|God hates facts.|
Conservapedia, affectionately referred to as "CP" by its dwellers (not to be confused with the CP you're probably looking for, you sick fuck), is an ED ripoff for true American conservative fundamentalist Christian patriots who want to know more about how to avoid evil homosexual love techniques and the reality of science. A non-commercial, non-governmental, non-educational, non-logical, non-sensical, and non-notable religious encyclopedia, it also responds to the name of Crapedia. The fact that it is a wiki is amusing because all liberals want to do is change things while conservatives want things to stay the same. Every edit made on the site goes against CP's purpose.
Every article on CP is an improvement of the same article on Wikipedia, freed from liberal bias and proofreading, and condensed into one or two concise sentences, then spammed to Hell with pertinent information about religion, creationism and what great presidents Ronald Reagan and W were. A good analogy: TOW is to Conservapedia as CNN is to Fox News.
Conservapedia was created by Andrew Schlafly, an asshat from New Jersey who works as a teacher for a bunch of home-schooled students. He is the son of deceased Hell-hag Phyllis Schlafly (1847 - 1986), an enthusiastic member of the John Birch Society and anti-abortion loudmouth, who spent the early 1960s peddling conspiracy fanfic in an attempt to drum up support for GOP presidential candidate Barry Goldwater✡ (Archived: ).
Andrew Schlafly was moved to create his Trustworthy Encyclopedia when, while teaching a history class, he was confronted with the acronym BCE ("before the common era") in lieu of BC ("before Christ") in one student's assignment. "Where did that come from?" he demanded from the student, only to receive the chilling reply: "Wikipedia". Then Schlafly slapped the girl hard in the face. He must have a spacious kitchen to be able to extend his arm fully. This creation myth seems untrue on further analysis, because you don't need to know history to work an oven, amirite?
And so he decided to make his own wiki, since Wikipedia was "riddled with LIEberal bias". Amid the anger that Wikipedia on occasion gets facts right, and since conservatives are allergic to facts, something had to be done.
In the beginning, Andy looked upon his creation and saw that it was good. Still, while it may have been absent of LIBERAL DECEIT, there was also no trace of conservative truth to be found. Meanwhile, Assfly was far too busy beating his students with the Bible to write articles for himself, so he recruited members of his family to manage the site while he was at church or at "work" (i.e., defending people accused of murdering abortion doctors). This worked, until he realized that the rest of his family were illiterate rednecks incapable of turning on a computer. So he said "Let there be open registration," and there was open registration.
Schlafly saw the open registration and saw that it was okay, we guess. But then vandals and trolls began to sodomize his blog, and Schlafly threatened them with calling the FBI... only to be ignored and laughed at!
The squealing masses collaborated and formed primitive articles, making strange markings on the Talk pages. However, this time of blissful ignorance would soon come to an end when Satan tempted the Conservapedos with fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. Loyal to their nature, the editors loled and passed up his offer. Highly offended, Satan penned an editorial in the LA Times the next day, which attracted many Sodomites. Some time later, Conservapedia was featured in a segment on The Daily Show, drawing in an even larger crowd of handsome liberals. Against their will, the pious Conservapedos tasted the fruit of Knowledge. Things could never be the same again.
A piece in the LA Times confirmed that 15-year-old girls who describe themselves as "conservatives" are the main contributors to the website. One of the girls is quoted as saying that vandalism of Conservapedia has taught her that "There are people who want to destroy us." Articles are routinely vandalized by political terrorists who will do anything to spread their socialist propaganda. These terrorists have been and will continue to be reported to the FBI's Internet Crimes Division.
Although Conservapedia attempts to present itself as serious business, it's full of unintentional lulz. If graded by a fourth-grade special education teacher, most articles on Conservapedia would fail incredibly hard. This includes putting modern-day politics into everything (archived: ), being offended by words that don't reference Jesus ( ), and being offended by words that aren't spelled in proper American English.
