Unrealistic expectations

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The heartwarming classic about a dumbass 9-year old learning about life in a cemetery from a semen-stained railroad hobo. He unrealistically expected not to get raped and killed.

Unrealistic expectations are what everyone but you would call your life goals, aspierations, and dreams. Unrealistic expectations can occur on a smaller scale; examples include forced memes, Anonymous raids and your dreams of dating Boxxy.

While unrealistic expectations have always been problematic for everyone but you, with the discovery of the Internets, the world now exists in a state where one is forced to constantly confront those suffering from Unwarranted Self-Importance, including bloggers, website owners, social networking site users, and people who think that shitting out a couple acoustic guitar covers on YouTube will cause them to be "discovered".

Pretty much all of DeviantART can be summed up by this article. Use it to troll.

Or summed up as:

Delusions of grandeur prevent honest discussion of problems.

Unrealistic Expectations of Bloggers

Srsly, you do

It is fact that old media is dead and the only way to make money as a writer is to create a blog about fatty food, skinny people or image macros involving both a picture of an animal and text in the Impact font. The main income of a blogger is ad revenue, usually at about a few cents per click. Blogging is becoming a popular career choice for many individuals, including recent university journalism graduates, elderly newspaper columnists, hipsters, homosexuals, feminazis, and career alcoholics.

Bloggers are perhaps the #1 victims of unrealistic expectations, often resulting in side effects most commonly including Unwarranted Self-Importance and massive faggotry. Bloggers considered to be a success are most deeply afflicted. Bloggers believe that what they have to say is smart, intelligent, and most importantly something that everyone should hear about.

Bloggers suffering from unrealistic expectations include pretty much everyone with a blog.

Unrealistic Expectations in Social Networking

The main unrealistic expectation is obvious; the belief that your friends list is really a list of your friends. Other unrealistic expectations include:

  • Belief that you are attractive (you're not).
  • Believing that internet disease pic is accurate.
  • Believing there's anything remotely 'social' about being hunched double over the profile picture of your ex looking really fucking happy without you, running your sweaty hand down the LCD, and covering yourself in tears and semen
  • Believing you're actually gonna do any 'networking' when in reality you are hunched double over the profile picture of your ex, covering yourself in sweat and semen.. and you've been shaking it for a while now, at least 15 minutes, so your cat has probably wandered in and clocked your enormous red tear streaked face by now, so he knows... and he's fucking disgusted at you.
  • Believing that there is such thing as a "MySpace tracker".
  • Believing that your ex-gf will add you as a friend again someday. DISREGARD THAT. You've never even had a girlfriend.
  • Having the delusion that just because you're a scene kid and you shave your eyebrows off, have bright coloured hair, act like a pretentious asshole, make shitty electronic music and wear clown-level amounts of makeup that you're going to be gay enough to be the next Gay God, Jeffree Star or Kiki Kannibal
  • Transferring any of your online 'friends' and 'witticisms' into any social situation IRL anywhere, ever.

Unrealistic Expectations of Tartlets

Spot Makhan's unrealistic expectation.

So you've just spent the last week not working or doing your school work so you can finish that MS paint picture of Sonic the Hedgehog fucking Harry Potter while eating out Hermoine's pussy. You win the prize.

DevianTartlets believe that by posting their half-assed untalented Instagram camera flare shots, they'll be OMG discovered and get lots of hookers and blow. But none of them have. DevianTARTlets also believe by having five thousand comments of "OMG UR ART IS SO KAWAIIii ^________^ DESU NE", that they have become accomplished artists and one day might move to Japan and become a famous manga artist. Others believe that using deviantART to "advertise" their art is a ticket to gaining internet fame and scoring a good internet-based job.

