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Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(

Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

Atomic.gif Warning!
"Windows will now contact mysterybot to request for the deletion of this page. Ha ha, noobs.

this can never be reverted!"

Clayton tries to be Anonymous.
What Clayton wants you to think....
....Versus what we already know of him.
Clay and Jacob, trying to hack each other.
Where the magic happens.
One of his white knight friends is retarded and proud.

Hey i saw that article about me on encyclopedia dramatica. i hope you know your being reported to the cyperpolice. this isn't legal. Jacob's just getting started.


—Clay posted this before he attempted to blank this page numerous times.

YouTube Favicon.png Clayranger89 (Powerword Clayton Russel Tomaszewski) is a 13 year old autistic Jewtube user from Wisconsin who is a self-described "Fanatic" of the Emergency Alert System. Yes, that's right: The Emergency Alert System. To date, he has uploaded more than 130 videos of his weather radio as it plays out a warning, a blatantly obvious indicator that he not only has no life, but that he also suffers from at least 100 distinct varieties of retarded, fail and batshit crazy. Even Chris-Chan has more understandable mental defects, due mostly in part to the fact that he has been clinically diagnosed as a stupids.

The Emergency Alert System

If you thought Kevin Havens' love of fucking creepy-looking dolls composed entirely of decaying latex and herpes was weird, then you haven't met the load-that-should-have-been-swallowed-by-his-worthless-whore-of-a-mother that is Clayton "OH GOD IT'S THE EAS!" Tomaszewski. However, unlike Kevin's deviant fetish for having his way with helpless Barbie dolls (the only things known to not recoil in abject terror from his very presence), Clayton's love is a public service - something that doesn't physically exist. And if you're doubting us, look below at his lists of things he likes. Clayton is madly in love with something that doesn't exist and will vigorously fight to protect it from insults, because really, who can't love something that randomly interrupts your television program for a weekly test. It is, however, impressive that, despite having his mouth propped open by fucktons of giant niggerdick all day, he manages to speak just coherently enough to make it perfectly clear that this kind of dipshittery is not only incurable, but really funny to watch.


Being an asspie, Clay has nothing better to do than sit by his two weather radios literally all day and wait for them to go off. This can be proven by seeing how long 'it takes for the radio to go off from when the video starts. He's even been known to record his weather radio while at school just in case it goes off. Sometimes he misses an alert and throws a temper tantrum like the mal-adjusted cunt he is. His other videos are "reaction videos" to Youtube celebrities like Fred or him desperately trying (and failing) to be random.

On September 3, 2010, Clay announced that he was quitting the "war" between him and the trolls so he could move on with his "EAS Life". In reality, he just started school and doesn't have time for the trolls between homework and masturbating to the latest severe thunderstorm watch.

On July 11, 2011, Clay announced his leave of YouTube in a video that attempted to make everybody feel sorry for him. This might be an attempt by Clay to troll the Internet. Or he is just an autistic faggot. Here is that video:


Clay hates trolls and will threaten to have your account hacked by his 'friend' Jacob (Who, despite being a 1337 h4ckzor, had his old jacobdallen account hacked in mid-2009, and is now claiming to have been hacked yet again and is blaming it on those damn dirty trolls. Since nothing has happened with the "hacked" account, it's likely he just forgot the password. Jacob claims on his (now "hacked") Youtube page that he "tried to delete all of Encyclopedia Dramatica", as if failing was some kind of accomplishment) if you troll him. Update Jacob has, as of October 12, 2010, claimed that his account has been hacked. The simpler explanation is that since nothing has changed on his account, being the l337 h4cks0r that he is, he simply forgot the password to his Youtube account. You can check out his new channel here: [1] Of course, being a self-important, retarded wad of queerbait, Clay thinks that any comment that doesn't buff his e-peen is trolling. If you comment on enough of his videos he will make a video like the following, showing he is an internet tough guy (and a massive, insecure crybaby). Take account of the high levels of nerd rage and unwarranted self-importance. Notice also how he also threatens to report a user to the FCC for "video theft". The best way to troll him is to ask why he uploaded 100+ videos about the Emergency Alert System or ask why he has a fetish for it.