Conservapedia claims to be free from gossip and hearsay, and also claims that TOW is full of it. Wikipedia editors replied to this, saying, "In actuality what has been posted may be more correctly attributed to the poster, rather than myself." And most of all, Conservapedia seems to forget that people on the internets are dumb and anyone can edit Wikipedia.
Conservapedia on Fox News
Apparently Fox News is too liberal and not Bible-trumping, homophobic, pro-life, and PRAISE JEEBUS enough for the good old Amurikans at CON-servapedia.
Censorship and Attack tactics
Besides the Big Brother's Hammer, Perversapedia sysops employ a series of dirty tactics and flawed arguments when they are hopelessly trapped, when blocking a user or when their infallible liberal detector points to somebody who's probably a liberal. Note that nobody has won a war against a CP sysop, and no CP sysop has ever apologized to a user. Evar.
A loaded question embodies an assumption that, if answered, indicates an implied agreement.
(On Larry Craig) What a deceitful person.
- Wwwknow 21:40, 29 August 2007 (EDT)
(Loaded question in response) What are you suggesting, that he be impeached?
- Rob Smith 21:50, 29 August 2007 (EDT)
Confirmation bias is a type of selective thinking whereby one tends to notice and to look for what confirms one's beliefs, and to ignore, not look for, or undervalue the relevance of what contradicts one's beliefs.
A red herring is when the arguer diverts the attention by changing the subject. Andy himself will commonly derail a discussion in order to ask his opponent's views on school prayer or abortion, and frequently questions their level of commitment to reading the Bible.
"You still won't admit that the vast majority of inventions have been American? Look, you have free will to deny basic facts, but your denial is astounding. Re: homeschooling, people and homeschooling were not that different 150 years ago. Moreover, you seem to confuse cause with effect. The point is about the positive effect of homeschooling, regardless of the motivation. I realize that Germany bans homeschooling and England is over-regulating it, but it remains productive at a far greater level than its percentages. And this has always been true, as numerous examples here illustrate. [Notice the change of subject] If you were genuinely interested in logic, then you'd spend some time reading or translating the Bible, the most logical book of all. But I suspect you're more interested in trying to reject the Bible than giving it equal time in your activities. Am I right?"
- Andy Schlafly 22:11, 16 December 2009 (EST))
The ad baculum is a favorite, it's the fallacy committed when the sysop makes use of force or threats to bring about the acceptance of a conclusion.
This is not Wikipedia. We do not "communicate" the way they do, with intimidation, bullying, humiliation, threats, teasing, and relentless POV-pushing. You don't have "rights" here, and thus you have no right to "speak your mind" or "demand answers"... It's time to drop the pretense: you're not fooling anyone. If you want to help, you can. Your complaints to the contrary ring hollow, and frankly I'm losing patience.
Petitio Principii or Vicious Circle
The petitio pricipii, also known as "begging the question", is any form of argument which fails to prove anything because it takes for granted what it is supposed to prove.
Any chance we can work together on Deceit? This is getting a little harsh.
- Ursus 17:26, 5 September 2007 (EDT)
(In response)You're pushing a liberal point of view. Deceit is factual and undisputed. Your changes are to dilute it or remove what is plainly true. Suggest improvements, but it is not going to diluted or modified to make it liberal. Godspeed.
- Aschlafly 18:07, 5 September 2007 (EDT)
Disagreement with Andy makes you wrong
Andy's brain farts are rarely supported by evidence, so instead he must rely on the assertion that he is automatically right, so by definition anyone disagreeing with him must be wrong, and probably deceitful, closed-minded, ignorant, among many other things. This tactic is normally initiated by Andy challenging someone to deny the validity of Andy's assertions, with such posts ending with a phrase along the lines of, "deny this and lose all credibility". This may be an utter non sequitur, but in Andy's case the statements can be so convoluted and factually wrong that there is no single fallacy that can be used to describe the garbage that spews out of his mouth.
American Indians are different from Asians in almost every significant way. Blood type. Interests. Every other measure you can think of. Deny it and join the liberal denial about history.
