Wikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

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If you wish to be come an E-Doctor, you cannot find a better place to go and study than Wikipedia. Literally thousands of ailments have been diagnosed and hundreds of lives have been saved by the average moron looking up afflictions on TOW's pages. Below you will find some of the more legendary diseases, totally disgusting symptoms, and their utterly horrific descriptions taken directly from the fantastic editors of Wikipedia...

Found on Diphallia

  • Diphallia, penile duplication (PD), diphallic terata, or diphallasparatus, is a medical condition in which a male infant is born with two penises. This is an extremely rare disorder with only approximately 1,000 cases of diphallia recorded since the first, reported by Johannes Jacob Wecker in 1609. Its occurrence is one in five and a half million men in the United States.
  • When diphallia is present, it is usually accompanied by other congenital anomalies such as renal, vertebral, hindgut or anorectal duplication. There is also a higher risk of spina bifida. Infants born with PD and its related conditions have a higher death rate from various infections associated with their more complex renal or colorectal systems.
  • Those in possession of a diphallus tend to be sterile, due to either congenital defects or difficulties in application.
  • Urine may be passed by both penises, by only one, or through some other aperture in the perineum.
  • A range of duplication types have been seen, ranging from organs that fissure into two, to the presence of two distinct penises positioned at some distance from each other.
  • Most diphalluses lie side by side and are of equal size, but they can be seated atop one another, with one distinctly larger than the other.

And for extra lulz, there's a guy on Reddit with two dicks.

Found on Harlequin Ichthyosis

Info non-talk.png Further information can be found on Harlequin Ichthyosis Fetus.
"I went to see a most deplorable object of a child..."
  • "On Thursday, April 5, 1684, I went to see a most deplorable object of a child, born the night before of one Mary Evans in 'Chas'town. It was surprising to all who beheld it, and I scarcely know how to describe it. The skin was dry and hard and seemed to be cracked in many places, somewhat resembling the scales of a fish. The mouth was large and round and open. It had no external nose, but two holes where the nose should have been. The eyes appeared to be lumps of coagulated blood, turned out, about the bigness of a plum, ghastly to behold. It had no external ears, but holes where the ears should be. The hands and feet appeared to be swollen, were cramped up and felt quite hard. The back part of the head was much open. It made a strange kind of noise, very low, which I cannot describe. It lived about forty-eight hours and was alive when I saw it."

Wikipedia also feels the need to document the names of living sufferers of this disease in case somebody wants get in touch with them...

  • Nusrit "Nelly" Shaheen (born 1984) is the oldest survivor with the condition in the U.K. She is one of eight children, four of whom also suffered from the condition and died as young children. Nelly lives an active lifestyle and is studying sports coaching and leadership at Hereward College. She hopes to teach the course in the future.

Found on Tape Worm

  • Many tapeworms have a two-phase life cycle with two types of host. The adult Taenia saginata, for example lives in the gut of a primate such as a human. Proglottids leave the body through the anus and fall onto the ground, where they may be eaten with grass by animals such as cows. In the cow's body the juvenile forms migrate and establish themselves as cysts in body tissues such as muscles, rather than the gut; they cause more damage to this host than the intestinal form to its host. The parasite completes its life cycle when the grass-eater is eaten by a compatible carnivore—possibly a human with a preference for rare meat—in whose gut the adult Taenia establishes itself. While being treated for certain tapeworm infections, you can reinfect yourself by ingesting tapeworm eggs shed by the adult worm into your stool.

Found on Brown Recluse Spider

  • A minority of brown recluse spider bites
    Brown r1.jpg
    form a necrotizing ulcer that destroys soft tissue and may take months to heal, leaving deep scars. The damaged tissue will become gangrenous and eventually slough away. The initial bite frequently cannot be felt and there may be no pain, but over time the wound may grow to as large as 25 cm (10 inches) in extreme cases. Bites usually become painful and itchy within two to eight hours; pain and other local effects worsen 12 to 36 hours after the bite with the necrosis developing over the next few days.

Found on Grover's Disease

Grover's Disease...where your own sweat is toxic!
  • Grover's Disease often starts quite suddenly. It results in very itchy spots on the central back, mid chest and occasionally elsewhere. Frequently, it follows sweating or some unexpected heat stress.
  • Symptoms of Grover's Disease are characterized by an itchy eruption that may last an average of ten to twelve months. It is characterized by papules and papulovesicles with excoriations occurring on the chest, back, lower sternum, arms, and thighs. Grover's Disease is mainly seen in males over the age of forty and the papules are found on the mid chest most often.
  • Sometimes the features of Grover's are found in people who do not itch or have a conspicuous rash. Most of the people with Grover's who visit a dermatologist, however, itch a lot.

