Darksidered992 aka Garrick Leighton Colwell's history of parental neglect wouldn't fit in an Encyclopedia, so we went to the next best thing. Garrick is the pinnacle of EEEEPIC WEEEEEENNNNN, depending on who you ask . With a perfectly round head, and delusions of ginger kid grandeur; Garrick created epic win in the basement of his mother's suburban home in the small town of Spokane, Washington. Garrick never fails to surprise even the most loyal followers. When not busy uploading vlogs and surprising himself, Garrick can be found fucking up your internets experience by emitting a series of high frequency noises and complaining about how much of an abusive bitch his mother is.
The Birth of a Lulzcow
Darksidered is not self-aware to the level of troll history he has created for himself. His repressed memories produce the byproducts of moralfaggotry, ginger rants, and autistic cyberbabble. His backstory was provided to us by his thousands upon thousands of posts on the Washington tourneyfag community forum. In fact according to Smashwiki, (Darkside)Red modified his own wiki page because of events revealing the Aging Greys hidden agenda to expose Garrick for the annoying little ginger shit he is. The craziest thing about all this is how little people care, especially when there are funnier things to do on ED than pick on twelve y/o retards.
—What Smashwiki is trying to say is that Garrick is "Autastic"
In the beginning, there was only Garrick and the Tourneyfags in Washington. Garrick wanted to belong with the tourneyfags. Striving to be accepted by 20-year-old strangers, because his parents didn't care about young Garrick talking to people he didn't know. They allowed Garrick to hitch a ride with "Eggz" who is another Tourneyfag, to Gameclucks, which is a LAN party center about two hours away from his city. This is documented in the forum postings, along with unfortunate evidence of the tourneyfags ragging on Garrick for being an autistic ginger bitch.
—Darksidered992 on Eggz
Epic Ween Trolling
The following are just a few of the many epic weens Garrick achieved throughout his YouTube tenure.
DarkSideRed vs. Kings of the Streets
Back when Garrick first came onto YouTube he was fascinated with Made2Order555. He would watch and favorite all his videos and worship his e cock. Garrick would make sure that Made2Order knew of his presence, by commenting every video and telling him about how EPPPPIIIICCCCC WEENNNNNN he is. Garrick became obsessed with his internet troll God. He began to have dreams about Cyan every night, he wished that he could suck his dick irl. Sadly though Made2Order would not allow Garrick to suck his dick, and he became aware of Garrick's faggotry. This made Red very upset and so he began to troll Made2Order's troll group the Kings of the Streets. The trolling of KOTS was basically just Garrick making shitty videos about them and screaming into the low budget camera, that his Mother bought him. The trolling of the Kings was a lulz worthy attempt for awhile. But soon it got old and Garrick started to piss off his fellow internet friends. Garrick not knowing what to do, started to troll Jerry Salerno, long time affiliate of the Kings of the Streets. The "trolling" of ~js was mostly Garrick shouting out stupid memes made by newfags and screaming that Jerry is a pedophile and an oldman.
Darksidered and The Curtain Incident
THE VIDEOS SHOWN HERE HAVE SINCE BEEN REMOVED, IF YOU HAVE COPIES PLEASE ADD THEM TO THE ARTICLE
It is a well known fact that Garrick and his mother Mary have a bad relationship between each other. Unlike real Mother and Son relationships which consist of hugging, kissing and spending "quality time" together, Garrick and his mom spend their time arguing and calling each other names. Garrick's mother Mary is upset at the fact that she failed to abort him when he was a fetus taking up space in her stomach. Regardless of the fact that she gave birth to Garrick, Mary Colwell has never been a true mother to her son. In the 5 part video of their ridiculous argument (which will be featured below) you can see for yourself how badly these two behave towards one another. Just be glad that your relationship with your mother is still good, after all she let's you live in her basement. (The video was removed, and re-upload is pending)
Getting Epic Ween Trolled
The good times came to a close for Garrick.