- Aschlafly 20:06, 5 September 2008 (EDT)
Ad hominem attacks seek to attack the person, not the argument, so obviously this approach is incredible popular at Conservapedia. Anyone in disagreement with the hive mind is quickly labelled a liberal. In some environments this would be of little consequence, since the term is not typically deemed offensive except in very specific contexts, yet on Conservapedia liberals are considered deceitful monsters responsible for everything that is wrong in the world.
Pachyderm, your tone and attitude discredit any merit in your arguments. Be polite and show me your very best example, or please play the role of an angry young man somewhere else. Thanks. In Christ
- Aschlafly 19:36, 7 September 2007 (EDT) After a discussion about genocide in Yugoslavia
13:43, 12 September 2007 RobS (Talk | contribs) blocked "Dlong (contribs)" with an expiry time of infinite (liberal supremacist; email me if you got a problem with that, punk.)
Misrepresentation of sources
A misrepresentation of sources is claiming, for instance, that one person's personal viewpoint is in actual fact an accurate representation of a large body of people. Andy commonly uses this approach when grasping for evidence in support of his more outlandish claims, and as a statistician believes that the only evidence he requires is a sentence prefaced with, "Everyone knows that..."
Blocking users and burning the evidence
Conservapedia's sysops are very liberal when it comes to blocking people who disagree with or question the accepted knowledge of CP. There's no real requirement for any sysop to have a good reason for blocking users, or even IP ranges of entire countries, but doing any of the following certainly help speed-up the process:
- Having an IP address vaguely similar to a banned editor
- Having a name that doesn't follow Conservapedia naming policy (First name and initial of the surname)
- Not agreeing enough with Andy and his sysops, thus being exiled as a liberal
- Agreeing too much with Andy and his sysops, leading to accusations of parody.
- Failing to respond to Ed Poor's inane requests for a writing plan
- Editing from multiple IP ranges
- Editing at or referring to RationalWiki
- Excessive talk page posts (their 90/10 rule which dictates that no more than 10% of edits can be to talk pages)
- Editing pet articles of sysops
Sysops often employ very strategic blocking so they can get the last word in a discussion, which is ironic given that Andy regularly banned people for "last wordism". This blocking leaves it appearing that the user in question was obviously so over-awed by the fascinating insights of the sysop that they simply could not bring themselves to respond. In cases where Andy has been made to appear particularly ignorant, sysops will delete the posts of users who ask awkward questions or point out Andy's errors. This has led to talk pages in which Andy appears to be arguing with an imaginary person, which isn't entirely unrealistic given his obsession with the imaginary beings.
The greatest irony is that newly arrived editors who'd post anything quite as crazy as Andy or Ken would be instantly banhammered for being liberal parodists. Such is the level of paranoia that Poe's Law is well and truly in force as Andy and Co. struggle to differentiate between the editors who are insane and those who are faking mental illness for the lulz.
Consciously Using Outdated Information
A modest investigation conducted on Conservapedia's "Liberal Biases in Wikipedia" page, which includes over 200 perceived instances of Wikipedia sucking Barack Obama's dick, reveals that many of the complaints are flat out untrue. It is entirely likely they were once true (meaning that even though they are bullshit complaints, they technically quoted Wikipedia correctly), if by "once true" you mean "true in early 2007." Since then, the perceived biases, usually a bullshit complaint about the wording of one sentence in a 10,000 word article, have been fixed, which is the purpose of fucking Wikipedia, that anyone can edit things when needed. However, this is never good enough for Conservapedia's sysops, and every single attempt by someone to remove a grievance that was fixed two years ago has been reverted.
For example, Conservapedia's list bitches and moans that the Wikipedia article on Judge William Rehnquist, a conservative, casually mentions that he was born on the same day as President Jimmy Carter, but Carter's mentions nothing about Rehnquist. An easy answer to this is: "That's probably because they were written by two different people, asshole," a concept Conservapedia is consistently bad at grasping. However, the words "Jimmy" and "Carter" appear nowhere in Rehnquist's article. All attempts to remove this from the list have been reverted by the sysops within minutes.
