Xbox 360 (more like the Xcocks 180 amirite?) also known as Shitbox Please Fixme, Ecksbawcks thweesicksty, and Ekthbokth Thweethickthty to retards, 3 Red-ring 60 and Failbox 360 to haters is the next shitty version of Microsoft's Xbox console, as well as the first video game console catering entirely to wiggers and 13 year old boys. It contends with Nintendo's Wii, Sony's Playstation 3, and the Atari 2600 with a shiny MSRP of $9,001.
The Xbox 360
is was out-selling the PS3 by 3 million units, mostly due to 360 fanbois having to buy new ones because their first 3 units RROD'd. Pretty sad considering the 360 came out a year before the PS3 did, and was a lot cheaper at that. Though the PS3 outsold the shitbox by over two-million units in 2009, four-hundred million units in 2010 and half-a-million units in 2011 globally, even preteen boys and niggers who bought their Xbox with their welfare check are getting tired of the same stale content of the shitty exclusives, annually getting rehashed and sold for $60 for a decade. But it is doing worse than the Wii, because every five-year-old girl, senior citizen, and azn bought two or three, usually just to play Wii Sports or turn their living room into a fitness center, in which most Americans just eat it all back at the local McDonalds anyways, therefore making it all redundant.
This new generation of the Ecks Bawks has had massive game sales with such titles as Cock Of Duty (the one with the most sales being MW3 with over 12 Million copies sold, which wasn't even exclusive to Xbox 360), Gears of War, and Halo Reacharound. Also, it should be noted that the Xbox 360 has a shorter life expectancy than the average African; anywhere from 99%-100% of 360 consumers have fallen victim to the infamous Brown Ring of Death and scratched discs, yet it has sold at least 100 times more games than the PS3, although it was surpassed by the Wii's quality lineup of fitness programs, Mario rehashes, and gay sumo wrestling.
Xbox 360 Hardware Failures
Xbox 360 is one of the biggest hardware failures in the history of mankind, as it was released with a poor design that makes you play against the odds when you buy one. 2 out of every 3 Xbox 360s sold will totally fail on its owner. According to Micro$oft, they have made several fixes in the ecks bawks 360. The unassuming patron will then attempt to send his 360 back to Microsoft under the 3 year warranty, only to realize that his modded system is void. This will cause him to start his life from scratch for having to get a new one (or alternatively, get B& IRL).
Even those nerds that do send their systems back to Microsoft have to wait up to a month to get a new system, forcing them to do things other than play video games, such as socially interact with other people. As a "solution," Microsoft released the Elite edition, which has some new cleverly designed internal hardware and a sleek, shiny look, but still suffers the Red Ring of Death. It also features a black, PS3 wannabe skin, which gives Microsoft even moar lulz out of their retarded customers as their 360s die.
They produced another model, much smaller than the original sex bawkz, called the XBOX 360 E, that isn't even backwards compatible. They've also removed a lot of physical features, basically forcing everyone living in the 90s to buy a flatscreen TV with HDMI output. You also lose a few USB ports, shittier power / eject controls, and an ugly design overall.
- Xbox 360: 33% failure rate
- Playstation 3: 4% failure rate
- Xbox 360: 66% failure rate
- Playstation 3: 10% failure rate
- Xbox 360: 9002% failure rate
- Playstation 3 (slim): 5% failure rate
- Every shitbox owner dies of septicemia from too much cum in the bum, amid fanfare (hopefully)
- Microsoft injects malaware in all 360 consoles, bricking the system, and forcing the users to 'upgrade' to their much inferior successor, the Xbox One.
Xbox 360 Fanboys
Xbox 360 fanboys are known for their low IQs and aggression, as opposed to PS3 Fanboys, who enjoy thinking that they have a high IQ. If one is not on IRC trolling #ps3 chans, he is probably going out of his way to make shitty montages on YouTube to show people how his shitty, unreliable console beats the others. YouTube is filled with the lousy videos and songs of 360 fanboys: see How to Kill a Brand and No Fun, by some idiots who obviously can't sing. They also like to spam PS3 videos with their idiocy, writing with as much skill as a dinosaur with a typewriter, even though PS3 fanboys also follow this mentality.
