A successful attempt at creating something with even worse graphics than Minecraft, Blockland is a high-quality FPS made by some hardworking developer known as Badspot. In Blockland, a player can hang out and build cool things with each other! Sadly, it is instead yet another game that tries to replicate Legos making it somewhat the most miserable attempt at creating a Lego sim in existence; unsurprisingly, the quality is equally shitty. The only lulz in Blockland is from the constant arguing and fighting between themselves and another building game known as Roblox, which ends up in inextinguishable flamewars and drama between special needs children. Blockland is notable for being the only (semi)popular game created using Torque Game Engine, aside from Tribes 2.
The only use for Blockland is for keeping America's autistic youth in their place instead of letting them lurk IRL.
Blockland is a multiplayer construction-based game, yet, most servers tend to be RPs, since building things out of legos is liek so mainstream. The youth of the game have so little fun from building, that it usually ends up in them ragequitting from working too hard. The playerbase consists mainly of homoerotic, mentally ill, foul-mouthed underage brats which makes the experience much more enjoyable.
The building-oriented servers tend to be full of 14-year-olds building dickhouses or naked MLP characters. Most servers hosted by the oldfags of the game are usually filled with their friends with massive egos who act out, and believe that they are right to do so because they played the game 2 months before most of the other little kids around. Predictably, most of these people weren't even alive when the game was originally released, so trolling them isn't much of a chore. It's likely that a new player will be so shunned incessantly by universally every single blocklander, that they will just play singleplayer instead, which defeats the purpose of even buying this game in the first place. Notice how all the characters have no legs at all. This was the creator's attempt at making the game original, by making players into cripples.
Trolling these young studs is as easy as pouring a drink; all you have to do is either make a hello topic and they'll start trying to guess if you're an alternate account or not. The other way is to go into one of the many various add-on topics and tell the maker how much he sucks at making them, or you could make a huge Goatse macro and start a server like we did so it shows up on the main site. An easy way to troll in Blockland is to gain access to administration privileges on a server, usually by being nice to the owner and complimenting him
or her frequently. Once you're an admin, permaban everyone when the owner of the server and/or the other admins are AFK. If you do this professionally, you will be met with an excessive amount of lulz and might be able to get your own drama topic on the forum with hundreds of replies! You can also impersonate epic trolls of the past, although only oldfags will remember them as 85% of the community is underage b& who weren't even alive when the game came out.
Here's how to make a machine that will raep the server, all within just 2 minutes of your time!
- Step 1: Plant a brick.
- Step 2: Disable rendering, and go to Events.
- Step 3:onActivate --> Self --> fireRelay
- Step 4:onRelay --> Self --> spawnExplosion --> Vehicle Final Explosion (slide it to 2)
- Step 5: onRelay --> Self --> fireRelay
- Step 6: Copy the events. Click the brick
- Step 7: ???????
- Step 8: Profit!
- Note: Rinse and repeat to increasingly rape the server.
- Note, again: If the server uses custom particles, spam blood / elemental shit to insta-raep the server.
Old History - tl;dr
- November 2004 - Blockland's prototype released to the public, known as Vanilla Blockland or 0002
- February 2005 - A tv show called The Screen Savers (predecessor of AOTS) showcases the game
- Thousands of people flood Blockland and make several mods and offshoots, such as RTB, TBM, AiO, BLM, etc
- AiO steals shit from TBM; TBM devs (hackers) make a virus that rapes anyone's AiO folder if they have TBM installed. Also includes backdoor exploits in Editor Wand object's code, allowing them to become admin on any server and directly fuck up anyones computers they hate.
- Badspot banishes TBM community
- TBMfags wage war against Badspot, start a project called The Better Game (TBG) in an attempt to rival Blockland
- TBG is never finished, even decades later, despite newfags hijacking the project
- Blockland is fully developed and released, becoming Retail Blockland (the game you know it as now), sparking a civil war of autism and butthurt
- 50% of oldfags choose to boycott refail, choosing to instead waste their lives on an abandoned buggy ass prototype of a game for the next 3 years
- pre-refail Blockland spends 2007~2011 rotting, eventually completely dying in the mid 2010s, becoming known as little more than as abandonware
In 2012, maps and interiors were removed from the game in an effort to make way for shaders, and to improve the gameplay. This forced kids to stop playing on GTA maps and learn how to actually build; something that can take months, if not years, to accomplish in this game. Interiors and maps made up a significant majority of the gameplay / exploration. The shaders provided by the update often went unused by blocklanders, as their PCs cant handle them, even though something as weak as a GTX 750 could run the game maxed out with hundreds of thousands of bricks rendered. This update caused the community of autists to turn against each other.