Administrators and other thugs
Conservapedia's violent and paranoid sysops refresh the Recent Changes page every two seconds to detect any trace of liberalism and lulz; they are mostly a bunch of impotent, bigoted, closeted homosexuals, or some combination thereof. Due to Schlafly's deep hatred for women and because the Bible regards women as misbegotten creatures, all CP sysops are men.
Unsurprisingly, these twits follow Schlafly's lead like cattle. They are doing what comes naturally —following—, because they lack the fortitude to question someone who they perceive as powerful. They are simple, uncritical individuals who are incapable of leading themselves. No hedging here: they are barely coherent at best and almost completely removed from reality at worst. Their only potential for serious entertainment is that they won't see how corrupting an influence Schlafly is until it's too late... or perhaps, they have seen it.
'Nuff said. Here's an incomplete list:
- Andy Schlafly a.k.a. Aschlafly: über-dipshit who believes he's finally doing something worthwhile in his sorry life.... just because he has the money to pay the server costs. See main article here.
- Ken DeMyer a.k.a. Conservative: cum-hungry cretin who was dishonorably expelled from Wikipedia for bullying and lack of talent, so he was immediately made a CP sysop. A rampant homophobe with a borderline personality disorder, he has also authored such fantastic shitfests as Evolution ( ), Atheism ( ), and 98% of CP's roughly 9,426 articles on homosexuality, including "Gay Bowel Syndrome" ( ), about which he is the world's foremost expert.
- Brian Macdonald a.k.a. Karajou: a 50-something sack of shit from Murfreesboro, Tennessee, who edited Wikipedia as "Carajou". A man of rotund proportions, Karajew spent 20 years behind a small desk in the U. S. Navy, where he was repeatedly penetrated by other Navy faggots. Also most likely a furry, as illustrated here.
- Edmund W. Poor or Ed Poor: slow of understanding and incapable of creating decent articles, Poor's an old bully and a former TOW administrator. His "talents" are being used by Andy to keep CP "clean and concise". Moonie-cultist, antisemitic and }racist to the core, the bastard also loves the pedophilic nickname "Uncle Ed". In fact, he LOVES the loli, and has manifested his dirty fetishism several times on CP; a good example are his reviews of movies starring young actresses like Dakota Fanning. His latest article is about teen female star AnnaSophia Robb. Ed's habit of liveblogging his movie-watching activities led to Conservapedia being unique among encyclopedias in having a category named "Movies about football coaches with 11-year-old daughters".
- Dr. Terry Hurlbut a.k.a. TerryH a.k.a. Temlakos a.k.a. NOLIBS: a widower, and evidently, lonely. Like most Conservapedians, Terry is old and some argue, a child molester. You can thank him for starting the "Digg Patriots" ( ) that nearly crashed Digg into the ground in 2010. And you can also thank him for starting the "NOLIBS" sockfarm on Reddit ( ), which eventually morphed into the turd brigade we can thank for r/the_donald ( ). The meanest and most paranoid subreddit evar. (Ask David Gerard ( ))
- Joaquin Martinez: an import from Campeche, Mexico, and the only Mexican who doesn’t like tequila. He wrote the article about his own country, and the first sentence ( ) is worthy of the Pulitzer: "Mexico is a country in North America, directly south of the United States; bordering the North Pacific Ocean is between Guatemala and the US and bordering the Caribbean Sea and the Gulf of Mexico, between Belize and the US." Joaquin is Conservapedia's resident supplier of pictures for articles, and his job is made much easier by his unique interpretation of the fair use provisions of copyright law. Essentially, Joaquin considers fair use to mean that he can use any pictures he finds on the Internets to make Conservapedia's articles pretty. This is particularly ironic given that the Andrew Schlafly, the site owner, is allegedly a lawyer.
- JacobB: a disguised troll, like TK. Managed to come back after outing himself, thanks to Andy's delusional mind.
- CollegeRepublican: widely believed to be Andrew Schlafly Jr. Was promoted with no prior edit history, made two edits to the front page news and promptly disappeared.