Graduation Day for DarkSideRed
On June 5, 2010 Garrick Colwell finally graduated from high school in Spokane Washington. His graduation ceremony was held on June 5th at five o clock pm. Evidence of this event has been found on the internet prove below. Back in 2009 a few good men decided to call Garrick's school pretending to be his father.
Garrick hacked on YouTube
Sometime Last Thursday Garrick's YouTube account was phished by Skuee and his butt buddies. Resources say that the little ginger nut got hacked because...well, just because nobody likes annoying 14 year old's. The result of his hacking was an uproar of YT trolls spamming his channel asking what happened and so fourth. The hacker uploaded a video saying that he was going to "destroy" Darksidred and several other trolls. On top of this faggotry the hacker aka Skuee allowed BodyXPolitic to upload a video on his account. The result of the video was nothing more than 13 year old boy nerd rage and facepalming by anyone who watched it. In the end Garrick made a new, new, new account claiming "that it was all in fun," and nobody got hurt.
Sometime in early June, 2010, a troll paid Garrick a visit asking him to come back on YouTube. To say the least, Garrick acted unfazed and maybe a little shocked at most. When he later came back to the internet he spent a good time complaining about how this "parasite had visited him".
<video type="vimeo" id="12479650" width="400" height="300" desc="
—Garrick Colwell's reaction to being asked to say EPIC WEEN.
He would later say that the troll had illegally recorded him even though he was aware of the camera and had even waved at it.
Garrick made his return to the internet in August 2010, which brings us to...
Garrick came back and flagged down every single video. Feel free to call Mary and tell her what her idiot son has been doing! 1-(509)-714-7603 :)
<video type="vimeo" id="17544838" width="400" height="300" desc="" frame="true" position="center" allowfullscreen="true"/>
In the fall/winter of 2010, several trolls managed to discover a whole new side of Garrick. Epic ween was no longer the epitome of Garrick-isms. The ginger bitch proved he was much, much more fail than what had been previously thought, as a complex and elaborate trolling scheme was put into motion.
—Garrick being sexy for his fake e-girlfriend
Fortunately for us all, the answer was yes. Among the treasures received included nudes, attempted fap vids, evidence of terrible acne (upon which he uses rubbing alcohol), embarrassing audio about the inability to eject male sex cells from his urethra, a tour of his house, photos of the never before seen Alton and Spiko, videos directed at trolls, and this weird little zit on his left asscheek.
Starting in August 2010, Garrick decided it was a good idea to hop back on ye olde internete. The instant he was on, trolls were gearing up for round two. A female troll, using a pseudonym "Emma Grey," engaged Darksidered992 in casual conversation, eventually seducing and entangling him in a false e-lationship. During the trolling operation, now called “RedDeath”, nudes were dropped, videos were made, and lulz were had.
Cast and Crew
The RedDeath Trolls assumed various identities during the operation. They are as follows:
Emma Grey - The first troll to be sent out during RedDeath. Online girlfriend of Garrick Colwell, expert information extractor, and femme fatale. Convinced Garrick to send nudes of himself among many other lulzy things.
Grandma Shelby Grey - Emma's senile grandmother. Was actually played by two people in distinctly different voices but Garrick was too thick to notice.
Brent Stromer - Emma’s ex-boyfriend. Became good friends with Garrick early on in the saga, and revealed an entirely different facet of Garrick’s personality: the self-important tough guy.
John Christopher “JC” Townsend and Julia Denton - This pair were once dating, but for reasons unknown, no longer are an item. JC is the wealthy son of a banker, who lives in what can only be described as “Batman’s mansion.” JC is fucking loaded and has no qualms with throwing money at random ginger bitches he meets online. Julia, however, is a good friend of Garrick’s, and had a very celebrated, if short lived, romantic incident about halfway through the saga. tl;dr Garrick said he loved her while still being with Emma.