In 2014, the RTB client (a tool in development since 2005 which allowed you to download Blockland addons without the hassle of manually tracking down each addon and carefully installing them), was shut down after the project lead, and homosexual London resident Ephialtes realized it just wasn't worth it anymore. He lost his admin privileges on the forum after Badspot had an autistic temper tantrum from not having his ego stroked.
Without a working RTB client, and without maps or interiors, Blockland became a shadow of its former self. Eventually, it made it on Steam Greenlight, where it went on to get accepted and hosted on the steam marketplace. It went on to attain over 200,000 players. Despite the amount of new players rivaling the original The Screen Savers event of 2005 by 10x the player count, the active population in-game actually decreased by half since the peak of 2010. In regards to the Steam version of Blockland, purchasing the game via the Steam service instead of the traditional way neglects consumers of a proper Blockland ID, which basically locks them out from being able to host dedicated servers or join the Blockland Forums. Badspot, being the malevolent lazy maggot that he is, has done absolutely nothing to rectify this situation, something that could likely be fixed with just a few hours of programming and phone calls.
2016 went along without any major or significant updates to the game, proving that Badspot gives absolutely no fucks about the game. If you were in his shoes, would you? Oh, and refail is now a decade old now and nerds are still playing this shit.
There's generally around 20 to 100 servers at any given moment for this game, with a wide selection of interesting game modes to keep you occupied, yet, most of them are roleplay servers. Although the select few people who can actually afford a good computer rarely host (if at all), once in a blue moon the player might run into a somewhat pleasant server. Note: this hasn't been recorded since 2008. Most servers are focused upon concurring fads, and as such, the overall quality of the multiplayer experience hastily plummets, resulting in there rarely being any enjoyable servers. The servers on which the game runs on are owned by children whose unfortunate parents don't secure their PayPal details. End result, even more cancer is to hit the internet. This is merely the result of said parents having inferior genes. Their kids turn out to be ugly, girls treat them like shit or act like nuns around them while they get ready to get banged by football players in a couple hours, and later they'll retreat into their bedrooms and unwind by being narcissistic pricks online. Makes perfect sense doesn't it?
- Jailbreak is a TDM based minigame where guards must let prisoners out of their cells without letting them escape or get weapons. The mini-game is popular with the intelligent youth who were gullible enough to purchase this game, since it's the only game mode where you actually have to use strategy. Sadly, most of the time on a JailRP server tends to end up being locked in a cell with nothing to do, while guards physically abuse and sodomize prisoners who haven't committed a real crime to begin with. On the other hand and remember there is always another hand unless you're a creepy motherfucker in his mid thirties who moderates the blockland message boards with a computer mouse in one hand and a penis in another, people who play this mini game are bound to be closet homosexuals who won't hesitate to carrying out their fantasies of which consists of some hardcore backdoor action if you know what I mean.
- Racing: Basically you drive vehicles around poorly designed race tracks. Unfortunately, the Torque engine has horrible vehicle physics, especially Blockland itsself, considering there isn't even terrain anymore, making most vehicles have a near 100% glitch rate in-game. In the old days of Blockland, people would modify their player.cs files to make crouch speeds significantly high. The result was some interesting and fun racing games. Sadly, this tradition has long since faded from the game, and you're left with shitty buggies that get poor mileage before you gltich through the floor and have to an hero and wait 5 minutes to respawn.
- Rising Lava: An obstacle-like build pits players against each other armed with pushbrooms. Lava begins to rise. The weak die, the strong thrive.
- Mining: In a horrible attempt to replicate Minecraft, nerds made a minigame for Blockland where an infinite grid of blocks spawn which occasionally contain mineral blocks of varying values. A massive time waster, nerds will spend entire days digging shitty tunnels to upgrade their pickaxe to - dig more shitty tunnels to upgrade their shit again in a never-ending cycle of autism.
- Gun Game is a free-for-all deathmatch where you spawn with only one gun that you must use to whack some other fag. As time goes on, you get better guns, but trolls often force you to use horrible weapons that deal jack shit damage, essentially losing you the match while some hyper-autist manages to kill some guy and get the high score.