People like Snapesnogger and Ryoukitten have found out the hard way that drawing preggo nagas doesn't necessarily translate into great art, while other people like Crystal-For-Ever continue to live an existence where because they have over 9000 blind, eyeless fans, they honestly believe they are the shit, when in fact, they are nothing BUT shit. This also leads people such as her to believe that they will somehow mass-produce a comic that will sell at least 100 copies and become rich and famous and ride into the fucking sunset.

Immediate treatment is recommended for these individuals, and those suffering similarly.

Unrealistic Expectations in Online Relationships

Your online date may not "measure up" to your expectations.

Teh intarwebs can be great for dating, but you fail at it if you really think you're dating Naruto/Harry Potter/Sonic the Hedgehog. What makes matters worse is when you start to fall in love with the person playing a specific child's cartoon character.

The sad reality is that, although you may be talking with a voluptuous vixen with size EEE boobs and a vagina that just won't quit, you're more than likely talking to either Chris Hansen or Brian Peppers. Srsly.

And for the gays: remember that they call them AOL inches for a reason.

Other unrealistic expectations involve the unholy lol of terror, the infamous, and much-feared long-distance online relationship. Common amongst young gays, furries and the Renaissance fair set, this involves unhealthy over-ideation on the part of both parties, and only ends with amazingly predictable heartache, tears, and dozens of e-friends signing off in the middle of an emo breakdown conversation.

In no case has a long-distance online relationship led to happiness, unless happiness is classified as not having to do heavy shit like cuddle, talk, and look it in the face after you've ejaculated, when every cell in your body is screaming GTFO... yet in spite of these impossible odds, many continue to pad onward to their certain doom, likely due to the emotional abyss which leads to certain basement dwelling death.

Unrealistic Expectations on YouTube

Lowered expectations would probably make your life a bit easier

Under no circumstances should you expect any of the following to happen:

  • To find videos that are even remotely worthy of your time and attention.
  • To find more than two low-quality porn videos amongst the other crap on the Todays Most Recent videos pages.
  • To find anything but pageview-spammed adverts and TV clips on the Todays Most Viewed videos pages.
  • To find anything but whiney vloggers and their whiney comment-spamming friends on the Todays Most Discussed Videos pages.
  • Anyone to give a shit about what is on the other "Most" pages.
  • To be able to make videos that will be even remotely worthy of someone else's time and attention.
  • To be able to reach the Top 100 most subscribed user list without being put there by a YouTube Staff member.
  • To be able to obtain the help of a YouTube Staff member (eg. to get featured or placed on the signup_invite page) without sucking the cock of someone else who has already got their teeth on the teat of a YouTube Staff member.
  • To be made a non paying YouTube Partner unless:
    • The YouTube Staff have already placed you in the Top 100 most subscribed user list
    • You are a "favorite" of a YouTube Staff member
    • You are advertising some sort of business from your YouTube account (and will therefore behave)
    • You have threatened at least once to leave YouTube forever
    • You have the home phone number of a YouTube Staff member (and have threatened at least once to give it out)
  • To win a video-making contest on YouTube. They are all rigged Rigged! No exceptions. All of them. (Note that this has been proven false by Monoclancer--you just need to bullshit your way through the whole thing.)
  • A contest where you have to subscribe to enter to be anything other than a scam.
  • Any bet that you win to be honored.
  • Anyone to be telling the truth, especially not YouTube Partners.
  • The private stripper video you made for your boyfriend to remain private for very long.
  • Anyone to give a damn about your naked ass being copyright.
  • YouTube to care when someone edits your video to make it look like you raped your grandmother (it will probably be the most popular video you ever appear in, so just go with it).
  • The "Community Advocate" to say anything other than
    • "We are looking into it"
    • "You should contact support"
    • "It is really not my job"
    • "We have just... [claims credit for something he was not part of]"
    • "Keep smilin' sucker"
  • That deleting the video of an alcohol-fueled rant you made about your ex-wife will stop it being reposted on YouTube for your daughter to see.
  • That you can get a little bit of attention by causing a little bit of drama without getting your ass handed to you by a thousand no-life losers trying to ease their own pain by tearing your fuckin' life apart.
  • Anyone to care when you leave YouTube.
  • Anyone to remember you when you come back.
  • To be able to edit your video's title and description when you make a spelling error. No, seriously.