They also are obsessed with spelling words out extra long in ALL CAPS. A common quote from an Xbox 360 fanboy is, "NOOOOOOOOOO XBOOOOXXX 360 ISSS SOOOOOOOO MUUUUCCCHHH BEEEETTTTTERRRR FUUUCCCKKK PLAAYSTATIONNN THREEE. They also like to fap to Master Chief and go on about Halo 3, one of the most overrated shooters in history. Xbox Live fanboys have the overwhelming need to teabag every fucking thing in sight. They claim to have made it famous though it actually originated on Unreal Tournament.
Xbox Live bitches will inevitably cause you to want to obliterate everything with their idiocy. After all, what is worse than having some retard rocket-frag you after you have just finished beating down the highest ranking player and then whining through their mic "TeabagteabagteabagOWNEDOWNED"? And on a very special occurrence, you will see a "ps3 fanboy" online in Xbox Live every single day, yet claim that xbox sucks and they only play it because they got banned from PSN.
Xbox fanboys are also known for assaulting PS3 fanboys during discussions and later stating that the other was "tawkin' shit 'bout xbox liev," even if the person was only admitting to liking another console. They are egotistical over their precious console; even if the PS3 Fanboys were way worse, the 360 fanboys take the Cake.
Xbox 360 fanboys also buy their competition's consoles (used) and try to get their hit games in their hands as soon as possible, so they can write 1/10 reviews and put them on Gamefaqs. They also whore forums and talk about a game which as is forum tradition will just become a thread about feltch induced acne or bitching about the gaystation to subdue their own insecurities concerning the choice they made.
More recently, in contrast to the statement above, a strange occurrence among-st certain self-aware Xbox 360 fanboys, has caused them to become butthurt over the fact that they were - and still are - too poor to afford a Playstation 3. This symptom is typically only displayed for a few seconds by most 360 fanboys, after which, they will consume a generic energy drink and play moar Gaylo Reacharound.
Due to their low IQ, most shitbox fanboys are still stuck in the year 2006. They often still use the same insults from said year for both Wii and PS3, and sometimes even attack the PC out of desperation. Little do they know, it is now 2016 and they all sound like retards when using their common insults (mostly PS3 involved):
- LOLOLOL PS3 HAZ NO GAEMZ
(PS3 now has more (noticeable) exclusives than the 360)(Because shitty games like MotoGP & N3 don't count, when it comes to inFamous & Uncharted)
- WII IS FOR KIDDIEZ AND GAYLORDS OLOLOL
(Which is 99.9% of the kind of people who play Halo)
- 599 US DOLLARZ PS3 SUXZORZ
(PS3(slim) is now literally the same price as the 360(slim)
- U HAV TO ACTUALLY MOVE TO PLAY THE WII THATS GAY ROFL
(The 360 now has Kinect, where you literally use your entire body to play)
- PSN WAS HAXZORS CUZ ITS FREE AND NO SECURITY OLOLOL
(Security is superb on Xbox Live, and let's not forget how you were able to steal Game On Demand games on XBL, top notch security)
- XBOX IS OUTSELLING EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY PEEPEE3, XBOX NUMBUH ONNNEEEEE11!11!!!1
When two Xbox 360 Players meet, they communicate like apes fighting over a trough of food. Just look:
- Player1: Hey man, that was a good game that we just played! Say, what version of the console do you have?
- Player2: Oh, me? I have the Xbox 360 slim kinetic bundle pack. I got it for Christmas.
- Player1:LOL, you mean the 4GB model!? That thing only starts out with 4GB! You must be a softcore gamer, because Hardcore gamers like me get a lot of space for our games! Or are you just poor?
- Player2: Oh, I'm so sorry I don't want to dish out an extra $500 just so I can have room to buy DLC for a game that will just be replaced within four months. Besides, I can just get extra storage later if it is really necessary. And what would I use 250 Fucking Gigabytes for? Another rehashed game of COD? No thanks, I'd rather use my hard-earned money for something better than staring at a screen shooting Russians and Nazis in the face for six days.