- Fort Wars is basically freebuilding except a free-for-all DM. You'll usually get spawnkilled forever and never be able to build your base, as the corrupt pizza-faced admins harass you even further.
- Stairway To Heaven is basically spamming bricks thousands of times, creating a pathway higher in the sky. You basically just walk up the stairs forever. These servers can take up to 5 hours to complete and many actually go to the end, wasting massive chunks of their day in what is essentially a walking simulator designed by methheads or 8 year olds who think they're good at building.
- Deathrun is where one team tries to escape, usually by going through obstacles, and the other team keeps activating the traps too early or late because they're autistic and suck at everything.
- Grapple Knife consists of a grid of platforms, a poorly-coded grapple hook, and a shitty knife. You basically grapple around the arena and try to stab each other to death. So fun!
- Freebuild is where you basically actually play the game; you build. Sadly, most of the players will fuck with you while you're working, either by placing plates / bricks around your area so you can't build, or by the server having an autist as an admin, who will ban you randomly anyways. Not that it matters as your builds will be deleted or lost in a day anyways.
- School Shooting is a TDM minigame concept consisting of three teams; Shooters, SWAT/Police, and Students. Shooters must shoot up the school and kill as many little kids as possible, before the SWAT team gets there and stops them. Students must survive by hiding, or fighting back with fists, pencils, etc. Despite making fun of some really fucked up shit, whenever this game mode is hosted (4/20) it leads to some of the most fun in all of gaming! Sadly, these servers rarely last more than a few days before that faggot Badspot bans the user's accounts from the master server list.
Lots of nerds in Blockland love to host roleplay servers. These are usually infected by little kids, and there are of course a lot of them.
- Family RP, where the lonely hang out and pretend to be a mother, father, uncle, etc, much like babyfurs do with their so-called families (though without the incest yiff) because they got disowned from their real family for pleasuring themselves to My Little Pony. Most of these players are usually little kids, which can make for a great trolling target.
- School RP is surprising. Why would these nerds want to fantasize about school when they get bullied and alienated at school-shooter levels every week IRL? Protip: Pretending to be a school shooter on one of these kids' servers will just get you banned, as will anything else. Oftentimes, those little twats don't even know what "Ban" means.
- City RPG is where players must get a job and hastily build ugly shacks to survive frequent shootouts. Most of the time, it's just idiots killing each other and ragequitting.
- Medieval Roleplay lets users pretend they're not weak little nerds IRL and are rather capable strong men or super ultra mega genius wizards.
- MERP, or Mini-Empire role plays, are a recent phenomina where nerds build tiny bricks and pretend they're buildings or vehicles, and try to recreate the Civilization games inside Blockland, failing miserably. Although it may be one of the newer types of servers, some nerds a decade ago did the same shit in 0002. However, the engine couldn't handle more than 5 bricks so those servers didn't get very far.
Once in a time long past, a two-bit developer known as Badspot was working on the prototype of what would come to be known as Blockland. After countless hours of work, it was finally released in November of that same year. Eventually, it got thousands of players from TSS who proceeded to ruin the game's community. Due to the game being open source and easy to script for, many mods came into existence, with many significantly changing the base game enough to become their own spinoffs. The first major ones were called BlocklandMods and All-in-One, both shitty mods that stole shit from everyone else, and were played by everyone until superior alternatives like RTB came out.
Return To Blockland (RTB 1.045)
One of the most important modifications was Return to Blockland, which added many necessities and filler content. A major feature of RTB was the Editor Wand which modifies the size and angle of bricks. RTB used to have a large community, but after Blockland was finished and released, most people quit RTB and flocked mindlessly to refail, thus prompting the RTB community to quickly dissolve. Eventually, an E-Lawyer by the name of Vyper144 came along and made his own forums for the game known as Blockland Central. Due to insufficient cashflow, he attempted to get more cash by telling his 20
0 member community that they were spastic crybabies, and expected people to give him money. Instead, only a couple people proposed to donate, and eventually no donations were given. Thus, Blockland Central would eventually cease to exist. Years later, it was replaced with another forum called AndoRTB. AndoRTB did not flourish, and only managed to stay alive from the drama caused between the users GooG, Redninja, Sephiroth, and the 3 other people there. RedNinja was a 13 year old boy✡ skidfag who pissed everyone off and became public enemy number 1. Sephiroth was similar except was a retarded neo nazi who waged war against the jew for several years, hax0ring RedNinja's PC on occasion. Many RTB players who stayed after the actual game was released would try their hardest to keep the game alive, but they were ultimately unsuccessful.