"Cash Money" Malcolm Townsend - JC's father and owner of Bank of America. He wants nothing more than employees who will do what's asked of them.
Jeremy McMann - A flamboyantly gay interior designer extraordinaire. While not making an appearance until later in the saga, he’s basically just a 39-year-old gay dude. Garrick was impressed with Jeremy’s ability to “read his mind” while Jeremy talked about decoration options for Garrick’s room in Wayne Manor.
Operation RedDeath lasted from August to December 2010.
The Colwell Residence Tour
Garrick, being the oblivious moron he is, seemed enthusiastic when delivering a five-part tour of his shitty Spokane home for “Emma’s eyes only.” Unfortunately for Garrick, this video, along with all the others, was shared amongst all of the RedDeath Operatives at which they could piss themselves in laughter. Not on the floor, of course.
How do I slapped dick
The overarching goal of the RedDeath Operatives was to get an actual fap video of the now 18-year-old Garrick, or perhaps a CWC-esque “cum-recycling.” However, they were dumbfounded by the response with which their attempts were met. Garrick. Couldn’t. Cum. Instead of a normal fap video, the trolls recieved a video of the ginger jerking around his penis, unsure of what exactly to do to get himself off and looking like he was strangling a flesh-colored herring. Garrick sent said video in three parts. While the first video was hilarious in itself, showing Garrick sitting naked on his floor, treating his “little Gar Gar” like the redheaded stepchild Garrick ought to have been, the second video had an unexpected treat that the trolls laughed about for weeks. Much to the surprise of everyone involved, Garrick showed his excellent masturbation skills by urinating on the floor and his bathroom’s space heater. He then filmed himself pissing in the toilet. Twice. The ensuing facepalm was felt the world over. But none of this matters because at the end of the day, it’s totally alright to send a video like this to a female you’ve never met in person. The third video is about the same as the first except Garrick accidentally smacks the camera with his dick while flopping it around. Then he pees again, this time hitting the top of the toilet. Emma asked Garrick about why he didn’t cum in the video. His only response was “I have yet to master the technique.”
<video type="slutload" id="BTmLlV6bVrx/Darksidered992-Fapping" width="300" height="225" desc="Garrick's "technique" is truly a sight to behold." frame="true" position="center" allowfullscreen="true"/>
Grow n’ Grow
While explaining how he masturbates, Garrick revealed that he doesn’t seem to know the appropriate technique for actually fucking jizzing. As if it were difficult. He DID, however, explain that he simply gets a boner and enjoys the feeling of his “dense organ” in his pants.
Unfortunately, Garrick gave Emma a clear view of his organ, among other things.
Garrick, in his oblivious stupor, apparently remains unable to do anything even remotely erotic. That includes talking dirty.
— Garrick’s Sexy Tiem
Garrick the Pillow Rapist
Seeming to follow a trend set by other lolcows, Garrick proved his sexual ineptitude by making out with his finger, a wall, and then thrusting his useless cock into a pillow a grand fucking total of three times before getting tuckered out.
During the afternoon of October 27th 2010, a very upset Garrick signed into MSN and began ranting to Emma about an unfortunate experience he had 25 minutes earlier at Walmart. Emma asked him what happened and was presented with this block of text.
—Garrick's Walmart adventure
Garrick had gone to Walmart to pick up his acne medication and had then complained about having to pay for it because he forgot his insurance card. It didn't end there though. After Garrick had received his acne medication, he had a temper tantrum inside Walmart.
—Garrick being a child.
Garrick forgot about his hatred for Walmart a month later when he returned there to purchase minutes for his phone as well as a new pair of pants.