- Player1: Great comeback, n00b. Whatever.... I'LL PHUCKING HACK U NOOB!!!!!11!!!one!!!
- Both players: FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER x9001
Why call it the 360?
There are many theories as to why Microsoft decided to call it the 360 instead of just Xbox 2.
Some would have you think that it is because they thought Xbox 2 would sound inferior to Playstation 3, Sony's upcoming game console. Of course, this is Microshaft we're talking about, so we're not going to give them that much credit. Instead, we'll say that this was their attempt at ripping off the name of Nintendo's new system, then codenamed the 'Revolution'. How craptacular of you, Bill Gates. A related theory is that the '360' is meant to imply that the device is a 'revolution' in console gaming. This is very likely, as only pussy-starved nerds like Bill Gates could equate safe, comfortable video games with ZOMG COOL BURNING DEATH CHE GUEVARRA LULZ.
However, a rapidly growing theory is that it took Bill Gates 359 prototypes to get it right.
And yet another theory is that its called 360 because they wanted to turn the original Xbox's shitiness around 360 degrees... or 180 degrees... or whatever... meaning they knew the flaws of the Xbox but did nothing to fix them in any way.
Another possibility is that it's named the 360 because you can't run away from your problems.
And still, yet another theory exists; this one is probably the most popular of the bunch. The complex thought process of this theory can be easily summed up in the following lines:
—Oh, snap! Own3d!
—Chris-Chan being a typical fanboy, recording himself fucking his PS3.
There are two sides to the debate surrounding this theory, based on the individual's reaction to the above hypothesis. Party one, composed of retards and trolls, believes this to be both a reasonable assumption and a great insult to 360 fanboys. The other party contests that turning 360 degrees would leave you still facing the console, and that the correct rotation is actually 180 degrees. This side of the argument is composed of intelligent individuals and those too stupid to realize they've been trolled.
This unassailable argument has become something of a meme on the internet (and a very annoying one at that), most notably on 4chan, the home of irritating, retarded memes. It started on 4chan's videogame board, but soon spread like a California wildfire to other boards. Experts are still unable to determine if the original post was made by a fucking moron or a clever troll. All that is known, is that people continue to post this message in hopes of stirring up drama; even months after the meme has gone out of style.
There are many amusing responses and counters to this trolling attempt. For instance, it is never stated that the viewing party cannot "moonwalk" away from the console. So, "When you see it, you'll turn 360 degrees and moonwalk away." It is also never stated whether you were directly facing the console when you saw it, or whether you happened to catch a glimpse out of you peripheral vision. A couple alterations include:
- "Why do they call it the PS3? Because when you see it, you'll turn 3 degrees and walk slightly askew."
- "Why do they call it the Atari 2600? Because when you see it, you'll turn 2600 degrees, be extremely dizzy, and possibly vomit."
- "Why do they call it the Wii? perhaps when you see it you piss on it and walk in the same direction over it"
- "why do they call it the sega dreamcast? cause youre stuck in the past, faggot!"
- "why do they call it the Xbox One? because you take one look at it and walk away."
As well as any other devastatingly witty variations you can think up. Of course, the most effective response when faced with this situation is to simply call the OP a faggot, turn 360 degrees, and walk away from your computer.
FREE XBOX GAEMS
Since the dawn of time kids have been complaining about how they don't want to pay for games and want everything for free. And then a miracle exploit was found in the xbox 360 system and they called it Non Jtag. This method needs an USB, atleast 8 gib because then your penis will get bigger.
- Just tap sign in into the modded profile and tap Y
- A "create a new profile" pop up will appear.
- Press the guide button. (Xbox Dashboard button you retard.)
- Launch the game through game library.
- A pop up will inform you that this profile is not valid.
- Press sign in. And sign in to your modded profile.
- Tap Y while it is signing in.
- Voila, you have bypassed the security.
- Sign out out of the modded profile and log into your profile.