Over a decade after RTB was popular, the post-retail community (who joined years after the game died) still tries to keep it active.
The Better Mod
Around the same time RTB started, another mod came to being: TBM, (The Better Mod) a game which was made by a group of script kiddie basement dwellers. Initially, the reaction to TBM was very positive, due to adding hundreds of bricks, revolutionary new scripts, and even moar content. But some code was discovered which would delete AiO's (another popular mod at the time) files due to AiO stealing shit from TBM. After learning the news, Badspot banished TBM from the BL community and brainwashed his fanbase into waging e-war. When the TBM community wasnt up to their usual crybaby antics, they were making long lists of the IPs of any RTB player they found. TBM would only survive for 2 years until a new generation of wannabee-skids came along. TBM held severe butthurt and jealousy against RTB for housing more people, and resorted to numerous childish attacks against the other team, such as the following server from 2006:
The Orange Block
This new generation would produce The Orange Block, a
game add-on made by a perverted, sexually confused teenager, Dshiznit. The development team consisted of 14 year old script kiddies newfags, who stole code and content from RTB, SFM, AIO, and Retail. The only thing that separates it is the i-gob which lets you save bricks and load them on any other server, which they also stole directly from TBM. The community still exists, (TOB.org closed down) but it's mainly full of 12 year old furfags who can't afford 10 bucks to buy the actual game.
It's worth mentioning that there is a project that has been in the works since 2005 called "The Better Game" or "The Bitter Game" which was supposed to compete with Retail when it was released in 2007. Instead, Retail was eventually released, but the TBG project was canned. One day in 2009, Cyberprime and some other skidfags decided they'd steal the abandoned project and pretend they were in charge, which prompted the attention of some of the original TBM devs.
So far they have been able to create their own minifig model, which they
broke (TOB is defunct), and a malfunctioning start menu! Previously, they have been attempting to get their hands on Torque 3D which was cut from $1500 to only $99!
RTB vs TBM: The Eternal Flamewar
Since 2005, RTB and TBM have constantly been at 'war'; underage children trying to hurt the feelings of their rivals. Oddly enough, RTBers eventually stopped flaming the homoerotic queens on the other side and got back to their typical infighting. Despite many of the
TBMTOBfags being in their 20s now, they're still autistic over RTB years later, despite 99% of RTBfags moving on with their lives, a trait that TOBfags have yet to obtain.
2016 Update: TOB's website is down; AndoRTB's website is down. Nothing of value was lost.
The Forums are populated by mentally-ill 14 year old teenagers with abandonment issues, which prompts constant amounts of butthurt in their minds. The forum has quickly degenerated into a /b/oard, with retards making an appearance in every thread. The forum is run by Badspot, aka 36-year-old Eric Hartman, your typical egotist nerd who graduated from Virginia Tech, but was unfortunately spared the liberating power of a 9mm holopoint by General Cho. Despite being in his 30s, he has never mentally progressed past age 15.
The forum has a drama section for autists to cry about other players and to spark constant flame wars with the others. When they aren't up to their typical infighting, they're talking about the creator's babydick and how they would suck it right off him (no homo). The forum has a gallery for the creations made by the many inhabitants of the game. To protect their feelings, Badspot enforced a rule which states that any negative statements about their pixelated, untextured garbage will get that person permanently banned, but starting countless flamewars for no good reason and acting even more queer and degenerate than Bruno, that.. that's perfectly acceptable.
Notable instances of Blocklander's homosexuality and autism:
The livelihood of the Blockland forums revolve around the Drama Section. The Drama Section is the third most popular board on the forum, aside from Off-Topic and Games, proving that players are nearly three times more interested in anything not related to Blockland. It is also the forum with the highest Reply-to-Thread Ratio, indicating that any one message posted here will undoubtedly result in at least 10 pages of idiots bickering with each other over trivial shit nobody cares about. Case Example
Drama made in Blockland is usually so stale and lifeless that not even the most psychotic freaks who occupy the forums have trouble making a big deal about it. This phenomenon is so problematic, that Badspot made it a bannable offense to make a comment about how you just don't care.
Regardless of how prominent this rule is (having a sticky thread all to its self), most drama is so terrible that this rule has claimed many victims who could not restrain themselves from posting a yawn. The people that create the majority of threads are those with massive amounts of unwarranted self importance, bitching about abstract ideas and forum trends that literally couldn't be less important if it didn't even exist at all.
