|This person has Assburgers Syndrome, |
so you can't say anything bad! :-(
Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
Whereas some Japanophiles keep their power level to a specific maximum (and the horrendous majority of them don't), she couldn't act like a person if she wanted to. Not only does she appear to the normal discerning eye to be completely fucking confused as to what color she is, even her friends and family can't help but take notice of how she really is convinced that she's Japanese.
The Legacy of Faggotry
To her, everything is "pretty intense," and she uses this adjective for everything when she's not using moonspeak. She also wishes to be a J-pop idol, but due to her lack of talent, substance, a soul, or Asian blood, we can thank sweet merciful fuck that that will never happen.
Last Thursday, Emiry's
(dead) caught the attention of the nigras on 4chan /b/, some thinking that she was the real life Cracky-chan. But when they realized that this was actually not Cracky but just some delusional weeaboo, those who had mistaken her for Cracky cried and/or just fapped to more guro porn. Like cancer, Emily's MySpace and YouTube profiles were spammed over and over again, prompting Anonymous to troll her videos and her Stickam profile (which she has since registered on the Japanese Stickam site).
The Other Legacy of Faggotry
March 2007, a user from 4chan spotted a YouTube video of a girl who was holding a contest. Nothing special, until she mentioned that her dream was to get over nine thousand subscribers on her YouTube.
A few moments later, Anonymous posted the link on /b/ with little to no response, so "same person spamming" commenced and the thread quickly got filled with "i would do her in the mouth so she would shut the fuck up."
After countless amounts of Youtube spammings she got online and started to defend her ways, deleting comments and confirming she was a part of 2ch and the "chan scene." A few threads later, her other websites, MySpace and blogs were found. The more Anonymous found, the more it got obvious that the power level of this person was beyond anything Anonymous had ever encountered before.
A few days after the first threads began, Emiry arrived on /b/ itself. She and her followers spammed the threads with countless images of her and her friends. For a short time it seemed that Emily was winning over the internet hate machine... but this was about to change as a poster on 2ch's English board posted what is today known as the AT FULL FORCE post.
Interest in Emily quickly faded, but she held a special place in Anonymous' heart and Anonymous did not forget. Sort of.
Here are some (revised) facts about Applemilk:
- "I might hate Ayumi Hamasaki... [but] I can do karaoke to most of her songs, impersonating her voice... I cried the first time I heard ['RAINBOW']."
- Just like everyone else, she found out about Japanese from animé - Sailor Moon, no less. She claims to speak it "fluently" even though her videos prove her wrong:
- She has diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome by some quack psychiatrist. This doesn't mean shit to anyone but herself.
- She thinks she's the only female who plays video games.
- She managed to flee from a locked garage where a man held a gun to her. Everybody believes this..
- "It makes me sadder... but at the same time it cheers me up."
- She is giving people very bad advice on her yesjapan.com video series.
Jewbacca's Final Solution to the Japanophile Question
Emiry finally became truly internets famous in August 2007, when the internet hate machine finally owned the imbecilic weeaboo. Anonymous and Jewbacca obtained her Jewtube password, GOATSED her userpage, and finally deleted all her videos and closed her account. More ownage soon followed.
In the early morning hours of Saturday, August 4th 2007 a noble /b/tard, Jewbacca, hacked Applemilk's Jewtube password (which was LordNishikawa555 because she's a weeaboo), and proceeded to destroy her page by taking down all of her old videos, uploading a Tayroll video, and filling her page with loldongs and goatse. Her Facebook wasn't safe from Jewbacca's wrath either, and at approximately 3:35 AM it was compromised.
At approximately 6:39 AM, a third key email was confirmed and later the password. These were quickly given to Ebaums because, like a dumb shit, Jewbacca doesn't know Moonspeak. With access granted to Anonymous, her Stickam was totally ravaged, displaying the page with Emily doing what she does best: weeabooing and handjobs.
