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Actually my real name is Maxx with two X's. My last name is Krow with a K and I can prove that.


—Christopher L Markanson, lying out his fucking asshole

XrissXrow [1], AKA Christopher L Markanson, is a stoned Criss Angel wanna-be on YouTube. Like most juggalos, he lives in his parents garage where he makes 99% of his videos. He likes to put in Marilyn Manson contacts and try to look really spooky, despite the fact that there's absolutely nothing scary about a guy that lives in a garage, unless you're his parents.

Just like cockroaches, if you see one juggalo there's probably 2 or 3 more under the baseboards. XrissXrow and his jugga-BFF CocaineTheClown make some of the gayest videos you'll ever see. Here's the type of shit this douchebag and his gang of faggots like to upload to their channels:

We're So Random

Internet Romeo

XrissXrow has stated in several places that he's "engaged" to some lucky juggalette hambeast named Kristen. Apparently when you smoke as much hookah as Xriss does, anything with a snatch looks good. Despite professing his MCL for this heifer, Xriss has still managed to make NOT ONE COUNT THEM THREE Plenty of Fish profiles.

Not only does he not mention his obese "fiance" in his Plenty of Fish profiles, but he also tries to say that he's not a total fucking pothead. Curiously, there's also no mention of his glamorous bachelors pad in his parent's garage.

I would just like to say that I do smoke hookah, BUT WAIT, its not drugs, its flavored tobacco and it is nothing like cigarettes and I have proof


—Christopher L Markanson, yeah right

It would appear this garage dwelling mamas boy has trouble meeting woman, hence the making of 3 different Plenty of Fish profiles. XrissXrow will obviously be dumping that Orca Kristen, just as soon as he hooks up with a less hogly looking cow.

Smoking Fetish

XrissXrow has some deep seeded obsession with Hookahs, so much so in fact, that this was the main reason he was exiled to his parent's garage by his mom. With over 150 videos of himself blowin smoke cock at his account TrueHookahKing, you would think that he would have the time to like, get a job, or something. Despite his exile to the garage, and his obvious oral fixation, XrissXrow claims that he's "not addicted", and gets very butthurt when people speak out against hookahs.

An Internet Tough Guy Is Born

One day some of XrissXrow decided he was going to try to make a name for himself as a internet badass. He got into a little comment war with another user, PennysGoneWild, and eventually made a video about him. In the video XrissXrow blabbered on like a real big man and asked for a war with Penny, all the while sucking on his hookah like Jabba the Hutt. Penny made a response video where he pretty much called XrissXrow out for being the little bitch that he is. XrissXrow responded by false-flagging the video down. Smelling blood in the water, Penny uploaded another video with clips of XrissXrow's own words:

XrissXrow had a shit-fit and DMCA'd the video right away. Since this was his very first DMCA, he didn't realize that he essentially just handed his dox to the guy he asked for a "war" with. After realizing this major fuck up, Xriss went into DENY FUCKING EVERYTHING mode, and left comment after comment about how he didn't flag or DMCA anything. He also tried making up some bullshit fake dox to take the place of his real ones.

When Xriss finally realizes that he just got fucked, he apologizes to Penny, denies his beach-ball "fiance", and tries to throw his friends under the bus as a sacrifice.

But anyways, I have to apologize...


—Christopher L Markanson, tried to butch up, but ended up bitching out.

Ass Beating

XrissXrow had begged for his article to be taken down, he even tried to blank it but when that failed he fabricated a story about being jumped by masked men. He claims his ass beating was the direct result of his online faggotry.

I'm pretty sure they know who I am, they probably got my information off the internet


—Christopher L Markanson, after getting jumped by some eyeshadow.


  • Did you know, that Xrow is a fucking midget IRL and is barely over 5ft?
  • He has moar hair on his chest than Big Foot and likes to brag about it.
  • Xrow spends all his time in the garage smoking instead of looking for a job.
  • Xriss likes to wear piercings on his face that light up to make him look cool.
  • Did you know, that Xriss is balding so he likes to spike up his hair in order to avoid being ridiculed for being middle aged?
  • Xrow claims to not be gay even though he clearly likes putting long, hard shaped objects near his mouth on a daily bases.
  • Did you know, that Xriss has a thing for fat chicks?
  • Xrow failed as a Juggalo so he bailed out and became a Maggot instead.

See also

External Links

YouTube Accounts

Miscellaneous Accounts

Plenty Of Fish Accounts



Myspace Accounts


Kristen his girlfriend

Female 21 years old Connecticut United States

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