UK Lootfest 2011

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State of emergency.
Yeah, it's pretty much like that.
A brotha makes us proud.

On Thursday 4 August 2011, a candyman by the name of Mark Duggan was shot dead by police in Tottenham, London. This police brutality was met with outrage by his friends and family and whole load of other angry black guys, as well as other Tottenham residents, who were disgusted at having a brother shot by a whitey and having their crack supply cut. They then held a peaceful demonstration outside Tottenham police station in response. Peaceful, that is, for about 5 minutes before the crack deprived junkies that comprise the residents of Tottenham began to have other ideas as to how to get their message across, ideas like, "I could do with some new Reeboks, innit?" and, "Let's burn the fackin' rub-a-dub!".

This lulzy "rioting" quickly spread around London, and then finally after a few days of this shit and niggers rampaging around the city (yes, a few days of this shit) spread to other cities, resulting in such tragedies as Allied Carpets being burned to the ground, Claire's Accessories being broken into and PM David Cameron having to cut his holiday short.

Relevant videos

British woman overracting to some fag getting his packed lunch nicked.

This gentleman points out the full extent of the devastation.
Scotland Yard swings into action.

The Planning Stages

I look over there and there's Blacks... The... err... retail outlet, getting broken into...


—BBC News live reporter, surveying the scene.

Word of the riot spread through Blackberry Messenger, with those not on the network heading out to loot the phones and get involved. Actually not a bad move, since the number of people it went through makes it difficult to trace, and since police are watching Twitter, etc. for updates, they get misdirected by false tweets. Although, not everyone is that smart.


"The sun never sets on the British Empire."

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Allied Carpets was a friend to us all. But we may take solace in the fact that, in typical British style, rioters queued to loot it before they burned it down. Their business has been hit hard: the store re-opened with its selection narrowed to just shades of black and brown.

Franchises of McDonalds and Subway were broken into. After hours. Looters broke into these "restaurants" and had to cook their own food. Judging by the kind of people rioting, we can safely confirm that none of the fires started were accidentally caused by inexperienced fast food cooks.

The bystanders to the riot were also affected. Besides the ones whose flats were burned down and all the shit-scared London-centric middle class white people, we saw something that is rare and inspiring in this world, a unique case indeed: a nigger whose first thought wasn't theft:

Best of all, the riots might even cost London the 2012 Olympics, although throwing bricks through windows and running from the riot vans should make good practice for several of the events.

Goin' Apeshit

There has been much speculation into the real catalyst to these events. Plan B made a music video that was inspired by the riots. Won't somebody please think of the children?!

Police Action

A law abiding citizen doing it right by actually fighting the scum and not just cleaning up the mess afterwards like a faggot.

What police action? It took four days to bring armoured vans out and there aren't enough officers to actually do anything, anyway. Just wait until they bring out tear gas, water cannons, rubber bullets... Oh wait, it's Britain, a country run by wishy-washy Leftard criminal appeasing pricks, who have both stopped the police from taking any real action against the chav scum and prohibited any civilians from owning guns or any weapon whatsoever to stop their livelehoods being destroyed, for fear of infringing the 'rights' of the rioters and looters.

But, apparently, the government saw this coming, they were preparing as early as September 2010.

The home secretary, Theresa May, has dismissed fears that deep spending cuts could undermine the ability of the police to tackle possible civil unrest, and insisted the British did not respond to austerity by rioting on the streets.


No shit?

Prime Minister, David Cameron was quoted as saying, "Never mind those plebs, I'm on my hols!" Deputy PM, Nick Clegg declined to comment, as he was too busy deepthroating Dave at the time.

Meanwhile, Libyan foreign minister Khalid Ka'im, a member of the government that told world leaders to stay out of Libya, saw a prime trolling opportunity:

The international community (should) not stand with arms folded in the face of this gross aggression against the rights of the British people, who are demanding their right to rule their country.



Everyone is a fascist now!!

The PM (which stands for Pokémon Master, not Prime Minister, like all you fags thought), Dave Cameron deploys his Blastoise to stop the rioting.

Now that the public is scared of the chavs and blacks messing around, Cameron has seen the opportunity to expand the fascist regime even further by pushing to pass legislation to give himself the personnel authority to order the shut down of social networks in the event of any future riots protests dissenting opinion or criticism of the government or its minions whatsoever. Also the police have used the riots as a pretext to start arresting people for posting messages online that express unpopular opinions, in this case supporting some dirty chavs rioting.

Oh and of course not a single government spokesperson or media outlet commented on the fact that the complete outlawing of weapons to anyone who is not an agent of the state (supposedly to protect law and order) contributed massively to the rioting and looting as while the old bill sat around with their fingers up their arses or were completly overwelmed, rioters and looters, many of which arm themselves illegally, (wow criminals ignore weapon laws, who knew) and were allowed to attack almost completly unopposed and the few who took action to defend themselves and their property were simply looked down upon as 'vigilanties'.

As a final nail in the coffen in the bullshit anti-gun, anti-weapon, anti-self defence mindset that infests Britian. The police have released CCTV footage of rioting scum firing at least 11 rounds from at least 4 handguns at police (who are unarmed), and I thought handguns where banned in Britian... Oh well.

Meanwhile, historian David Starkey thinks that everything would be much better if we just got rid of the niggers...

Some animals are more equal than others

Worse than feckin' thievin' rapin' murderin' niggers. Begob.

As an aside, it should be noted that the UK does own and enthusiastically use water cannons, rubber bullets, CS gas and other tools of pwnage.

Although these are never to be used on the London rioters and looters for humanitarian reasons, they are used at every opportunity and to great effect on another, less worthy race - the great apes of Northern Ireland.

That is because it is generally known that the Northern Irish - whatever their bullshit fucktard religious or political beliefs - are not real human beings and thus deserve only the harshest treatment. And they shall receive it in abundance.


Justice has been dealt to a large number of rioters, who received exactly what they deserved and nothing more.

Anderson Fernandes, 22, was warned by a judge at Manchester Magistrates' Court that he may face jail after he admitted stealing two scoops of ice cream. He will be sentenced next week.

Nicolas Robinson, 23, of Borough, south-east London, was jailed for six months for stealing a £3.50 case of water from Lidl supermarket

Mother-of-two Ursula Nevin, from Manchester, was jailed for five months for receiving a pair of shorts given to her after they had been looted from a city centre store.



Well, maybe a little more...


Fuck the Police About missing Pics
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See Also

External Links

UK Lootfest 2011
is part of a series on
Churchill Bulldog.jpg
The British
Our Rich Cultural Heritage [-+]
The United Kingdom [-+]
Featured article August 13 & August 14, 2011
Preceded by
Bobby Boulders
UK Lootfest 2011 Succeeded by
Ron Paul