On Halloween, 2010, an old friend paid Garrick a little visit. Donning a sombrero and an “Aging Greys” dust mask, the same troll who had visited him before who he didn’t care about and the troll's accomplice decided to show up at Garrick’s place of residence. While somewhat a failure in and of itself, the trolls showed up just as Garrick and his father, Alton, were departing for a local pizza place. However, Garrick noticed their presence, which may or may not have been because of a charming note that was taped to the door with gratuitous amounts of duct tape. Regardless of the amount of success of the second visit, Garrick still felt compelled to bitch about it for the rest of the night, claiming that “unripened ones” visited him, and claiming that he would use violence against the unwanted guests.
—-Garrick on how he will get rid of the parasites
Extreme Makeover: Garrick Edition
If that wasn’t enough, the events that followed surely left a mark on the carrot-dick, and it wasn't long before he decided that it was time to get out of Spokane and move to New York, where his beloved Emma lived. Emma told him it would be great if he could visit her sometime, but Garrick took that as “I think I’ll just fucking move in" and decided to kiss up to JC's rich ass so he'd get a room.
The trolls decided to run with this, and as a result, they recruited another troll who would play the role of Jeremy McMann to consult with Garrick how his new bedroom would look. Garrick just assumed everything would just be handed to him in New York since JC was rich and requested custom made furniture, a king size bed, an entertainment system with a 52 inch flatscreen HDTV, “cyan” colored wallpaper for his bedroom with a key shaped “G” painted above the bed, and a brand new Windows 7 Alienware laptop.
In a later call, Jeremy explained to Garrick that the king-sized bed was ready, and asked if Garrick “needed help breaking it in.” Garrick declined, obviously uncomfortable, and said later that his memory of the call was “fuzzy.” Proving that Garrick’s experience (repressed memories notwithstanding) with homosexuals is untrodden territory for the ginger faggot. Garrick claimed he deserved this change of pace, claiming that Eastern Washington was a “wasteland” and that he’d much rather be a wealthy 18-year-old banker in New York (with no math skills except being able to multiply up to 4 numbers together). After speaking with JC’s father “Cash Money” Malcolm Townsend, Garrick even went on a math spree, feebly attempting to teach himself advanced algebra.
Garrick’s name change
Among the things Garrick wanted to do upon moving to New York included changing his name. He thought his old name of Garrick Colwell had been “smeared” by his past internet experiences and this very ED page. What did Garrick want to change his name to? He decided on ‘’’Gordian Garrick Leighton’’’ Previous ideas for his name change included:
- Garrick Labyrinth Leighton
- Gordian Garrick Labyrinth
- Garrick Quagmire Leighton
- Garrick Jigsaw Leighton
- Garrick Enigma Leighton
- Garrick Gordian
- Leighton Labyrinth
...and a bunch of other retarded shit names that supposedly made him “unique”. Garrick assumed this process would take a short amount of time and could be done immediately and easily, much like everything else he thought during Red Death.
Laying Waste to a Corrupt Memory
Emma, being a master manipulator, encouraged Garrick's idea to set fire to his high school graduation cap and gown. Since he hated his years at Shadle Park High School, it only makes sense that he would want to destroy everything that reminds him of his embarrassing past. Attempts to get him to destroy his diploma were unsuccessful because he couldn’t find it anywhere in the house. Maybe he pissed on it. And here. We. GO!
Not Feeling So Well
Barbara Grey, Emma’s mother, proved to Garrick to be quite the matriarchal hoop to jump through. And an intimidating one at that. After Bahbrah gave Garrick the third degree, she sought to apologize and offered to pay for 18 credit-hours of classes in Spring Quarter in New York. Garrick suddenly developed a case of the Collywobbles and fucking hung up, completely glossing over the fact that Barbara couldn't legally sign him up for classes.
—Garrick’s reaction to a higher education in general
The Falis Treatment
Garrick, believing he was gearing up for a successful future career in banking under “Cash Money’s” watchful eye, was told that he would be undergoing the Falis Treatment, named such after Cash Money’s right-hand-man, Falis Bollox.