Despite how uninteresting the average thread is, with a community as hostile and immature as Blockland's, more than a few people have gone down in flames so bright they deserve to have their failures cataloged here for all eternity, though most of these examples are usually written by the attention-seeking idiots themselves.
|Drama segments covering specific users has been moved. Click here to check out some of the most notable faggots that have plagued the game.|
Very rarely does a community solely consist entirely of negative traits, but Blockland strives for perfection. One of the most agonizing traits of Blockland's community is its tolerance to Furries. Even Roblox has a rule against anything related to the fandom, including user-made cat ears and other accessories. Even though the founder and only admin of the board appears to be anti-furry, he is too fucking lazy to do anything about it (and probably gets off to it.) Despite how many community members don't even want the furries to stay there, they willingly prance around with avatars cut from hentai and signatures with nothing but soft-core porn in a mild, yet effective, effort at trolling the entire user base. One day, a member named Pwnon posted a thread entitled "Is the blockland forum being invaded by furries?" and as the title suggests, the OP was about furries invading and pwnon's obvious hatred at furries. It resulted in a shitstorm of epic proportions. Much lulz ensued.
We've mentioned this guy before, but its about time we focus the article on this douchebag. Badspot, A.K.A. Eric Hartman, is a 36 year old basement dweller from Eugene, Oregon. Born in 1981, suspiciously the same year as Columbine shooter Eric Harris, and coming from a similar background, it is surprising how this evil twin was able to resist his teenage urges of gunning down his classmates. Both Harris and Hartman, suffer from severe psychopathy, Tiny Dick Syndrome, and other coincidences.
Badspot was once an alright dude, but after Blockland got popular in early 2005, all the attention went to his head and made him turn into a huge egotistical faggot. His behavior has only gotten worse over time, to the point where his actions are often border-line illegal. He is infamous for being a complete asshat, neglecting his game, being a dickhead on his forums, trolling little kids, and countless other acts of abhorrent behavior. It's also worth pointing out that Badspot completed college at Virginia Tech. Sadly, Cho didn't select him in the v-tech rampage, but in a school of over 40,000 students, could we have expected it? Badspot has recently calmed down and stopped being such a faggot, finally growing past the mental age of 15. He now shitposts with several salt-right viewpoints. His anger could also relate not just to his tiny dick, but to his receding hairline.
Badspot's "Secret" Website
Blockland players accidentally discovered Badspot's alternate website, thus starting a thread about it on the forum. This topic started out nicely just showing everyone that their favorite developer is actually a sick fuck by linking them to his personal cartoon porn website, which was full of sex "transformation" animations, and comics. In retaliation, he decided to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING and the poster was banned for 2 weeks.
This was an example of overreacting as the website was never deleted - it was just moved somewhere else. You can find it here. Beware, as the artwork isn't even good to begin with.
Unfortunately, all of the comics look the same, or feature shitty attempts at "Art". Poor dude never got laid.
Blockland players on this article
When Blockland forum-goers stumbled upon this article, some fag named Ninja Guy made a topic about it and it resulted in a lollercoaster of accusations. Players eager to defend the powerful graphics and gameplay of Blockland created accounts to blank the page backed up by the white knighting of HoudiniGal.
People who have blanked this article include:
- User:EvilJebus - Replaced with "I am 12 years old and what is this."
- User:AlphaX100 - Removed every section one by one.
- User:China Wolbert - Replaced the article with crap, but was reverted by MysteryBot immediately.
- User:MetalBL - Pulling yet even more whiteknightism.
- User:.Aeris. - Didn't like the fact that she was pwned by the community she was in.
- User:MegaScience - Repeatedly attempted to get a pic down through trying to mask his edits, forgetting that Blockland members seem to love ED (and furthermore, hate him).
- MegaScience's sock.
—SeventhSandwich, because all games are terrible.
- Autism - A requirement to play.
- Ichverbot - A notable player.
- Lego - What it ripped off.
- Minecraft - Another shitty building game with an autism requirement.
- Roblox - Yet another shitty building game with an autism requirement. It has been in a constant Flame war with Blockland since 2005.
- William Atchison - Another notable player.
- Blockland forums
- Badspots's Adult Website
- Badspot's Patreon for his lame ass nerd comic porn
Blockland is part of a series on
Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.
Blockland is part of a series on
Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article January 24th & 25th, 2015|