Found on Morgellons

The main symptom of Morgellons is "a fixed belief that fibers that are embedded or extruding from the skin". The Morgellons Research Foundation says there may be additional symptoms like:

  • Formication, the sensation of insects "crawling, stinging or biting on or under the skin"
  • Rashes or sores that persist
  • Pain, resembling fibromyalgia
  • Disabling fatigue
  • Cognitive problems
  • Morgellons patients usually self-diagnose on the Internet and find support and confirmation in online communities of people with similar illness beliefs. In 2006, Waddell and Burke reported the influence of the Internet on their self-diagnosed Morgellons patients: "physicians are becoming more and more challenged by the many persons who attempt self-diagnosis online. In many cases, these attempts are well-intentioned, yet wrong, and a patient's belief in some of these oftentimes unscientific sites online may preclude their trust in the evidence-based approaches and treatment recommendations of their physician."
  • Dermatologist Caroline Koblenzer specifically faults the MRF website for misleading patients: "Clearly, as more and more of our patients discover this site (MRF), there will be an ever greater waste of valuable time and resources on fruitless research into fibers, fluffs, irrelevant bacteria, and innocuous worms and insects."
  • The Dallas Observer writes that Morgellons may be spread via the Internet and mass media, and "(i)f this is the case, then Morgellons is one in a long line of weird diseases that have swept through populations, only to disappear without a trace once public concern subsides."

Found on Porphyria

  • Porphyrias are a group of inherited or acquired disorders of certain enzymes in the heme biosynthetic pathway (also called porphyrin pathway). The term derives from the Greek πορφύρα, porphyra, meaning "purple pigment". The name is likely to have been a reference to the purple discoloration of feces and urine in patients during an attack.
  • In some forms of Porphyria, accumulated heme precursors excreted in the urine may cause various changes in color, after exposure to sunlight, to a dark reddish or dark brown color. Even a purple hue or red urine may be seen.

Found on Fibrodysplasia

Another ailment for the traveling freak show that is Wikipedia...

Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva (FOP) is an extremely rare disease of the connective tissue. A mutation of the body's repair mechanism causes fibrous tissue (including muscle, tendon, and ligament) to be ossified (turn into bone) when damaged. In many cases, injuries can cause joints to become permanently frozen in place. Surgical removal of the extra bone growths has been shown to cause the body to "repair" the affected area with more bone.

Found on Trimethylaminuria (Fish Odor Syndrome)

  • Trimethylamine builds up in the body of patients with trimethylaminuria. The trimethylamine gets released in the person's sweat, urine, reproductive fluids, and breath, giving off a strong fishy odor. Some people with trimethylaminuria have a strong odor all the time, but most have a moderate smell that varies in intensity over time. Individuals with this condition do not have any physical symptoms, and typically appear healthy.
  • The condition seems to be more common in women than men, but scientists don't know why. Scientists suspect that female sex hormones, such as progesterone and/or estrogen, aggravate symptoms.

Found on Urticaria and Pruritus

  • Aquagenic urticaria, also known as water urticaria and aquagenous urticaria, is an extremely rare form of physical urticaria. It is sometimes described as an allergy, although it is not a histamine releasing allergic reaction like other forms of urticaria; it is more a hypersensitivity to the ions found in non-distilled water. In affected persons, water on the skin causes hives to appear within fifteen minutes and last for up to two hours.
  • Symptoms may be felt immediately after contact with water or humid air and can persist for an hour or longer. Other triggers may be sweat, blowing air, temperature differences, changing clothes, contact with synthetic fibers, and lying down to try to sleep. This condition may persist for years.

Found on Lyme Disease

Wikipedia reports that Allen Steere receives death threats due to his stance on Lyme Disease...and then publishes his address for any potential stalker.
  • In 2001, the New York Times Magazine reported that Allen Steere, Chief of Immunology and Rheumatology at Tufts Medical Center and a codiscoverer and leading expert on Lyme Disease, had been harassed, stalked, and threatened by patients and patient advocacy groups angry at his refusal to substantiate their diagnoses of "chronic" Lyme Disease and endorse long-term antibiotic therapy. Because this intimidation included death threats, Steere was assigned security guards. Paul G. Auwaerter, director of infectious disease at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, cited the political controversy and high emotions as contributing to a "poisonous atmosphere" around Lyme Disease, which he believes has led to doctors trying to avoid having Lyme patients in their practice.

Found on Borderline Personality Disorder

Feminists argue that BPD is demeaning to women, or is it just another case of Bitchy Women Syndrome?
  • As with other mental disorders, the causes of BPD are complex and unknown. One finding is a history of childhood trauma (possibly child sexual abuse), although researchers have suggested diverse possible causes, such as a genetic predisposition, neurobiological factors, environmental factors, or brain abnormalities. The prevalence of BPD in the United States has been calculated as one to three percent of the adult population, with approximately 75 percent of those diagnosed being female.
  • The diagnosis of BPD has been criticized from a feminist perspective, This is because some of the diagnostic criteria/symptoms of the disorder uphold common gender stereotypes about woman. For example, the criteria of "a pattern of unstable personal relationships, unstable self-image, and instability of mood", can all be linked to the stereotype that woman are, "neither decisive nor constant."
  • Because of the above concerns, and because of a move away from the original theoretical basis for the term (see history), there is ongoing debate about renaming BPD. Alternative suggestions for names include Emotional regulation disorder or Emotional dysregulation disorder. Impulse disorder and Interpersonal regulatory disorder are other valid alternatives.

Invent your own diseases as a fuckin excuse

  • Chronic farting disorder (CFD or you're passing gas all the time, anywhere, anytime).
  • Repetitive Lying personality (liar, liar, pants on...whoa! heh heh heh. It hurts).
  • Unabilities (they are now considered a disability by US federal law, thanks Clinton).
  • Add yours here.
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