In practice

Unrealistic Expectations on TOW

Wikipedia is notable for being full of unrealistic expectations; due to bias, misinformation and social engineering. It's unclear who to blame. Nevertheless, most point the finger at Jimbo Wales. While "keeping it unreal"; most Wikipedos enjoy developing articles on celebrities, and deleting unlicensed pictures FTW (ie Ichormosquito [1]). This process is recycled daily with the idea that some day the contributor (or user) will become an admin or ultimately an all powerful wiki-revisionist.

Unrealistic Expectations on Education

High School

If you're in junior class, but bored of dating the same women as last year, go for the little freshman - if you're under 18, enjoy it while you can, she's legal anyways! Problem solved. YAY!

Dating is difficult in high school, especially if you have not discovered Proactiv and/or smell like sewage. Lower your expectations and shoot for someone younger than you. Better yet try one of these chicks. Remember, in high school, you're both underage!

High School is one of the best treatments for Unrealistic Expectations, until someone suggests you go to college. You study for hours and pay hundreds of dollars to get a high score on the SATs, only to notice that you have wasted your time on an easy ass standardized test. But that was just a footnote. Wait until you get to college...


I'm certain with an intro like that, employers will be swarming for the chance to see this person's resume and cover letter.

After college, philosophy and English majors alike go out into the real world, all expecting to get six figure jobs or save the world.

The unfortunate reality for them is that neither will happen. In fact, most are likely to get an assistant manager position at McDonald's. The result of this reality creates three options for new college graduates: either accept the fact that you will be stuck in a dead end job for years despite having moar than $50,000 in college loans to pay off, and hopefully get a decent job after working as an overworked secretary at a rundown cash loans office, drop a few hundred thousand dollars to go to some sort of post-graduate school, or become an hero.

An internets example is Lj-favicon.png ragnarok20, seen exhibiting his perceived smartness here. What he fails to realize however, is that arguing on the internet FOR UR RITE TO PARTAY and studying philosophy in between 12 hour power sessions of Halo leads to the graveyard shift at McDonalds.

Because 20 year olds know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING amirite?

The essential truth of the matter is that all those people who spend all their time studying difficult, in-demand technical subjects have quite reasonable expectations that someone wants to pay them decent money to, say, manage a multi-tiered corporate network.

However, many quite naively believed that there is a magical job market for people with liberal arts degrees to do whatever they did in the process to get their liberal arts degrees -- this form of unrealistic expectations results from sheer laziness, and often leads to bitterly believing that Mexicans are stealing the jobs you so rightfully deserve.

Graduate School

Graduate school contains two types of people: people who think that getting a graduate degree automatically qualifies them for an amazing job, or people who have been in the workforce for a while and need the degree in order for a raise/better job. This section focuses on the first group.

People who failed in college, by wasting their parents' money on numerous associate's degrees in philosophy think that by getting a master's in philosophy, they'll somehow be better off. And sure, they enjoy being in school so they can talk about the political ramifications that Machiavelli has on the post-modernist theories of neoconservatism - all for the low, low price $40,000 a year. However, after they graduate and they're finally away from the sacred halls of so-called academia, they realize that the past 2-4 years have all been a waste and that their time would have been much better spent at medical school.

An Illustrated Guide to Graduate School


See also James Holmes.

Unrealistic Expectations on Encyclopedia Dramatica

Banned for faggotry: you won't get away with it.

See Also

My expectations: the human race fails to meet them
Featured article December 1, 2009
Preceded by
Unrealistic expectations Succeeded by
Featured article August 29 & 30, 2012
Preceded by
Unrealistic expectations Succeeded by