Syphilis is SUPER KAWAII DESU NE
Shortly after Emily's accounts got raped, word came in from a friend she ditched in Japan about her sexual exploits. Even though she will exclusively fuck only Japanese guys, she still has no problem getting cock any chance she can. A leaked AIM conversation (pictured on right) reveals that she contracted a SUPER KAWAII STD from her honky loving boyfriend Daisuke, citing swollen glands and creepy crawlies in her vagoo as proof. Anon's medical wing has decided that this could easily be syphilis. Poor, poor Emily.
Syphilis is easily treated with high dose intravenous antibiotics but if untreated leads to initial delusions of grandeur and changes in personality along with recurrent painless sores and eventually to insanity.
Emiry will make an attempt to come back to Stickam. In the her own words:
Anonymous is rumored to be gathering its armies to shut the weeaboo down once again.
Last Thursday Applemilk updated her Youtube account with a new video (plz troll; TITS OR GTFO) in which she describes her methods of combating her recent case of cockroaches with a 100% Nihon model first aid spray. So far, she has failed to rid herself of her ailment.
In her newest video, Emiry is extremely irritable, has an increased appetite for sex, doesn't stop to take a fucking breath, and talks about paying one thousand USD for Japanese tea, although her quote of 100 yen is actually about one dollar. This proves that she will never be AZN because she can't do maths. In response to comments pointing out her meth-head behavior, she threw a paranoid fit and deleted fucking everything, like you'd expect from a tweaker. AppleMeth had better watch out, as getting caught with drugs in Japan will get your white tourist gaijin ass fed to Godzilla.
October 15, 2007: "New" LJ (now deleted)
Last Thursday Emiry created a new LJ in attempts to push her faggy lies onto her drooling fanbase. The username was pornocow, which was sickeningly accurate. It is important to note that she added herself as a friend, which is probably one of the most egotistical things a person can do (which describes Emiry perfectly). Once raspberrysyrup posted the link, she deleted fucking everything in attempts to salvage her pride.
No such thing, Emiry!
[[Check Out My New LJ]]
Note: according to this LJ:
- Her new AIM: mellowcrow
- Her MSN: [email protected]
Although it's unknown whether or not she's still using these, it might be worth it to try to say hello.
[+]22 September, 10 PM:
[+]23 September, 10 AM:
[+]23 September, 4 PM:
[+]25 September, 9 AM:
[+]25 September, 12 AM:
[+]26 September, 11 AM:
[+]27 September, 12 PM:
[+]28 September, 3 PM:
[+]29 September, 7 PM:
[+]30 September, 11 PM:
[+]01 October, 9 AM:
[+]11 October, 1 PM:
[+]15 October, 8 AM:
[+]15 October, 12 PM:
LJ Gallery (Chronological Order)
YouTube Responses of The Lulzy Sort
- AIM = AfureruNamida
- Cellphone number on the moon: 08034621112
- On last.fm
- On Twitter - Note her following/followers ratio
Recent Activity on Stickam
Emiry herself is currently very active on Stickam (profile), a place where faggots go to live chat about how miserable their lives are. She hosts live chats with her fans at random hours of the day, opening a vast hole of lulz potential.
NOTE: You have to add her as a friend first, but she accepts everyone almost immediately.
As Stickam has grown into a global camwhore network, it has expanded to Japan, where Emiry of course quickly joined ([profile) with several other weeaboo faggots who attempt to invade Japan. She seems quite active, making friends with OMG real Azns, probably one day hoping to achieve full domination of Japan's internet.
EMIRY: Debut in Japan!!!
So if you didn't know how famous Emily is in Japanlands, you should know now. She was featured in a tiny talk show at Ameba Studio called チョメらナイト ("Chomera Night") in July 08 by the same people who host her blog). In this lulzy video, Emily sits there looking so kawaii with some material hanging off her nose, which is good quality comedy.
She sticks mainly to hai (yes) instead of interacting with the hosts, and at the end repeats "My name is Paul McCartney" when asked what she thought of the segment. Don't worry Emily, they were laughing WITH YOU.