- Roger Schlafly: Andy’s crack addicted brother, and a constant embarrassment to the family. He lives alone, and maintains little contact with the Schlaflys, to the point that he learned about Andy’s pet project from the internets. Once blocked Andy by mistake.
- SharonS: a 16-year-old bag of organs. This is the infamous girl who claimed that "There are people who want to destroy us."
- Justine Allen a.k.a. Jallen a.k.a. Niandra: a lady from Australia who, ironically, became a trustworthy Conservapedian after being an untrustworthy seller of trinkets on eBay.
- William Bagot a.k.a. Learn Together: the ultimate ass kisser. His favorite ass was, of course, Andy's.
- Dean Slade a.k.a DeanS (formerly Crocoite): before Conservapedia, Slade worked as Business Analyst and Programmer. A mormon from Provo, Utah, he is severely disturbed since he comes from a polygamous family.
- Richard J. Jensen a.k.a. RJJensen: member of the Lemon Party, Jensen is a former professor of history, and was the only Conservapedian with the skills to build an actual encyclopedia. He's been babbling about conservatism at Wikipedia since 2005 and at the online rectum known as Conservativenet since 2000. Like Philip Rayment, Jensen demonstrated a certain rejection of Schlafly's nuttiness.
- DuncanB: one of the youngest ruminant mammals in Schlafly's flock. Inoffensive, but it's always good to kill them young.
- PhyllisS: not the old one, but Schlafly's own daughter. Sexually unresponsive, like her father.
- Geoff Plourde or Geo.plrd: also a Wikipedian; nerdy, white, God-fearing and Jew-hater. Doesn't like cotton pickers, either.
- Hojimachong: a true mystery, he was like a nigga commanding a branch of the KKK. Hojimachong is pro-evolution, pro-choice, pro-homosexuality, and favors premarital sex and the scientific method. Raped by the aforementioned TK.
- Trent Toulouse a.k.a. Tmtoulouse: as a sysop, his reign of terror was shorter than Benazir Bhutto's lifespan in Pakistan. Money dealer at RationalWiki, also edits Wikipedia under the same name.
- Ames Grawer or AmesG: one of Conservapedia's mortal foes, Mr Grawer is feared and reviled with equal passion by Andy Schlafly and Brian Macdonald. It can be argued that, individually, Mr Grawer has caused more damage to CP than any other liberal troll. (Note: TK has caused more damage than anyobody else, but he's more like a homosexual troll.)
- Fox: kike, and possibly a Nazi fur. Self-destructed by posting articles parodying Schlalfy's obsession with liberal topics.
- Philip J. Rayment: ex-Wikipedo, he was the most tactful of all CP sysops and the one who deeply believes that Jesus rode dinosaurs. A fundie from Victoria, he quit on March 2009, after declining an indecent proposal by Schlafly.
- Daniel Holmes a.k.a. DanH: Baptist student from Kansas and a Mitt Romney supporter. Enough said.
- Timothy Svendsen a.k.a. CPWebmaster: just another thug, left CP for good in 2009.
- HelpJazz: probably likes negro music. Must be confused - he actually tried simultaneously to follow Andy's orders and to improve articles. As a result, never, ever, ever got night-editing rights. Departed CP in 2008.
- Bugler: An expert parodist, Schlafly gave him 24/7 edit privileges, uploading privileges, blocking power and two non-consecutive blowjobs. Seemingly the avatar of Poe's Law here on Earth, he has now admitted to being a troll all along. (Confession BALEETED from the face of God's Earth)
- JessicaT: some Azn chick. Her race and age enticed Ed Poor's flaccid penis. Forced to resign due to possible scandal.
- Terry Koeckritz (Yiddish for "cock ring") a.k.a. TK : incredibly nosy, this 60 something closet homo from the outskirts of Reno, Nevada was what CP treasures the most. A trusted henchman, he asked for his own removal ( ) after a flame war with Schlafly himself. Unsurprisingly he was promoted again after Conservapedia rid itself of its Jew problem. It's a fact that every time Koeckritz blocked a user, he celebrated the event shaking hands with the one-eyed milkman. Arguably the most powerful CP sysop ever; he drove away many good editors, including Philip Rayment. Allegedly, he was an infiltrator from RationalWiki, like other CP editors (he was E.Wig at RW), but then betrayed everybody for the lulz and to fulfill alone his own agenda: undermining Conservapedia. ( ).
