|This article is entirely factual. |
Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.
Yahoo, an invented persona and mascot, is a search engine, website and trademark. The name was first developed when Brian Peppers squeezed a young boy's nuts and he screamed "Yahoo!" The creators of Yahoo (who were 100% redneck) decided this was a great name for a company, and they went for it. That's the real reason why it is called Yahoo. The following is a shitty reason.
Company executives chose the name "Yahoo" because it seemed warm and friendly to them. At first "Yahoo" was used to provide the simulation of a personal signature to replies to customers asking advice.
Yahoo also does not allow ED to be found in its searches. Go ahead, try it. DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
Yahoo! Chat is a free chat room service exclusively for Yahoo! Users. Yahoo! Chat rooms are typically considered paradise for assholes, cam whores, cousin fucking hillbillies, geeks, hackers, homosexuals, internet bullies, loners, losers, nerds, old people, overweight people, pedophiles, perverts, poor people, retards, trolls, ugly people, virgins and white trash. In the Yahoo! Chat rooms, you can also expect to come across several sex bots, terrorists, and on very rare occasions you might come across a normal person in the chat room. Anyone is welcome, so you may even come across a nigger (Not to be confused with a monkey).
Whenever you try to enter a chat room, you have to enter a CAPTCHA which are completely unreadable. Rarely, when you find one that is readable and you enter the code, 99% of the time it will tell you that you got it wrong. When you finally are able to get access to the chat room, you will receive a greeting message that reads "Messenger Chat Admin: Congratulations! Your account is verified and you now have access to chat rooms. [Notification: We are currently recording IP addresses of all Yahoo! Chat users.]". Messenger Chat Admin is the main bitch of the room, so do not fuck with him, he'll cut you.
Booting is commonly done in Yahoo! Chat rooms. If you don't know what booting is, it's when a typical Yahoo! Chat user kicks another user off of Yahoo! These awesome role models are known as Booters, and they are at the top of the Yahoo! Food Chain. In order to be a booter you must meet the requirements of being at least 400 pounds with a smelly penis and/or vagina.
In every chat room on Yahoo!, there are a bunch of women that have about as much of a chance of being real as you do of having a life. Despite the few actual women who go to Yahoo! Chat rooms, the rest are fake. Some of the fakes are faggots and trolls, and the rest are actually chat bots (also known as sex bots). Sex bots usually have screen names such as: alesiadetwiler978, kelli_wells711, and rachelv8ooqf6t. Their sole purpose is to get you to visit their pay-sites and fap to them immediately.
In 2008, gay sex bots were introduced to the Yahoo! Chat rooms. The gay sex bots are only found in the homosexual chat rooms, so it's highly suspected that you've already came across a few. They, similar to the female sex bots, just want you to visit their pay-sites and fap to them, while watching them fap.
In 2010, a new type of chat bot was introduced to the Yahoo! Chat rooms known as hello bots. These bots serve no purpose just like the rest of the bots, and all they do is say hello.
Some Yahoo! users decide to use alternate ways to having access to the chat rooms by downloading and using chat clients. Chat clients are only for the cool people though. Many use the clients to prevent themselves from being victims of getting booted, while others use it just so they can have a ugly little icon next to their ugly little screen name in the chat room. In order to be able to use a chat client, you must be a have no job and no life, and you MUST be a virgin.
Top 5 Yahoo! Chat Clients (notice how all their names look as if they were typed by Helen Keller)
- Coming soon.
- Coming soon.
Yahoo! Profiles (formerly known as Yahoo! 360 and Yahoo! Pulse) is a profile for Yahoo! Users. It is debatable if it even should be considered a profile at all because you can't do shit on it. Yahoo! Profiles does not allow you to have a friends list, because Yahoo! knows that none of their users even have friends. They also do not allow for you to comment on people's profiles, play games, post status updates, share photos and videos, or anything else that might be considered fun.
You can upload a photo of yourself or anything you want to your Yahoo! Profile to use as your profile picture. If you have your Facebook account linked to your Yahoo! Profile, you have the option of using your ugly ass picture that you are using on Facebook to use on your Yahoo! Profile. It is highly recommended that you create a Yahoo! Avatar though, and use that as your profile picture so others don't have to see your actual face. If you do not want to share a picture of yourself or of your Yahoo! Avatar, you have the option to use no photo.
You must provide a display name to use on your Yahoo! Profile, this could either be your real name or your nickname. You also must provide your location, some of the most common locations include: "Don't worry about it", "Home", "How the fuck should I know?", "My Parent's Basement", and "Your Mom". If you have a problem with Yahoo! forcing you to require this information, be sure to bitch, moan, and then file a complaint and take your case to the higher-ups.
Although Yahoo! loves to force their users do do things, there are surprisingly a few things that you can do on your profile that are optional. For example, you can fill out the About Me and Interest fields as well as choosing a cover image to use for your profile. But to be sure to suck the fun out of everything, Yahoo! gives you a limited amount of characters that you can use in your About Me and Interest" fields, as well as not letting you upload your own cover image, and instead, giving a limited choice of what you can use as your cover image from random horrible pictures from that stupid website Flickr.
Yahoo Mail and their CAPTCHA
Whenever you try to send mail on Yahoo, you have to enter a CAPTCHA which, much like Google's, are completely unreadable. Yahoo's at first appears readable but 99% of the time it will tell you that you got it wrong. Yahoo noticed that 100% of its support requests were complaints about their shithouse CAPTCHA so, in an epic attempt to further gyrate their users, Yahoo then implemented the same CAPTCHA system before anyone could contact Yahoo.
The solution, of course, is that Yahoo puts their fax numbers on its website. Just go ahead and use a free fax site and send Yahoo support requests by fax. They love this!
Trolls on Yahoo
Yahoo, despite being insignificant and obsolete on all levels each due to a different competitor, is not without its trolls. One particular user, Inkybob, takes great delight in harassing Christians in Yahoo groups, which makes her both edgy and hardcore. Maybe one day she'll see the same fate as another other hardcore guy.
Yahoo News, being completely unmoderated, is the perfect place for wannabe trolls to hang out. A typical discussion will feature nothing to do with the story and will instead be full of Obama haters (not kidding, these guys hate Black Jesus), Royal Family-loving Tories, fundies cracking on about Jesus, racism, xenophobia, homophobia, butthurt and generally just rednecks. If you want to insult someone on Yahoo News, here's what you can do....
- Call them a liberal
- Call Kate Middleton a useless Welfare Princess
- Say you like Obama
- Tell them Jesus was a cunt
Flooding has resulted in some rooms being closed down with flood bots for over 3 years. Evidence suggests as much as 50% of the bots on Yahoo! are due to Vincntvangogh, a botmeister, being proven ignorant during an intellectual debate by emcandela Vinc was subsequently teabagged by Morrissey.
Yahoo Messenger/Chat, also known as YaWhore, has been frequent targets of the 1337 community of Yahoo. People with way too much time on their hands develop programs that can produce epic lulz such as kicking people out of rooms, brute forcing Yahoo user names, and flooding the chat room.
2014 Data Breach
In 2014, l33t hax0rz set yahoo up the bomb, and stole the e-bikes of 500 million niggas- the biggest hax in history. The cyber pirates made out with hundreds of millions of DOX. It took the idiots at Yahoo! over 2 years to disclose the facts. The cover-up and poor handling of the event lead to several LOLsuits, and even the FBI got called in to investigate. Consequences will never be the same.
Yahoo Is Better Than You
is part of a series on Web 1.0