CIA Operations Against Applemilk1988, May 3-30, 2008
AIM Convos with Jack Ryan
On 3 May 2008, the successor to Jewbacca known as "Jack Ryan" made startling headway in mind-fucking the weeaboo. He managed to get her on AIM and engage her in a "pretty intense" conversation. The talks lasted for two days until he finally could not take it anymore, and offended her to the point where she stopped talking. In the end, she thought a 42-year old radio disc jockey named Chio from Philadelphia was her stalker, and she still believes it to this day. It seems she only talked to "Jack Ryan" when she thought she could get on the radio; all for the publicity which she so desires but never seems to be able to obtain.
All four conversations are available in a zip file here.
Jack Ryan has recently made epic strides in the war against Applemilk; her safe haven in New York has been exposed via her father, Kevin's, contact information. Along with her stepmother's address in Florida, this new information confirms that the weeaboo is not fully secure anywhere outside of her current temporary residence in Japan. This was realized on 30 May 2008. Due to the highly personal nature of this information and its potential for abuse, it is not allowed to be posted directly on ED; therefore, this text document contains the addresses and other info that was formerly on this page.
Deleted Fucking Everything
Recently, Emily caught onto Anonymous and deleted fucking everything, ending in the loss of a few old LJs, an old blurty account, and a very embarrassing MySpace. Unfortunately for Emily, there are screencaps of everything, which are available for download here. One of the deleted LJs as well as the deleted MySpace can be seen below in the M-chan section of this article.
However, Emily forgot to delete a website linked to one of the LJ accounts which can be found here. To sum up most of the website, here's an excerpt:
- Name: Takeuchi Mae aka MaeChan
- Nicknames: Mamae, Maechan, Hitoku
- Age: Himitsu desu...
- Race: Part Japanese Part American
- Location: Florida
- Born In: New York and raised in Tokyo
- Sexuality: Bisexual
M-chan: the Beginning of Emily's "Career"
Unknown to some, Emily attempted to become a model/pop star in America before going to Japan as recorded in her old
( and deleted). This showcased her sixteen year old self in a sexy outfit as she whored around a couple of cops on a dirty street. It's important to note that her father paid for all these photographs, probably to add them to his own growing personal collection.
Applemilk Becomes a Gravure "Model"
Following her boob job earlier this year, Emiry has been hired by the Japanese agency ATOP to be a gravure model. Srsly.
It is not currently known how many Japanese businessmen were blown to make this happen. Sources reckon at least 100, and potentially over 9000. But hey, she is our first foreign gravure model, so that has to count for something! Right?
Unfortunately, the video ends with her totally fluent Japanese coming out like a robot. She should pay better attention to how native Japanese gravure idols thank their watchers at the end.
You can get your copy of the Emiry Debut Video here.
Her various body measurements are available OTI in pdf format. In it she claims her hometown to be New York City and her height and weight measurements would make her clinically underweight. Given that any moron can see from the provided images that Emiry is far too fat to make it as a model, one can only conclude that either the company is bogus and lies about their models, that Emiry is a lying whore, or both.
Other data provided, though obviously this may be total bullshit, includes:
- DOB: 25/5/1989
- Blood Type: B
- Height: 178cm
- Breasts/Waist/Hips: 91cm/60cm/93cm
- Shoe size: 25.5cm
- Hobbies: Music, "Video game"
- Talent: Singing
- Dream: To be a singer.
At this point the world is holding its breath and waiting with trepidation Emily's descent from bikini shots along that most common of routes, passing rapidly to topless work to nudes to soft porn to hardcore anal and finally to death from a heroin overdose at 32.
She will apparently be releasing a DVD on September 25th for everyone to furiously masturbate to. Her latest post in her official moonspeak blog linked to a site with promotional pictures. Trying to capitalize on the internet she reanacts Tubgirl in her video. In her new DVD she also does full anal, double penetration, bukkake and an all lesbian gangbang.
A new downloadable Applemilk video is available
here BALEETED for free, courtesy of Anonymous. WARNING: Skip the first half of the video if you are allergic to fully-clothed weeaboo whores pretending to speak Japanese.
for translation of the video, go here.