- Robert Smith a.k.a. RobSmith: Director of Internal Counterintelligence and history revisionist, he considers himself a scholar (Ha!). Rude to every user and ferociously anti-communist, he was one of the most violent wielder of the banhammer. Ironically booted from Wikipedia for the same behavior he banned for ( ). Rebelled against the goon squad on July 2011; defrocked on August 2011.
Actual quotes from CP sysops
- Much thanks to Kotomi for blocking the obscene vandal "PaulKr", who posted a crude version of the vulgar Goatsie image. If someone can track down PaulKr's whereabouts, then I'd be happy to file a complaint with local law enforcement. —Andy Schlafly
- Obviously if it is Andy saying to add someone, or start doing ______ whatever on CP, that's another story, and is effective immediately, as we are here to serve him. —Terry Koeckritz aka TK
- Though my mother has no connection with Conservapedia, I'm going on her show tomorrow from noon to 1pm to discuss this project. —Andy Schlafly
- Kotomi-san, I am glad to welcome you... I hope I was not too abrupt with you, when I cautioned you about "personal remarks". It is an Asian custom for an elder to give an admonition to the one who merits it LESS, when he sees two people having a conflict. Daijobu? —Ed Poor to JessicaT
- Trent Toulouse is giving advice and tacit approval to these people to go and commit vandalism. And he's doing it from his dorm room on the campus at McMaster University. Like it or not, we're going to have to take that university to court now, because Trent has made that place legally liable for the damage he telling others to do against us... He has very little money for anything else after paying his university costs, which is why he had to do a "Pi drive" to get money to operate Ratwiki and pay his server costs... —Seaman Brian Macdonald
- In a previous block regarding AmesG, (and this applies to any similar troll) I inserted a tag in his block line reason which said "not to return except under Ashlafly's pleasure..." —Seaman Brian Macdonald
- I am leaning towards giving Mr. Dawkins at least a month to at least try to develop some machismo. —Ken DeMyer aka Conservative
- I like cock. —Terry Koeckritz aka TK
- Me too. —Ken DeMyer aka Conservative
Conservapedia and Encyclopedia Dramatica
Of Conservapedia's sysops, the two sysops who dislike Encyclopedia Dramatica the most are a known admin sockpuppet called "Conservative" ( ) and Karajou ( ). On January 11, 2012, "Conservative" deleted the "Encyclopædia Dramatica" article ( ⮞7px2).
—"Conservative" on anonymity
- "Conservative" on anonymity ( )
- Despite the comment above, Conservative blocks anyone trying to benefit from the use of pseudonyms. Examples:
- "Red Rum" (
- "Fickle Fred" ( )
- "OrganicLove" ( )
- "Conservative" on controlling the news that the audience sees ( ⮞1px2)
"Conservative's" deletion of the ED article was greeted with general gloating from ED's arch-enemy "Karajou". See here ( ⮞7px2), and here ( ⮞5px2).
Indeed "Karajou" is so keen on ignoring ED whenever possible, that he reminds people to ignore it (whenever possible) whenever possible.
—"Karajou", ignoring ED
Trolling and B&baiting
- Ask how the FBI investigation against vandals is going. This never wears out, e.g.: Hello Mr Schlafly. As a long term reader of your excellent encyclopaedia, but only recently signed up, I was wondering what the current state of affairs is regarding the FBI investigation into the vandalism of this site? I certainly hope that their efforts bear fruit, and that the culprits are severely chastised as a warning to others. With best wishes, User:CliffBrumby 11:00, 15 January 2008 (EST)
- Second-guess a sysop.
- Have a liberal username.
- Ask Andy if his mom is a nigger-hater.
- Register under the username "AmazingAtheist" and insert the phrase "believed by Christians to be" into the phrase "Jesus Christ is the only son of God."