When you get on XBox Live you have the option to buy old and indie games through the XBL Marketplace. However, nobody wants to pay for them since you can get most of them OTI for free through emulation and torrents. Also, the controller is shitty for 2D games, but gamers will do anything for achievement points. This is done in their attempt to get a bigger e-penis, but they don't know that it only helps to tell the world how much life they don't have.
Xbox Live Arcade was called on Arab a deliberate scam. Police Officials investigated why Microsoft was cashin in on so much Dubbie. Police can confirm that MS was indeed selling shitloads of XBLA titles that many of their Retarded customers owned! Making 800 MSP off each sale, Police were suspicious that MS had recently bought Cuba and started growing Acres and Acres of Marijuana fields.
Why it r0x0rz
The 360 is somewhat compatible with the original Xbox (if you either spend the extra $150 on the '1337 edition or buy the hard drive separately). It can also play games wirelessly OTI like both the other consoles. Assuming, that is, you have one of the ones with (or you have) acquired a hard drive. Then just buy the $99 Microsoft wireless adapter. Oh, then pay $60 a year for live GOLD to access the multiplayer feature on the game you already bought, on the system you already own, over the internet connection you already pay for. It overheats if you look at it funny, meaning you can use it as a space heater or toaster oven in a pinch. It also uses enough power to light New York for a month. If you touch it while it's on, it will gouge holes in your disk, which is cool if you're like trying to ruin that furry watersports DVD you bought while you were drunk. And, like, they totally have gaylo for it, hai guys?
It makes up for lack of features and backwards compatibility by looking super awesome (like a Mac). Microsoft realized that Apple had been getting away with selling shitty hardware for years by making it sleek and shiny and copied the secret viral transparent beveled button theme.
Additionally, the Xbox 360 can pour coffee and make its own gravy, even though the official website claims it doesn't.
lol Xbox is small
Responding to complaints that the original Xbox was the size of an average planetary system, Microsoft engineered their new Xbox to appear svelte, slim and shiny.
Then they gave it a power supply roughly the size of Jupiter; good work Bill! This power supply has caused much lulz, in that it gets incredibly hot, melts CDs and stops functioning. This has caused a great deal of distress among-st Xbox fanboys everywhere.
These advancements have made manufacturing difficult, leading to a shortage of the Xbox 360. In fact, the only ones manufactured were intended for Bill Gates' adopted children, but the truck was hijacked by angry gamers en route to Washington. When they found that the rumored Fable: Yaoi Edition was not on board, the truck was diverted to Best Buys across the country, and no units have been manufactured since.
xbox360 is fucking shit as is the ps3 wii and hell get off your fat ass and do something
well for a start you can smash you up xbox3shitty andd then maybe meet some girls (of course you're way too fucking ugly for that to ever happen. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. This will never happen.
On November 19, 2008, — a day that will forever live in infamy - Microsoft released NXE, a mandatory patch that somehow managed to instantly transform Xboxes around the world into already steaming piles of fail. The interface that fags worldwide had come to know and fanboy over had been replaced by a maze of vague menus, more advertisements than prime-time television, and a shitty Mii avatar knockoff.
On August 11, 2009, A new update came out for the gay box 360 that now let's you buy shitty overpriced clothes and toys for your mii knockoff. Thus turning your Xbox dashboard into a watered down version of The Sims except you're using IRL money for this worthless crap. Whether lighting things on fire, pissing blue liquid, or having gay sex with other avatars are in the works for a future update is unknown at this point. However there are rumors of a hub-world in the works, similar to Playstation Home, causing Playstation fanboys to shit dicks.
Xbox 360 Slim
Microsoft demonstrates the Xbox 360 Slim's DVD repair feature. Also if your Xbox 360 Slim gets the "green ring of death" (which you shouldn't because well,you shouldn't be shaking it ) and its over a year old Microsoft WILL repair it for free since they changed the warranty back to a year for the Slim ( shit ). Also,when somebody has a slim that is a 4GB,then shake it and hear the disk break and watch lulz ensure
Some mad gay shit right here and ripoff of the EyeToy. It's going to suck. Everybody knows that console add-ons suck; ask SEGA. These fanboys obviously fall into the hole and buy another shitty console not knowing they are getting ripped off.