Garrick submitted a total of two job “interviews” to Malcolm because he believes this is how he would get a job in New York. Srsly. Not to mention that the videos themselves were of shoddy quality with obvious instant-cuts to different moments in time, stupid lighting, and terrible tutorials on how to use a fucking Texas Instrument 84 calculator. He also says “phallus” twice without realizing the penis jokes and forgets his name at one point, calling himself Garrick in one frame and calling himself Gordian in another in a span of less than 5 seconds.
—Garrick during a job interview
Garrick's intense USI
—Garrick, assuming that his girlfriend would make breakfast for him every morning.
I dont know why I would have to pay for my bags to be checked seeing as I payed for the ticket.|Garrick complaining again...|
Shit Gets Real
While the trolls naturally assumed Garrick would figure out he was being trolled with all the ridiculous things they were having him do, they were sorely mistaken. Garrick was serious about moving in and believed every single word they told him, and to their surprise, on November 17th, 2010 Emma had received a photo of Garrick’s one way plane ticket to New York booked and set to arrive on December 1st for $169. That’s right, Garrick became so immersed in this fantasy that had been created for him that he did not even realize how his new-found “good luck” could possibly be too good to be true. Even after they made him sing ridiculous songs, dance like an idiot, dress up in a suit and tie for a mock interview, take stupid photos, and had a stereotypical gay designer talk to him about buttsex. Garrick was now officially on his way to moving across the country to New York to stay with a person he had never seen a photo of or received a phone number for. The trolls even had to remind him to bring money for basic human necessities and minutes for his pre-paid phone because the dumb fuck couldn’t even think for himself.
—Garrick's survival food for his 8 hour flight.
Regardless of the cruel outcome, the trolls did at least try to troll him out of getting trolled. tl;dr they told him to bring at least 200 bucks so that he could buy a ticket home and not be stranded in New York. Too bad the little shit didn't listen and was going to travel across the country with only 13 dollars in his pocket because he assumed his friends would pay for everything. Emma later told him he should even consider postponing the trip so that he wouldn't go and the trolls could take a different route. However, it was much too late. Garrick complained about the ticket being non-refundable and later begged Alton for $200. On the morning of December 1st, he was on his way.
—Garrick to everyone on his Facebook
Aftermath and Reaction
The OperationRedDeath trailer was released during midnight of December 1st 2010 while Garrick was asleep in bed resting up for his flight. They then tried repeatedly calling him during the wee hours of the morning to make sure the little ginger nut didn't miss his plane. A call to Alton confirmed that he had made the flight and was currently en route to New York city. Upon the arrival of his flight, the trolls called him. Many attempts failed, but Garrick eventually answered.
As of December 2nd, 2010, Garrick hopped on a flight the morning after and ran his sorry ass back to Spokane. According to Alton, Garrick is trying to move on. Alton agreed that Garrick is indeed an idiot, and is therefore less trollworthy than Garrick himself.
Garrick has since then closed all of his YouTube accounts as well as his Formspring. His Facebook was also raped and now has a photo of his ass as the default. It can be assumed he read this page and realized he was trolled again (this time out of his state) and it is unknown if he will come back to the internet ever again.
Garrick strikes back
Garrick has flagged down every RedDeath associated YouTube channel as well as the Dailymotion that was hosting his videos and the video of him calling his mom a nigger. A troll responded by calling Mary and asking her to tell Garrick to stop.
Aside from liking dog cock in his mouth, Garrick likes to use the same words over and over again in daily speech. If you ever come into conversation with Garrick, expect to hear the following:
- Kangaroo Court
- Laid waste to
- Logical fallacies
- red herring
- circular logic
- slippery slope
- straw man
- All of them, really
- Wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Prune (when referring to Mary)
- Sexual intercourse
- Full contact
- Cyan Camp
- Darksidered992 is also known as WolfeeRedHead and MassiveLulzSeeker amongst countless other screen names.
- Sounds like George Burns.