- Ask Andy if old Phyllis is sponsoring Conservapedia.
- And lastly, having any variation of the word lulz in your username.
Many articles in Conservapedia are impossible to create, as they are "deleted and protected to prevent re-creation". You should know, however, that these terms can’t get past the spam filter, so be careful:
- Blowjob "Blow Job" is not blocked
- Encyclopedia Dramatica
Penis, vagina, and several other terms for sex organs redirect to a supremely inane article on Human reproduction, since they need to preserve the innocence of people like BethanyS, in an Orwellian attempt to spread ignorance.
This, of course, suits their sponsor Mommy Schlafly very well. The Schlaflys are all about the basic elements of the conservative movement. Phyllis (Andy's mom) made no secret that her opposition to various groups and progressive activities were to maintain privilege. Her privilege. Part of making that happen is an effort to keep the religious faithful as dumb as possible. Conservapedia is certainly doing that. Cruising Conservapedia can be a lot of fun for an educated, enlightened person. Watching a wingnut with a look of seriousness on his face as he cruises Conservapedia is an absolute riot.
Colbert Trolls Conservapedia Into Oblivion
<insert Colbert here>
Here's a timeline of the events that followed:
- 11:46: Everyone races online to create an account before the B&hammer falls. Conservapedia crashes instantly.
- 11:52: Conservapedia stops crashing occasionally.
- 11:57: People start making helpful clarifying changes to the Bible.
- 12:00: Editing is automatically disallowed after 12:00 AM every night because Evil Liberal Trolls don't know how to use a computer during the day.
- 12:02: Conservapedia admins flip the fuck out: "OMG ITS A LIBERAL ATTACK ON OUR SITE BAN EVERYONE!!!11"
- 12:15 Conservapedia admins lock the Conservative Bible Project page. They agree to keep it locked for a few days until the whole thing blows over. This makes everyone fan out to every part of the site vandalize the fuck out of it.
A week passes; the Bible Retranslation Project main page looks like this:
Stephen Colbert is God, He is the original creator who created the world in six days. He is the God of all beings in this universe. He has other names such as Yahweh and Jesus. He has again arrives at earth and brings salvation to people. Lord Stephen has three parts, The Balls, The Finger, and the Eyebrow, which is called Trinity. The Balls, each of the two are bigger and weights more than the universe combine, symbolizes the infinity power of Him. The Finger, with each wag, symbolizes the punishment and condemnation of sinfulness. The Eyebrow is his message to Earth, with each rise and fall, the will of Lord and God Stephen is being heard by his followers. Lord Stephen is a vengeful God, with his purgatory-On Notice Board, and his hell-Dead To Me Board, he chastises the sinful. But he is also a merciful God, pray to him, and he will answer your prayers. Honor him, and you will go to His Heaven.
The place where Lord and God Stephen, and His angles and faithful follower lives, which is commonly known as Heaven. It is a place where His glory is being honored and His messages being heard. It is the show which is crucial to Salvation, it is a Holy Show. Watch it, and the road toward the Pearl Gate will be cleared for you, and you shall be greeted by Saint Jon Stewart to the Heaven and world of Lord Stephen.
The Holy Show, Colbert Report, has given convenience to the unfortunates who cannot access a TV or computer, by producing its own Holy Book, millions of times holier than The Bible, called I AM AMERICAN AND SO CAN YOU! To the children of impoverished who could not hear the message of Lord Stephen, they now shall have the equal chance to enter the Heaven as rest of us do. There is no need to wonder about life anymore, because, Lord Stephen has answered all your questions in that book; read it, and you will be blessed by His Eternal Light.
Being the Holy Show, it is the only show worth watching, its book and its website are also the only book and website one should see. Anything else is heresy, and are condemned as sinful, whose viewers are considered as traitors and will be send to Hell with Satan Andrew Schlafly
Such words are of the faituful followers of Lord Stephen Colbert, and any change to it, by anyone whose master and commands are not from Lord Stephen or Saint Jon Stewart, will face Eternal Fire of Hell in The Judgment Day
On the night December 8, 2009, Colbert had an interview with Andy Schlafly. Schlafly then responded by creating a welcome message, which directed Colbert fans to the newly-created Colbert Report Viewers page. On December 12, the Colbert Report Viewers page was archived after reaching a size of 99 kilobytes, and the new page continues to grow.