Now called "kinect" and
still nobody cares it lets Microsoft watch you play XBox 360 naked! (Of course they didn't want you to know that. They also didn't want you to see this document and got DCMA invovled to take down a website that blow the whistle on them.) It even costs more than Playstation move however with Kinect that extra money you are paying for is invisible controllers. Plus more money for nothing important
Microsoft changed the TOS of the Xbox 360 in late October which allows them to use any(all) information the Kinect gathers when you use it for their own purpose to sell your information to make money. So if you decided to play the latest Call of Duty game naked, remember to unplug the Kinect if you decided to waste $150 on that piece of shit.
THE SHIT HITS THE FAN
Back in 2013, a lot of details came out about microcuck's sequel to the 360; such as how it will require kinect to function, said kinect will always spy on you, focus on being a TV box instead of a console, its marketplace will function separately from the 360's (meaning that you have to buy all your shit all over again), detect how many people are playing or watching the XBONE (and charge you more fees if too many people watch), and run games at 15-25 fps. All of this, for $499! ($100 more than the PS4 cost at launch). Microsoft also fails at naming their system. The console is literally called the Xbox One, which would imply that it was the first Xbox around; not the 3rd.
2016 Update: The console is dying as sales are low. Justice, bitch.
Death of 360
Due to said poor sales for the XBONE, Cucksoft have decided to shut down all production for the Xbox 360 console, essentially killing it off. Within a few years, 360s will stop being sold in stores as the supply will be completely pwn'd. This literally retarded decision was made in an attempt to force people to buy the xbone, but will only serve in driving away 90% of these customers to the PS4. The 10% are rabid fanboys from The South who would publicly perform Fellatio on all of the leaders of microsoft. So totally Not gay.
“Thanks to the Xbox 360, we evolved Xbox Live from the original Xbox into the thriving online gaming community it is today... And the console became a beloved gaming and entertainment hub with over 78 billion gaming hours played, nearly 486 billion Gamerscore on 27 billion achievements and over 25 billion hours spent in apps over its lifetime.”
Buy the Xbox360 instead
(while they still last)
Other updates include
- Buying full priced games online (which is a terrible idea since you will never have enough disk space to store more than five games). You will also need to always be connected to Live if you want to play the games that you paid for.
- Watching Netflix with your "friends" online, which is more expensive than just finding a movie on one of the many many many many MANY movie streaming sites on the internet.
- A rating system which can easily be exploited by rating everything as 1 star and games that have barely showed any gameplay will be rated 5 stars because they are made by bungie or have the words "call of duty" in them.
- You can open the disc drive from the dashboard now, since you can't be bothered to get off your fat ass and push the eject button on the console. It's still utterly pointless since you still have to get up and change the discs from the tray.
- The most recent update completely b& all 3rd party memory units, as their superior memory capacity was giving Microsoft penis envy. Oh, [and Microsoft will make dickloads of money by forcing people to buy only their shitty memory units.
- And finally a Facebook/Twitter add-on because that shit has to be everywhere!
- Apparently the most recent update in November 2010 has bricked some consoles, even though they weren't modded either via chip or software.
- The newly released 'slim' system removes all compatibility for X-Box 1.0 games, including those that were bought online on the XBLA online store. Once again, M$ fucks the customer over.
- With the latest update, you can now 'install' games to the hard drive. This is pointless because you still need the disc inside the drive, which still spins.
TL;DR, the update made the Assbox Three-Shitty just as shitty as it was before, if not more so.
Xbox 360 Galleries
- Xbox - The predecessor
- Xbox One - The successor
- Xbox Live - Required to play multiplayer.
- 360 Kid
- PlayStation 3 - A better console
- Brandon Crisp
- Epic lulz
- Gaylo 3 - Most popular 360 game
- Gayble Jew amirite? - We've an article on this one too
- Queers of Whore - A shitty series made for 13 year old boys
- Smash My Xbox.com
- Teh guys who care have some detailed numbers.
- The song
- The site 360 fanboys don't want everyone to see, the proof that even the 3DS is in higher demand now.
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