Emiry's interview of YouTube Live
Other: Since YouTube has held a retarded live "event" even on the Moon, Emiry was sure to turn up there. Guess who she met? Weeaboo King Surpreme, Danny Choo. His comment so far is "And as for this lovely lady? Her name is Emily - a comrade model who is also an incredibly popular YouTuber - her channel here.". Fear is going around that she mistakes his english dick for a japanese one and goes after a married weeaboo.
The End of a Career
Because she can't get a visa to stay another year. She may claim to be a model but she has only had one photoshoot, and even then she boasted about it her pretty intense Youtube rant. Because of this - and the fact her last visa was a student visa for a language school (she's completely fluent, so shouldn't she be teaching there?) - she is going home, and her career is over... for now.
The "Triumphant" Return
Visaless and boyfriendless, Emily picked up her suitcase, wiped her dad's semen off her face and got on the plane back to Japan. She started teaching English in cafes and begging for money on Youtube as her agency had dropped her for being too fat. Telling everyone she was going to make it big in TV, despite her ineligibility to work (no visa. remember?) she soldiered on because her latest goal was to go to University! Oh the glory! But two things stood in fair Princess Applemilk's way. First, it was too late to apply to get into a Japanese university this year, so all that lovely cash she'd been stealing off of YouTubers was going straight into her back pocket, and second, she has no chance of getting in anywhere because her Japanese is still so shit and her grades are appalling.
She must be so ronery.
A Challenger Appears!
Emiry hates all other White girls who make it on to Japanese Television as they could pose a threat to her becoming a Japanese Pop Star. It must not be easy being upstaged by the likes of Leah Dizon and horse faced hillbillies who could give both the Japanese and the British a run for their money in the bad teeth department.
Enter [Beckii Cruel] who by sheer self control, managed to get signed by 3 Japanese labels all the while managing not to end up looking like a Beluga whale washed ashore. See Emiry, not all White Idols in Japan have to show their asshole on DVD and get bukaked by Over 9000 Japanese salary men on a crumbling rooftop to reach stardom. According to Japanese media, Beckii Cruel was also named the next "Leah Dizon" who Emiry swore to defeat in her past chat logs. Nice self-plug, Beckii. Truth is no one cares about you and you're worse than AppleMilk.
Princess Emiry: Elderly Trap? You decide.
In a shocking new video, Emiry had somehow been coerced into appearing on screen without several pounds of cheap Japanese make-up obscuring her face. For extra shock value, the video was available in high-definition. The video has since been taken down, however, as the internet hate machine keeps churnin'.
The bags under her eyes have now actually outgrown her eyes.
Science has proven it.
Shitty Music : c.cedille
Whilst not her first attempt at music (Here's her old shitty music video) Emiry's shitty pop band recently churned out a single called 'hidamari' which means 'Kawaii But Vapid'. This autobiographical floor-filler is the first track off the album 'en lecture' which comes out May 12th 2010. Fans (read: Emiry's relations) are recommended not to purchase immidiatly, but wait for the bargain 95% sale off, due to start May 13th 2010.
Here's her shitty music video. c.cedille - hidamari. Lennon wept.
HOLY SHIT! DMCA'd!
As somewhat expected, Applemilk, being the pretentious jap fucker that she is has decided that her porn is worth claiming a DMCA to. Unsurprisingly, this has led to a number of videos depicting her fat ass being stripped off the interwebs. For great justice, mirror every video she has. In time, she will realize her mistake in the first place was being born at all. Or not. Either way, her abuse of DMCA must be used as a rape tool.
AIM and Screenshots
- Not a porn
- - Her singing Youtube.
- - Emiry as a goth, not nearly as hot as one may have thought.
- Her SUPER KAWAII moonspeak blog
- Her NEW SUPER KAWAII moonspeak blog
- Her SUPER KAWAII foru-- err, BBS
- Her SUPER KAWAII IRC Channel
- HOLY SHIT SHE'S ACTUALLY TRYING TO BE A SINGER IN JAPAN
- Her PORN DEBUT 2 minute preview
- Picture Collection and Idol Video
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|Featured article August 9, 2007|