- DId you know that Conservapedia founder Andy Schlafly was told hard by an actual biologist on evolution? (Archived )
- Did you know that soccer is a socialist sport? (Archived: )
- Did you know that Conservapedians celebrate the deceitful merit of having more than 40,000 questionable, limited and alarmingly biased entries?
- Did you know that faith is a uniquely Christian concept? (Archived: )
- Did you know that humor did not exist before Christianity? (Archived: )
- Did you know that "the Jew is compelled by his Satanic ancestry to carry on a conspiracy against Europeans?"
- ... and that Conservapedia deleted the above statement, which was the only accurate remark in the entire Wiki? (Archived: )
- Did you know that Barack Obama has to be a Muslim because of the way he pronounces "Pakistan"? (Archived: )
- Did you know that all kangaroos descend from a single pair that were taken aboard Noah's Ark? (Archived: )
- Did you know that anal fistula is a significant issue in regards HIV infection? (Archived: )
- Did you know that Fred Phelps is a Liberal activist? (Archived: )
- Did you know Conservapedia has a high score list? (Archived: )
- See also: High Score
- Did you know that you MUST troll Conservapedia at least once before you die?
- Did you know that the top ten most looked at pages (aside from the front page) all have to do with
- Did you know that according to their buttbuddies they back-trace trolls? (Archived: )
- Did you know that the theory of relativity was invented by communist fellow travelers to "relativize" morality and destroy the fabric of god-fearing 'Murikan society? (Archived: )
- Did you know that Occupy Wall Street is a playground for rapists and murderers? (Archived: )
Now this is a story all about how
The tubes got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the admin of a site called Conservapedia.
In west Illinois, born and raised
At my homeschool was where I spent most of my days
Indoctrinatin', proselytisin', evangelisin' all cool
And all shootin' some heroin outside of the school
When a couple of liberals they were up to no good
Started opposin' classroom prayer in my neighborhood
I got in one little argument and my mom got scared
And said, "You're movin' with RobS and TK to Conservapedia!"
I whistled for some help and when it came near
It was a damn huge cruiser with Karajou in 'er
If anything I could say that this ship was rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Conservapedia!"
I'd picked all my admins by about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the swabby 'yo holmes smell ya later'
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit in my castle as the admin of Conservapedia.
- Conservapedia deleted page on Encyclopedia Dramatica – You know something is wrong when Wikipedia has bigger balls than you
- A Storehouse of Knowledge - Conservapedia 2:Electric Boogaloo
- Metapedia - For those who think Conservapedia is run by hippies.
- RationalWiki - with a vengeance
- Asinine American
- Westboro Baptist Church - Where a majority of their funding comes from.
- Nobel Prize for Racism
"Encyclopedia of American Loons": Conservapedo entries
- "Hurlbut, Terry" (Archived: )
- "Martinez, Ray" (Archived: )
- "Schlafly, Andy" (Archived: )
- "Schlafly, Phyllis" (Archived: )
- "As accurate as a catatonic drunkard’s line of urine" (Archived: ⮞ 3px 2)
- Conservapedia's best article evar (Archived: )
- See also: SlimVirgin
- The first human being lived to be 930! (Archived: )
- Why no, we have no obsessions at all... (Archived )
- A video of this horror. Comment and
raperate, plz Template:Waybackvid
- OH NOES!! Obama did WTC (Archived: )
- "I was a Conservapedia Administrator", by former sysop Philip J. Rayment. Andy must be angry. (Fully archived: )
- Conservapedia gets owned and doesn't realize it (Archived: )
- The most ironic article on Conservapedia (Archived: )
- A recommendation from CP (Archived )
- The definition of bias. (Archived: ⮞ 5px 2)
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