- Enjoys playing Super Smash Bros Brawl.
- He only started to troll online because fellow Tourneyfag "EGGZ" beat his ass at Brawl one to many times.
- Left YouTube for a Ning based video sharing platform.
- DarkSideRed992 is assumed to actually have Autism.
- The ginger nut has an
olderYOUNGER brother who may also have Autism.
- He apparently enjoys dog cawk in his mouth.
- Garrick has an abusive whore of a Mother who yells at him for no reason on a daily bases.
- DarkCockRed also enjoys kissing ass to other trolls on YouTube, because he is to much of a retard to troll on his own.
- Lacks the ability to create an original sentence.
- Is extremely unintelligent & gullible.
- Every waking minute of this ginger's mind is swamped with internet memes
- Likes to call everyone a Communist if they do not agree with him on an issue.
- Red gets real butthurt if you block him on YouTube, do it 4 teh lulz.
- He is also a well known fascist and is against free speech.
- Garrick will call you a pedophile if you say you support TehBigToaster and BodyXPolitic.
- Attacks troll groups on YT, because he has no friends of his own.
- Garrick is incapable of splooging, and apparently didn't realize he had peed on the floor in his fap video.
- He seems to think that sending n00dz to women he's never met in person is a great fucking idea.
- Garrick has more in common with Chris-Chan than he'd ever likely admit.
- He uses rubbing alcohol on his already horrifying acne.
- The gingerbitch thinks "talking dirty" is a literal term for "sexual situations involving dirt, grime, and mud."
- He wants others to view him as an intellectual tough guy.
- Garrick, while attempting to utilize a large vocabulary, generally ends up using words incorrectly.
- Apparently is unable to review photos before sending, which results in photos being even funnier with that "awkward angle" tacked on.
- Actually expected to be able to get a job as an 18-year-old banker in New York WITHOUT a college degree of any sort.
- Spiko's name is actually Evan.
- He thought "lingerie" was a sex act, and when informed on its actual meaning, thought he was the one who was supposed to wear it.
- Garrick doesn't watch porn, and as such has very limited experience of sex in general.
- Garrick is highly against marriage and having children, and had wanted to get himself a vasectomy as soon as possible.
- Thought aunt and grandma were the same thing.
- Garrick has two cats. One named "Kitty Hope" and another named "OC". Please note that the OC stands for "Orange Cat".
Gallery/Shoops of Ginger
CockChopRed992 The Animated Series
- 13-year-old boy
- Epic Ween
- Epic Fail
- Project Chanology
- Darksidered's ED account (See his contribs.)
- Red's new, new, ED account trolling TehBigToaster
- Garrick's cell phone number. He has a Tracfone and only has like 120 minutes on it. Lol. 1-509-280-6778
NEW YouTube.CLOSED other NEW YouTube. Call him “Garrick the Monkey” for lulz.CLOSED NEW Formspring.CLOSED. NEW Facebook.RAPED.
- Darksidered's dox
- Darksidered on memegenerator
- Another memegenerator
Garrick Colwell on FacebookBALEETED
- Some other poor sap with the same name as Red this one is from Texas
His current YouTube accountSuspended Another sock puppet...Balleted His latest YouTube accountClosed A parody account made TehBigToasterFlagged to death by Garrick. A parody account Garrick made now hackedBALEETED!
- Another stupid account he made don't know why though
His newest account, that he doesn't want you to know about.Account suspended.
- New parody account created by Garrick.
Garrick's latest YouTube account. When will he learn?Apparently never Parody account uploading old lulzy vids.Suspended, please re up vids thanks. New account attacking the CTFC.Suspended Garrick's nigger mom Mary ColwellBALEETED!
- Rootbrian giving an epic shout out to Garrick Colwell
Alton's cell phone: 509-625-7821
- Skype: darksidred992
- Other Skype: EvilLulz
- Other MSN: [email protected]
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