depicting your act of loli raep
  • That's all, folks.

Now, this explains why, with such low costs of production, there are over 9000 dating sims, and why they all look the same. One wonders why, when they're not spending any time programming actual graphics, the creators of these games can't make them a little less linear, like, more than three choices per game.

Love Plus

The musings of a typical Love Plus fan.

Out of all dating sims, many consider Love Plus to be one of the most revolutionary of its genre. Unlike other dating sims which ends at the player getting the girl to love him back, Konami attempts to take it a step farther with Love Plus and allows the player to continue dating his girlfriend. This became the basement dweller’s substitute for real women as they would rather kiss the characters by rubbing the stylus on the screen. This game shortly became a cash cow for Konami as it drew in a number of ronery hikkikomori buying multiple games in order to date all three girls. Konami took this opportunity to milk it through figurines, cakes and a love hotel dedicated to the three main characters.

In fact the game’s infamy is solely based on devotion and creepiness of the game. Prior to the release of the game, dozens of photos were uploaded depicting the players literally hanging out with their “girlfriends” in restaurants. There were also reports of men losing their relationships with their actual girlfriends and even a man divorcing because of the game. It only got worse as a man named Sal9000 took it up a notch by marrying a character in real life.


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See also

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Dating sim is part of a series on 日本国


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Dating sim is part of a series on Dying Alone

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Featured article August 1 & August 2, 2011
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