Like all good attention whores, Clayton likes to tell his followers to do things for him, even if he doesn't like it when people do the same things to him. He constantly threatens to hack accounts, while saying in a video directed at the trolls that he is tired of people hacking. His Jewtube channel says "Any form of harassment towards anybody in our group is NOT tolerated," and his response towards anything negative that comes his way is organized harassment from his e-friends. Of course, since many all of his followers are ignorant, narrow-minded, underage twats, their trump card in harassment is, invariably, to call you gay, because they lack the three brain cells required to come up with an original insult. Clayranger89 is also a clearly dangerous individual who has spread his contamination across all of Jewtube. Here are some notable examples of such dangerous activity:

Encyclopedia Dramatica

As usual with attention whores like Clay, he discovered this page on August 20, 2010 while Googling himself. He then proceeded to, as standard, attempt to blank the page numerous times and failing at it due to MysteryBot. You can remind him of his failure on his user page (remember to leave some pretty pictures to show how much you care!).

Also, since Gayranger is a typical retard, he has made another ED account (with more likely to come), still completely oblivious to the fact that he won't get anywhere with this feeble attempts at vandalism. Have some fun with this, too:

This ED page has caused a shitstorm among the EAS group. Edit wars are imminent, but after everyone is banned it'll all be cleared up.

Clay continues to threaten to call his e-lawyer and file a lolsuit against ED, claiming the page is breaking the laws of "violation of privacy" and "use of pornography". Of course, he put his own personal information on Facebook while lying about his age, meaning Facebook's automatic privacy controls for minors did not affect him. As for the porn? Welcome to the internet!

Showing how much of a true retard he is, Clay's new goal in his mission of taking down ED is to "hack" the almighty MysteryBot, because he's apparently too stupid to realize that only Sysops can delete a page, and that everyone can revert an edit.

Hey dude, the problem with ED is Mysterybot. We need to find a way to hack mysterybot, shut it down, and then we can delete the page



Other "hobbies"

When he's not glued to one of his weather radios and masturbating to the latest severe thunderstorm warning, young Clayton enjoys making "robbery" videos with friends who are just as retarded as he is. In this video, Clay takes the opportunity to satisfy his "needs" by patting down an underage girl:


Clay has a number of paid friends on the internets who all participate in daily circlejerks over the EAS. Many of his friends are more retarded than he is. Here's some examples:


ChristineThePikachu is a furfag who makes Youtube Poop and is possibly Clay's most retarded friend. She has a severe case of multiple personality disorder and has multiple Youtube accounts that she uses to talk to herself to make it seem like she has friends. If you call her out on this fact, she will claim she has no idea what you're talking about, despite the fact that all of her accounts have the same profile content and that they all f*ck*ng c*ns*r w*rds l*ke th*s.

She claims she's not a furfag despite having a FurAffinity account[2].

Christine's (known) accounts are

"You are harassing my girls that is called Cyberbullying and there are laws about that..Leave my children alone and furthermore i do not give a damn if you know who i am my name is Laura Short..If you are a child and are not old enough to be on here i advise you to stop now!"


lightningbolt99999 is an autistic jew who claims to go by the name Jonny. Through the deductive powers of the Internet, we learn that his real name is [[Beau Mayle]. When he is not molesting the EAS, he enjoys such normal activity like playing the EAS on guitar.

  • UPDATE*: his account has been removed by JewTube for copyright violation


The white knight of the asspies, JDart1776[3] suffers from the fictional disorder known as ADD. Like all people who claim that they suffer from this fictional disorder, JDart1776 also has a case of unwarranted self-importance, caused in part because he claims that he does not need Ritalin, and because nobody respects him: "All I want is respect, that's all.{Yes, I know you were just trying to get my goat}.


EASalert88 (a.k.a User:Emergencyranger88tv and User:3ASA13R788) is one of Clay's butt buddies who often is seen raeging over this very page, usually including him threatening to hack ED to take it down. He is responsible for many of the lulziest quotes to come out of the Clayranger89 drama mainly due to his terrible grammar, trouble with kindergarten-level english, and hilarious threats. His latest threats include leaving the following on this page's talk page:

Worth noting: Prior to leaving that comment and spamming good user's talk pages, EASalert88 threatened to "HACK THE CLAYRANGER89 TALKPAGE AND YOUR TROLL FAGGOTS OF FRIENDS". Cool story bro! Since then, he has gotten around his bans and returned only to blank this page and call it hacking and some retarded attempts at editing.


YOU'RE NEXT ON MY HATE VIDEO LIST, AND GUESS Who you're gonna get pwned by? 3 seconds to guess... 3, 2, 1. if you said me, you were wrong. you are going to get pwned by The NOAA WEATHER RADIO Voice!


