Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue

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This, sadly, has nothing to do with the main topic.

Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue truly is the best cartoon ever because it's amazingly gay. It premiered on television in 1990, much to the anticipation of over 9000 shit eating children who wanted to see their favorite cartoon characters fight the ultimate foe or just to chill and hang out. What could have been an epic half hour battle of the icons was nothing more than a thirty minute public service announcement against drugs.

The absolute best part of the cartoon is that after the credits it ends with a bunch of retarded kids singing about love and McDonald's and how drugs are bad. After a half-hour of dumb ass cartoon characters stumbling over each others' dicks to stop some little snot from puffing on weed, singing 'tards coming out of nowhere provided the biggest laugh of all time.


One symptom of drug use is no pulse, body temperature is down to room temp, craving for human flesh and pink puffy eyes. Yes it's all about Michael Jackson

Despite such an ambitious idea, the resulting cartoon is about as entertaining as a typical fanfic written by a 12 year old. It is quite apparent the writers were either on drugs themselves or were just shit faced stupid.

This cartoon actually begins with a "special" message from President Old-Bush, who informs us that drugs and alcohol are bad and that you'll never get anywhere if you use them. As he was being filmed for this show, his son, dubya, was stumbling around Tijuana with a tequila bottle shoved deep in his ass. Talk about irony. Naturally no one with a working brain thinks this was a good cartoon. The only people who enjoy this piece of pigshit are 90's nostalgics, furries, and children who never grew up.

The "Plot"

Some teenage fag finds out about drugs and ends up turning into a pig slaughtering stoner thanks to some living puff of smoke. A wide array of family friendly cartoon characters from all the big '80s cartoons of the time try to stop the guy from doing pretty much what every cool teenager does by traumatizing the shit out of him. After finding out the truth about drugs (that they turn you into a really ugly zombie of course), the moron quits smoking and lives happily ever after and gets closer to his sister. The real lesson, however, is taking too many drugs will make your favorite cartoon characters appear to take you on a magical adventure.

Featured Characters

Characters Borrowed From Other Works

Related Arcticles

External Links

Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue is part of animated shows, a series on Television
Not to be confused with Anime.


Cartoon Network & Adult Swim


Fox & Warner Bros.


Other Networks