EASalert88 has started up his own wiki in some sort of autistic attempt to... do... something. You can help by filling it with pretty pictures and reminding him of his fail. Nevermind, Wikia got wind of the content of the wiki and shut it down[4].

EASalert88 describes himself on his wiki as so: "Emergencyranger88tv is a tremendously-retarded child presumably living in the dampest, darkest corners of the basement of the local children's mental health clinic in whatever backwater, hick-ass piss-hole of a town the wretched twat might call home. He, among idiots proud of being complete social disgraces such as Clayranger89, most likely sits next to his shitty weather radio all day, masturbating furiously in anticipation of a weather warning or child abduction alert (a clear sign of deviant and abnormal behavior). He is convinced that making pathetic, infantile videos slandering various individuals simply for not being irrationally-obsessed with an irritating radio broadcast is proof that he has more of a life than everyone he is likely to encounter. To make a long story short, he is a worthless waste of life and a rotten wad of jizz that should have been swallowed or aborted by his horrid crackwhore mother instead of being carried to conception, which would have been a great favor to the rest of the world.

Recently, EASalert88 means serious business, as noted by this quote following Gayranger89's leaving the Internet:

Lies. i am now the commander of the EAS fanbase, bitch


More lulz is expected to ensue.

tl;dr EASalert88 is an autistic faggot who enjoys loud buzzing noises.


Nuvola apps xmag.png Moar info: Bill9929.

Bill Peebles, aka Bill9929 was owned when he decided to white knight for Clayranger89, by way of taking down ED. Bill went through all the steps necessary to do this, including setting up his own wiki, and a forums where he and others of a like mindset could collaborate on this noble endeavour. What could possibly go wrong, right? Bill's wiki and forums ended up like so many other sites that attempt this feat.


Tristan Brooks, aka statefairshows, is a hillbilly EAS Fan from Attalla, Alabama who does nothing but sit on his fatass all day, watch some old dumbass Disney Channel shows, and makes retarded "original" music tracks on his outdated iPad, and record EAS. Some people say that he was done with EAS, however, his Youtube channel disagrees, as still to this very day, posts more EAS. Tristan takes the internet life as a place of watching children's shows, chatting with his so called "friends" on Skype, and making useless crappy art and posting on his Deviantart Account, as to add more onto that, he is also a major brony, and has Tourettes Syndrome. HOLY SHIT, MLP AND EAS ARE MIXED APPARENTLY!?!?!?!

Recent Drama

As of this writing, Jacob has come out as a traitor to the EASfags. No srsly. Here is a video of the message that started the recent drama:

While autistic faggotry has always been a focal point of lulz for the Internet, the butthurt has increased ten-fold as nobody trusts one another anymore. A good example of this would include ChristineThePikachu, who made a YouTube channel dedicated to being butthurt faggot. However, she will deny that the channel belongs to her for this reason (as quoted on the channel):

i cant tell you who i am for safety reasons. jacobdallen has turned against the eas video making community and the tts community...i love the eas and i love tts, but jacobdallen has gone too far. he used to be cool but now hes a traitor and unfunny


Because of the recent turn of events, ChristineThePikachu is expected to an hero very shortly, and Jacob keeps stating that he's neutral.

Quotes From The Retard Himself

You need to stop this. Dont even think about quoting this on your stupid dramatica site. i hereby Copyright these quotes. You'd be breaking a second law. (C)


—Clayton, Oh shi-!

Things I Like:

1. Emergency Alert System

2. Minnesota and all of their sports teams

3. Myself

4. Life

5. My weather radios


—Clay, proudly flaunting his complete lack of a life.

You get a life. Do you have anything better to do than post negative comments on random videos?


—Demonstrating his scholarly knowledge of the finer points of hypocrisy.

im not amused with you. you'd better step out right now, or i'll have jacob put you on his "To be hacked" list. Got it?


—Clay, unaware that this would only frighten other 10-year-olds like him.

You think this is amusing? wanna know what i'd think would be amusing? Watching you cry after jacob hacks your account.


—Being too much of an Asperger's-victim to understand the fact that that life does not revolve around Youtube.

you seriously need to shut up


—Futilely shouting at a mirror - schizophrenia, perhaps?

and YOU need to find a hobby other than ticking people off. Atleats what i do is worth the time i put into it


—Clay has a degree in English from Oxford University. He also has a Master's in overstatement and being just too stupid too realize that he's being trolled up the ass.

I'm Clayranger89. I-I-I promise not to try to miss any more, OK?


—Clay struggles not only to speak like someone who didn't land head-first after being violently squeezed out of his mother's rotten cunt, but also to comprehend basic grammar (you know, the kind they teach you in first grade), and the fact that LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE ON EARTH CARES ABOUT HIM OR HIS RAMPANTLY-HOMOSEXUAL OBSESSION WITH RADIO BULLSHIT.

OK, what kind of idiot misses two EAS in one severe weather season? Somebody named Clayranger89. I just missed another one, you guys


—Once again, a little fuzzy on the concept of no one caring about his videos.

Freaking back off, I'LL HACK YOU instead myself. I'll make some popcorn for clay and i.


EASVideo88 Hopefully just a sockpuppet of Clay's; God help us if there are actually other people out there dumb enough to wank over this every chance they get.

Imaginary? hes for real you stupid retard


—Narrowly escaping a mind-shattering brush with reality. Psychological defense mechanisms really are something, huh? Calling someone 'stupid' using piss-poor grammar is a surefire way to display your intellectual superiority, too.

Ok, now you've done it. Get ready to feel pain, because your giong to be aching?


—Clay desperately trying to sound like a badass.

Your not gonna be laughing when you meet my friends tommorow morning. And you'll meet jacob too, you'll be Crying instead.


Juvenile pussies can never handle a one-one-one fight. They always need to beg for help from the other mongoloids staggering around the sandbox.

whoa man! fuckin magnets!!! HOW DO THEY WORK!?!?!?!?!?


—oscillator5, being a genius.

@oscillator5 They are made out of a Magnitite material. Thus, making them magnets. You can try it on other magnets, or soil. But becareful you dont have them near electronics.


— Clay, being a knob.





—It's like, stupid easy to make this kid throw a fit.

Believe me, if you get on my good side and not my bad, jacob wont hack you


—Science now confirms that Jacob is his shower daddy from when he got arrested for jacking off at a preschool, seeing as how he's all the little jizzrag talks about.

@cruciaL931 Me? your talking to the wrong person


—Clay, on having multiple personalities.

The only thing i find amusing is that your making an uber noob of yourself!


—Still falling deeper and deeper into his own ass.

What is the point of this? You trying to make a point is not going to work. Because NO ONE trys to make a point with me. Got that Moron?


—Epic egomania and more fail.

Your are even MORE childish. You have no life. Face it. You have nothing better to do than to pick fights with random people online. You may have one other fights with people, but your not gonna win this one.


—Once again, not understanding what he has gotten himself into.

Quotes from White Knights

That's another thing you keep over using besides calling people "Autistic", "are you mad?" well hear this, yeah we are! quit trying to be like IRLbanhammer, because you're FAILIING


—Making you mad is sort of the point of all this. Thanks for reminding us how obvious it is that we are succeeding, though.

"Completely Legal" HAHAHAHA My butt. That page isn't even in the same courtyard as legal.

Lets see the laws broken here

1. Exposing Minors to pornography

2. Posing a sexual politic about a minor

3. Indecent exposure on the internet

4. Invasion of privacy

5. Targeting and Chastizing minors

Wow, that's alot of problems with it.



my cousin is somewhat skilled at hacking too. he hacked a library computer before, so i think we're good



Ok, Clay's just making a video with his friends, not "Feeling up the loli." First of all, your the sicko for thinking such a perverted thing like that. Why don't you go back to Jacking off to encyclopedia dramatica instead of bothering clay. Your only seeing this because you saw the ED page about him. So instead of believing ever frickin' thing you read about some one, just go back to masturbating to ED. Ok?


—Looks like EASVIDEO88 is butthurt yet again.


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Clayranger89 is part of a series on


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Clayranger89 is part of a series on Aspies.

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Clayranger89 is part of a series on Dying Alone

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Their Methods

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Taking Down ED

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Distinguished Individuals

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Noble Internet Entities

AnontalkAnti-Encyclopedia Dramatica.comConservapediaDeviantARTFailcyclopediaJosephevers.blogspot.comMyAdoptsOhInternetRationalWikiUltraviolet News NetworkUncyclopediaWikiFurWikipedia

Glorious Civilizations


Related Subjects And Methods

CensorshipDDoSFree SpeechGet a LawyerHackingMake a PetitionNotify the FBISerious BusinessSOPAThe Græt Niggercide of Old EDWriting an article for UncyclopediaYou vs. ED

Featured article December 23, 2010
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